Interested in your opinion on this matter

[EdiePA]

When I was going through something similar with my now Ex -- it was explained to me that there are sexual affairs and there are emotional affairs. BOTH are inappropriate, and BOTH can damage a marriage.

You need to work this out with your husband. I think a counselor, as a third party, could help your husband to see how damaging this is to your relationship. I can tell you what the counselor will suggest --- absolutely NO contact with this woman. That means changing classes, etc.

Huge hugs,
Edie

 

[delilah]

If you are uncomfortable, he is giving you a reason to be. Husbands do not need to "be friends" with single women. You are right, your DS doesn't need to be friends with a young girl, nor staying out that late at night. I would have a "one on one" with DH and tell him that his friendship needs to end now. If it means changing his tae kwon do night or his do ha? (sp), then that is what you expect. If he tells you that you are being unreasonable and suspicious; you can say, "maybe I am, so lets get an objective opinion; together you can see your priest if you feel that he has skills in that area. If he refuses to go, tell him you will go on your own but DS will be home after his class, and you expect him to be with him. Good luck.

I already offered to see the priest together. What you say here is really the first thing that I wanted to do. I would like to avoid seeing medical professionsals, because I am a physician, so seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist is not my first choice. He basically refused, telling me that I was the one with a problem. This woman is not young. I think she is about 48, and I am 52.

 

[alldiz]

MAJOR RED FLAGDefinately nip this in the bud.....


I don't like this one bit....there is absolutely NO good reason for him to be going there.....I mean come on.....even if the kids were hanging out....no reason for him to be there.

Funny....my DH was having a few too many playdates with a single mom....I put the KABOSH on that pronto....

We are still having problems....and honestly that was my red flag that something is definately not right.
Good luck to you
Kerri

 

[Daisey D]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with what you and others have said this is definitely an emotional affair at the least. He may be having a physical affair also. He could be seeing her without the kids. I don't know what you should do but I'd be majorly pissed. I know you have confronted him but I'd be like a dog with a bone about this and I'd (me personally) would probably have confronted her my now. I'm glad you have supportive friends to talk to.

 

[Magic Mom]

I think this is one of those situations that really fits my husband's favorite saying: "if you keep going to the barber, eventually you are going to get a haircut." There may be nothing going on, and your husband may not have intent, but it is the kind of situation that can lead to something. :

Absolutely. Even if there isn't anything physical going on now, he is putting himself in that position. And he is putting you in the position of being the bad guy. At the very least he is being inconsiderate of your feelings.
If you haven't spoken to him about it, that's the first place I would start. Let him know that it makes you uncomfortable.

 

[Disney Doll]

In 17 years (so far) of marriage I have never told my DH that anything made me uncomfortable about his behavior, so it would be a HUGE statement for me to say that, and it would get his attention. I'd be very disappointed if my husband showed such a lack of regard for our marriage.

I have never been wild about approaching the other woman. The issue is with your husband, not her, because if it wasn't her, it would probably be someone else. Plus, you're going to go up to her and say "He's married, leave him alone". She knows he's married. She clearly doesn't care. Do I think highly of her for getting herself involved in some sort of inappropriate relationship with a married man? Absolutely not. It shows a lack of character. But she can throw all the passes she wants...if your husband wasn't willing to catch them, there'd be no story.

That classic "You're the one with the problem" line always makes me angry. It's a smokescreen. Make the wife think she's a shrew for expecting appropriate behavior from him...please... he's not stupid. He's knows he's treading on thin ice here if he hasn't already fallen through the pond, and he's trying to make you the bad guy. Another stupid ******* guy having a midlife crisis that's his wife's fault.

At the very least you need to have a discussion about the inappropriateness of keeping your 10 year old out till 1130PM on 2 school nights per week.

Good luck OP. You seem to have hit a brick wall here if your concerns aren't making him sit up and take notice.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Wow. You have every right to be upset.

First, I would find another Tae Kwon Do school and enroll your son. DH can follow along. Second, if they don't make it home, I would go over to her home and knock and ask for your son. I would then take him home and tell her he is not to be visiting anymore as he has school in the morning. I would then look her in the eye and tell her your family would appreciate if she were to leave you all alone.

I agree with getting your priest involved. Your husband need to hear this from someone else about how inappropriate it is. I would hope they can also have a discussion with this woman and "explain" how she is interferring with a marriage.

Good luck and keep fighting for your family.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I agree with the above. I'd let DH know and it would be non-negotiable. And I'd let DH know if he still valued your marriage he would follow suit. I'd consider taking the class myself.

