I'm Such A Confused Mom

[Christine]

I tell ya--I just can't figure out the other moms.

My DD (15) has been in her new school for one week. It is a private school and we pay (dearly) for bus transportation if we need it. I need it.

I posted last week about my morning bus drop off experience. The bus comes, all the parents are waiting in cars with their kids, kids get out of the cars, onto the bus. As soon as my DD gets on, I wait about 30 seconds to make sure no kids are walking around my car and I back out and leave. I noticed that none of the other parents leave. I stayed one day and saw that they wait until the bus leaves. I guess everyone has their reasons but, hey, I gotta get to work! What are they doing? Would you wait for the bus to pull off? These are 15-18 year olds. I suppose the bus *could* break down and then what would my DD do? But we have cell phones so really, she could contact me. The bus driver knows every kid and has their names and contact numbers so I doubt any kid would try to walk off the bus.

But, I digress. Yesterday, was the first full day of school and DD was still not coming home on the bus as she was going to a soccer game. Soccer game was cancelled due to rain and DD called me right after dismissal to tell me that her friend's mother was driving them home. Now they hadn't missed the bus, it was still at the school, the game wasn't until 6:45 so I know the mom wasn't going up to school for that. This mom just decides to drive 40 minutes (one way) to pick up her child even after she has already paid close to $2,000 for bus service. Because she wants to. I'm very happy that this woman is nice and generous and takes my DD along (and brings her right to my door), but I guess I just don't understand it. It is long, congested drive to the school, gas is expensive, and driving in our area REALLY stinks. But she seems compelled to do this. I know I shouldn't but, darn, sometimes I feel so inadequate because I feel like "Let them ride the bus."

So what's up with people? Bored, lonely, love their kids more?

 

[DVCLiz]

Because she wants to.

There's your answer!!!!

 

[kejoda]

Could be that she was close to the school for another reason and decided to pick her up. I've done that in the past. Saves them an hour on the bus.

 

[Beth76]

Maybe she was nervous about her child riding the bus so long in the rain. Maybe she was in the area anyway.

And I saw the thread about the bus stop last week. I understand that you need to leave right away to get to work, but I also don't see the big deal in waiting for the bus to leave. It can't be more than a minute or two, right? Maybe they're talking. I don't really see that as a hovering parent thing. I wait for my son's bus to take off before walking home.

 

[Christine]

Could be that she was close to the school for another reason and decided to pick her up. I've done that in the past. Saves them an hour on the bus.

Well, I considered that but that was not the case. She just decided to go up there. I mean, I know that this is *fine* but I'm having trouble comprehending even wanting to do that. It is NOT a good ride, which is why most parents pay for the bus. I think part of my misunderstanding is that I work full-time outside the home, commute, etc., and basically never have any free time. I guess I'm just wondering what it would be like to be "okay" with making these kinds of drives on a moments noticed (and a lot of the other stuff that she does).

 

[SillyMe]

Maybe they're making sure the kids get on the bus instead of skipping out.

 

[nowellsl]

I work in a public school and traffic is TERRIBLE! I can't understand why more parents don't utilize the buses. We actually have parents that get here 1 hour before dismissal and sit in their cars waiting for their kids! Don't they have better things to do??? I could understand if they came in a volunteered for an hour, but no, they just sit out there!!

 

[Christine]

Maybe they're making sure the kids get on the bus instead of skipping out.

Yeah, that was brought up last week. And, admittedly, I don't know many of the kids on the bus. But a few of them I do know and, believe me, they aren't the type to skip out on the bus. Also, the bus stop seems to be a dark, scary place in the morning with, really, nowhere for them to go if they did decide to turn around and walk off the bus. I mean, maybe they would--they are teenagers after all, but I don't think that is the reason why they are waiting.

Honestly, I don't think anything is wrong with them. I think it's me. I am one of the only (if not THE only) working parent in the group and my lifestyle is kind of frantic because of it. I think they just live at a much slower (and healthier) pace than I do and it's not a big deal for them to wait around for another 5 minutes. For me--my traffic gets exponentially worse in 5 minute increments so I'm constantly RACING.

 

[Christine]

I work in a public school and traffic is TERRIBLE! I can't understand why more parents don't utilize the buses. We actually have parents that get here 1 hour before dismissal and sit in their cars waiting for their kids! Don't they have better things to do??? I could understand if they came in a volunteered for an hour, but no, they just sit out there!!

I see this at my son's school (it is private K-8). He is dismissed at 3:00 p.m. If he has a doctor's appointment, often try to schedule it before dismissal so I don't get caught up in the carpool stuff. I got there one day at 2:00 p.m. and saw several parents in their cars, reading, and lining up for the carpool.

 

[tinkamom]

Maybe they are giving the bus the right of way? If I drive DD to the bus I have no choice but to wait, the flashing lights are on and its against the law to pass it.

 

[SillyMe]

Yeah, that was brought up last week. And, admittedly, I don't know many of the kids on the bus. But a few of them I do know and, believe me, they aren't the type to skip out on the bus. Also, the bus stop seems to be a dark, scary place in the morning with, really, nowhere for them to go if they did decide to turn around and walk off the bus. I mean, maybe they would--they are teenagers after all, but I don't think that is the reason why they are waiting.

Honestly, I don't think anything is wrong with them. I think it's me. I am one of the only (if not THE only) working parent in the group and my lifestyle is kind of frantic because of it. I think they just live at a much slower (and healthier) pace than I do and it's not a big deal for them to wait around for another 5 minutes. For me--my traffic gets exponentially worse in 5 minute increments so I'm constantly RACING.

