Inspired by another thread--How do you feel about parents volunteering in the classro

[bookgirl]

Depends on the parent, and honestly I think there are some parents who need to just stay away from the school altogether.

I never minded most of my parents coming in to help but the only regular volunteer I had that spent extended time in my room was not a parent and honestly it was great and I prefered her to any of my parents. She loved the kids, was not biased towards or against any of them and was an objective presence in the room.

Parents no matter how much they try will always want to keep that extra eye on thier own, and sometimes it was hard for the kids to see thier parents and not want them all to themselves or to go home or just totally lose it (special ed classroom). Maybe it's different in a regular ed classroom but that was my experience.

As far as parents who I think should just stay away, PTA is so political and there are some parents who think thier helping when in truth they are in the way or too overinvolved. Then there are the ones that use 'volunteering' at school as a power play. Then there are the ones who just want to be at school to moniter the personell so that they can make sure thier snowflake is surviving the attentions of the evil empire school district. Those parents I just want to kick in the keister, and ban them.

The majority however really do just want to help and I think the best place for them is in a class without thier child or doing school wide helping like office help, or playground/lunch room moniter or committees for events.

 

[Mkrop]

You know what is funny? I keep reading all the Moms who are so excited to help in the classroom and want to be right there with their kids all day (who doesn't?) but I wonder what the kids really think about it. I am sure my kids would tell me that they love me in the classroom because I am their Mom but I think they would probably prefer if they could be with their friends and teacher without me.

My sons and the other kids I know with moms who volunteer just kind of expect us to be there. They dont really know the difference.

My sons go to K-8 school and the younger ones love to have mom there, as they get older they dont mind us being there but would like us to stay a little further away.

DS12 asked me to walk down a different hallway when I went to library so I wouldnt keep running into him and his friends in the hallway. I respected that and was even not at the school for several weeks dealing with my mom being sick. He then came to me and told it was no big deal I could walk whatever way I wanted.

At Back To School Night, the prinicipal specifically tells the parents that the younger ones love the parents volunteering so do it now while they like it because eventually they might not like you there.

Our school couldnt run without the volunteers, we do a lot.

I guess it is all what you are use to and what environment of school your children are in.

I grew up with a mom who volunteered, I do it now, my kids are not phased by it and the school enviroment supports it, so I dont think my kids really blink an eye that I am there.

 

[TwinsinCA]

You know what is funny? I keep reading all the Moms who are so excited to help in the classroom and want to be right there with their kids all day (who doesn't?) but I wonder what the kids really think about it. I am sure my kids would tell me that they love me in the classroom because I am their Mom but I think they would probably prefer if they could be with their friends and teacher without me.

In the upper grades I actually have very little contact with my kids during the day. Most days the only time I'd talk to them is when they'd line up for lunch or recess and they'd walk right by the back table where I was sitting. They might smile and wave to me at times, but I'm not talking to them while they are in class. So I think you over estimate how much time the parents are really spending with their kids. It is more about being nearby and seeing what they are learning. I'm just in the room, not standing over them.

As for them secretly not wanting me there, I am certain they are happy about me being there. Last year my daughters said they did't like Tuesdays. When I asked why they said they have nothing to look forward to that day. This was their reason why -- Monday we have 'Castle Sundae Monday' (we go to DQ every Monday after school) , Wednesday you help out in class, Thursday the week is nearly over, Friday the weekend starts. This year I wanted to help on the same day because it is a minimum day now. My kids want me to help on Tuesdays so they have something to look forward to Tuesday and Wednesday. The day will probably come when they want me to just go away. But so far they like having me in school for one day a week. And I like being there too. But this will be the last year because next year they'll be in middle school.

Regarding the expressed by a few of you that parents are allowed to grade, I can appreciate that, but that is allowed at our school. I know other parents help in the classroom besides me and it doesn't bother me that they know how my kids did on a few random homework assignments or spelling tests. I will say that I have balked at grading anything that is subjective. Math, spelling, multiple choice is fine -- but if there is something with short answers where judgement calls need to be made I let the teachers know I didn't want to grade that.

