In lieu of flower donations??

[DisneyBeagle]

A family friend recently passed away and the obituary stated "in lieu of flowers donations are being accepted at Chase bank for the son's college fund in honor of his father."

I'm trying to find a way to word this question so it doesn't appear like I'm saying "look at me!!! I made a donation." Do banks notify the family who the donations come from? I'm wondering because if I sent flowers they would receive the card that states who they are from and realize that I'm thinking about them. It seems like for other charities (heart association, etc.) that the family is sent a card stating that Mr. & Mrs. DisneyBeagle donated in memory of your father. Do banks handle this the same way?

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm not positive, but I would think the bank would work the same way as other charities.

When my Dad died, we had it in his obituary that memorials were to go to the Senior Center. Then they gave my Mom a list of people who donated and she and I sent thank-you notes to them. The woman who runs the Senior Center also sent thank-you notes as well. Then every week or so we would get updates to the list, of people who sent in memorials after his funeral.

I guess if you want a concrete answer you could call the bank and ask how they handle it.

 

[GoofySon'sMom]

I work for a Bank and we are actually collecting a memorial fund for someone. We do keep track of all of the donations so that we can notify the family. I would think most Banks would do the same thing.

 

[shortbun]

I work for a Bank and we are actually collecting a memorial fund for someone. We do keep track of all of the donations so that we can notify the family. I would think most Banks would do the same thing.

I got a thank you a few years ago when I donated to a bank collected fund as a memorial. I'd say 'yes' is the answer to your question.

 

[cybrkitn]

When my father passed away in 2008, we had memorials going to the American Diabetes Association since he was diabetic. My mom would get a letter from the ADA for each donation so that she could send a thank you card. I can't see why a bank wouldn't do the same thing.

 

[MM27]

When my dad died my mother requested donations to the Alzheimhers Association. They sent her a list of donations that were made so that she could send thank-you cards. I would think the same would be done for donations for college funds.

 

[Handbag Lady]

What a great question.

Could you imagine if someone near and dear to someone near and dear to you passes away, and you send in a donation, and then they go around thinking, "What an awful friend, they never sent a card or anything." When in fact, all along something was sent.

I hope the bank in question does keep a list.

 

[dispor]

OP, if you are going to the wake you could always put the check, made out to "The X College Fund," in the envelope at the funeral home, or you could send it in a sympathy card directly to their house.

 

[walden]

We just did this for my mother who died aged 94. "In lieu of flowers donations to charity XXX will be appreciated via XYZ Funeral Home." We chose a charity that my mother supported, as I think most do. We just felt it more important to ask people to honor her memory with a donation to a cause she loved than have lots of flowers at her funeral.

It is a bit confusing, ettiquette-wise, so let me just say: Sending a check in "lieu of flowers" for our loved one is lovely, much appreciated but optional. However, Sending a card to the family with a thoughtful personal note is beyond price. Your memories are so meaningful and comforting. We are not looking at or for your donation, generous and appreciated as it may be.

To reassure you on the donations though -- most sent the checks to the Funeral home, which gave us a list. Some people sent donations directly to the charity with a note that it was a memorial to the deceased. The charity kindly sent us a list also which included all the checks sent to the funeral home. Some people enclosed a check with the sympathy card to us. We passed them on and the Charity sent us yet another revised list! I suppose checks sent directly to the charity that did not mention my mother by name got left of the list(s) we received, but will still be used to further the cause she loved.

Hope that helps.