I'm so upset - prayers please

[CathrynRose]

I'm still so angry that I'm torn between throwing the computer across the room (talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face!) and kicking him in the you-know-whats.

!

ANd you missed your chance when he was foot rubbing.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I also of course agree that what he said is wrong. However you keep bringing up his own things doesn't help either. Yes you are hurt and lash out also. Has this been like you fight always? Now that you always fight but is this your style? I recommend a book on how to learn to fight fair.

Do you have an idea about what is getting at him? If he is drinking and trying to star fights and lashing out to hurt you, what is bothering him so? It doesn't have to be something you did or said but obviously it's something. I'm not saying that it's right in his action I'm just saying it's there.

My husband hates the way I fight because I very seldom fight in the heat of the moment. I just walk away and try to grab my tongue because I hate speaking things that can't be taken back. It's really difficult especially for people that just throw anything and everything out in the heat of the moment.

I'm sorry you were hurt and please give it some thought. You also need to forgive yourself for your past. He can only hurt you with your past as long as you have guilt from it.

 

[pepperw23]

Thanks for your advice, but under the circumstances I don't know that it applies.

I'll be honest here - and probably alienate a lot of folks here on the DIS, but <deep breath> several years before dh & I started dating I had an abortion. It was with a man that I was no longer involved with - I regret it now deeply, but at the time it was the right decision for many reasons.

What he said was something about my "visiting a baby butcher" in front of my dd's 10 & 12.

I don't know how I can get past this. I fully intend to discuss my past with my daughters at an appropriate time, but that time was not tonight under these circumstances.

He will have a lot of explaining to do regarding his son being born 7 months after his wedding to his mother, as well as his ex not being married to the father of his older "son".

Regardless of what he said it hurt you and he needs to know about it. For the record; I will never judge you or anyone else for that matter. That is not my job. My job as a fellow "Disser" and a Christian is to offer you any support and cyber hugs you need. We all have things in our past that we are not proud of. It is the human condition. Try not to be so hard on yourself.



I will definitely include you guys in my prayers tonight.

 

[yasmina]

I just went up finally to put my jams on.

He had no defense except that I "wear it like a badge". I don't know what the heck he means by that, except that I said I was NOT ashamed of having the abortion, given the circumstances. He thinks that abortion was my method of birth control - yes, he actually said that.

Just another example of how he manages to distort everything.

 

[yasmina]

oh my god my heart hurts. I have an email in to our daughters pastor.

he is being so cruel. "you just had to **** him, didn't you. you had no other choice". when I pointed out about his sons, he said "at least I married her". I replied "we planned to also".

 

[kimmikayb]

I don't know why people who are suppose to love us the most sometimes hurt our hearts so much.

Why is the past important to either of you? Before you met each other should remain in the past.

I wish I had a magic word to make you feel better.

 

[angel*lady]

I am so sorry!

 

[yasmina]

Thank you...

Unfortunately he says he won't leave, I have to, since I'm the one who is "guilty".

That's fine, I'll default on the car loan for the car that he'll get. I'll take the car with the best gas mileage (our prius). I'll get an apartment that I can handle monetarily until I can better manage on my own. I'll stay in the same area where I'm at so the girls can continue in their same schools. My back pain will improve because I won't have the stress of walking on egg shells.

the HELL with him. i will NOT back down. I'll suck it up and put on a happy face through Easter for the girls. He has hurt me for the last time.

 

[tiggersmom2]

Did he know about your abortion before you married? It shouldn't matter either way, but I'm just trying to understand him. I GUESS I can see if he is a staunch pro-lifer that this would be an issue he would harp on.....still not right, but I'm just trying to give the guy a little "benefit of the doubt".

Is he an alcoholic? Again, I'm not trying to upset you.....but most people can NOT drink 12 beers in one night, without passing straight out. I'm pretty sure 12 beers would give me alcohol poisoning..lol.

Anyway, you have all my hugs and I'm so sorry. Before you do ANYTHING rash, make sure your financial issues are in order.

 

[Kathi OD]

Wish I had some words that would make everything alright. All I can say is please do not try to discuss it with him while he is drunk. It will just make the situation worse.

 

[MoniqueU]

Wow, I dont think I could take that either. Here is hoping you stay strong and stand up for yourself.

 

[yasmina]

Did he know about your abortion before you married? It shouldn't matter either way, but I'm just trying to understand him. I GUESS I can see if he is a staunch pro-lifer that this would be an issue he would harp on.....still not right, but I'm just trying to give the guy a little "benefit of the doubt".Yes, I told him before we got married

Is he an alcoholic? Again, I'm not trying to upset you.....but most people can NOT drink 12 beers in one night, without passing straight out. I'm pretty sure 12 beers would give me alcohol poisoning..lol. Yes, he is a self-admitted, unrepentant alcoholic. I've quit trying to make excuses for him. He's nearly been fired twice. Saved only because of the great job he's done building up the orchestra in our district. Think "Music of the Heart" What first attracted me to him (and I've told him this even tonight) was his intelligence. But I think it gets in his way. I'm sick of it. I'll be the first to admit that I drink alcohol more than is healthy ever since my dad passed 2 years ago. But I don't HAVE to drink, like he does. Believe me, I know the difference.

BTW, 12 beers in our house are 12 - 16 oz. ers -yikes!

Anyway, you have all my hugs and I'm so sorry. Before you do ANYTHING rash, make sure your financial issues are in order.

At this point, I don't think I can wait.

 

[tiggersmom2]

At this point, I don't think I can wait.

I'm so sorry sweetie. This hurt and pain is not good, you need to leave if it can't stop....your daughters will be affected by this.

We are here for you and will help you every step of the way.

 

[L107ANGEL]

At this point, I don't think I can wait.

Oh boy, I am sorry

 

[RNMOM]

Yasmina,

I think he is getting close to not being able to function due to the alcohol and he knows it. He might be lashing out in fear. Do what is best for you and your daughters and see if you can't get him to accept help for his alcoholism. Does his employer have a program?

 

[tiggersmom2]

Yeah, I agree with RNMOM, the alcoholism is taking over.....

 

[yasmina]

Yasmina,

I think he is getting close to not being able to function due to the alcohol and he knows it. He might be lashing out in fear. Do what is best for you and your daughters and see if you can't get him to accept help for his alcoholism. Does his employer have a program?

His employer is my employer. We both work in the same school district. That's where we met. He has been in trouble twice at work for his abuse of alcohol. If he screws up again, he wll be fired. He's been to rehab 3 times, twice at the schools' insistance, and one at mine. He still sees a psychologist every 2 weeks, but he has her bamboozled that he doesn't drink anymore.

I think he's starting to get scared. he just came down and accused me of all sorts of infidelilties and imaginary stories of before we got married.

He said that if I knew what love was, I would come upstairs. IOW, accept his version of the truth and sleep in the same bed.

It's not happening.

 

[disney-inspired]

Thank you all so much. I don't know that cyber prayers or hugs will help, but I'm willing to take anything at this point.

He is right now in bed watching tv and I refuse to lay in the same bed. If I told you the hurtful things he's said, you'd have a hard time believing it.

I will be sleeping downstairs tonight.

Woah, if he is the one who said the hurtful things then HE should be sleeping downstairs.

 

[yasmina]

Woah, if he is the one who said the hurtful things then HE should be sleeping downstairs.

That was my original plan. Unfortunately, he hit the bed first, so for tonight I don't have a choice.

 

[disney-inspired]

Keeping you in my prayers, no one deserves to be treated badly nor attacked in front of her children.