Imposing house rules on invited guests

[vettechick99]

I'm not offended. But, I just think that at this age and considering that we live together, this "rule" is a little ridiculous. Plus it is stupid that she said the rule to my mom and not to me (or our younger sister).

Gosh, its funny b/c when I was 18 and visited my 32 y/o sister with my then-boyfriend, she let us sleep together ("but don't tell mom").

I would do the same as you...sleep away and just visit!

 

[Amberle3]

When DFi and I stay with his parents, we're separated into different bedrooms. His mother is very religious and although she knows that she can't control what happens outside of her house, she CAN and WILL control what happens inside of her house.

As far as I'm concerned, it's her house and she has the right to make the rules. I'd feel the same way if it was anyone else's house. If I'm not paying for the accommodations, then I have no right to insist on these things in someone else's house. Really, from my standpoint, it's a minor issue compared to the what could happen if we tried to argue with her about it.

I say as long as the guests are informed of it ahead of time, it's up to them to figure out how to deal with it. If they're offended, well then at least they know ahead of time and they can find someplace else to stay.

 

[ginna74]

But, I just think that at this age and considering that we live together, this "rule" is a little ridiculous.

I would think so too. It is like are you teens or adults?

 

[auntpolly]

I think some of you are missing a point. The question isn't what's the right thing or the wrong thing to do. The question is do people have the right to ask that people respect their morals and values in their own home. Whatever is the right thing or the wrong thing -- the worst thing is disrespecting your hosts' wishes.

The hosts can extend the situation and make it clear how things go in their house. The guests can except or decline. It's a 2 way street.

 

[septbride2002]

Some clarification:

My older sister and her family moved to California and extended an open invitation to all of us since she is so far away from anyone she knows. I mentioned that we would be visiting California in the near future and could possibly visit her for a few days while out there, but no other details at the time because nothing was planned. She said okay to that. Some time later, my mom mentioned to me that when she had last talked to my sister, she said that if we visited then we would have to sleep in separate bedrooms, and that the same went for my younger sister and her fiance. My boyfriend and I are 27; we have lived together for over 5 years. My younger sister is 20 and has been engaged and living with her fiance for 2 years. My nieces are 11 & 6 and my sister is 37.

We planned our trip and are staying in a hotel, although not because of this rule. I plan to tell my sister & nieces that they are welcome to visit us while we are out there.

I'm not offended. But, I just think that at this age and considering that we live together, this "rule" is a little ridiculous. Plus it is stupid that she said the rule to my mom and not to me (or our younger sister).

Okay you are 27 and she is imposing this rule? Well it is her house and her rules - but I would do like you are and get a hotel room.

~Amanda

 

[believe]

Your house...your rules. Just let them know when you invite them. I would do the same, I don't care the age of the couple.

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Your sister has an 11 yr old and a 6 yr old?? Yes, I think she has the right to ask you to sleep in separate rooms.

 

[totalia]

I don't see what the problem is. They are consenting adults. There's no reason they should have to sleep in separate rooms. Its not like you will stop them from doing anything anyway if they really want to.

 

[disykat]

I think some of you are missing a point. The question isn't what's the right thing or the wrong thing to do. The question is do people have the right to ask that people respect their morals and values in their own home. Whatever is the right thing or the wrong thing -- the worst thing is disrespecting your hosts' wishes.

The hosts can extend the situation and make it clear how things go in their house. The guests can except or decline. It's a 2 way street.

ITA!

My brother and his now wife visited us prior to marrying (they were not specifically invited, but they were welcome) . I'm not going to tell anyone in my family they aren't welcome to visit, but they knew a visit to us meant sleeping seperately or sleeping in a motel. Sleeping together outside of marriage is against the religion that we practice in our home. I would expect any guest to be respectful of those beliefs. I never said a word to them about their choices in their own home, I expected them to respect mine as well. They slept seperately (they knew ahead that would be expected) and it wasn't an issue.

If it is an issue for you, you are right to sleep in a motel. I assume they will choose to sleep in a motel when they visit you - or they won't visit at all. You are allowed to make your own choices based on your belief system, you need to allow them to do the same.

 

[auntpolly]

I don't see what the problem is. They are consenting adults. There's no reason they should have to sleep in separate rooms. Its not like you will stop them from doing anything anyway if they really want to.

No, you don't see the problem. I don't see the problem. But if they see a problem, then you have to respect it. It doesn't really matter if it makes sense to anyone but them.

They may pay for it if no one ever wants to stay at their house, but it's a choice they make and have to live with.

 

[RobinMarie]

If you are invited guests, then you ought to expect to be in the same situation as at home.

