I'm so over this...

[littleteapot]

So now that I'm getting married, the next question that people ask, after 'when's the date' is, 'when are you going to start trying for a child'?

It's going to be awhile folks! And then when I tell them later on, they always roll their eyes and say, you're going to have a honeymoon baby!

Why can't others mind their own business? It's getting really old.

If you have any good comebacks, I'll take 'em.

Say with an extremely straight face, "oh no, we can't, first cousins aren't allowed to have children"

We tried seven years before we had our first, I had to work very hard at not bursting into tears near the end. I NEVER ask that question, you never know what is going on in people's lives.

 

[bumbershoot]

My father asked me that question the weekend DH and I got married (11 years ago this past Saturday). I laughed and told him, "Dad we just got married! Give us a chance!"

My stepmom cornered me at the rehearsal dinner, getting as far as to ask what birth control method we used (to figure out how long it might be for us to have kids). She's a nurse, I get it, she's used to asking private questions, but NOT OF ME!


And then I went and got pregnant on the wedding night. Talk about letting everyone know our business...(like marrying and having a honeymoon doesn't give people a glimpse into your private life to begin with, right?) But we confused them b/c babies are late late late in both hubby's and my own families, so the dates don't line up with the wedding night.

 

[Michelle and crew]

Eh, just assume it evens out all of the dumb things you've said or asked in your life.

 

[redlight]

I'm getting the "when are you going to get married?" speech from some of my older relatives.

 

[Abbie]

DD got married last year and she always answers these type of questions by saying she is working on keeping her plants alive first, then she'll work on kids!

 

[Belle0101]

Someone I work with asked me when my husband and I when we were having kids. I told her we love kids, but we don't want any. She said "but they give your life meaning."

I was trying to think of something witty to respond to this with ...

People are stupid. I have kids, and my life had meaning before I had them, and it will have meaning when they move on. I didn't have kids to give my life meaning, I had kids because I wanted them, and trust me I love my kids, but they suck you like a lemon...be sure you want them 'cause they are forever!
Again, people are stupid.

... and then I read this! I could not have said it better!!

 

[NHdisneylover]

It is a game you cannot win DSiL and her husband got asked that for four years. Then we got married and I got pregnant on our wedding night and WE got asked why on Earth we were in such a hurray? Same exact people who hounded DSiL from the moment she got home from her honeymoon to HAVE a kid went on and on to us about how we should have waited (it was a little late for that, dontcha think?

As far as the poster whose co worker told her husband that children give life meaning? My other sister in law got married to her husband after 15 years of dating him. They had both let people know (in answer to these questions) that they do not want children. Her boss (whom she felt was a close friend too--he is the reason she went into her profession) stood up to give a toast at their wedding and said they had to have children because they would not be a family and would have meaningless lives otherwise. A bunch of people cheered him on. I was so sad and angry for her. I cannot remember a time in my life when I did not want to be a mother and I love my children more than I can express, but my life had meaning before they came into it and it will have meaning when they are grown up and out on their own. I think that sentiment is just terrible--and having kids just to find some meaning for your life is pretty dang selfish too.

 

[joyjoy]

Say with an extremely straight face, "oh no, we can't, first cousins aren't allowed to have children"

I love this.

My mom gave me this one - look shocked and say "Why on earth would you ask something like that?". Maybe add a "Wow" and shake your head. Then pleasantly move on to another topic before they have a chance to react.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I guess I'll never understand why people put so much emotion into questions other people ask them. Sure, DH and I got all the standard, "When are you two getting married?" and "Now that you're married, when are you going to have children? The clock's ticking you know!" questions. But we figured people were just trying to make conversation and didn't read anything else into it.

Of course, our stock answer was usually a shrug with an off-hand, "I don't know. Whenever" so maybe that's why people stopped asking us those dumb questions. (Ask a dumb question, get a dumb answer is our mantra)

Don't let it get to you. Unless you've made your SO's and your life available to these people for commentary, it's really none of their business in the first place.

 

[castleview]

Looking back, I got the "Have you found anyone?" question from two friends that were marrying out of college. Well, both their weddings got called off and I was the first to actually get married (not that I considered it a race, but it was funny).

Later on when DH's sibling started having kids, we were questioned left and right about when we were starting (because they wanted all the kids close together). Well, now we have the most kids AND we don't have to spend much time with them because the kids are at different points in life.

 

[lspst8]

And when you do get pregnant, everyone will want to know if the baby is a boy or a girl. And look at you like you are crazy when you tell them that you aren't finding out until the baby actually is born. One of my co-workers suggested that it is impossible to have a baby shower if the guests don't know the sex of the baby!

