In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate, VOL 8...It's Never Too Late To Start Again!

[3DisneyKids]

Lots to comment on! I think I will do it one at a time, you know, Lisa-style!

First though, I am home. Yes, the storm kept me home from my furniture shopping expedition to Boston. We are only getting 2-4" here, but Boston is getting 8 - 12". So home it is. (Hope you are ok, Meg!)

And catch this--I had my whole schedule cleared for today, right? I was planning on being gone all day, so I have nothing on my agenda. So, once the kids were on the bus and I took care of a few things around the house, I took a NAP! YES, me! For almost 2 hours! I have been sleeping poorly all week. This is huge for me, for those that don't know. I only sleep 4-5 hours a night and I don't nap. But it caught up with me, I was tired as hell, and so I slept!

And I am still not working out today. It is a rest day and I am going to do just that. But I am more worried now than before. I haven't run in a few days and my IT band hurts more today than it has in the past 2 weeks. Definitely pain now and not just annoying. So I have to call Michael and schedule a massage...or ask his advice as to what else I should do.

Jeff leaves for Singapore and Taipei again in 11 days, so today's rest will be all I get until after he leaves. So I am taking it. Victory.

Ok, now for individual responses....

 

[SeptemberGirl]

I'm so glad you took a nap!!! And PLEASE take care of your IT band!!!

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Gu. I tried Orange Burst. Gross. The vanilla bean was okay.

Vanilla and banana have been my typcial fave's. Not overly "flavored", but when I'm in the midst of a workout I need bland.

I bought the one Nancy told me to ages ago. Fuel Belt, 48 ozs of water. Does the race make up for this with water stops?

There are plenty of water stops for those who prefer to get their drinks every few miles. In the past, I skipped water stops entirely because I had the belt. For the full marathon I did stop at one water station and refilled my bottles. Worked well for me. But, like so many other things in life, it's all a matter of personal preference!


E - glad to hear you are resting today

 

[3DisneyKids]

Paula--You have already received all of the words I was going to say and more. Ups and downs are bound to happen on a journey this long. But you, my friend, amaze me. Really. Time for a story--

A while ago, maybe a few months, I don't know. I was talking with Jeff about all of you. And explaining how much strength and support I find here, in addition to the fun. And he asked me who I was most inspired by. Instantly, I said Paula. So he asked which one you were and I gave him your back story. He was sort of confused and asked why I would be inspired by someone who had well over 100 pounds to lose and I only had 20, why would I find that inspiring.

So here it is. You don't give up. Good things happen, bad things happen, stress happens, job crap happens, and you just keep going. It amazes me! Also, the fact that you set out to do this in the first place is awe-inspiring. Because, really, I KNOW myself. And I know that if I had 100+ pounds to lose, I would be at the surgeon's office in a nanosecond begging for gastric bypass. I don't have the level of commitment to do this for the long haul the way you do. (For any lurkers reading, please don't think that I mean that having the surgery is some form of cop-out. It is its own battle and struggle, I realize.)

Time and time again I have watched you set a goal and then work your a$$ off to achieve it. You said, "I want to do a bike race." So you went out and freaking bought a bike and trained and did the race. Then you said, "I want to start working out, but I really don't know what to do." So you hired a trainer and willingly go in and get your a$$ kicked several times a week. Then you said, "I want to do a Half Marathon." And here you are again--training for it and not missing a step.

That is YOU. You're the one who has done all of that. And anyone who isn't inspired by you is insane.

So, I don't have the words that will get you back on track and moving forward again, but please...look BACK. See what you have already done. And maybe by looking back you can then move forward.

 

[3DisneyKids]

LIZ--totally hard core rock star with the bloody heel! Now you see what distance runners lose toe nails! So proud of you and your 9-miler! Getting kicked out of the gym - awesome!

 

[3DisneyKids]

KAT--yes, those bars are YUM - O. I don't eat them anymore since I am counting points, etc. but I used to eat them for a protein burst and I miss them. I should go back and figure out the points.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Time and time again I have watched you set a goal and then work your a$$ off to achieve it. You said, "I want to do a bike race." So you went out and freaking bought a bike and trained and did the race.

