Interested in your opinion on this matter

[OceanAnnie]

110% inappropriate. I would flip out!

Me too. Flip out and lay down the law. If he didn't like it, tough. My problem would be his problem REAL quick.

 

[reeddi]

I agree. Some people aren't attracted by physical qualities, but by emotional qualities. If she is giving him attention that he felt he needed...You say you're gone every Thursday, and I'm guessing most Tuesdays if you're on call. Do the two of you have any time during the week set for just each other? I know we got to a point where dh and I were always running kids to activities or going to meetings in the evenings. And we always enjoyed being with our kids so we'd have family movie night on the weekends. But we finally realized we weren't get "us" time. Now our kids are older and can be left alone. We have made certain "date" times each week. We wish we would have done it more often sooner, even if it had cost money to get a babysitter.
I think what your dh did is inappropriate, but I'd find out why he thought he needed attention from someone else.

I have to agree with this one a little. When I read the OP's update about her schedule, I noticed something. The church thing and school thing are important - well ok but where does your DH fit in then? I am in NO WAY SAYING HE IS NOT BEING A WUSSY MAN!! IF he is stepping out on you then he does need to "man up" and own up to it, but I agree that the OP needs to find out WHY he is feeling the need to get attention elsewhere.

Good luck. And no matter what happens know that you are a strong woman and will get through it.

Reeddi

 

[Serena]

It's simple. Tell him no, and mean it.

What he does then will tell you what to do.

 

[jsmith]

I agree that the OP needs to find out WHY he is feeling the need to get attention elsewhere

This is HUGE-men who have been married 30 years with out straying dont just do so out of the blue-something else is going on-the OP is a talented professional with a busy job. The man has screwed up terribly-but i seriously doubt that he has done it without reason-counseling might help bring that reason to light and help them both find a way to resolve the issue.

 

[Jaclynfett]

Can you ask your son what's going on at their house?

 

[Jaclynfett]

And I agree that men can cheat down. Look at how many models and actress get cheated on.

 

[Robinrs]

From my perspective, the problem with attending the classes is that I am a doctor, and I am on call Tuesdays. I have to answer calls from patients within 15 minutes, and might need to present myself to the hospital within 30 minutes. This is possible from my home, but not from the gym, and not if I am taking classes. Thursday evenings, I have meetings at the church until about 9pm. I am the chair of the parish council, and on the school commission. These activities are important to me.

As for appearances and attractions. I am 5'2" and wear size 2-4. I have highlighted blond hair and have been told that I am pretty. Well, actually, I blush to say that people have called me "hot" and "Barbie doll". When I was in medical school, my attending referred to me at the "model" medical student, referring to my appearance, not the fact that I was smart and competent (I am that, too). I earn well over half our household income. When in school, I was a National Merit scholar, graduated Phi Beta Kappa with high honors in Chemistry. I also have a MS in physical chemistry (my husband does, also). On the other hand, this other lady is also a highlighted blond. She is taller than I am. My first impression on seeing her is that she looks a bit like the Grinch who stole Christmas, but, she really is average in the looks department. She cleans houses to support herself (remember, she is about 48), and is going to be starting a two year nursing degree program. No comparison in intelligence or ability at all to me.

"

What does any of this have to do with anything. This is not a competition, this is a bad choice.

Men cheat on the world's most beautiful, talented, wealthy women. Need I bring up Christy Brinkley, Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston? Men of accomplished women still want to be adored by a woman, no matter who or what she is. The world's most unattractive woman can make a man feel adored and needed, while the "wonderful perfect woman" sits on her perch.

I always said I'd NEVER attempt to compete with an "unattractive" woman.... because she has SOMETHING you cannot beat!

 

[boxer]

What does any of this have to do with anything. This is not a competition, this is a bad choice.
Men cheat on the world's most beautiful, talented, wealthy women. Need I bring up Christy Brinkley, Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston? Men of accomplished women still want to be adored by a woman, no matter who or what she is. The world's most unattractive woman can make a man feel adored and needed, while the "wonderful perfect woman" sits on her perch.

I always said I'd NEVER attempt to compete with an "unattractive" woman.... because she has SOMETHING you cannot beat!

I think she was replying to my post earlier that day when I was questioning looks, and the thought process of how men cheat. I don't think she was bragging or anything.

 

[lillygator]

I would ask your son as well.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would ask your son as well.

Oh yes. I'd also ask him if there is another TWD place that he might be interested in or where friends take classes. Get the idea and ball rolling.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP... DO NOT PUT YOUR SON IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS!!!

NEVER... NEVER... NEVER...

Not ONE word to him....

The bottom line is what you find acceptable...
Either way.... You can lay out your boundaries ( and kick your husband out the door and change the locks if he does not respect them )... Or, you accept another woman in your marriage...

I would not even consider marital counseling with him as long as he continues to see another woman. That would only be if he chooses to respect you as his wife, and desires to work on any issues in your marriage.

Any other discussion here, concerning the son, the other woman, the priest, etc.... have NOTHING to do with it. If the OP is a devout Catholic, she can still choose to kick her husband out... She does not have to sit there and risk her own health and well being by being cheated on and dealing with an uncaring and disrespectful husband.

Like another poster just said...
It is very simple... Tell him that you can not accept this, that if he values your marriage he will never see this woman again... Then his actions will tell you what to do. Put the ball in his court... Give him enough rope to hang himself if he so chooses. At least the OP will know his 'choice'.

PS: I do not care if the OP is a complete unloving perfect witch... There is NEVER an excuse for cheating or for being so blatantly disrespectful.... NEVER.

 

[Wishing on a star]

ask him if there is another TWD place that he might be interested in or where friends take classes. Get the idea and ball rolling.

Definitely... I agree with this last part of this post!
The child does not need to be subjected to this situation.

If it were my son, he would not attend another class at that studio.

There have to be other options!

 

[Jaclynfett]

11:30 on a school night, I'd be asking my child what everyone was up to.

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP... DO NOT PUT YOUR SON IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS!!!

NEVER... NEVER... NEVER...

Not ONE word to him....

The bottom line is what you find acceptable...
Either way.... You can lay out your boundaries ( and kick your husband out the door and change the locks if he does not respect them )... Or, you accept another woman in your marriage...

I would not even consider marital counseling with him as long as he continues to see another woman. That would only be if he chooses to respect you as his wife, and desires to work on any issues in your marriage.

Any other discussion here, concerning the son, the other woman, the priest, etc.... have NOTHING to do with it. If the OP is a devout Catholic, she can still choose to kick her husband out... She does not have to sit there and risk her own health and well being by being cheated on and dealing with an uncaring and disrespectful husband.

Like another poster just said...
It is very simple... Tell him that you can not accept this, that if he values your marriage he will never see this woman again... Then his actions will tell you what to do. Put the ball in his court... Give him enough rope to hang himself if he so chooses. At least the OP will know his 'choice'.

PS: I do not care if the OP is a complete unloving perfect witch... There is NEVER an excuse for cheating or for being so blatantly disrespectful.... NEVER.

I have a different take on it. The boy is 10. There will be some changes made that will effect him. He will know why those changes are taking place whether he is talked to about it or not. I'd probably start with, I don't want you out so late. That's one of the reasons I'm finding a new facility for you. And ask him how he feels about it. And see where the conversation goes from there. I'd rather open dialogue and help my child feel comfortable talking to me about it rather than "hiding the elephant" in the room.

He probably does want to talk about it with his mom. He couldn't have been comfortable with the arrangement he was in. To me it isn't putting the child in the middle. That's what his dad did. Opening the dialogue is respecting the child's position and giving him a voice. I'd ask open ended questions and if I found the child didn't want to talk about it after all, I'd respect that. But I'd tell him I'm here for you if you do want to talk.

I'm not saying, "I'm right and you are wrong.". I don't think that at all. It's just a different approach.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

He probably does want to talk about it with his mom. He couldn't have been comfortable with the arrangement he was in. To me it isn't putting the child in the middle. That's what his dad did.

That's a bit of an assumption about a 10 year old, isn't it? I mean, in all likelihood, he didn't feel uncomfortable or in the middle of anything. He could very well have been enjoying hanging out and playing games or watching movies or whatever with this new friend.

 

[OceanAnnie]

That's a bit of an assumption about a 10 year old, isn't it? I mean, in all likelihood, he didn't feel uncomfortable or in the middle of anything. He could very well have been enjoying hanging out and playing games or watching movies or whatever with this new friend.

In all due respect, that's a bit of an assumption on your part as well. Neither of us know. I'd wager he knew something was amiss. But either of us could be right. Depends on a number of things.

 

[roses~red]

I wouldn't want my DH hanging out with a single woman at her house after a workout

 

[shortbun]

Delilah, where there's smoke, there's fire. 11:30 is too late for a 5th grader to be out no matter what. Inappropriate for a married man and a single woman to be keeping company in the privacy of her home. Innapropriate for your husband to expose your son to this as if it's normal. I, like you, would doubt the coincidence of the parish fair work assignment. What is your husband up to? Tell him you'd love it if he spent 6 hours a week dedicated to spending time just with you and your marriage. Ask him to see the priest with you. I'd bet the priest will set him straight. No need to mention the woman's name at this point.

 

[GraysMom]

OP, I really have no advice for you, just . I would be concerned about what this situation is teaching your son about how a husband treats his wife. Unfortunately he's at a very impressionable age and forming ideas about how adults behave. Would you want your son to do the same thing to his future wife?

 

[Ciao Mickey]

OK, time for a guys perspective on this.........I didn't read all the posts word-for-word, but I didn't see anything pertaining to this other womens 'looks'-----As in how hot she is.

I'll tell you how men work----generally they won't cheat backwards, meaning they will not cheat with someone less attractive than their signifigant other. Men are straight-up visual type people, so attraction is the main factor in most cases.

I WOULD like to know why he thinks he can get away with staying at a single woman's house until 11PM at night and nothing would be asked? Either he is just clueless, or he doesn't really give a you know what.

My friend's cousin was screwing around on his wife with a woman who was older and not as attractive as the wife. He then left the wife, only to go back to her and then leave again for someone new.

His new chickie is 20 years younger.

OP--If my husband was doing what your husband is doing I would suspect the worst. Just the fact that he prefers to be with her after the class should tell you something.

It's time you stand your ground and tell him to quit his class and to stop seeing the bimbo.

Good luck.