Interracial dating

[DawnM]

I told my parents when I was in high school NOT to expect me to marry a caucasian man. I preferred Asian men.

When I met my husband (who is about as white as they come), we were both dating Asians. We ended up marrying and had to go to China to get an Asian baby.

I have no problem at all with dating someone of a different race, there are far more things to worry about than race.

 

[Bob NC]

I told my parents when I was in high school NOT to expect me to marry a caucasian man. I preferred Asian men.

I have no problem at all with dating someone of a different race, there are far more things to worry about than race.

I find it a tad odd that you make it sound like race is the smallest, inconsequential thing to think about, yet you found it important enough to tell your parents which race you prefer.

 

[DawnM]

My parents didn't think it was as small a deal as I did, so it was something I felt I did need to talk about.

To ME it is not a huge deal, esp. now, but to my parents' generation (their siblings, extended family, etc...) it would have been a far bigger deal.

I find it a tad odd that you make it sound like race is the smallest, inconsequential thing to think about, yet you found it important enough to tell your parents which race you prefer.

 

[MIGrandma]

Interracial dating/marriage is what changed my views about gay people.

I used to be against gays, and especially gay marriage. I am ashamed to say I voted several years ago to not allow gay marriage in Michigan. But. Certain things made me think more about it, and especially the interracial marriage. Years ago people were so against it, and as others have mentioned here grandparents and parents disowning their children/grandchildren if they married outside their race. I have never had a problem with that. To me, people are people no matter what color. The color of a person doesn't define the person. Their character does. The way they treat people, if they're honest, dependable, etc. I would much rather my grandchildren married someone outside their race if that person was good and kind to them and loved them, than marry someone in their race that was not a good person. I care more about what is in a person's heart than the color of their skin or what they look like.

So, it got me to thinking about gay people. Isn't that discrimination just the same as against people of other races? Yes, I think it is. So slowly I started changing my way of thinking toward gay people. It isn't my place to judge them. I need to be accepting and tolerant and "live and let live."

Years ago so many people were against interracial dating/marriage, but over the years that has changed and thankfully most people don't have a problem with it. Same for gay people. Hopefully as the years go by more and more people won't have a problem with that either.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Interracial dating/marriage is what changed my views about gay people.

I used to be against gays, and especially gay marriage. I am ashamed to say I voted several years ago to not allow gay marriage in Michigan. But. Certain things made me think more about it, and especially the interracial marriage. Years ago people were so against it, and as others have mentioned here grandparents and parents disowning their children/grandchildren if they married outside their race. I have never had a problem with that. To me, people are people no matter what color. The color of a person doesn't define the person. Their character does. The way they treat people, if they're honest, dependable, etc. I would much rather my grandchildren married someone outside their race if that person was good and kind to them and loved them, than marry someone in their race that was not a good person. I care more about what is in a person's heart than the color of their skin or what they look like.

So, it got me to thinking about gay people. Isn't that discrimination just the same as against people of other races? Yes, I think it is. So slowly I started changing my way of thinking toward gay people. It isn't my place to judge them. I need to be accepting and tolerant and "live and let live."

Years ago so many people were against interracial dating/marriage, but over the years that has changed and thankfully most people don't have a problem with it. Same for gay people. Hopefully as the years go by more and more people won't have a problem with that either.

That's brave of you to admit that, especially on here. Glad you were able to come to that conclusion!

 

[MIGrandma]

That's brave of you to admit that, especially on here. Glad you were able to come to that conclusion!

Thank you, Liberty Belle. My views were wrong, and it wasn't until I thought about how it "used to be" with interracial dating and marriage that I came to the conclusion I was just as bad in the way I was thinking about gay people. I was wrong, simple as that and I'm not afraid to admit it.

And really, what better place to admit it than here?

 

[kimmar067]

My oldest dd is married to an African American. My 2nd dd is married to someone from the Phillipians....

....she married someone from the Old Testament??!!?!?!?

 

[DawnM]

It is actually in the New Testament, but I wondered the same thing!

....she married someone from the Old Testament??!!?!?!?

 

[kimmar067]

It is actually in the New Testament, but I wondered the same thing!

