Actually, they were probably just relaying advice they believe predicts/influences academic success. There have been plenty of studies showing that working and commuting both increase the chances a student will drop out before finishing their degree. Whether those studies convincingly establish causation, rather than just reporting a common-sense correlation between financial stress and educational choices, is up for debate. But plenty of academic advisers and school counselors do put stock in them. And frankly, having done it both ways, I get it - it is a lot easier to haul your butt to class on a snowy winter morning when it is as simple as walking across campus vs. when it involves digging out the car and dealing with a long, slow, accident filled commute over slick roads, and a lot easier to focus on school when you're not worried about a midnight closing shift the night before an early class or having to work extra holiday hours at the same time as finals.
We're in a similar position with DD16, currently a junior, and she's going for the elite schools because that actually makes more sense financially. Our income is pretty average, low by DIS standards, so the need-based aid from the private "brand name" universities she's looking at give us a lower net cost than anything offered at public unis. I don't think she should be taking the long-shot academic awards at the one state university that offers something close enough to her intended undergrad program into consideration in making her school choices, because the odds of getting one are low. Merit aid is absurdly difficult to get at both the state schools we've looked at so far - a handful of large awards, either full cost or full tuition, at schools with 5000-6000 incoming freshmen. If she can get in, she's better off (will need us to pay/borrow less) at the $70K/year private uni than at the $28K/year state flagship. The way I see it, even with a 16% acceptance rate she's got a better chance at acceptance than of being one of the 10-15 students in 6,000 to get significant merit aid from the public school.
I assume, since you always have seemed pretty savvy to me, that you've filled out the "net cost calculators" on these college websites to see that first hand? I've been consistently shocked that we qualify for nothing in needs based aid, even though our "income" (as measured by our tax returns over the last decade) is pretty low. We do have assets outside our 401K though, and that's what kills us in the financial aid department. This is the "*" they put in there sometimes....that they will consider assets as well as income, even though a lot of those down and dirty calculators only put in income. For example, Stanford and Harvard both talk about how they "guarantee" to meet 100% of need for people who "earn" less than 100,000 (or something close to that). Sounds good until you dig into the details and see that this only applies to people making less than that amount AND with a "net worth" of less than $300K....which sounds like a lot, but not so much for people in their 50's as we are.