WORD. With one correction: She went out and WON the race.

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Word.

 

[HockeyKat]

.
Kat - are the shins feeling better? Resting them a bit more is probably a very good idea. I love my water belt because I just must have water available to me at all times. I'm a sipper. I sip a lot. If you aren't that much of a water drinker while you run then the water stations will more than likely be plenty for you.

They still hurt a bit but seem better. I did 45 on the elliptical today with no pain, so that's good, but I still "feel" them sometimes, if that makes sense.

I think last week's debacle with the bad shoes is the cause. Tomorrow I have a 3 mile wog planned, but I will see how it goes.

Gu. I tried Orange Burst. Gross. The vanilla bean was okay. It was frosting like. I'm not sure Gu is for me. Texture is important. But it did feel like I had more energy with it than without it. For real. I have three more flavors to try. I didn't eat a whole packets, just tested some out with water. Major water.

I discovered that I did better hydrated. Um, duh, I know, but true. 2 liters of water last night. Darn metric system. Hmm, what are those bottles in our measurement. (Sorry, Kelly!) Okay, they are about 17 oz, rounded up. So I figure I need about 2.5 liters, which is 84-85 ozs. Yeah, that's a lot of water. Maybe just 2 liters, because not all the bottles were filled. My belt is 48 oz. That's as big as I could find. I bought the one Nancy told me to ages ago. Fuel Belt, 48 ozs of water. Does the race make up for this with water stops?

Kat - WTG on hockey. Good for you!

Thanks!!

Thanks for the info on the Gus. I may try my choco one on Sat's long wog. I don't drink any water during any of my wogs, including the long ones. I probably need to try it and see what happens. I never drink during any exercise, as it makes my stomach all sloshy. I usually do 16-32 oz an hour before, and then 32 oz immediately after.



I wanted to put this in a separate post but am running to a meeting and don't have the time:

That is YOU. You're the one who has done all of that. And anyone who isn't inspired by you is insane.

So, I don't have the words that will get you back on track and moving forward again, but please...look BACK. See what you have already done. And maybe by looking back you can then move forward.

Word.

 

[lisaviolet]

Hmm. I'm lying here in the bath with my hardcore bleeding heel and although the high is still there, I know what you feel, Paula.

I was the rockstar. I lost big, setbacks, sure, but minor. I got to 80lbs and my head just didn't catch up. I was the poster child for my program just like you are. Totally. I so so get it.

I sure as f@ck don't want you to resolve it the way I did. 5lbs, 10lbs, 40lbs back on. So let me see where I went wrong.

Pressure. I felt it. From everyone who told me I looked good or exclaimed over me or held me up as example. Shame. Because I was human and not perfect. Disappointment and anger with myself. And oh yes. I never felt, 80 down, that I was enough. Thin enough, good enough, you name it. I swear I had more confidence before the massive loss. I didn't know who I was after that 80 lb.

I don't know if you feel any of that. But if you do, let's talk. I've got a snow day and a clear deck for the next two or three days. I've got some ideas about what could have worked for me. But I just didn't know how much it was about my head and not my body.

School was cancelled today due to the predicted snow storm. It's now after 11:30 am and it has FINALLY started to flurry. Yes, we're getting flurries. The rest of the east coast is getting a good snowstorm and we seem to be in some kind of protective bubble. So not fair


Paula - I've been thinking a lot about you today.

Liz- awesome on the 9 miles. What kind of water belt did you get? I have a fuel belt and love it.

Kat - are the shins feeling better? Resting them a bit more is probably a very good idea. I love my water belt because I just must have water available to me at all times. I'm a sipper. I sip a lot. If you aren't that much of a water drinker while you run then the water stations will more than likely be plenty for you.

Erika - speaking of rest, today is your day off, correct?

Kelly - how are things going for you? I've been thinking a lot about you too!

Lisa - what are you doing for exercise these days? Are you on your interval schedule or something else?

Ronda - miss you! Hope all is well with you & with Sue's mom

Amy, EE, Megan, Jo, Cathie

Lots to comment on! I think I will do it one at a time, you know, Lisa-style!