 

[dldwmom]

It has been rather alarming reading these posts, and it is no wonder that kids are the way that they are today. I had one child in college, and one that I home school. The one in college went through public, and loved it when I volunteered in the classroom. I did not feel like parenting any one's children, and did whatever was most helpful to the teacher, which was vastly different year to year. Maybe kids get tired of their parents in class because they are not dumb to the real motives of their parents. The home school kids that I am around are a lot more secure and independent then their public school counter parts because their parents seem to know the proper balance.

 

[jrmasm]

It has been rather alarming reading these posts, and it is no wonder that kids are the way that they are today.

What do you mean?

 

[MushyMushy]

In the upper grades I actually have very little contact with my kids during the day. Most days the only time I'd talk to them is when they'd line up for lunch or recess and they'd walk right by the back table where I was sitting. They might smile and wave to me at times, but I'm not talking to them while they are in class. So I think you over estimate how much time the parents are really spending with their kids. It is more about being nearby and seeing what they are learning. I'm just in the room, not standing over them.

As for them secretly not wanting me there, I am certain they are happy about me being there. Last year my daughters said they did't like Tuesdays. When I asked why they said they have nothing to look forward to that day. This was their reason why -- Monday we have 'Castle Sundae Monday' (we go to DQ every Monday after school) , Wednesday you help out in class, Thursday the week is nearly over, Friday the weekend starts. This year I wanted to help on the same day because it is a minimum day now. My kids want me to help on Tuesdays so they have something to look forward to Tuesday and Wednesday. The day will probably come when they want me to just go away. But so far they like having me in school for one day a week. And I like being there too. But this will be the last year because next year they'll be in middle school.

Regarding the expressed by a few of you that parents are allowed to grade, I can appreciate that, but that is allowed at our school. I know other parents help in the classroom besides me and it doesn't bother me that they know how my kids did on a few random homework assignments or spelling tests. I will say that I have balked at grading anything that is subjective. Math, spelling, multiple choice is fine -- but if there is something with short answers where judgement calls need to be made I let the teachers know I didn't want to grade that.

Our schools have strict privacy rules, so no parent volunteer would be grading anything. I had a little more leeway in helping kids with reading and classwork because I was an ed major and had my clearances, but usually parent volunteers helped with other things.

Oh, and we never had an overabundance of volunteers. A big complaint in our districts is lack of parent participation. It's sad. But I can see where it could go the other way too with too much help.

 

[JVL1018]

I understand what you are saying but I think that even though newcomers are treated nicely there is always a "group" that doesn't really let new parents in so to speak. They let you help and are polite but you feel like an outsider. I do agree though that some people use it as an excuse not to help but I can understand why.

I agree..when my kids first started school there was the group of "regulars" and I felt intimidated..but I wanted to volunteer so I showed up and volunteered anyway-started off with just attending PTO meetings and being a class mom

Now I am part of the group that runs things(as an officer for the Parents Association), and it does seem like a clique because NO ONE EVER COMES to meetings! LOL! Of course you're going to get close when it's the same 7 or 8 people every month.

We have tried to make it as welcoming as possible because I remember how it felt. We tell people to grab a friend and volunteer that way, makes it easier,which is exactly what I did.

When I first started when you signed up to volunteer, there was no contact at all back to you so you'd send the form in saying you could help out and hear nothing back, I thought that meant I wasn't needed.
Found out months later that you're just supposed to show up.

As soon as I was a chairperson for events, the first thing I did was send out a form saying that you could volunteer for as little as 15 minutes at the book fair-it used to be blocks of 3 hours-some people don't have that time-come when you can-if you just want to come in for your kid's class, do that. It doesn't matter, we are thankful for any amount of time.
I also make sure that people who sign up are sent a notice that says thank you for volunteering we'll see you at such and such time for whatever you signed up to do. So many more people show up now.

It's hard to break into an established group, and I hate meeting new people, so I sympathize and truly do try and put myself out there to really be welcoming, as does every member of the board(we're all pretty new now)but even then I still hear that it's cliquey. It's disappointing and something we're going to change if it kills us this year.

