I'm torn

[Daxx]

The one thing I never take away is reading.

Thank you from a teacher!!!!! It is my hope that NOBODY takes reading away from their child!!!!!!!! The thought of taking reading away horrifies me!!!

 

[Buckalew11]

It problary wasn't the best punishment but it was the first thing I thought of

Well, then, think of something else that would cause her to think twice next time and change it. Explain it to her and tell her the truth. It is OK for children to know parents are not perfect too. You can't go around being wishy-washy but you can admit a mistake here and there. Trust me, your kids will have more respect for you as they grow up. JMHO.

 

[happygirl]

OP here, I'm not sure if it was right or wrong but we let her go. The only reason is not to let down the other kids down

 

[Wishing on a star]

i've known kids that were absolute hellions (not saying this is the case your dd op ) but they were key players on sports teams and their parents never withheld their participation in a game. the games were the most important activities to these kids so other punishments did'nt have any impact-they were still doing what they wanted anyway. /QUOTE]

I very strongly disagree with this!!!

These kids are 'hellion's because their parents allow them to be hellions... both ON and OFF the field.

I think it is a ridiculous stretch to suggest that these kids are hellions because they are allowed to participate in a team sport...

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP here, I'm not sure if it was right or wrong but we let her go. The only reason is not to let down the other kids down

You were right!!!!

You can still use other forms of discipline...

 

[Daxx]

Well, then, think of something else that would cause her to think twice next time and change it. Explain it to her and tell her the truth. It is OK for children to know parents are not perfect too. You can't go around being wishy-washy but you can admit a mistake here and there. Trust me, your kids will have more respect for you as they grow up. JMHO.

Amen!!!! I can remember a few times where I've given improper punishments, had to backtrack and explain why I wasn't following through on original punishment and why I was giving the alternate punishment! In the end, DS still had punishment ... just not the one I had originally intended! He might've been happy ... but that was short lived once he found out what the alternate punishment was!!!!

 

[TurboKitty]

OP here, I'm not sure if it was right or wrong but we let her go. The only reason is not to let down the other kids down

In the end, it doesn't matter what we think. You aren't going for the Mom of year award, here. You are doing your best for your child.

 

[Daxx]

OP here, I'm not sure if it was right or wrong but we let her go. The only reason is not to let down the other kids down

You did the right thing ... now find an adequate punishment to replace! Maybe no ice cream/treat after soccer? Maybe no tv tonight? Something else that will impact ONLY her! And, be sure to let her know why you let her go to soccer but are using a different punishment.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It problary wasn't the best punishment but it was the first thing I thought of

Oh, don't beat yourself up over that. We all make bad choices from time to time regarding consequences of behavior. It's a spur of the moment thing, usually.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, parenting is not always simple or easy...
Kids don't come with 'Handbooks'!!!

I am sure you are a wonderful mom!!

 

[Buckalew11]

i've known kids that were absolute hellions (not saying this is the case your dd op ) but they were key players on sports teams and their parents never withheld their participation in a game. the games were the most important activities to these kids so other punishments did'nt have any impact-they were still doing what they wanted anyway. /QUOTE]

I very strongly disagree with this!!!

These kids are 'hellion's because their parents allow them to be hellions... both ON and OFF the field.

I think it is a ridiculous stretch to suggest that these kids are hellions because they are allowed to participate in a team sport...

I don't think she was saying their playing MADE them hellions, I think she was saying they were hellions and were still allowed to play. Big difference. I think it is ridiculous not to reread something you think is riduculous to see if in fact you might have misread or didn't comprehend correctly if you think the statement was so ridiculous in the first place!

A few years ago, football players from our local HS were caught conterfiting (sp) money. I believe they missed 2 or 3 games over this. Now that was ridiculous as we all know what type an offense that is. But the coach needed them and his punishment was 2 games (maybe 3 but I doubt it). So what about the parent's punishment? If my child ever did something like that he would not be seeing a football field so soon. And we wonder why college players and pro players act the way they do!

 

[diznygirl]

4 years old?
Miss the soccer game. It won't be possible for her to let the team down.....her teammates won't even realize she's missing.

It could be possible that there just weren't going to be enough players without her.

OP - I'm glad you let her go. I agree with the others that now you should find something else to take away next time.

 

[Mkrop]

It problary wasn't the best punishment but it was the first thing I thought of

No probably wasnt but hey we have all BTDT in the parenting dept. I have made my fair share of mistakes and probably will make a heck of a lot more before they are done growing up.

Live and learn and next time choose a diiferent punishment.

I agree I dont take team commitments away as punishment, we stress commitment to the team in our house.

GL OP

 

[barkley]

I soooo agree!!!!

I think it is a bad thing to consider a commitment to a team as something that is optional, and can be played on a whim.

When your child gets older... a certan number of missed practices could warrant expulsion from the team.

If you want your child to continue in team sports as she gets older, it is probably a good idea to begin to take this commitment seriously right now...

THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER OPTION FOR DISCIPLINE...
IN FACT, PART OF THE DISCIPLINE THAT IS GAINED FROM TEAM SPORTS IS THE WILLINGNESS TO STEP UP AND MEET YOUR COMMITMENTS TO YOUR TEAMMATES...