....whatever.....you know what I mean.... [ ]

 

[chris1gill]

I don't see one ounce of a problem with it, I'm sorry it is causing conflict in your family, but this is honestly a non-issue with anyone especially below 30 and most below 45, at least those I know.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm kind of curious about how the topic came up.

You obviously know how your parents feel about a topic such as this.

My parents never met a girlfriend my 14 year old had.

14 year olds, if they have a girlfriend, are not known for long, drawn out relationships.

Do you live with your parents, so you could reasonably expect them to see this girl at the house?

I just can't believe that at your age, (with a 14 year old child), that you are completely suprised and shocked at your parents beliefs on this subject.

To answer your question, I would have no problem whatsoever with my 14 year old dating someone of another race.

I also know that if my 14 year old dated someone of another race, my parents would likely not even know for quite some time.

Being an adult and having known my parents for quite some time, I know how they would react to such a scenario, and can't picture myself being suprised.

I am not the OP but my DS15 is friends with my mom and my FIL on FB. So if he had a picture of him and GF, they could figure it out. He doesnt have one at the moment. He also has been to two formal dances, so they saw pictures of his dates. He also talks to GPs a lot so I could see him mentioning a GF and if they all live in the same town, maybe the all know each other.

I dont have a problem with interracial dating, but if I did have a problem with my teen son dating someone, ANYONE, I think I would tread carefully bc like you said many times at this young age the romances are fleeting.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Honestly, I can't believe it's still a 'topic.' It's commonplace in the city and I don't even think about it.

Same here. My son is half filipino. Im croatian, so my parents generation can be a bit....lets say, 'narrow minded' with race. My parents didnt have an issue with my exhubby, but the rest of the family would judge, ie: aunts and great aunts. They eventually came around thou cause they saw I didnt care what they thought. Lol.

 

[minkydog]

...

 

[minkydog]

I don't see one ounce of a problem with it, I'm sorry it is causing conflict in your family, but this is honestly a non-issue with anyone especially below 30 and most below 45, at least those I know.

This is the whole point, I think. A couple years ago I posted a thread in which I was castigated for marveling that my young adult children have grown into individuals to whom race isn't a big deal. They have each dated others from several different cultures. In my generation, that simply wasn't done, or at least, not well accepted. A lot of people took that as bragging, but truly, I am amazed and proud of this generation which seems to have advanced so much farther than we ever did.

I am 56, born and bred in the Deep South where racism was a part of daily life as a child. Thankfully, my parents were more forward thinking and never once called people of color names nor allowed any of us to talk badly about them. My grandparents, OTOH, nearly had a heart attack the day I came home from school and announced that I thought a certain black boy in my class was cute--and I am not exaggerating; my grandmother was so upset she had to go to bed for the rest of the night. That taught me CLEARLY that dating across cultures would be a HUGE no-no in my family. And I'm ashamed to say, that in college I turned down a date with a very nice young man for the sole reason that he was black.

Today, I would have made a different choice and not thought twice about it. I am sorry I couldn't be brave back then. Today, nobody seems to even care when they see two young people of different races dating or marrying. My hat is off to all those families who chose to cross race lines and pave the way for a new understanding. When I go to church, I see almost as many brown faces as white faces and it's a good thing. It's a reflection of my community and I'm proud to be a part of it.

 

[ebtbmom]

That's brave of you to admit that, especially on here. Glad you were able to come to that conclusion!

I agree, it's refreshing to be able to have a tough conversation that doesn't disintegrate into nastiness!

I'm kind of curious about how the topic came up.

You obviously know how your parents feel about a topic such as this.

My parents never met a girlfriend my 14 year old had.

14 year olds, if they have a girlfriend, are not known for long, drawn out relationships.

Do you live with your parents, so you could reasonably expect them to see this girl at the house?

I just can't believe that at your age, (with a 14 year old child), that you are completely suprised and shocked at your parents beliefs on this subject.

To answer your question, I would have no problem whatsoever with my 14 year old dating someone of another race.

I also know that if my 14 year old dated someone of another race, my parents would likely not even know for quite some time.