 

[Jeafl]

I would never in a million years allow a parent to grade ANYTHING in my classroom. That is a complete invasion pf privacy. I am very surprised that any teachers allow that. Actually, I won't even let the parent volunteers distribute graded papers into the students' classroom mailboxes. School announcements, lunch menus, etc. are fine, but they do not ever see or touch another student's graded papers.

Also, the thought of a webcam in my classroom has me Not because I have anything to hide, but that would also be an unbelievable invasion of the other students' privacy. I can't imagine any school ever allowing that.

Our school does have a service by parent volunteers who do not specifically work with one teacher. All teachers place any copying, laminating, binding, die cutting, etc. requests in the volunteer room with instructions and parents come in and work on that when they have time. Those parents never really step foot in a classroom. When they finish the materials they just put it in our mailboxes. It is a huge help and I am very grateful for the parents who do that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Actually i did graduate from college with a teaching degree, but 16 years ago when I went for a teaching job, they were hard to come by so I went back to school and received my social worker license.
I guess we are two different kinds of parents. I like to be involved and stay one step ahead. I have no idea who the teacher is so why should i trust my child with someone that I have no idea about. 3 years ago her teacher asked for letters at the beginning of the year to introduce our children, well I did that and told her straight out that my daughter needed to sit in the front because she becomes distracted. She is a social butterfly and loves friends. We go to the open house and I see that she is in the back in a creative desk formation facing the side of the board. Nothing was ever said about her lack of focusing. I even mentioned putting her in the front. My suggestion went unheard. Well at the end of the first term i received a letter with the report card that said my daughter becomes too distracted, etc, etc. Well why did the teacher ask for a letter and then not read it. I know she gets distracted, that is why I wrote it. So now I take every matter into my own hands. Because I am a single mom and need to make my own money rather than live off the state, I have to send her to public school. I do not have a problem with it. You can be darn sure I will not anyone fail her. Bottom line is that I know her better than any teacher could.
I am not an over the top parent. I do not tell teachers what to do. I don't write notes everyday, I don't email everyday. I respect them as long as they do their job with my children. I go to the PTO meetings, I volunteer for every school activity. I am one of the parents that their teacher calls first when their is a field trip before any other parent gets the notices. I do all the crappy fundraising junk. I have written grant requests for the school to receive money for activities. So many people don't care about what their children do or how they are doing in school. Well that is not me. I don't smother my children, but I am involved. So what if I like to see them throughout the day. I love their faces. They don't have to see me, but they always ask me to volunteer. It's not a problem for them yet. When it is, we have open communication and I respect their thoughts, ideas and concerns.

While I find your post to be somewhat offensive I will keep in mind that you don't know me so you can't know what kind of parent I am. I am very involved in my children's education. I do many if not all of the things mentioned in your post. I don't however sit in their classrooms all day. That is simply not allowed where we live and I am glad. I have a degree as well but that doesn't mean I am qualified or hired to be the teacher. I don't think anyone's parents need to be teaching my child. That is why they have a classroom teacher. I do PTA stuff all year long. I sign up to be class Mother. I volunteer for anything they need. I keep open communication with the teachers. I make sure my child is getting what they need. I would hope that all parents do that although I know that many do not and instead prefer to blame the teacher but that is a whole other topic. While I too would love to look at my kids all day to see what they do I think it is too invasive. They need to do stuff without me watching. We are a lot more alike than you think.

I have a 5th and 3rd grader and both of them want me to volunteer. Their was one field trip that I just really didn't want to go to. I don't care for museum's and she knows that. She asked me if I was going to go. I said that if she really wanted me to go, I would take the day out of work. Well I ended up going because she wanted me to. Their was one field trip that I couldn't go on this year with my youngest daughter because of my work. My youngest was not happy about it.
I have always talked to my children about letting me know when i am in their space. They know that I can take it.

My kids want me to come to school too (for now!) so I am thrilled to do so. I was just making a general statement. We all know someone who doesn't get that their kid wants them to leave sometimes. That was what I was referring to.

