Infant crying overnight

[DisneyPhD]

Personally I just could not have allowed a baby to cry in a hotel room. I just think it's wrong to let a baby cry if you can possibly calm him/her. Your routine isn't more important that the sleep needs of other hotel guests.

But sometimes you simply can't calm a fussy baby, and we've all been there. I have been in hotels and airplanes with crying babies, and I have great sympathy for their mothers.

What I would do in this situation would be to STAY IN BED and have DH comfort the baby. We really found that the baby was unwilling to go back to sleep once he smelled me! DH was able to offer comfort that was seperate from offering food, and if you can possibly make that work - get the baby to settle down with a little rocking and loving, it won't be as hard to break that habit once you are home. So I would suggest that DH get up, comfort the baby without talking and without turning on a light (ie, baby, it's NIGHT and we aren't going to make this extra entertaining). If that simply doesn't work, I would eventually just nurse the baby.

You know I have tried the DH go to the child thing. My mom says that is what she did at me to get me to stop night nursing at one year old. It doesn't seem to work for my kids. I make DH go in to them, but she just gets more and more upset until he bring her to me and I nurse her. Now maybe my husband is just a wimp and gives in easy (I think this might be the case) but some kids that just doesn't work for.

I think the big difference here is the mother knows the baby will stop in a very short amount of time and fall back asleep on her own. 3 min is nothing heck it took me longer to write this post.

Now this next trip, my baby normally sleeps all night now, but does sometimes still wake and insist on nursing (often as a result of digesting some milk or egg during the day) If this is the case I have learned to give her bendryl (because she will wake every 2 hours and insist on nursing, I don't know why.) I won't let her cry it out because I don't know from experience that she will stop in a brief amount of time. (it often takes her longer, sometimes less. She is not consistant in it.

My point is different things work for different children. This mother knows her child and situation better then anyone else so I think she should do what she feels is right.

What I find amazing is that people think it is cruel to let a child learn to self sooth for a very short amount of time. It isn't, babies cry. She isn't talking about letting it go for more then 5 min. Come on now, everyone who has more then one kid knows that sometimes you can't get to them right away and that actually works out better because they learn to sooth themselves.

The AAP recommends nursing to at least a year, does not include night time feedings. My doctor told me I should stop much before that (and my child was very tiny in weight) but it wouldn't hurt her to nurse during the night. The only person it would hurt was ME. I continued for over a year (14 months) I do not want this poor mother to get stuck in the same trap I did because people who don't know her, don't care about her and won't be next to her are saying she is inconsiderate to others (I don't think she is.) Besides it is much more likely her neighboors are going to be inconsiderate to her in ways that can be mangaged (adults and older children being out of control.)

 

[Hannathy]

What many here are forgetting is what bothers me a lot may not phase you. I can not stand a baby crying I never let my kids cry it out ever (do not believe in it) and most important never in a hotel room. 5 minutes would seem forever to me and I would be very worked up and then if it happened again, just so a "routine" wouldn't be disturbed-give me a break what vacation sticks to routine. Sure 5 minutes is nothing if you are enoying yourself but tell that to someone undergoing a painful proceedure- should I pull your tooth without novacaine I can have it out in only 5 minutes its not long. I agree with some posters if the routine is the most important thing not consideration for your neighbors, or a nice trip, maybe they should stay home until the routine is sleeping through the night without crying.

 

[Suzanne74]

Off Topic: That's ridiculous. A baby benefits from the comfort, not to mention the nourishment of nursing after 8 months. The AAP recommends nursing to at least a year.

I meant night nursing - not nursing all together. I don't know what books you are talking about because I don't get into all those "teach you how to be a mommy books" whether they tell you to stop breastfeeding at 2 months or never stop for 2 yrs. Book parenting isn't my style. When people start professing a certain book for parenting I have to wonder if they ever look at the big picture or just follow the straight and narrow of a particular book I breastfed my baby for 13 months by the way....

Anyway, maybe a premature baby needs to eat multiple times a night still, but by 8 months I don't see how a normal baby still "needs" milk multiple times a night when they are eating during the day consistently - even cereal or some tablefood at that point. If a mother chooses to breastfeed at night then I have no problem with it but the OP's baby does not and people here are slamming her for that.