This is one of those things where I would show no restraint. I'd tell him like it is and let the chips fall where they may. He is showing an utter lack of respect for you and the marriage. I'd get real, real quick with him.

Ask him how he would like it if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one out till almost midnight with a man. Just as "friends". No husband would go for that and he'd be lying if he said it would be okay.

If it were me, I'd be walking around in flames. I'd show my angry eyes and I'd be making a stand. I know everyone handles things differently, but I'd be a bull in a china shop on this one. ETA- My DH would be asking me what he could do to get the "old" me back. And he'd find out!

I wish you well with this. Stand tall.

 

[Todd&Copper]

Totally inappropriate! And besides, a 10 year old's bedtime should be no later than 9:30. Kids need 9 - 10 hours of sleep per night.

 

[mjkacmom]

 

[rie'smom]

Inappropriate and yes cheating does not have to include sex. If I were you, I'd start going to watch the Tae Kwan Do classes. If your husband doesn't like it-tough and that should set off your radar.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

Oh, this is just a "trouble invitation".

Maybe it is time for your husband and son to find a different TKD school or attend at a different time.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

Sorry you are going through this. What I would do is probably be a crying ball of goo. But what I would like to do would be
A. switcht the school
B. or attend all of the classes
C. Confront said woman and let her know they will no longer be coming to her house to "pLAY"
D. Invite this woman over and her DD and then openly say to her and your dh, OH I will take the kids out to the movies so you two can go have nookie and then watch them squirm.

 

[wall*e2008]

What is your husband thinking!!!!! Time for the lessons for DH to end and for the two of them to be home no later than 8.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

Yeah that is not a good situation. Have you asked DS what is going on at the house? Has DS mentioned anything?

I would go and watch the classes, its good family time anyway (unless you have younger kids or something like that) and see what happens after the 2 classes end. There is a chance that this woman is really just a friend and can be a "family" friend Still DH should have invited you to come along and meet the woman and her daughter. He should have told you why they weren't home right away too.

Sorry you have to deal with this

 

[boxer]

OK, time for a guys perspective on this.........I didn't read all the posts word-for-word, but I didn't see anything pertaining to this other womens 'looks'-----As in how hot she is.

I'll tell you how men work----generally they won't cheat backwards, meaning they will not cheat with someone less attractive than their signifigant other. Men are straight-up visual type people, so attraction is the main factor in most cases.

I WOULD like to know why he thinks he can get away with staying at a single woman's house until 11PM at night and nothing would be asked? Either he is just clueless, or he doesn't really give a you know what.

 

[Magic Mom]

OK, time for a guys perspective on this.........I didn't read all the posts word-for-word, but I didn't see anything pertaining to this other womens 'looks'-----As in how hot she is.

I'll tell you how men work----generally they won't cheat backwards, meaning they will not cheat with someone less attractive than their signifigant other. Men are straight-up visual type people, so attraction is the main factor in most cases.

I WOULD like to know why he thinks he can get away with staying at a single woman's house until 11PM at night and nothing would be asked? Either he is just clueless, or he doesn't really give a you know what.

So from a guy's perspctive, how should she handle this?

 

[Robinrs]

I guess I will never understand why women think that the OTHER woman is the problem more than the man who took the vows.....

Yeah, tell HER off. Then it'll be someone else... then tell HER off.... keep telling them off ....

the common denominator sleeps with you.

I totally disagree with asking the 10yo about what's going on. Don't drag him down this nasty road any further than he's already a part of it.

Wow, he's a slick one. Using the kid to start an affair, that's classic but it works.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think your radar is right on target, and your priest is a good place to start. What your DH is doing is very disrespectful to you and to your marriage, and if he wants to stay married, this relationship needs to come to a screeching halt - now!

You have gotten a lot of good advice, so I won't repeat it. I hope it all works out for the best.

Denae

 

[RaindropsOnRoses]

There is no excuse for a married man to be "hanging out" at a single woman's house till 11:00 pm at night! Something untoward is going on and it is sickening that he is using your son in order to see this woman.

 

[boxer]

So from a guy's perspctive, how should she handle this?

To be honest, I'm not quite sure........I'm only hearing 'her' side of the story, so there may be a reason he feels the need to seek outside companionship. Regardless, it is more than a little shady (and rude) to be hanging out at a single mom's house until 11PM WITH HIS SON in tow.

IF there is nothing more to this story, and he is completely at fault, then an ultimatum should be set----he immediately stops communications with her, and he changes the TKD gym effective immediately. BUT, sometimes this is just a band-aid to a larger problem, and if the guy is looking to cheat, then he'll find a way to do it somehow/somewhere else. It may be a never-ending game that she will not win.