 

[mzozzietj]

Well we waited 7 years to have kids, so I got that question A LOT!
I just said not yet, we're not ready. It was pretty much always accepted and that was the end of it.
It didn't bother me at all, people are just making conversation I guess.

We were together 6.5 years before we got married and we were married almost 10 years when our DD was born... after you make them wait long enough they begin to stop asking, LOL

 

[PatsGirl]

"Practice makes perfect and when we think we've got it down, we will then know the time is right"

 

[worm761]

Just tell them you are going to take the Duggars approach and see when and how many you can have. That should shut them up.

It doesn't matter your circumstances. I got pregnant quite by accident at a whole 19 years old. I had him a month before me 20th. Everyone told me that I needed to have another so he had a playmate. Really? I couldn't even legally drink and could barely support myself and my son and you want me to have more? Yeah. Didn't happen. Besides, DS has Asperger's and is happiest when he is left alone. A sibling would have driven him nuts. There are 13.5 years between DS and DD. You get comments about that too.

 

[Art 1]

So now that I'm getting married, the next question that people ask, after 'when's the date' is, 'when are you going to start trying for a child'?

It's going to be awhile folks! And then when I tell them later on, they always roll their eyes and say, you're going to have a honeymoon baby!

Why can't others mind their own business? It's getting really old.

If you have any good comebacks, I'll take 'em.

Both are very normal questions to be asked. Why would you need a comeback?

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

Tell them that you will start trying when they are ready to pay for said child for the next 18 or so years.

 

[acejka]

Ugh. People started in on this with me when I'd been with my husband for 6 months and he was just a boyfriend at that point. One girl said oh you don't need to be married, the state will help you if he leaves you.

UM NO. Works for some, wasn't in my life plan.

I'm 4 years in and they won't stop with the questions, I usually just tell them I have a beautiful girl and boy and just because they walk on 4 feet doesn't make them any less my babies. We are thining about trying to have one soon. I know its just going to morph into when are you giving it a brother or sister... ya can't win.

 

[epcotprincess]

Yes, unfortunately this pattern will happen for life:

The first baby is greeted with - when are you having a second?
After your 2nd child, if your 2 children happen to be either two boys or two girls, then they ask - are you trying for a girl now (or a boy, if you have girls).
If you have twins - did you have fertility treatments?
Eventually, if you have 5 children, you will be asked - aren't you done having children?

And, then as your children grow - they'll want to know are they walking; how many teeth; what school they are going to; what are their grades; what sports are they playing; what college; are they doctors; lawyers...?

And, if you're lucky, they'll veer off every so often to ask you when you are going to buy a house?

Ain't life grand?

[Edited to add: I have two children 14 years apart from 2 marriages. I always get asked if my youngest DD "was an accident?"]

All of this ^^. It never ends. But honestly, it's not malicious most of the time. People are honestly just curious about other peoples' lives, and also... people LOVE babies. So it's probably a lot of preemptive excitement. I don't think a simple question necessarily requires a comeback.

When it requires a comeback is when people start offering OPINIONS on your choices. Then, IMO, the very best way to get them off your back immediately is to say, "You know we're not quite sure, what did you do?" Then people start talking and jabbering on about how long they waited, how many kids they have, etc. and forget all about you. Just keep on asking them questions about their kids and their lives. Then not only do you look like a really nice person who cares for others, you also get no more questions about your choices.

And when you do get pregnant, everyone will want to know if the baby is a boy or a girl. And look at you like you are crazy when you tell them that you aren't finding out until the baby actually is born. One of my co-workers suggested that it is impossible to have a baby shower if the guests don't know the sex of the baby!

YES. I didn't find out either and so many people were flipping out. Being pregnant opens you up to criticism and remarks from just about everyone regarding your unborn child, your body, your weight gain, your diet, your skin changes, your belly size, natural vs. medicated birth...

Then it's parenting choices and school choices and so on... basically, I'm telling you that you can't let it get to you because people will always be nosy. Just find a way to handle it that makes you feel good, then stick to that method and be consistent. And don't worry about it! Don't let the pressure get to you. Continue to do what's right for you and your DF!

 

[pigletgirl]

Both are very normal questions to be asked. Why would you need a comeback?

I totally understand that. The problem is that they have been asking multiple times (on the baby part), and its getting really old.

I'm just totally baffled because we haven't gotten married yet.

And I loooove the suggestion of being cousins! DF and I have similar looks so we could pass as family members.

 

[disykat]

I always said "lots of them and as soon as possible." Generally people didn't ask again. I'm thinking they assumed it was a sensitive subject since babies weren't popping out all over the place.