Inspired by the polygamist thread - How many kids are acceptable

[mommyoeo]

If the mom was sitting on her bum sipping Coca-Cola all day long, then yes that would be slave labor. Expecting a child to contribute to the family because they are part of the family - not slave labor. There is more to having the girls make dinner than just making dinner than having food put on the table... it is training for when they grow up and become mothers themselves.

It amazes me to see how people feel free to judge others by a few small glimpses into their lives. You have seen only about 45 minutes of the daily lives of the Duggars, and IMHO no one can really say whether or not those kids are neglected by their mother, or whether they have time to "be kids." Just because there is a one-hour show about a family does not give America an all seeing eye into their home.

I happen to think that those parents are doing a better job with their children than a lot of people who have only one or two kids. The mom is home every day for any problems that may arise in the children's lives, and they sit down for dinner together every night. They use every day situations to teach life skills, and teach family togetherness and responsibility by having the older children help out the younger children.

Many families in today's fast paced society have completely forgotten about BEING a family. The parents work 80 hours a week, and try to compensate their children for not being there for them by buying them frivolous gifts. They cart them off to dance lessons, music lessons, sports, and whatever else the Jones's down the street might be doing, and miss out on their children's childhood in the process. IMHO, a 9-yr-old in a girl band that is making a record is having less time to "be a kid" than the Duggar kids who have plenty of time to read (No TV), play games together, etc.

I think the Duggar family is the way that God intended families to be... they love each other, help each other and look out for the interests of the others. The problem is that because some of us KNOW that we wouldn't be able to handle 15 kids, we think that no else can.

This is such a great post! I like the way you think!

 

[Disney Doll]

I thnk you should have as many children as you can financially, emotionally, and physically support.

Once supporting your children becomes my responsibility, and by that I mean you require government assistance to support the number of chilldren you have, it's time to stop.

 

[Free4Life11]

Think like what? Resent people on welfare? I don't, but many people do. And when you make a comment like "as long as they can afford to take care of those kids", I take it to mean as long as they are not on public assistance?

I think it's acceptable to have as many kids as one can financially afford. But that is also idealistic. I know a lot of people have kids and really can't afford them and some people fall on hard times. I wouldn't want the child to suffer because of this so I don't mind the public assistance programs.

 

[Free4Life11]

Once supporting your children becomes my responsibility, and by that I mean you require government assistance to support the number of chilldren you have, it's time to stop.

That is a good way to put how I think. I don't mind if someone has children, falls on hard times, and then gets public assistance. Stuff happens. But when you are on public assistance to begin with, I can't imagine having unprotected sex and bringing a child into the world. Very irresponsible and unfair to the child.

 

[chobie]

I think it's acceptable to have as many kids as one can financially afford. But that is also idealistic. I know a lot of people have kids and really can't afford them and some people fall on hard times. I wouldn't want the child to suffer because of this so I don't mind the public assistance programs.

That is a fair, honest, pragmatic and moral way of looking at, IMO. I completely agree with you.

 

[DVCLiz]

I think a lot of people are missing a point here. The Duggars, held up to our standards, look pretty different. We don't ask our children to cook their meals, care for their siblings, or make their own clothes. But we also don't practice the same religion or have the same value system that they do. They believe in a very specific ideal, and they stick to it. In their view, the chidlren are simply learning what God intends for their lives in a Christian setting. No, it's not how we see childhood, but it's not wrong for the Duggars to believe it and practice it.
The rest of this discussion has gotten too weird for me....

 

[chobie]

I think a lot of people are missing a point here. The Duggars, held up to our standards, look pretty different. We don't ask our children to cook their meals, care for their siblings, or make their own clothes. But we also don't practice the same religion or have the same value system that they do. They believe in a very specific ideal, and they stick to it. In their view, the chidlren are simply learning what God intends for their lives in a Christian setting. No, it's not how we see childhood, but it's not wrong for the Duggars to believe it and practice it.
The rest of this discussion has gotten too weird for me....

No, the point is this family is exploiting their children by putting them on tv to make money to provide for all them and in doing so is putting them out for ridicule because they know that their lifestyle is extreme.

If they were truly just interested in doing what God intended, then they would not be exploiting the children by putting them on TV, IMO.

Also, IMO what they are doing with the children is preventing them from knowing what the world has to offer and instead trying to keep them isolated from the rest of the world so that they will beleive their only choice in life is to live how their parents do. That I find really sad, especially for the girls who are being taught their only purpose in life is to reproduce, wear hand-made Little House on the Praire dresses and make tatertot casserole.

 

[MrsKreamer]

I agree with pretty much everyone else has said about as long as you aren't on public assistance than I really don't care how many kids you have...as long as they are taken care of properly.

My first oppinion of the Duggers, was wow creepy, and kind of cult like. Then I watched their original show, and I have to say I changed my mind. I don't have a problem with the buddy system. I don't have a problem with the girls cooking. I agree that maybe the chores should be a little more spread out, like the boys having to cook. I still didn't get the feeling of well they are doing this b/c they are girls, and the boys are doing this b/c they are boys. Her children looked smart, well behaved and overall good kids. They even interviewed towns people and they had only nice things to say. Honestly I would rather see more Duggers and less people who have children running the streets, and never knowing where they are...etc.