First though, I am home. Yes, the storm kept me home from my furniture shopping expedition to Boston. We are only getting 2-4" here, but Boston is getting 8 - 12". So home it is. (Hope you are ok, Meg!)

And catch this--I had my whole schedule cleared for today, right? I was planning on being gone all day, so I have nothing on my agenda. So, once the kids were on the bus and I took care of a few things around the house, I took a NAP! YES, me! For almost 2 hours! I have been sleeping poorly all week. This is huge for me, for those that don't know. I only sleep 4-5 hours a night and I don't nap. But it caught up with me, I was tired as hell, and so I slept!

And I am still not working out today. It is a rest day and I am going to do just that. But I am more worried now than before. I haven't run in a few days and my IT band hurts more today than it has in the past 2 weeks. Definitely pain now and not just annoying. So I have to call Michael and schedule a massage...or ask his advice as to what else I should do.

Jeff leaves for Singapore and Taipei again in 11 days, so today's rest will be all I get until after he leaves. So I am taking it. Victory.

Ok, now for individual responses....

dkfalsdfjl;sdkafjl;.

Will reply tonight. I'm at computer where the space bar is jamming. And I'm running out of time.

to all!!!

 

[3DisneyKids]

Lisa! Please say you can come and play in March! Please? Can you, can you can you??? Pretty please?

 

[3DisneyKids]

Houston, we have a problem. My IT band. It's bad. I have truly rested all day. And yesterday was only bike. And I didn't run on Monday either (though I did other exercise). And now it has gone from annoying to PAINFUL. Like, I am limping around my house painful. OMG, stressing me out!

Have to research and see how many days to take off and have to e-mail my running coach and see what he says. UGH!

 

[poppinspal]

Lisa- I so agree with what you said about loving with heart and actions. I know the difference, I know what I should be looking for but I tend to not believe I'm capable of finding that. I'm not good at going after people who I want so I tend to just... settle for who chases me. And that tends to be people who know me enough to realize I'll do anything for people I consider friends. I wish it were a little easier, just a little. I also wish I knew why I let this guy back into my life when he's already letting me down.

E- We're only now really starting to get snow. Lots of places closed around lunch time because of the storm and the streets have just a dusting right now. I'm glad you're having a day to yourself and a nap! I rarely can get myself to nap but when I can it's the best feeling on earth!

Liz- You go girl! 9 miles and you were bleeding, I'm impressed!!

Paula- I don't have any better advice then what these ladies have said. But just knowing you lost so much weight is inspiring! That takes a lot of dedication and self control. I think everything in life has it's good times and bad, eating healthy and weight loss are no different. THere will be better days and we'll be here for you.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Thanks for all of the support everyone! I love that we all feel comfortable enough with each other to share our crap in an open and honest way.

It is so easy for me to forget how far I have come in the past two years. Thank you Erika for reminding me of that.

It is easy for me to forget that there are people I can call on who have gone through this and ask what worked for them and what didn't. Thank you Liz and Kat - I'll be reaching out to you for help.

It is easy for me to forget that there are others out there that are cheering me on. Thanks Nancy - you have been one of my biggest cheerleaders and I know that you truly want to know how my week was and what my mom is making for Tuesday night dinner (last night was pork chops and roasted potatoes by the way)

It is easy for me to forget that I am inspiring others. Meg - thanks for the reminder. I never think of myself as inspiring others, but I guess I do. I may not be perfect but I am real and I will take that any day of the week.

It is easy for me to forget that I am strong and will get through this. I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

I have come up with the start of a plan - a framework if you will.

1. I am going to journal for a bit to try and find out why I am eating what I am eating. That right now may be more important than what or how much I am eating. I know what to eat and I know how much to eat, but I don't know why I am eating right now. Time to get educated.

2. I am going to take the results of the journaling and look at what changes in my diet should be made (beyond how much I am eating - that is the easy part to diagnose right?)

3. Get through the next month of training and then celebrate the race with friends.

Then I can think about what is next for me. A lot of little steps will get me just as far as a few big steps right?