Being an adult and having known my parents for quite some time, I know how they would react to such a scenario, and can't picture myself being suprised.

They are supposed to go to the prom together, when my parents arrived for pictures that day I wanted them not to be shocked, also we live in a small town and guaranteed they would have heard, and he has a cousin at his school, and my dad works in the school system, why does that part matter anyway?

Yes, I knew they held these views but I had assumed they had loosened up a bit since having a mixed race grand kid for nearly 15 years

 

[Handbag Lady]

Interracial dating/marriage is what changed my views about gay people.

I used to be against gays, and especially gay marriage. I am ashamed to say I voted several years ago to not allow gay marriage in Michigan. But. Certain things made me think more about it, and especially the interracial marriage. Years ago people were so against it, and as others have mentioned here grandparents and parents disowning their children/grandchildren if they married outside their race. I have never had a problem with that. To me, people are people no matter what color. The color of a person doesn't define the person. Their character does. The way they treat people, if they're honest, dependable, etc. I would much rather my grandchildren married someone outside their race if that person was good and kind to them and loved them, than marry someone in their race that was not a good person. I care more about what is in a person's heart than the color of their skin or what they look like.

So, it got me to thinking about gay people. Isn't that discrimination just the same as against people of other races? Yes, I think it is. So slowly I started changing my way of thinking toward gay people. It isn't my place to judge them. I need to be accepting and tolerant and "live and let live."

Years ago so many people were against interracial dating/marriage, but over the years that has changed and thankfully most people don't have a problem with it. Same for gay people. Hopefully as the years go by more and more people won't have a problem with that either.

We need more people like you in this world. My dear friend lost his husband's heath insurance coverage when Michigan passed that ugly law. Hopefully, it can be overturned in the future.

 

[Mkrop]

This is the whole point, I think. A couple years ago I posted a thread in which I was castigated for marveling that my young adult children have grown into individuals to whom race isn't a big deal. They have each dated others from several different cultures. In my generation, that simply wasn't done, or at least, not well accepted. A lot of people took that as bragging, but truly, I am amazed and proud of this generation which seems to have advanced so much farther than we ever did.

I am 56, born and bred in the Deep South where racism was a part of daily life as a child. Thankfully, my parents were more forward thinking and never once called people of color names nor allowed any of us to talk badly about them. My grandparents, OTOH, nearly had a heart attack the day I came home from school and announced that I thought a certain black boy in my class was cute--and I am not exaggerating; my grandmother was so upset she had to go to bed for the rest of the night. That taught me CLEARLY that dating across cultures would be a HUGE no-no in my family. And I'm ashamed to say, that in college I turned down a date with a very nice young man for the sole reason that he was black.

Today, I would have made a different choice and not thought twice about it. I am sorry I couldn't be brave back then. Today, nobody seems to even care when they see two young people of different races dating or marrying. My hat is off to all those families who chose to cross race lines and pave the way for a new understanding. When I go to church, I see almost as many brown faces as white faces and it's a good thing. It's a reflection of my community and I'm proud to be a part of it.

I think our country has come a very long way. People forget that it was not that long ago that segregation still existed and people were fighting tooth and nail for equality. My FIL played baseball in the Minors and eventually the Majors and he tells stories of the black players having to stay in separate hotels when they played in different cities esp in the South. He is in his 70s. I think my ILs are glad things have changed they just have a way of phrasing things some days, that makes it seem like they are still stuck in the 50s when things were more racially divided and things were not allowed. And they live in NE PA, not the Deep South, so you would "think" the views would have been more progressive in their times but some days I wonder when certain stuff is said that leaves me shaking my head.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am 50 and I know that 10 years ago, my father had a definite attitiude toward interracial couples. I was at a theme park with him and I remember a few negative comments he made (to me, and it made me cringe) So anyway recently my gay cousin married his partner. It came up in conversation with my parents (dad is almost 80 now) and I was surprised at my dad's positive comments. I have a feeling that that must mean my dad has softened his other views as well Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks, heck, he has an i-phone!!!

I think that for many people, it is easy to have a strong opinions about subjects that are not really connected to you. You see, the people that you are discussing are not real, they belong to someone else. One you have to apply a situation to your own life, the people are yours. You know them. They have not changed now that you know what their orientation is or that they are dating a person not of their race. I bet that your GP had opinions, but honestly, they were for someone else's family.

I think that change comes when you know who you are talking about. The more people who in your circle who are gay or who ate in interracial relationships, or who are chicatarians, the easier it is to relate to that situation. I think the "fear" or "distrust" level goes down as the concept becomes personal and not hypothetical.

I agree, it's refreshing to be able to have a tough conversation that doesn't disintegrate into nastiness!



They are supposed to go to the prom together, when my parents arrived for pictures that day I wanted them not to be shocked, also we live in a small town and guaranteed they would have heard, and he has a cousin at his school, and my dad works in the school system, why does that part matter anyway?

Yes, I knew they held these views but I had assumed they had loosened up a bit since having a mixed race grand kid for nearly 15 years

I understand why you discussed this with them, I would have as well. I think the best thing to do is ignore their opinions. Honestly, they are entitled to how they feel. You are entitled to explain that while in your home there will be no derogatory comments or behavior. I think you draw the line on how your family is treated under these circumstances. You let them decide how important their own personal opinion when balanced between that and their grandson.

I think we all run into problems when we try to determine how others should see the World. Some folks have problems with marrying outside of their own religion, it is a deal breaker. Others would never marry outside their race. Others want thin people, some think a person outside of their social standing is wrong. I think you get to decide what is right for you and that you are to be respected for your choice. After that, you don't get any more choices. You don't get to make people uncomfortable if they do't agree, and that is where I would draw the line with your parents. You cannot tell them they are wrong, you can only say their opinion is not right in for you.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

One of the things that has really begun bothering me the older I get is how we think of race in the US. When we say someone is "black" what we really mean is that they have enough African DNA that they can't pass for White. That's nuts to me. So we call our president Black when he is, in reality, mixed race. People who get upset over inter-racial dating are almost never upset when Asians and Whites get married or American Indians and Whites marry, just when someone who is maybe 25% European and 75% African genetically is marrying someone who almost entirely European.

It's just. . .nuts. That's the nicest word I can use for it.

"Race" in America is a cultural and political term, not a scientific one. When we say "black" in America we mean, I think, "you have enough African DNA in you that you could've been slave if you'd been born prior to the Civil War." When we say "white" we mean "I think you wouldn't look out of place somewhere in Europe." American Indian, the federal government has very specific rules that are not put in place for anyone else of any other racial description, and basically, even if you are 99.987% Native, if you don't pass those rules, you don't count.

Race is a nutty, weird thing in the USA today that makes little logical sense.

 

[Nancyg56]

One of the things that has really begun bothering me the older I get is how we think of race in the US. When we say someone is "black" what we really mean is that they have enough African DNA that they can't pass for White. That's nuts to me. So we call our president Black when he is, in reality, mixed race. People who get upset over inter-racial dating are almost never upset when Asians and Whites get married or American Indians and Whites marry, just when someone who is maybe 25% European and 75% African genetically is marrying someone who almost entirely European.

It's just. . .nuts. That's the nicest word I can use for it.

"Race" in America is a cultural and political term, not a scientific one. When we say "black" in America we mean, I think, "you have enough African DNA in you that you could've been slave if you'd been born prior to the Civil War." When we say "white" we mean "I think you wouldn't look out of place somewhere in Europe." American Indian, the federal government has very specific rules that are not put in place for anyone else of any other racial description, and basically, even if you are 99.987% Native, if you don't pass those rules, you don't count.

Race is a nutty, weird thing in the USA today that makes little logical sense.

I just had to read a paper written by the American Anthropological Association that discussed race and when the "modern" definition of race came from. It was interesting and honestly, there was a time when color was not included in that definition. Race was used to assign a "level" or status to groups of people after one nation colonized another. For instance, when Great Britain colonized India, or America. The population that was native to these countries were then given a status, or "race". Color and physical characteristics were not part of those definitions at first. As time went on that definition changed, such as when people who wanted to justify the use of slaves further described race as "species". It was both interesting and disturbing.