 

[SaraJayne]

Actually i did graduate from college with a teaching degree, but 16 years ago when I went for a teaching job, they were hard to come by so I went back to school and received my social worker license.
I guess we are two different kinds of parents. I like to be involved and stay one step ahead. I have no idea who the teacher is so why should i trust my child with someone that I have no idea about. 3 years ago her teacher asked for letters at the beginning of the year to introduce our children, well I did that and told her straight out that my daughter needed to sit in the front because she becomes distracted. She is a social butterfly and loves friends. We go to the open house and I see that she is in the back in a creative desk formation facing the side of the board. Nothing was ever said about her lack of focusing. I even mentioned putting her in the front. My suggestion went unheard. Well at the end of the first term i received a letter with the report card that said my daughter becomes too distracted, etc, etc. Well why did the teacher ask for a letter and then not read it. I know she gets distracted, that is why I wrote it. So now I take every matter into my own hands. Because I am a single mom and need to make my own money rather than live off the state, I have to send her to public school. I do not have a problem with it. You can be darn sure I will not anyone fail her. Bottom line is that I know her better than any teacher could.
I am not an over the top parent. I do not tell teachers what to do. I don't write notes everyday, I don't email everyday. I respect them as long as they do their job with my children. I go to the PTO meetings, I volunteer for every school activity. I am one of the parents that their teacher calls first when their is a field trip before any other parent gets the notices. I do all the crappy fundraising junk. I have written grant requests for the school to receive money for activities. So many people don't care about what their children do or how they are doing in school. Well that is not me. I don't smother my children, but I am involved. So what if I like to see them throughout the day. I love their faces. They don't have to see me, but they always ask me to volunteer. It's not a problem for them yet. When it is, we have open communication and I respect their thoughts, ideas and concerns.

Sorry, but regardless of how you try to spin it, wanting a webcam in your child's classroom *is* over the top.

 

[castleview]

At the young ages, I would go in to help out the teacher once a month (kindergarten teacher keeps a rotating schedule). I actually preferred helping her organize rather than working with the kids. As they hit 2nd or 3rd grade, they are less needy and the teachers are not requesting help as much. I'll still go in for parties if I'm asked and I help out at PTO events such as plant sale, Junior Achievement and book fairs. But honestly, I prefer to stay away from the classroom. I know some moms who are in there once or twice a week. Overall I don't mind if it helps the teacher, but given how some kids think they have free rein when their parents are in the room - it can be a little annoying.

 

[aprilgail2]

Sorry, but regardless of how you try to spin it, wanting a webcam in your child's classroom *is* over the top.

I agree!!!! Who would want their kid broadcast on someone elses webcam!!!! What an invasion of EVERYONES privacy!! If you need that much control over your child 24/7 then perhaps it would be better to homeschool them!

 

[castleview]

As a parent, I see 2 types of parent volunteers. The ones that want to help and the ones that need to go out and get a job instead of hanging around the school all day because they can't let their little snowflake grow up.

The 1st type is ok by me, the 2nd need to get a life.

Flame away.

Nope. Won't do it!

 

[castleview]

I agree!!!! Who would want their kid broadcast on someone elses webcam!!!! What an invasion of EVERYONES privacy!! If you need that much control over your child 24/7 then perhaps it would be better to homeschool them!

We had to sign off on the webcam, because a severely disable girl was in DD's class. She couldn't be at school over the winter because she was allergic to the flu shot, so a lot was done by webcam. I wasn't wild about it, but I didn't want to stop this girl's education either.

 

[RadioNate]

I don't think parents belong in the classrooms unless it is a party or they are reading a story to the class etc. I do not want parents "tutoring" my kids or giving them tests. Sorry but that is what the teacher is for. If I wanted Joe or Mary's Mom involved in my child's education I would ask them. It is nobody's business who is having trouble or who is not. Parents are gossipy and even if they aren't it is simply none of their business. I volunteer a lot at school but either for the above mentioned parties or reading or for PTA stuff. We do not have classroom volunteers at all. I can only imagine how mad people would be if it was even suggested. Parents need to stay out of the classrooms. That is why we have teachers. YMMV.

I absolutely agree. I don't want another parent knowing that much about my child's education. I don't want them to know where he is struggling and where he excels. It is none of their business.

And the more "into" volunteering they are, the more they talk about the kids.

