I'm so upset - prayers please

[yasmina]

Dh & I have had a huge fight. He said some things that I found reprehensible while our dds 10 & almost 12 were present for.

I really don't think there's much hope for us after what's been said.

Please help.

 

[LoraJ]

I don't know what I can do except give you a cyber hug.

 

[fltwinmom]

There's nothing in the world like the words "I'm Sorry"

I hope your DH (D NOT being "darling" in this case) can find those words soon and iron out some wrinkles

 

[CathrynRose]

 

[THE HAT]

 

[agentpleakley]

More hugs coming to you. So sorry that this happened.

 

[mickeysgal]

Please help.

Hope all gets better.

 

[dmslush]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Sometimes our emotions get so high that we say and do the dumbest things even though we don't mean to. Sometimes we are so threatened that we think we have to protect ourselves.

Not only do I hope that he can tell you he is sorry, I hope you can forgive him.

 

[IWAS]

 

[Maleficent13]

 

[KirstenB]

I'm sorry. I hope he comes to his senses.

 

[sassyat30]

 

[yasmina]

Thank you all so much. I don't know that cyber prayers or hugs will help, but I'm willing to take anything at this point.

He is right now in bed watching tv and I refuse to lay in the same bed. If I told you the hurtful things he's said, you'd have a hard time believing it.

I will be sleeping downstairs tonight.

 

[pepperw23]

Dh & I have had a huge fight. He said some things that I found reprehensible while our dds 10 & almost 12 were present for.

I really don't think there's much hope for us after what's been said.

Please help.

I have not read the entire thread...only this post.

Keep in mind that people often (too often anymore) say things in anger that they really don't mean. Yes they are mean and spiteful things to say but they are meant to be hurtful AT THE TIME.

The best advise I can give you would be to talk to DH when it all settles down and get to the bottom of it all. I have been married for almost 21 years and I have said...and had said to me...some things I deeply regretted later. Did I mean it when I said it? YEP. But did I mean it later when I really thought about it? NOPE. .

Don't give up so easy. If you love each other do what you have to do to save it. Write him a letter, call him on the phone, go to dinner together and talk about it, but do not give up on love. I saw a nice quote today in my daughters 17 magazine. It said: "True love never has a happy ending because it never ends."

Hang tough.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Sorry you had to fight, and more importantly that your DDs had to witness the whole thing.

We say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. Hopefully the two of you can get past this and work things out.

 

[kimluvswdw]

People need to be very careful about what they say in anger. Words come out easily, but they can't be put back. Also, sometimes the words "I'm sorry" just are not enough and can't fix everything.

Hope you get it all worked out.

 

[yasmina]

It was all about my past.

I never pretended to be anyone but who I was when we got together. I have been 100% faithful since we've been together - from dating until now, almost 13 years later.

And yet he continues to throw my past - prior to him - in my face, and now in front of our daughters.

I intend to be completely honest with our daughters about my life - when appropriate.

As he should be when the time comes as to why his son was born 7 months after he and his mother were married. As he should be about why his non-biological son calls him "dad" (his ex-wife never married the father of his older son).

Oh my God it hurts!

 

[okeydokey]

So sorry, here's a pryaer that you'll find some peace soon.

 

[pepperw23]

Have you told him how you feel about your past and having it brought up? I don't mean when you are both angry. I mean when you are ready to sit and talk.

It sounds to me like he just didn't think it through before he said it. I betcha he is sorry he said it.

Unsolicited advice to follow but well...I'm a Mom humor me.

Trust me here...I have been married for a long time. Be the bigger person...this time. When you are ready for bed, calmly get in bed and nicely tell him goodnight, roll over and go to sleep. In the morning fix him a decent breakfast the entire time keeping a "pleasant silence". After breakfast go on about your day and watch him try to "pretend" it never happened.

This is not a head game I am suggesting, but a cool of period. Someone has to be willing to let the fight go for the time being until you guys can get it straight in your heads.

anyway...when you have both cooled down bring it up nicely by asking if he is ready to talk about the fight last night. If anger starts again, let it go again and try again later. If not, tell him how much he hurt your feelings be honest and direct but do not be "ugly" and do not use accusing words such as "You should not have said that" etc... Instead try "That really hurt me last night because..." You get the jist.

Odds are good that you probably said something to him that hurt his feelings too (you may not even realize it). Listen to what he has to say too and really think about it. If you need more time after this tell him so, and don't be upset if he asks the same.

Communication is key. I and many others are more than willing to let you vent, offer cyber hugs, support etc...but in the long run the person you need to "vent" to is right in front of you.

I wish you guys the best of luck.

 

[tevagirl]

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly.