internet etiquette question

[Briar Rose 7457]

two interrelated questions, actually.


let's say one of your good friends on the DIS has an announcement, such as the birth of a child or the death of a loved one. if you send a PM with your congratulations or condolences, should you also respond to the thread in which the announcement is made? does it look "funny' to others -- you know, like "I know Briar Rose is so-and-so's friend, why didn't she respond to the thread?" after all, how would they know I sent a PM to the person?


part 2. let's say you know the person from more than one board -- let's say they post at the DIS, at another public board you post on, and maybe you're both members of a private forum. if they make the announcement in all three venues, must you respond in all three places? if not, where should you respond -- the board where you read the news first, the board read by the most people, the private board?

 

[preshi]

1. its none of anyones business whether or not everyone knows your responded via PM... as long as you feel comfortable with yourself who cares

2. Again... post on anyone of them if you'd like or PM or email... it's not anyones right to tell yuo where to post your condolences or congratulations as long as you know you did it....

People are wayyy tooo nosy!

 

[TIdoublegaER]

Hmmm... While I don't know the "official" rules, I think that if you PM someone, you don't need to then post to the thread. If you are concerned about what others may think, then I would maybe say, "I sent you a PM" or something along those lines. Again with the multiple forums - if you respond to one, I don't think you need to respond to all 3. JMO.

 

[Buckalew]

Funny you mentioned this because I thought of this very recently when Snoppy's MIL died. I never responded to the thread with condolences but was in touch with her privately. I wondered whether I should have done both. But like Preshi said it really would be no one's business. As long as Snoopy knows I care, I guess it shouldn't matter.

 

[Rajah]

I don't know if there's really any *right* answer, but I personally will usually do both a board post and a PM if I do a PM at all, and if I see it on two boards, I reply on one of the two but not both.

 

[I <3 Eeyore]

I'm not consistant. Sometimes I just PM, sometimes I post in one place, and sometimes I post on all the announcements if I see them. Mostly it has to do with how much time I have to read threads and reply to them. One thing I don't do is worry about what others will think of me. Life's way too short to worry about that. The person you're friends with knows you're there for him/her and that's all that REALLy matters.

 

[helenabear]

Since I have a tendency to print out any special thread like that to me (the rare few actually there have been for me) I personally do reply on the thread even if replied in a PM just in case the person does the same. That way if they look at it down the road they can remember all that was said. It's a silly reason, I know, but it is how I work. I usually keep the very personal thoughts to the PM only. And I do reply on both boards for the same reason.

 

[DocRafiki]

If I had the time, I'd reply by PM AND on each of the boards. I think people get a certain amt of gratification out of seeing loads and loads of replies to their posts. So, why not spread the joy by adding to the responses on each board?

I can't imagine anyone questioning whether or not someone responded to anyone else's post. I'm just too out-of-the-loop to know who's friends with whom anyway.

I do, however, think it's silly to write "sent you a PM" in a thread. Unless you're posting to tell someone their PM box is full, I just don't see any reason to post that other than to let other people know that you're PM'ing someone, and really -- who cares? It's like name-dropping. Oh, and if someone has a habit of forgetting to check their PMs, they just need to change their settings so it will pop up whenever they get one.

 

[CamColt]

I agree with Buckalew and Preshi. As long as the person in question knows you are there for them, happy or sad, thats what matters. I think 1 pm, email, or reply is sufficient. However if I sent a pm, and then had more to add, that would be of interest to others, I might post too.

 

[CathyCanada]

I agree with Meagan and Bren, too. It's really petty for anyone to check out the responses and wonder why so-and-so didn't respond. It's none of their business because like you said, you may have responded privately.

Sometimes after responding publicly, I may send a PM just to add a few words, but usually I only do it in one place.
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