Someone mentioned that they like volunteering because they get to know their child's classmates. If our kids aren't friends, I don't really want other parents getting to know my child. I want to know the kids my son hangs out with, sure....but I have no desire to "get to know" random children. That strikes me as a bit creepy, to be honest.

I know two moms that volunteer a lot, and I have heard them talk, a lot, about what goes on in the classroom.

Bobby's mom gave him a jelly sandwich and too many sugary snacks. Susie's having trouble with reading. Sam's got some real behavioural issues. Jane wore the same socks two days in a row!

Just crap like that, and it drives me nuts. I don't see why parents need to be in the classroom.

Ugh...welcome to my life in Texas. All the cliquey mom's who need to compare & tear down all the kids just to make sure that their child comes out on top!

You know what is funny? I keep reading all the Moms who are so excited to help in the classroom and want to be right there with their kids all day (who doesn't?) but I wonder what the kids really think about it. I am sure my kids would tell me that they love me in the classroom because I am their Mom but I think they would probably prefer if they could be with their friends and teacher without me.

Me. I don't. I love my DS. I'm primarily a SAHM (I've worked PT on and off over the years) but I don't feel the need to spend all day with him while he is at school. Sure, I'm getting a little anxious because he isn't home from his sleepover yet and I'd like to see him. And he's just next door! But he needs something that is HIS. So no I don't feel the need to hang out with him at school all day. If I wanted to do that, I'd homeschool.

Sorry, but regardless of how you try to spin it, wanting a webcam in your child's classroom *is* over the top.

Ya think? I'm sorry, daycare ok...elementary school. No. I don't want other parents watching my kid. Sure they may go online to see their child but mine will be there too. Ummm no.

 

[golfgal]

You know what is funny? I keep reading all the Moms who are so excited to help in the classroom and want to be right there with their kids all day (who doesn't?) but I wonder what the kids really think about it. I am sure my kids would tell me that they love me in the classroom because I am their Mom but I think they would probably prefer if they could be with their friends and teacher without me.

When the kids were in K-3rd grade they LOVED having parents come and volunteer-anyone's parents really but especially their own. Our school encouraged parents to come eat in the school cafeteria too and the kids LOVED that until about 4th grade. In 4th grade they still wanted their parents to come but only because they got to go to the front of the line after that it would be more like "mom, you aren't coming to eat at school are you...". By 4th grade the teachers didn't really need in class help any longer so it was more of a natural cut off then. Now in high school it is a good discipline technique--behave or we will come volunteer in school

 

[MushyMushy]

We had to sign off on the webcam, because a severely disable girl was in DD's class. She couldn't be at school over the winter because she was allergic to the flue shot, so a lot was done by webcam. I wasn't wild about it, but I didn't want to stop this girl's education either.

Why wasn't she offered homebound instruction, though? I can't imagine any district allowing that big of an invasion of privacy for the other students.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

[

 

[castleview]

Why wasn't she offered homebound instruction, though? I can't imagine any district allowing that big of an invasion of privacy for the other students.

She probably was. These parents had a lot of demands (kid had to come to school by ambulance rather than special needs bus, needed two aides because she was on a vent and feeding tube, strict food regulations because of allergies, etc.) I think a lot of parents - if it bothered them - weren't thrilled, but in the end…watching what these parents were enduring, it just wasn't a big deal. I was actually more ticked about the food regulations, but the school lightened up on those.

 

[cabanafrau]

As a parent, I see 2 types of parent volunteers. The ones that want to help and the ones that need to go out and get a job instead of hanging around the school all day because they can't let their little snowflake grow up.

The 1st type is ok by me, the 2nd need to get a life.

Flame away.

Amen!

I think it's great when volunteers are able to get some of the busywork out of the way & help teachers & other staff focus most of their efforts directly on the students. That's a win/win.

I do question parents who need to be there everyday, within sight of their child and gripe about teachers needing open-door policies. I'm sure there are some situations where some monitoring needs to take place to resolve a particular student situation. There should be no issue w/ staff & parents observing to try to brainstorm a solution. That's all good in my book. I do question the need for a parent to feel they can come in & just monitor for the sake of monitoring. IMO if you have alarm bells about your child's teacher/school, you need to move them somewhere you think fits or homeschool.