Thanks again everyone. I am feeling better today. Tomorrow I need to feel a little better than today and keep building on that.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Hmm. I'm lying here in the bath with my hardcore bleeding heel and although the high is still there, I know what you feel, Paula.

I was the rockstar. I lost big, setbacks, sure, but minor. I got to 80lbs and my head just didn't catch up. I was the poster child for my program just like you are. Totally. I so so get it.

I sure as f@ck don't want you to resolve it the way I did. 5lbs, 10lbs, 40lbs back on. So let me see where I went wrong.

Pressure. I felt it. From everyone who told me I looked good or exclaimed over me or held me up as example. Shame. Because I was human and not perfect. Disappointment and anger with myself. And oh yes. I never felt, 80 down, that I was enough. Thin enough, good enough, you name it. I swear I had more confidence before the massive loss. I didn't know who I was after that 80 lb.

I don't know if you feel any of that. But if you do, let's talk. I've got a snow day and a clear deck for the next two or three days. I've got some ideas about what could have worked for me. But I just didn't know how much it was about my head and not my body.

Liz - I so feel all of this. I don't want to be the poster child of my extended family. My parents and my sister have been great, but my aunts and uncles - where do I start. I am not curing disease, I am not solving the world's problems, I got off my butt and decided to move a little more and got smaller in the process. Take me off the pedestal already. It is freaking me out ...

How did you deal with it? Talk to me sista'

 

[HockeyKat]

Paula, I am going to echo Nancy from earlier, and say thank you for sharing your struggles.

I need to think through a lot of the things that you are going through right now, so that when I get there again (and I will get there again, no doubt), I don't eat my way through it.



Meg. I meant to respond to you earlier about the bad-for-you guy. I don't have a solution, just some crummy advice. But, I want you to know that you are strong, and you don't need to take crap from anyone.

It's all about establishing boundaries about what you are willing to put up with. He might wind up either a) changing for the better, or b) leaving, but either way you are better off.

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

Hi Ladies, Long time no Post. Its been crazy this week, kids work ect. I have tried to read the post, but I know I have not read all of them

Meg, sorry about the snow, we just got a bunch here to.

Liz, bleeding heal, OMG!!

Paula. I think E said it the best.

Hi, Lisa & Nancy, Kat

So I did do 3 miles wog today in 41:30. My knee hurts so so bad I am worried that I will not be able to run again this week at all. Its a little swollen too.

E, I love the story you posted about Paul. As I said before ALL of you inspire me. THANK YOU

Also E, sorry about your little ones earring, I know Alexa (5) would of totally freaked out if that were her.

Off to weigh in tonight. I am in a bit of an emotional funk, sorry. I don't know why I just am.

I hope you all have a wonderful night!!!!

 

[lisaviolet]

Hmm. I'm lying here in the bath with my hardcore bleeding heel and although the high is still there, I know what you feel, Paula.

I was the rockstar. I lost big, setbacks, sure, but minor. I got to 80lbs and my head just didn't catch up. I was the poster child for my program just like you are. Totally. I so so get it.

I sure as f@ck don't want you to resolve it the way I did. 5lbs, 10lbs, 40lbs back on. So let me see where I went wrong.

Pressure. I felt it. From everyone who told me I looked good or exclaimed over me or held me up as example. Shame. Because I was human and not perfect. Disappointment and anger with myself. And oh yes. I never felt, 80 down, that I was enough. Thin enough, good enough, you name it. I swear I had more confidence before the massive loss. I didn't know who I was after that 80 lb.

I don't know if you feel any of that. But if you do, let's talk. I've got a snow day and a clear deck for the next two or three days. I've got some ideas about what could have worked for me. But I just didn't know how much it was about my head and not my body.

I loved this Liz.

So thank you!
!

You're welcome.

She got it! Just now. She was so thrilled. I effed up. She was near the mail box and I said maybe Li - pulled my tongue back in my mouth. It was too late. She ran to the box. My Liz sent me sumtin'. My Liz sent me sumtin'. Lord.