I didn't catch your other thread. At that age, they should be just fine waiting for the bus by themselves. Now, I wouldn't do it if it were just my child alone, but if there are other kids, they should be fine.

I'm running around like a nut in the morning, too. I drive both my kids to school. My youngest dd's school just sprung a change on us the first day of school that we can't drop them off until 15 minutes after the usual time. It may just be 15 minutes to them, but it makes me late for work.

 

[golfgal]

I think the general answer is that parents can't seem to let their kids be. I wouldn't wait for the bus to pull out either. This particular mom might have been in the area or what ever but I also know plenty of kids that ask their parents to do a lot of unnecessary things for their kids like drive 40 minutes one way to pick them up so they don't have to wait 1/2 hour for a bus and the parent DO it. I am with you, let them ride the bus. I wouldn't want anyone to go out of the way for my kids when they have other options.

There was a great article in our paper the other day about hovering parents and the "damage" they are doing to their kids, here is the link, it is too long to cut and paste:

http://www.startribune.com/1592/story/652680.html

 

[Christine]

Maybe they are giving the bus the right of way? If I drive DD to the bus I have no choice but to wait, the flashing lights are on and its against the law to pass it.

Nope, not that either. We all park in front of a Starbuck and the bus is actually out in a driving lane. Our cars are really not sitting near the bus.

 

[RitaZ.]

I could understand if they came in a volunteered for an hour, but no, they just sit out there!!

I usually study in my car while I wait for my kids. There is no bus transportation for my younger children. My oldest does qualify for bus transportation because we are over 2 miles from the school. DH drops off DS in the morning and he takes the bus home in the afternoon.

 

[golfgal]

I work in a public school and traffic is TERRIBLE! I can't understand why more parents don't utilize the buses. We actually have parents that get here 1 hour before dismissal and sit in their cars waiting for their kids! Don't they have better things to do??? I could understand if they came in a volunteered for an hour, but no, they just sit out there!!

DS14's new school has a pretty horrible parking lot situation. Even this summer when it was just the marching band kids the parking lot was a nightmare. The school was built LONG before kids needed a ride to school every day and every kid drove to school so it wasn't designed for the extra traffic. I have had to drop DS off at school 45 minutes early these past two mornings but that is done now and he will ride the bus from now on. I have already told DS that if he needs me to pick him up after school for anything he will have to walk a couple blocks from school to be picked up. I am NOT driving into that lot after school!

 

[Christine]

I didn't catch your other thread. At that age, they should be just fine waiting for the bus by themselves. Now, I wouldn't do it if it were just my child alone, but if there are other kids, they should be fine.

I'm running around like a nut in the morning, too. I drive both my kids to school. My youngest dd's school just sprung a change on us the first day of school that we can't drop them off until 15 minutes after the usual time. It may just be 15 minutes to them, but it makes me late for work.

In actuality, the kids aren't even waiting alone. We all have been instructed to get to the bus stop at a certain time. We sit there and wait (about 8 cars) and the bus then pulls in about 6:10. The kids all get out of the cars and get on the bus. That's when I leave. Because it is so early in the morning, it is a parking lot, and there is no commercial business at that time, I am uneasy leaving my DD there to wait. But once she's on the bus, I've got no problem.

Oh, and the 15 minute thing would KILL me traffic-wise. Last year, I was dropping DD off at 5:55 a.m. Now it is between 6:10-6:12 before I leave and it is has made a huge difference in my arrival time at work.

 

[DaisyD]

I don't know why parents avoid the bus. I LOVE when that yellow bus comes over the hill! As far as hanging out after the bus leaves, we do that too. We like to hang out in the morning and talk. There are about 7 parents and we just enjoy talking. None of us have any pressing engagements except maybe laundry so we just talk!

 

[golfgal]

I usually study in my car while I wait for my kids. There is no bus transportation for my younger children. My oldest does qualify for bus transportation because we are over 2 miles from the school. DH drops off DS in the morning and he takes the bus home in the afternoon.

Do you get there an hour early though???? I saw this happen in our old town. Our old town was about 2 miles square so it isn't like people had to drive a long way to get to school so even if they were out running errands and got done early that it would save any time sitting there for an hour vs going home and coming back.

 

[froglady]

I have to transport DS (no bus available, and his school is about 5 miles away.)

In the morning, I have to drive in rush hour traffic, and drop him off in the drop off lane. It backs up a bit, but moves fairly steadily. It takes all of 5 minutes, sometimes less, to do the actual drop, once I've entered school grounds. It's a spread out campus, so there's a long driveway.

In the afternoon, the pick-up line starts forming early, so I've solved the waiting in line problem by just picking him up at the end of the window. (Dismissal is at 3:10, after 3:30 they're supposed to wait in the library, so I show up at 3:30 every day.) Gives him a little time to socialize or read, and I have a few minutes more for...whatever.

 

[RitaZ.]

Do you get there an hour early though???? I saw this happen in our old town. Our old town was about 2 miles square so it isn't like people had to drive a long way to get to school so even if they were out running errands and got done early that it would save any time sitting there for an hour vs going home and coming back.

Our elementary school has two entrances for dropping off/picking up ( east/west), so the procedure doesn't take very long. I leave earlier in the mornings to allow for traffic delays, but in the afternoons I leave my house 15 minutes before the bell rings. The best was middle school, we are within walking distance of the school.

In some schools, you have to get there almost an hour early. My oldest used to go to a magnet school for grades 4-6 and I hated drop off/pick up times. If I showed up early (almost an hour), I had to wait; if I waited until the last minute to arrive, I had to wait, too. I did it both ways and it worked out to be the same amount of time.