 

[RadioFanatic]

as long as you can afford to give them a good life, you can have as many kids as you want. my best friend, however, had 7 brothers and sisters and her parents didn't provide them with much - that's wrong.

 

[chobie]

I think raising kids is about more then being able to put a roof over their heads, food on the table and clothes on their back without taking public assistance other than the tax breaks.

 

[RobinMarie]

What were you referring to?

I was referring to the cost to taxpayers for population growth.

 

[mommapoppins]

Okay, first of all what makes you think a girl will or must grow up to be a mother and if she chooses to become a mother that she will be the only one responsible for making them dinner? Should not the boys also have to learn to cook for the potential children they might father?

Having been raised in a very traditional family, I will guarantee that every one of the Duggar girls plans to grow up, get married, and have children. That being said, 70% of all women have at least one child so I don't think that was such a stretch.

I would agree that the boys should and probably would enjoy learning to cook. My husband is a chef so I understand that men can and do cook (and very well if I do say so myself! ) I plan to teach all of my boys to cook. But in this family they have worked out a system that works for them, and are teaching in the process.

And again, these people have chosen to broadcast their lives to the world to profit off of their fecundity. They have chosen to put themselves out their for public comment.

I didn't say that you couldn't voice your opinion, just realize that you've only seen a VERY small snippet of their lives.

 

[azgal81]

Have as many kids as you want as long as you can support them, it's not my business nor is it anyone elses.

 

[chobie]

Having been raised in a very traditional family, I will guarantee that every one of the Duggar girls plans to grow up, get married, and have children. That being said, 70% of all women have at least one child so I don't think that was such a stretch.

I would agree that the boys should and probably would enjoy learning to cook. My husband is a chef so I understand that men can and do cook (and very well if I do say so myself! ) I plan to teach all of my boys to cook. But in this family they have worked out a system that works for them, and are teaching in the process.



I didn't say that you couldn't voice your opinion, just realize that you've only seen a VERY small snippet of their lives.

Right, but its reasonable to assume that the parts we are not seeing are not all smiles, sunshine and taterots.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I think anyone should have as many kids as they can afford....it isn't my business.

However, for myself, I want to be able to give EACH child the love and nurturing that they deserve. I want to be there for every precious milestone and "inhale" my kids...lol It wouldn't be fair imo for a family to have 16 kids and turn the children into little "slaves". I wouldn't want my daughter feeling like a "Mommy" at age 12 or 14. JMO.

 

[mommapoppins]

Right, but its reasonable to assume that the parts we are not seeing are not all smiles, sunshine and taterots.

I agree, no one's live is all "smiles, sunshine and taterots." But some people seem to think that just because they have more children than average that their lives must certainly be all sorrow, shadows, and soup. I happen to think they probably have a very happy life with normal disappointments, etc.

 

[goofygirl]

Amen to that! I'm also nauseated by the making of women who take fertility pills to pop out litters of children as being heros too. People who adopt children with serious disabilties, have AIDS or who are otherwise "unadoptable" for a variety of reasons, now those people are heros to me.

And the choir says Amen! Dave Thomas, of Wendy's Hambergers fame was an adoptive parent of disabled children and stood for that cause. He is one of America's greatest people, IMHO.

 

[chobie]

I agree, no one's live is all "smiles, sunshine and taterots." But some people seem to think that just because they have more children than average that their lives must certainly be all sorrow, shadows, and soup. I happen to think they probably have a very happy life with normal disappointments, etc.

I don't think anyone has said. We're mainly commenting on one family that has chosen to publicize their lifestyle and many of do think that they are limiting their children's future by limiting what they get to know of the world outside their compound and keeping them occupied all day with domestic chores from the time they can walk.

 

[mommapoppins]

I think anyone should have as many kids as they can afford....it isn't my business.

However, for myself, I want to be able to give EACH child the love and nurturing that they deserve. I want to be there for every precious milestone and "inhale" my kids...lol

I believe that a mother with a large number of children CAN enjoy her children. It is only recently that families have become smaller with only one or two children. There are many historically amazing people who came from VERY large families. One of my favorite examples of this is Susanna Wesley. She mothered 19 children and spent time with each child seperately every day. Her children were amazing people, and you will probably recognize the names of a couple of them. John Wesley was a famous preacher and founded the Methodist Church. His brother Charles Wesley wrote many of the hymns that are still sung in churches today.

It wouldn't be fair imo for a family to have 16 kids and turn the children into little "slaves". I wouldn't want my daughter feeling like a "Mommy" at age 12 or 14. JMO.

Those girls know that they are not "Mommy." I loved children when I was a kid, and constantly had a baby on my hip. But I knew that I was not that baby's mom. If anything went wrong I knew that the mom was either in the next room or only a short phone call away. I am sure that if there is ever a problem with an older child's "little buddy" they can go straight to mom, and I am sure she is happy to give lots of hugs and kisses to all of her children.

 

[goofygirl]

I found this interesting. It seems to me that in general societal attitudes about large families tend to be more negative (ie your last statement) than making families with a lot of kids look like heros.

Apparently plenty of people out there think mass producing babies is great- my example is when the MacCaughheys had the septuplets, they were on tv all the time, on every magazine cover, and people from all over the country were sending them free stuff.