All I was saying that babies do not HAVE to eat at night at 8 months and most aren't then - bottles or breast. Not everyone who breastfeeds relies on their 2 "friends" as constant comfort for their baby. There are moms out there who teach their children to self soothe at night when they are still breastfeeding, especially once they notice the baby doesn't even drink but just sorta suckles - what I call pacify nursing. It would be the same as a mom who bottle feeds. If she was getting up and making a bottle 2 times a night only to find that the baby doesn't actually drink it but sucks on it for a minute and then falls back to sleep. Do you think that mom would still get up 2x a night and make full bottles to offer the baby or figure out from the babies cues that she/he really isn't hungry and go onto Plan B whatever that may be whether it is a pacifier, self soothing, bottle of water, rocking etc.... The OP's plan B was self soothing and she is deciding whether to break that routine or not on her vacation because the baby cries 3-5min and falls back to sleep at times. I understand you want to keep your room as quiet as possible and obviously she does or she wouldn't have posted but I just think there are other things she can do besides resorting back to breastfeeding at the hotel. For people to come here and reply that babies "need" to breastfeed at night "there stomachs are too small" "your baby could get failure to thrive" "leaving a baby to cry for 5min if HORROR" is a little over the top and is just making the OP feel like a bad mother and isn't answering her question. I was offering my side that an 8mo old do not NEED or HAVE to breastfeed at night. She isn't a bad mom....

 

[kizmac]

Ok, I'm no expert but I have gone on vacation with infants for many years and breastfed six kids. If you can't be flexible with a routine and wish to keep things exactly how you do it at home, my advice is don't go on vacation with an infant. Expect your daily routine to go out the window while on a trip. New surroundings alone can be stressful to a baby.

I completely agree with the people that think you should nurse the baby should they wake crying in the night. Just because you have to resort to nursing to soothe that baby during the night so it doesn't disturb possibly quite a few people, isn't going to forever change her routine nor is it going to make them obese or rot their teeth in the course of a week. They are not going to suffer life long repercussions from a couple night time nursings. Sure you may be have a few nights once you get home that you are challenged with her wanting to nurse, but you will be at home in your house and disturbing only your family so if you wish to let them cry it out...go for it. Not what I would do but if it works for you whatever.

I would feel very bad for people who paid some big $ to go on vacation and spend 2 times a night being woken up by a crying baby whose parent wants to let cry it out because they don't want to deal with nighttime feedings again. You can't compare a crying baby to a toilet being flushed or a door shutting. It is no where near the same. You are comparing something that happens and is done to crying that may go on for who knows how long.

While on vacation, if baby cries.....do what you got to do to soothe her. Hold her, bink her, rock her and if that doesn't work give her a breast. She won't be ruined for life and forever seek food for comfort because of it. At home, do what you want.

 

[Danestress]

Yes, I know every child is different, and normally I'm an advocate of parents deciding what they think is best for them and for their child, and an advocate of everyone else minding his or her own business.

However, I think going on a voluntary pleasure vacation and staying in a hotel sort of changes that. Then it's not just what's "best" for Mom and baby. There's also the little matter of all the other people who might find it decidedly NOT best to lie awake listening to a screaming infant - even for five minutes (which would seem like a pretty long five minutes).

If there's just no way to stop the baby, then what can one do? I love babies, crying or not. But if she knows how to easly calm the child, I think she should. Maybe getting out of the routine is a small price to pay for a vacation. I don't think she should let everyone else be disrupted because she doesn't want to have to pay that price.

 

[kizmac]

I'm a member of the "Stick a **** in its Mouth" club. I am still night nursing my 22 month old. Babies wake to nurse for a reason whether it be hunger or comfort. I do not believe that a baby under 12 months does not need to eat at night. They have tiny tummies and breastmilk metabolizes quickly.

I hate hearing babies cry. It makes me sick to my stomach. I have even leaked on occasion because it was obviously a hunger cry, and mama didn't respond or just stuffed a paci in the baby's mouth.

Crying raises stress hormones. This is not good. Babies who are allowed to cry have elevated levels of cortisol in their blood. This can cause anxiety and self esteem problems. There was a study done by a Harvard Medical School Psychiatrist on this. Link if you are interested: http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html


The whole sleeping through the night thing is overrated. Most people I know wake-to go to the bathroom, get a drink, fix the covers-why is it a problem when baby wakes? An unpopular opinion, I know, but many adults that I know as well as their children do wake during the night.



Please, please do not read and use this book. This book is awful. It advocates long periods of crying and scheduling feeds. Babies aren't stupid. They know when they need to eat and should be treated with respect. They guy who wrote it is a total quack; he has no formal training in child development. Babies have been diagnosed with faliure to thrive and even died from a result of this approach. Moms have stopped breastfeeding because trying to schedule a breastfed baby will result in supply problems-no demand for nursing=no milk.