School was cancelled today due to the predicted snow storm. It's now after 11:30 am and it has FINALLY started to flurry. Yes, we're getting flurries. The rest of the east coast is getting a good snowstorm and we seem to be in some kind of protective bubble. So not fair


Paula - I've been thinking a lot about you today.

Liz- awesome on the 9 miles. What kind of water belt did you get? I have a fuel belt and love it.

Kat - are the shins feeling better? Resting them a bit more is probably a very good idea. I love my water belt because I just must have water available to me at all times. I'm a sipper. I sip a lot. If you aren't that much of a water drinker while you run then the water stations will more than likely be plenty for you.

Erika - speaking of rest, today is your day off, correct?

Kelly - how are things going for you? I've been thinking a lot about you too!

Lisa - what are you doing for exercise these days? Are you on your interval schedule or something else?

Ronda - miss you! Hope all is well with you & with Sue's mom

Amy, EE, Megan, Jo, Cathie

I haven't exercised for five days or so. Before that bang on - see below. Thanks Nancy. Yes, I was back on intervals - mine - and back on six days/two off. My gym membership is almost up for the month. Already.

I took a NAP! YES, me! For almost 2 hours!
Victory.

...

The heavens has parted. My whole world has changed. Miracles do occur. They do. Hallelujah.

Paula--You have already received all of the words I was going to say and more. Ups and downs are bound to happen on a journey this long. But you, my friend, amaze me. Really. Time for a story--

A while ago, maybe a few months, I don't know. I was talking with Jeff about all of you. And explaining how much strength and support I find here, in addition to the fun. And he asked me who I was most inspired by. Instantly, I said Paula. So he asked which one you were and I gave him your back story. He was sort of confused and asked why I would be inspired by someone who had well over 100 pounds to lose and I only had 20, why would I find that inspiring.

So here it is. You don't give up. Good things happen, bad things happen, stress happens, job crap happens, and you just keep going. It amazes me! Also, the fact that you set out to do this in the first place is awe-inspiring. Because, really, I KNOW myself. And I know that if I had 100+ pounds to lose, I would be at the surgeon's office in a nanosecond begging for gastric bypass. I don't have the level of commitment to do this for the long haul the way you do. (For any lurkers reading, please don't think that I mean that having the surgery is some form of cop-out. It is its own battle and struggle, I realize.)

Time and time again I have watched you set a goal and then work your a$$ off to achieve it. You said, "I want to do a bike race." So you went out and freaking bought a bike and trained and did the race. Then you said, "I want to start working out, but I really don't know what to do." So you hired a trainer and willingly go in and get your a$$ kicked several times a week. Then you said, "I want to do a Half Marathon." And here you are again--training for it and not missing a step.

That is YOU. You're the one who has done all of that. And anyone who isn't inspired by you is insane.

So, I don't have the words that will get you back on track and moving forward again, but please...look BACK. See what you have already done. And maybe by looking back you can then move forward.

This is so beautiful and so true.

Houston, we have a problem. My IT band. It's bad. I have truly rested all day. And yesterday was only bike. And I didn't run on Monday either (though I did other exercise). And now it has gone from annoying to PAINFUL. Like, I am limping around my house painful. OMG, stressing me out!

Have to research and see how many days to take off and have to e-mail my running coach and see what he says. UGH!

Hope it gets better Erika.

You too Kat.

Lisa- I so agree with what you said about loving with heart and actions. I know the difference, I know what I should be looking for but I tend to not believe I'm capable of finding that. I'm not good at going after people who I want so I tend to just... settle for who chases me. And that tends to be people who know me enough to realize I'll do anything for people I consider friends. I wish it were a little easier, just a little. I also wish I knew why I let this guy back into my life when he's already letting me down.

E- We're only now really starting to get snow. Lots of places closed around lunch time because of the storm and the streets have just a dusting right now. I'm glad you're having a day to yourself and a nap! I rarely can get myself to nap but when I can it's the best feeling on earth!

Liz- You go girl! 9 miles and you were bleeding, I'm impressed!!

Paula- I don't have any better advice then what these ladies have said. But just knowing you lost so much weight is inspiring! That takes a lot of dedication and self control. I think everything in life has it's good times and bad, eating healthy and weight loss are no different. THere will be better days and we'll be here for you.