If the host understands you both share a bedroom at home, INVITED you to his/her home, I believe it is expected the host try and make the guests feel comfortable. Feeling comfortable is doing what you do at home - sleep together!

I would be of a different opinion if you had asked your sister if you could stay, but you mentioned you were invited.

 

[auntpolly]

If you are invited guests, then you ought to expect to be in the same situation as at home.

If the host understands you both share a bedroom at home, INVITED you to his/her home, I believe it is expected the host try and make the guests feel comfortable. Feeling comfortable is doing what you do at home - sleep together!

I would be of a different opinion if you had asked your sister if you could stay, but you mentioned you were invited.

So, if I smoke at home, I can smoke at your house? If I am used to eating at strange hours, you are going to change your meal schedule for me? Can I invite people over and play loud music like I do at home. Can I bring all my dogs and cats? I'm not really comfortable leaving them at the kennel.

At what point are you going to tell me I can't get comfortable in your home.

 

[RobinMarie]

So, if I smoke at home, I can smoke at your house? If I am used to eating at strange hours, you are going to change your meal schedule for me? Can I invite people over and play loud music like I do at home. Can I bring all my dogs and cats? I'm not really comfortable leaving them at the kennel.

At what point are you going to tell me I can't get comfortable in your home.

Who is talking about smoking? We are talking about comfortable sleeping arrangements for guests you invite to your home.

 

[Mandabella]

If your unmarried couple friends share a bed at their home and you don't approve of that in your home (which is your right), then why even offer them to spend the night at your house?

 

[auntpolly]

Who is talking about smoking? We are talking about comfortable sleeping arrangements for guests you invite to your home.

No, we're talking about everyone in the house being comfortable with everything. We're talking about respecting each other's sensibilities.

Say I smoke a lot. I'm just plain addicted. It's very hard for me to stay at your house because you are totally against smoking in your home -- and it is downright uncomfortable for me to go without smoking. I have 2 choices. I can be uncomfortable for a few days or I can stay somewhere else,

 

[auntpolly]

If your unmarried couple friends share a bed at their home and you don't approve of that in your home (which is your right), then why even offer them to spend the night at your house?

Because it's a place to sleep. It's free. They can take it or leave it. If you can't bear to sleep alone for a couple of nights spring for a hotel room.

 

[RobinMarie]

No, we're talking about everyone in the house being comfortable with everything. We're talking about respecting each other's sensibilities.

Say I smoke a lot. I'm just plain addicted. It's very hard for me to stay at your house because you are totally against smoking in your home -- and it is downright uncomfortable for me to go without smoking. I have 2 choices. I can be uncomfortable for a few days or I can stay somewhere else,

If you were invited to my home, you would not have two choices. If I invited you knowing you were a smoker, I would make you as comfortable as I could. I might make a space comfortable for you on one of the 3 season porches, I might make a spot for you in the backyard depending on the time of year, or I might have an air freshner device because I have invited other guests similar as you.

The original question was related to the sleeping arrangements, and that was what I was responding to.

 

[RobinMarie]

If your unmarried couple friends share a bed at their home and you don't approve of that in your home (which is your right), then why even offer them to spend the night at your house?

I completely agree.

 

[Amberle3]

If you are invited guests, then you ought to expect to be in the same situation as at home.

The only place I expect to be in the same situation as at home - is at home! Any place else is, well, not home!

I don't expect anyone I'm staying with to bend to my dietary requirements, or to purchase non-feather pillows because of my allergies. I don't expect that a home-owner is going to supply me with the exercise equipment, or the computer equipment, etc that I have at home. If I wanted all the comforts of home - I'd stay home!

The bottom line is that the home owner has the right to set the rules for the house. As long as guests are aware of the rules ahead of time, there shouldn't be cause for anyone to be upset.

Now if the home owners said "We don't like your boyfriend - we'd be okay with you sharing a bed in our house with anyone else", well I think then I'd be a little offended by that.

My fiance and I have been together since 1998, engaged since 2001, and we still can't sleep in the same room at his parents house until we're married. That's their rule, and I'm okay with that.

Now for the flip side - I once had a house guest that I was ready to throw out. He didn't do anything against the house rules except continually make moves on me. It got to the point where I couldn't stand to look at him, and I was uncomfortable in my own home. No one has the right to make me that uncomfortable in my own home.

So if other people don't have the right to make me that uncomfortable in my home, I don't have the right to make other people that uncomfortable in their homes.

 

[Planogirl]

The biggest problem I see is that some couples never marry and they often have children too. So it seems a little strange to me to insist that two people who live together normally have to pretend to be something they're not.

I do agree that a person can set any rules they wish to in their own home though. It just seems a bit ridiculous.