If you expect your baby to sleep through at such an early age, well, that is pretty unrealistic. Night waking comes with the territory and should be expected. Believe me, I understand being tired. I have not had a good night's sleep since May 2001. I have been pregnant, nursing, nursing and pregnant, pregnant, and nursing since then. But that is part of having children.

If you are looking for a more gentle approach to sleep teaching, try The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

You and I are part of the same club . I wanted to say that you give very good advice. I have nursed six kids and am still nursing my 24 month old. I never thought I would be one to nurse past the 1 yr point but here I am. I even still nurse at night on occaision if she wakes and needs me. It is very rare and maybe only once a week at this point, but doesn't mean DD does not know how to self soothe, because she goes to sleep nightly on her own and awake being put in her crib. She listens to Disney lullabyes every night to go to sleep. I just wish more moms would go with instinct more than what books tell you, you should do. Anyhow, is it right is it wrong....who knows, but it works for us.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

I was getting ready to post again but kizmac said exactly what I was going to say. Sometimes you have to make adjustments when you have children. As someone else said, look at the big picture. In no way will it hurt your child to nurse at night for a week. It MIGHT be more work for you when you return home to get her back on your routine but that is the price of taking an infant on vacation.

To OP: good luck, hope she is so tired at night that none of this will be an issue.

 

[kizmac]

She asked for suggestions, mentioned the baby is loud, and suggestions is what everyone is giving. I assume since she says she's loud, she was concerned. In any case, according to her timer, she is already there! I guess when she gets back, we'll see if it was the five minutes, or if it ended up longer or not at all.

What I find the most interesting, is, it's the people who have babies, that think it's ok, and those of us who don't, who don't agree LOL!

Not me! I have babies and I am on the don't agree side..LOL

 

[DMRick]

I think the big difference here is the mother knows the baby will stop in a very short amount of time and fall back asleep on her own.

She doesn't know that. This is vacation..and routines are sometimes different. Who knows if the baby will wake up crying at all, or if all the fresh air will allow her to sleep. Who knows if all the changes mean the baby will hardly sleep at all and be crying for a long time. I know for one of our grands, that just having different drinking water (not just Disney, anywhere) changes his "routine". People are just saying, since she believes her child will wake up and cry, to be prepared with a plan..and that plan should not be to let the baby cry and disturb others, who also may be very tired and have tired kids they don't want to awaken.

 

[MelessaG]

I worried about this same thing when we took our then 7 month-old on vacation in 2004. She is now almost two and still a very light sleeper who screams if awakened. However, she slept through each and every night at the AKL like an angel. Spending her days in the parks, even with a daily nap break, really wore her out. I wish she slept like that at home. (I did plan on nursing if she did wake up, just so you know.)

 

[Allison]

It breaks my heart thinking of a baby crying in the dark in a strange place. If the baby can't depend on the comfort of mom or dad who can they? I think not going would be a better for the baby if the parents think she will cry to much. There is always another time.

Oh please. Talk about dramatic. It's five minutes.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Oh please. Talk about dramatic. It's five minutes.

But some of us would NEVER let our children cry for five minutes, ever. So I guess it's not dramatic, from that point of view.

 

[Nanu57v]

Well I nurse DD to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. DH rocks her to sleep before bed. However, on a recent trip in Ohio she was up screaming in the middle of the night because she couldn't get back to sleep and I was out of milk. It took her a few minutes to fall back asleep. The next morning at breakfast we got dirty looks and one guy even said to the baby "you woke me up last night." So if you have anyway to keep the baby quiet I would. However, the Ohio trip wasn't at a family resort, so it might be different at Disney.

 

[Hannathy]

So I guess that answers the "will my baby crying disturb other guests" question and the answer is YES so do everything you can to lessen it's duration.