Megan - it's so hard. It really is. Love. Relationships. Not losing yourself in another. Balancing love with being treated properly. Because noone deserves to be treated poorly. You certainly don't - but you already know that. So it's just about choices at this point. I'm babbling Megan - sorry.

I said to my nieces once. Guys, just because you love someone - it's love - that's wonderful - but love doesn't always mean that they are good for you ie. the right person for you. Just remember that.

One said, "Yes Auntie Lisa - I've seen it in action MANY times". So smart. It sucks that she's seen it in action though. But smart.

Thanks for all of the support everyone! I love that we all feel comfortable enough with each other to share our crap in an open and honest way.

It is so easy for me to forget how far I have come in the past two years. Thank you Erika for reminding me of that.

It is easy for me to forget that there are people I can call on who have gone through this and ask what worked for them and what didn't. Thank you Liz and Kat - I'll be reaching out to you for help.

It is easy for me to forget that there are others out there that are cheering me on. Thanks Nancy - you have been one of my biggest cheerleaders and I know that you truly want to know how my week was and what my mom is making for Tuesday night dinner (last night was pork chops and roasted potatoes by the way)

It is easy for me to forget that I am inspiring others. Meg - thanks for the reminder. I never think of myself as inspiring others, but I guess I do. I may not be perfect but I am real and I will take that any day of the week.

It is easy for me to forget that I am strong and will get through this. I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

I have come up with the start of a plan - a framework if you will.

1. I am going to journal for a bit to try and find out why I am eating what I am eating. That right now may be more important than what or how much I am eating. I know what to eat and I know how much to eat, but I don't know why I am eating right now. Time to get educated.

2. I am going to take the results of the journaling and look at what changes in my diet should be made (beyond how much I am eating - that is the easy part to diagnose right?)

3. Get through the next month of training and then celebrate the race with friends.

Then I can think about what is next for me. A lot of little steps will get me just as far as a few big steps right?

Thanks again everyone. I am feeling better today. Tomorrow I need to feel a little better than today and keep building on that.

It's so true. You inspire me to no end. Mostly for your lack of bs to yourself by always showing up and just doing.

 

[lisaviolet]

Liz - I so feel all of this. I don't want to be the poster child of my extended family. My parents and my sister have been great, but my aunts and uncles - where do I start. I am not curing disease, I am not solving the world's problems, I got off my butt and decided to move a little more and got smaller in the process. Take me off the pedestal already. It is freaking me out ...

How did you deal with it? Talk to me sista'

I hear you Paula. But they see it as something huge because it is Paula. We have no idea how we impact others' lives and then it carries on from there. We have no idea. When did I get pompous?

I know it brings you pressure. I know. I hear you. But from the other side - it is a big deal to them. IT IS. It shows them strength and dedication in action. Not just moving a little more and getting smaller.

The world works in small ways. Really. From one to another and works like that. And that is huge. As big as curing diseases.

Are you worried that because they are in awe that they will judge you if you fail a bit? Is that the emotion of it?

I'm beginning to wonder if you're petrified of standing in your own glory. Your own light Paula. To be seen fully. Stop it. I wonder if you've gotten to that weight where you can see what's coming and you're not comfortable. I don't believe for an instance that you got to your weight just by overeating or bad habits ( I doubt you do either - I'm just rambling). It has to be a problem with being seen or something in that area.

Oh Lord - I'll probably regret that last paragraph. You guys have to realize that it takes a lot of vulnerability to write such things and take chances with your thinking I'm crazy. . I don't live in courage.

You already do it with your career. Now it's time to do it with your body as well. It's time Paula. To be seen in every sense.

I better shut up now.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Lisa... for all of it. For feeling it and owning it and then sharing it. I am glad we can be here for you in at least that one way. And yes, it is his medical issue and I respect that you want to respect that and delete it later. Good call.

And listen, girly, I know you aren't saying "hey, look at me," but here's the thing--you DESERVE to be looked at. You are so amazing, caring, giving, loving--all of it. You make the world a better place.