I would not compromise one positive discipline in order to try to dole out another discipline.

but don't you think that teaching a child personal responsibility and how it impacts their ability to meet their committment to their team is valuable as well?


i look to 2 people i knew/know who were/are incredible professional athelets. one i went to jr and senior high with. incredibly gifted but worked hard and was intensely committed to the teams he played on. in jr. high he and several other football players along with some cheerleaders got involved in some trouble several days before a game. the school did not mandate that any of the kids be prevented from participating. the father of the kid i knew however went to the coaches and said 'my son will not play'. coaches were upset, other player's parent were upset. father held fast and said 'i'm raising a man who is a football player, not a football player who can someday learn what it takes to be a man'. kid missed the game-other players stepped up and did their best, but the team lost. kid learned he was accountable, team learned that they should never be wholy reliant on one player.

in highschool he was drafted by both the nfl and a major league baseball team (like i said-this kid was god gifted with talent). did well in the pros, but more impressivly to me-did well in life. no negative or illegal behaviours-was held up as an example of how to conduct onesself on and off the field. his career ended and he is successfull in his private and professional life.


another kid-my coworker's son. gifted football player. got into trouble all the time but mom never made him miss practice or a game (and he knew better than to get in trouble at school-because the school infractions would impact his ability to play). he went on to play top level college ball-left midway through to play for the san francisco 49's. he's considered a top player to this day-but he's also in and out of court all the time for lawsuits and charges related to his behaviours-all which reflect negativly on the team. he's constantly doing damage control by virtue of charity 'volunteering' (team makes it mandatory to improve his image/courts mandate it as community service). but still no personal accountability.

at some point his career will be over, and i suspect he will continue with inapproprite behaviour and only learn as a much older adult with much greater responsibilities (family, employer who will just terminate when he's in custody/won't bail him out) the consequences of not being personaly responsible. at that point it won't be his team that 'suffers'-it will be his wife and children

 

[barkley]

I don't think she was saying their playing MADE them hellions, I think she was saying they were hellions and were still allowed to play. Big difference. I think it is ridiculous not to reread something you think is riduculous to see if in fact you might have misread or didn't comprehend correctly if you think the statement was so ridiculous in the first place!

A few years ago, football players from our local HS were caught conterfiting (sp) money. I believe they missed 2 or 3 games over this. Now that was ridiculous as we all know what type an offense that is. But the coach needed them and his punishment was 2 games (maybe 3 but I doubt it). So what about the parent's punishment? If my child ever did something like that he would not be seeing a football field so soon. And we wonder why college players and pro players act the way they do!

thanks-that's exactly what i meant.

the kids i am talking about are the ones i've known socialy and at my kids prior schools. these kids were in team sports and incredibly well behaved in the sport's venue-they knew their coaches would 'rip um a new one' and bench them if they dared behave the way they did off the field. one in particular had a horrendous history with totaly inappropriate behaviours such that he endangered his attendance at the school (and was expelled from another). his mom got him into some team sports and the change was incredible-ON THE FIELD. the coaches were clear with expectations and consequences for him-and when he tested them they held him accountable. the behaviours still continued at school and socialy, the teaching staff implored the mom to consider using the same techniques the coaches used-and to make the consequence being benched from games. mom would'nt hear of it. kid would actualy mock adults and tell them he did'nt care cuz he had a game coming up and it did'nt matter what he did or did'nt do, so long as he behaved at the game 'noone can stop me from playing'

the town we moved from last year hit the national news last school year. numerous members of their football team had posted photos of themselves, other sports players and cheerleaders engaging in underage drinking and illegal drug use on a myspace page. the school came under heavy duty fire from the parent of these kids when they were denied the right to play in a certain number of games. parent's attitude was 'it was'nt on school grounds or during school-should'nt impact school sports'. school pointed to the contract parents and athletes/cheerleaders sign before they are granted a spot. contract says the participants will demonstrate the principles of sportsmanship and personal responsibility at all times-and that included certain (listed) criteria-like the basic of not breaking the law. parent's were ticked but the school stood firm and many (myself included) applauded the school for taking this stance-and holding those kids responsible.

team i beleive had to cancel a couple of games but it did'nt kill anyone-and the players not involved in the scandle publicly supported the coaches/admin's decision.

 

[FayeW]

Ugh, I hate being in that kind of position!

Two days this week, DS8 "forgot" to bring his homework home. On the first day, he knew I was upset, and we had a little talk about responsibility.

On the second day, I told him that he was in big trouble -- and then his friend called, wanting to come over. He had to tell his friend that he wasn't allowed to come over because he was in trouble for forgetting his homework.

The friend offered to read the questions to him over the phone so he could do the homework, but me, being the bad mom that I am, told DS that no, he wasn't going to get out of it that way, he was going to school tomorrow without homework so he could get the proper discipline (lunch detention) for being irresponsible. (This was my way of hoping the homework "forgetting" would stop.)

After the kids got done talking, I got on the phone with the mom, to explain why the kid couldn't come, and why I wouldn't let him get the questions from her kid.

She made me feel like I was making a big deal out of it. But I felt like once I had told my kid something, I was going to stick with it.

I think you did the wrong thing. Just because you told your kid something that you later realized was wrong didn't mean you had to stick to it. All you are doing be taking that stance is teaching your kid to be obstinate even when they know they are wrong.

 

[TwinsinCA]

4 years old?
Miss the soccer game. It won't be possible for her to let the team down.....her teammates won't even realize she's missing.

If she was older I'd agree with the others about commitments to "the team" and all that. But she's 4. Keep her home.