Imposing house rules on invited guests

[GoodFairies]

Is it proper to invite an unmarried adult couple to your home for an extended stay and tell them they would have to sleep in separate bedrooms?

 

[MosMom]

My MIL & FIL seemed to think so before DH and I were married.

 

[sunkissed212]

Gosh, that's a toughie. How old is the couple?

My BF and I stayed with his parents last year when we went down to Florida and we slept in the same room, no questions asked.

I'm afraid that the couple may feel like you're belittling them and their relationship by asking them to sleep in separate bedrooms. I think if it were me, I might be a little insulted. JMO

 

[auntpolly]

I guess the guests have the option to refuse the invitation. It sounds like a crazy rule to me, but it is their house. If they are uncomfortable with it, I wouldn't want to impose my morals on them.

 

[Jennifer S]

Hey - it's your house do as you please. If you have kids you could say what kind of example is it for them. If they don't like it there are hotels. If they are friends I think they'd understand.

 

[vettechick99]

I'm going to pretend this is you asking for yourself. What is the relation to the couple? Younger brother/sister or friend? In my book, if they live together or are of a certain age (like they support themselves), they should be allowed to sleep together. On the other hand, it's your house and you can ask, but be prepared for a strange look or refusal of invitation.

But what is the reason to ask them to stay separate? For kids sake...your sake?

 

[alabamaalan]

Yes, I do.

Of course, it seems silly if the couple has been living together, etc. but I would respect the wishes of the homeowner.

The OP did not say if the homeowners had any children at home, but that would certainly be justification for their request. However, even if there is no one living there other than the couple that owns it, I would still respect their beliefs.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Unless it is your daughter/son and you pay for the bulk of her living expenses, I wouldn't think so.

Otherwise, if they are consenting adults, I would think you either need to accept their commitment to each other in the manner they choose to make it, or not invite them as overnight guests.

 

[ginna74]

Personally I would not have THAT kind of rule. Who am I to say they (an adult couple) can't sleep together. If it is a noise issue let them know to keep it down and maybe to wait to do any really intimate (sp?) things. But to say they have to sleep in seperate bedrooms I think is tacky and maybe a little rude. If you are bent on keeping them apart let them know before hand so they can OPT out of staying with you. To pull that when they get there I think would not be NICE at all.

 

[Mandabella]

Is it proper to invite an unmarried adult couple to your home for an extended stay and tell them they would have to sleep in separate bedrooms?

I think it depends. If one member of the adult couple is your child, then it's not really out of the ordinary. My in laws did that to my DH and I all the time before we got married in 2000. My parents didn't care, and we stayed in the same bedroom when staying with my parents.

However if this a good friend/peer of yours and your husband, I wouldn't ask them to sleep in seperate bedrooms. It would seem like I was their "parent." If that makes any sense.

How old is this couple? I think age may be a factor, the older they are the more insulted they maybe at that request.

 

[bdcp]

Your house, your rules. A lot of people don't believe unmarried couples should sleep together regardless of age. You have to be comfortable. Guests don't have the right to dictate your beliefs. It's not you imposing your morals on them, it's them imposing theirs on yours in your home. They can do as they please in their home.

 

[hyerpraise]

Not at all. It is your house. They may live that way outside your four walls but stand firm in what you believe is correct in your house.

 

[ginna74]

as I said before tell them before they get there. Let them have an out if they don't LIKE your "rules".

I would be very upset if a "rule" like that was sprung on me. Yes it is your house, but THAT kind of rule needs not be sprung on them when they get there. YOU might have some really angry people on your hands if you do. Let them think about it first.

 

[Regina]

This reminds me of the time that DH's widowed father was visiting with his future second wife. It was very wierd.

Neither DH's or my family would have dreamt of having us share a bedroom before we got married. We didn't impose the same rule on FIL.

 

[Planogirl]

I wouldn't even invite them if I disapproved of their lifestyle to that degree. I don't always agree with the choices friends make but I support their right to make those choices even in my home. Within reason that is and where that line of reason is seems to vary a lot.

 

[ginna74]

I wouldn't even invite them if I disapproved of their lifestyle to that degree. I don't always agree with the choices friends make but I support their right to make those choices even in my home. Within reason that is and where that line of reason is seems to vary a lot.

I agree totally!

 

[GoodFairies]

Some clarification:

My older sister and her family moved to California and extended an open invitation to all of us since she is so far away from anyone she knows. I mentioned that we would be visiting California in the near future and could possibly visit her for a few days while out there, but no other details at the time because nothing was planned. She said okay to that. Some time later, my mom mentioned to me that when she had last talked to my sister, she said that if we visited then we would have to sleep in separate bedrooms, and that the same went for my younger sister and her fiance. My boyfriend and I are 27; we have lived together for over 5 years. My younger sister is 20 and has been engaged and living with her fiance for 2 years. My nieces are 11 & 6 and my sister is 37.

We planned our trip and are staying in a hotel, although not because of this rule. I plan to tell my sister & nieces that they are welcome to visit us while we are out there.

I'm not offended. But, I just think that at this age and considering that we live together, this "rule" is a little ridiculous. Plus it is stupid that she said the rule to my mom and not to me (or our younger sister).

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

We had this situation recently. My husband's dear friend (age 54) was visiting with his fiance (age 38). The visit was for us to meet the fiance. It got late, and the weather was bad so we invited them to stay the night. Our friend's 24 year old son was also with them. I was already in bed, but DH told them that he had set up the futon in the rec room for the 24 year old, the first floor guest room for the fiance and the second floor guest room for our friend. Our friend said we did not have to go through all of that--that he and fiance could stay together and DH said he would prefer that they sleep in separate rooms--and mentioned DS as the reason.

On the flip side, when DH and I were dating/engaged, we found it odd that hosts expected us to sleep together!

 

[solotraveler]

I wouldn't even invite them if I disapproved of their lifestyle to that degree. I don't always agree with the choices friends make but I support their right to make those choices even in my home. Within reason that is and where that line of reason is seems to vary a lot.

I think age and duration of relationship come into play here too. If they are self-supporting adults in a committed long-term realtionship I think it would be over the line to ask them to sleep apart if they wished to do so. If the host is that uncomfortable with it, then I think you are better of asking them to get a hotel room.

Also, you state that this will be an extended stay. Certainly if they will be staying for any longer than a week or so, it will be a huge imposition to them if this is something they are used to doing. Again, if it makes the host uncomfortable-- then he/she need not offer their home.

Of course, if this couple is newly dating or very young, I can see more of an issue...

Solotraveler

 

[helenabear]

I think it's okay... I admit I was shocked when my brother said I would be able to share a room with my now husband when we visited before we were married. I never expected that (but they lived together before they were married so I guess that made them think to do it that way). I never once shared a bed with my husband before we were married when staying in another's place (okay I admit, we never did the overnight thing together before we were married anyway )