 

[momof2inPA]

All I was saying that babies do not HAVE to eat at night at 8 months and most aren't then - bottles or breast. Not everyone who breastfeeds relies on their 2 "friends" as constant comfort for their baby. There are moms out there who teach their children to self soothe at night when they are still breastfeeding, especially once they notice the baby doesn't even drink but just sorta suckles - what I call pacify nursing. It would be the same as a mom who bottle feeds. If she was getting up and making a bottle 2 times a night only to find that the baby doesn't actually drink it but sucks on it for a minute and then falls back to sleep. Do you think that mom would still get up 2x a night and make full bottles to offer the baby or figure out from the babies cues that she/he really isn't hungry and go onto Plan B whatever that may be whether it is a pacifier, self soothing, bottle of water, rocking etc.... The OP's plan B was self soothing and she is deciding whether to break that routine or not on her vacation because the baby cries 3-5min and falls back to sleep at times. I understand you want to keep your room as quiet as possible and obviously she does or she wouldn't have posted but I just think there are other things she can do besides resorting back to breastfeeding at the hotel. For people to come here and reply that babies "need" to breastfeed at night "there stomachs are too small" "your baby could get failure to thrive" "leaving a baby to cry for 5min if HORROR" is a little over the top and is just making the OP feel like a bad mother and isn't answering her question. I was offering my side that an 8mo old do not NEED or HAVE to breastfeed at night. She isn't a bad mom....

I didn't see ANYONE say a baby needed to breastfeed at night. I saw people saying that it was rude to let a baby cry in a hotel and just go ahead and breastfeed him for heaven's sake. I also saw you say there was no benefit in breastfeeding (although you must have meant night breastfeeding) at 8 months. It's a personal choice, I agree, but letting your baby cry it out or self soothe is not a "better" choice than feeding the kid at night, it's a "different" choice. Personally, I think the "better" choice is breastfeeding if you are staying in a hotel.

 

[jodifla]

Again, OP, I would just have a couple of game plans in place, and play it by ear.

You probably will be able to break her of the nursing habit if you decide to do it at night, or you could try a bottle, or you could try letting her get to sleep on her own.

Whenever you travel with a baby, there are variables. Don't let the rude posters get you concerned. Odds are good they've slept through many crying babies at hotels, and have no idea they did!

 

[ckoncurat]

As a mother of five...
All my kids nursed until about a year, and all my kids occasionally woke in the night and were allowed to briefly comfort themselves. So I totally understand your parenting style at home. However...

Vacation is a REALLY diffent story. New bed, new room, new schedule, closer access to mom and dad. Don't expect your daughter to comfort herself as easily as she does at home. DO expect to have to intervene more than usual. You can fix your routine once you get home. My youngest is 2 1/2, all my girls are great sleepers, but nightime is STILL a joke when we go on vacation.

That said, please don't get paranoid about other guests. Do your best, but don't let self conciousness make YOU sleepless and miserable. Sometimes your daughter WILL melt down away from home, and it is no redflection on your parenting or goodness in general.

 

[DMRick]

Don't let the rude posters get you concerned.

What rude posters? You mean those of us who read the OP's first note, where she asked for opinions, and we gave them? Or do you mean those who disagree with you I haven't seen anyone be rude about not wanting to hear a baby cry at night..just those who stated how they would feel. Again, if someone doesn't want answers different from how they feel, the post should always start with..please don't post if I'm not going to like your answer

 

[DisneyPhD]

As a mother of five...
All my kids nursed until about a year, and all my kids occasionally woke in the night and were allowed to briefly comfort themselves. So I totally understand your parenting style at home. However...

Vacation is a REALLY diffent story. New bed, new room, new schedule, closer access to mom and dad. Don't expect your daughter to comfort herself as easily as she does at home. DO expect to have to intervene more than usual. You can fix your routine once you get home. My youngest is 2 1/2, all my girls are great sleepers, but nightime is STILL a joke when we go on vacation.

That said, please don't get paranoid about other guests. Do your best, but don't let self conciousness make YOU sleepless and miserable. Sometimes your daughter WILL melt down away from home, and it is no redflection on your parenting or goodness in general.

DMRick, this is an example of a poster that did not agree with the OP, but was not rude about it at all and was supportive of the OP.

Some were not. Would you like me to find examples of them too?????? You can disagree with someone and still be kind about it. We have not heard from the OP and I don't expect to. I wouldn't be surprized if we don't hear from her at the Dis again. (to the OP I hope I am wrong on this.)

I think it is very sad when a person asks for parental advice, it is inferred that their parenting skills are not as good as some, (I NEVER let my kids cry even for 5 min) and get a number of posts from people who either aren't parents, or havent had a baby of their own in their house for 25 years. Or they are told that by placing concern for their baby over that of stangers comfort (who most likey have no concern for them) they are part of the "me" generation.

 

[annie1995]

I'd let her cry it out for a few minutes, it she doesn't settle, then nurse her. I can't tell you how many adults I heard outside screwing around well after midnight when we were trying to sleep. It wont be the only noise others will ever hear.