I'm Such A Confused Mom

[Bob Slydell]

This thread is living proof that any mundane little thing can turn into a huge debate.

 

[RitaZ.]

This thread is living proof that any mundane little thing can turn into a huge debate.

You got that right!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

The point is that there are people that show up EVERY DAY an hour early to wait in the pick up lane to pick up their kids. It makes no sense. Does it make you a better parent because you are first in the pick up line???? Why sit at school for an hour in your car when you could be helping in the school and STILL be first in the pick up line.

Do these people have a bumper sticker or something that says "I'm a better parent than you because I'm first in line?"

I'm probably not there everyday, but I'd say I hit at least 3 out of 5 days. I usually need to make a post office run for EBAY stuff and a few other errands.

Why sit in my car? Because it is a nice place to sit and it has a radio. Sometimes I get out and walk around the track if it's nice. Sometimes I read a book.

I have plenty of stuff that I do for the school. I really don't feel a need to go in there several days a week and run their copier for them.

 

[ckay87]

For 2 of my son's middle school years, I picked him up after school. Now, the school is not far and it's usually on my way. But that several minute commute was like gold to me. I got a very good understanding of how the school day went. Got to have discussions with DS as a captive (literally) audience. Observed a lot of stuff as the kids filed out of the school. Experiences that just wouldn't happen any other time of the day.

That said, I am also cheap and if I were spending $2 grand for bus service, you bet your butt they'd use it daily.

Also, Christine, God bless you I was in your area last weekend (well, Rockville, MD, but same general thing), and I don't know how you all do it. I wouldn't drive anywhere I didn't have to! I'd get me a good bike or something. It was awful!

 

[redshoes]

I'm going to go ahead and join the discussion, even though my oldest is just a preschooler (he starts today ). In my short four and half years of having the title "Mom", the one thing I've learned is that everyones does things different. If you compare yourself with other Moms your going to end up short (and sometimes confused by their motives) in one way or the other. If you're doing what works for you and your kids, then more power to you. Is your DD upset that you're leaving the parking lot before the bus leaves? If not then what you're doing is working fine for your family, if she is upset I'm sure at 15 you can have some sort of discussion about the reasons for you're leaving. I guess what I'm saying is if it doesn't bother you DD, why should it bother you?
As a sidenote, if the other Mom was kind enough to bring your DD home, leave it at that. Trying to figure out why she may be doing something is futile- she's doing what works for her.

 

[disykat]

As long as they're not blocking the drop off lane, I don't care what they do!

As a SAHM, I can understand wanting to hang out a bit with other parents. When you are going home to housework, sometimes you'd rather not go home! (Kind of like socializing on the DIS when I should be keeping busy) On days I work or have other pressing commitments, I'm in a hurry to drop and run!

 

[Independent]

As long as they're not blocking the drop off lane, I don't care what they do!

That is so true. On the rare occasions that I have to pick up my child (she is a walker/biker) for an appointment, it is mandatory to get in line at least a half hour early in order to be able to navigate out of the lot at a decent time.

What annoys me the most are the parents that get there 5 minutes before the bell rings and then double park - blocking those of us who took the time out of our schedules to actually get in line. They just leave their car in the iddle of the lot and stroll over to the pickup area. We are just left at their mercy till they decide to stop chatting and get back to their car.

So, there are pros and cons to getting their early vs. waiting till the bell rings. The way our pickup/dropoff situation is set up - getting there early is courteous and takes planning. Getting there at the bell and blocking traffic is rude.

 

[miss missy]

Guess she just has the time and wants to. I comuted my DD 45mins ONE WAY for 4 years!!!!! And I work full time!!!!!! There was no bus option though. I dunno, I would be happy she could get a ride now and then if I were you.

 

[In a hurry]

I think that an hour of quiet time everyday would be great! If I am somewhere early, it is because I either didn't plan well, or wanted some peace and quiet. Or last year, a few minutes of talking to the grown-ups was mandatory on occasion!

 

[Dr.Snark]

So, let me get this straight...

It is a perfectly acceptable use of time to DIS while in my brick and mortar office?

But it is a waste of time to DIS while sitting at school waiting for the kid?

One should be applauded for finding such a creative way to multi-task and find yet another excuse to DIS.

And perhaps we should be addressing all those neighbors who don't lock down their wireless networks. By allowing my laptop access to the DIS, they are aiding and abetting my DIS addiction. They should be T-P'd with oodles of double thickness Charmin.

And for those of you who are going to be snarky - it is written somewhere that using unprotected network access is not stealing as long as one is DISing.

 

[Christine]

Okay, I'm FINALLY back to my thread. I started this thread and then went to what I thought was a short doctor's appointment. Well, it took 3 HOURS!!!

Anyway, to summarize a few things that some posters addressed:

I'm not really irritated or bothered by this woman, per se. Just trying to understand. If they are happy doing this and it makes them feel good, more power to them. I'm just one of those weird people who is really fascinated by what makes other people "tick". I am just trying to understand her motivation--not really criticizing. I did say that I didn't "get" it but it doesn't mean that I don't like it.

