Insulted..Do I have a right???

[ThreeMusketeers]

DH and I have been happily together for 14 years. Since we were 16 years old. We share one 6 year old daughter together.

Okay...I celebrated my bday not too long ago. And my father in law, who sends DH $100 for his birthday, and DD $100 for her birthday. Put $5 in my card. (yes, 1..2..3..4..5

They are NOT poor. They are always going on nice vacations, and remodeling their house. And he is ALWAYS BRAGGING about how much money he has. In fact, the same day he gave me the card..he was bragging about how he just bought a new boat. And how generous he is with charity. (no joke)

I don't know what to think, I have ALWAYS been more than nice to him. It's not about the money, I just feel like he dosen't view me as an important part of their family. And after all these years, I guess I just feel like I deserve to be treated the same. My family has ALWAYS treated my DH the same as me. And his father knows that.

This has left me feeling very INSULTED.

Do I have a right to feel this way? Or am I over thinking it?

 

[rentayenta]

If you feel insulted then you have the right to feel that way. I would feel the same way.

 

[KristaTX]

That is strange. How much has he sent you in the past? Is he showing signs of starting to lose some of his mind or something?

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

LOL, He's not that old either he is in his Late 40's. (he had DH young)

 

[raysnkaysmom]

my paternal grandma was the same way...had lots of money...gave the other grandkids lots of toys and money...but she'd send me $5 and a card...
then...call me Stacy
(my name is Tracy)


I'd be hurt.... and maybe say something to my hubby...but NOT bring it up to him... dont let him know he insulted you...

 

[kim929]

I would be insulted to. I've been with my husband for 10 yrs, we have a 7 yr old son. I've been remembered 1 x on my birthday by my mil in 10 yrs. But I get to hear that she sent a beautiful .......... to his ex wife for her birthday. So go ahead, feel insulted, you are entitled. Just curious, what did you dh say?

 

[goofypooh]

I would be very insulted. But, it's one of those things where what can you really say about it? I also was wondering what he usually gives you for your birthday? Is this a big difference this year?

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

I remember DW Lauri telling me horror stories about her former in-laws. One that stuck out to me was one time when she and her ex along with his brother and his girlfriend were at their parents house. All four of their birthdays were somewhat close together so the mother decided to hand out $50 bills as gifts. To everyone except DW. Right in front of her.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

First, you have the right to feel anyway you want. They're feelings and you can't control them. Second, these money issues cause such heartache. How else can you feel but slighted. My mom had a sister who was the favorite. I wrote in my journal back in the seventies that Mom had a birthday and Grandma gave her $2.00. Third, you don't want to ruin your relationship with FIL over this, you've got to take the high road for the sake of the relationship. Get yourself something nice from the household budget! Fourth, I do suspect medical changes in your FIL that might lead to this behaviour.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

He remember's my birthday whenever he wants too. This year, was the third time I believe since I have been with DH. (again 14 years)

I didn't say anything to DH, he had problems with his dad in the past and he is trying to repair. I don't want to give him another reason to think what a weirdo he is.

=)

I will just feel insulted..alone..with my dis bud's. lol

 

[Ember]

Dear Father in Law,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending a little treat with my card. You'll be happy to know that I put it towards some popcorn at the movies. You helped to make the movie extra special.

Love,

Daughter in Law

 

[agnes!]

Dear Father in Law,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending a little treat with my card. You'll be happy to know that I put it towards some popcorn at the movies. You helped to make the movie extra special.

Love,

Daughter in Law

Sounds good to me.

agnes!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Dear Father in Law,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending a little treat with my card. You'll be happy to know that I put it towards some popcorn at the movies. You helped to make the movie extra special.

Love,

Daughter in Law

lmao:

 

[Aimeedyan]

For some reason, some in laws don't see their DIL or SIL as part of their family, like their child or their grandchildren.

I have dealt with that with my own ILs since we married, though I will say things are improving. FIL gives both of his children generous birthday gifts, and the grandchildren, but I don't get anything.

I was not insulted the first few years, just upset. It hurt my feelings. I had no choice but to get over it... and remind myself how it felt so I never do it to my own DIL or SIL.

Has he been more fair in the past? I never got anything so it wouldn't surprise me if I got a card like that but it seems like you're surprised. Hmm.

 

[jfulcer]

Dear Father in Law,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending a little treat with my card. You'll be happy to know that with the birthday cash you sent and another $4.50 I was able to get a small popcorn at the movies. You helped to make the movie extra special.

Love,

Daughter in Law

There, fixed that for you.

 

[chager]

On my 18th birthday my grandma sent me an ink pen after being reminded it was my birthday. She was shopping for "great presents" for my cousin. Then for my 25th birthday she was standing in our kitchen telling us about all the things she was getting for "poor" Jeramy for his birthday. (He was "poor" cause his parents had divorced when we were young. And grandpa had died when we were young so he never got to know him ) My aunt then pointed out that it was my birthday and Jeramy really had alot. (This shocked me) so grandma got out her purse and found all the ones she had...5....and told me I should go buy something nice for myself! I just said thanks and walked away. I was hurt, but found it comical that she wanted me to buy something nice with my $5.

Sorry you have to deal with this too. Just remind yourself at least he remembered. Now go spend your $5 on "something really nice"

 

[difettose gattino]

You are entitled to your feelings.

However, I think that he's not your dad and just sending a card is thoughtful and kind of him. My FIL of 16+ years sends money to DH on his birthday, and both our children on theirs, and I am delighted that remember me each year with a nice card.

 

[DISUNC]

Dear Father in Law,

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in sending a little treat with my card. You'll be happy to know that I put it towards some popcorn at the movies. You helped to make the movie extra special.

Love,

Daughter in Law

Send this letter too him with no stamp....make the cheapo drive to the PO & pay the 48 cents for it!!!!!

It would have been better if he gave you nothing. A well off person who gives any grown adult 5 bucks is VERY insulting, whether he meant it or not, thats another story!

 

[Buckalew11]

Gosh, that is sad to me. My in-laws have always treated me as their own. On own b-days we get out age in dollars so I got 43 this year. She also buys a gift.
DH's grandmother used to introduce me as her granddaughter.

 

[Charade]

There, fixed that for you.