Of course, I can only look at it from my POV. I think the bus is very expensive. The traffic is horrendous and the school is far. I guess I just don't understand why she just didn't opt out of the bus fee and get her DD everyday? Fortunately, I am the beneficiary of her driving. She REALLY helped me out last week. I was all set to only work half days to pick up my DD (no bus service). She told me she would do it all week. I tried to give her some gas money and she refused to take it. Not only that--get this--we live 8 miles PAST her house--8 miles OUT OF HER WAY--and she brings my DD home (she is bringing another girl home that is close to us). I pretty much BEGGED this woman to let me drive at least one of the days. She wouldn't do it. I don't think she has any irrational fears either--my DD went through middle school with her DD and she never had problems letting us take her somewhere.

As for my choices--I am pretty happy with them when I make them. When I chose to pay for bus service and have DD do that, it seemed okay with me. It also seems okay to me to drop her off, see her get on the bus, and pull out of the lot. It's when I see most of the other parents doing something different, I get confused. I start thinking "Wow, am I not being careful enough?" or "Am I underestimating how bad the bus ride is?" I'm clueless. This is my oldest child and our first time at doing this. Like Tigger&Belle did with her first child, I often wonder am I doing enough/not enough?

 

[miss missy]

Okay, I'm FINALLY back to my thread. I started this thread and then went to what I thought was a short doctor's appointment. Well, it took 3 HOURS!!!

Anyway, to summarize a few things that some posters addressed:

I'm not really irritated or bothered by this woman, per se. Just trying to understand. If they are happy doing this and it makes them feel good, more power to them. I'm just one of those weird people who is really fascinated by what makes other people "tick". I am just trying to understand her motivation--not really criticizing. I did say that I didn't "get" it but it doesn't mean that I don't like it.

Of course, I can only look at it from my POV. I think the bus is very expensive. The traffic is horrendous and the school is far. I guess I just don't understand why she just didn't opt out of the bus fee and get her DD everyday? Fortunately, I am the beneficiary of her driving. She REALLY helped me out last week. I was all set to only work half days to pick up my DD (no bus service). She told me she would do it all week. I tried to give her some gas money and she refused to take it. Not only that--get this--we live 8 miles PAST her house--8 miles OUT OF HER WAY--and she brings my DD home (she is bringing another girl home that is close to us). I pretty much BEGGED this woman to let me drive at least one of the days. She wouldn't do it. I don't think she has any irrational fears either--my DD went through middle school with her DD and she never had problems letting us take her somewhere.

As for my choices--I am pretty happy with them when I make them. When I chose to pay for bus service and have DD do that, it seemed okay with me. It also seems okay to me to drop her off, see her get on the bus, and pull out of the lot. It's when I see most of the other parents doing something different, I get confused. I start thinking "Wow, am I not being careful enough?" or "Am I underestimating how bad the bus ride is?" I'm clueless. This is my oldest child and our first time at doing this. Like Tigger&Belle did with her first child, I often wonder am I doing enough/not enough?

You make me remember a time when I was home with my kids and drove some kids to CCD. I told the parents, look I am here, I don't work, I CAN DO THIS, so let me help while I can. I remembered how hard it was to work and do these things we need to for our kids and I remember how hard it was to get them from here to there, so I felt good knowing I was helping someone else with something I could relate so well to. I am now back at work and boy its a struggle getting her home before I leave (2nd shift) so I really do have a lot of respect for those who can be there for their kids after school. Ya know.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Maybe they're making sure the kids get on the bus instead of skipping out.

I like that one!

 

[Christine]

You make me remember a time when I was home with my kids and drove some kids to CCD. I told the parents, look I am here, I don't work, I CAN DO THIS, so let me help while I can. I remembered how hard it was to work and do these things we need to for our kids and I remember how hard it was to get them from here to there, so I felt good knowing I was helping someone else with something I could relate so well to. I am now back at work and boy its a struggle getting her home before I leave (2nd shift) so I really do have a lot of respect for those who can be there for their kids after school. Ya know.

Yes, I understand. I think she just has a lot of time and she is glad to do it. She has told me that "I'm already doing it anyway, it's really not a big deal." I just wish she'd let me reciprocate ONE time. It would make me feel better about it all. Despite her not working, it still is a LOT of work doing all that driving around. Or even take my money. I may not have time--but I'll give ya some money!!! But I guess I'm just still perplexed that she would pay for the bus service and not use it. I almost can't wait until 3:00 p.m. today to see if my DD actually rides the bus home or if this woman decides to pick them all up again.

 

[froglady]

I can understand why someone might pay for the bus, but not always use it. Perhaps the woman prefers to drive her child, but knows there may be a time when she can't, and has no one else who would be willing to make the drive.

I know that I registered my children for after school care even though I'm a SAHM only because I wanted that option if I needed it. I don't know what I would have done a couple of times when, because of illness, etc, I couldn't get them at the last minute. All I had to do was call the school, and tell them to keep them until I could get them. It was cheaper to pay the annual fee and per hour for registered children than it was to pay the emergency drop in fee.

Once DD was old enough to drive it wasn't an issue, because she could pick up her brother for me.

edited after seeing the above post. Maybe next year, she WON'T pay for the bus, because she'll have a source of emergency rides. She may be depositing rides this year for withdrawals in the future.