I'm not happy and it's a really stupid thing

[AlleyKat]

I am so not happy with my husband right now.

His buddy with that guy's wife AND the other chick are going out to some concert and dinner and out on the town.

The flag flying overhead is just about as high and red as it's going to be!

 

[NikitaZee]

I would tell my husband that it bothers me, and I'd ask him not to go. He loves you and seems to care about your feelings - what's the big deal if he begs off and spends Friday night watching movies? It bothered you before you posted the question - that's why you posted it. No doubt, if he called and told you he's decided to stay in, you'd feel relieved and much better. You're the most important person to him, and your feelings matter the most - why not just ask him? Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[princess momma]

I realize life is different for those in the military, but I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to be going out with another couple and a single woman. Dinner and a movie is considered a date night here. I would not be ok with it. I would let my husband know how I feel, and I would hope he would respect my feelings and cancel.

I'm sure the situation is meant as an innocent night out, but it just doesn't seem right to me. And I'm not a jealous person at all.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I absolutely agree. There are some invitations he could and should reject as a married man. This would also set a presedence so that in the future friend and his wife don't invite single mom when your husband is invited and create a couple for them to pal around with ala "double date".

Trust me, from a person who knows, you need to protect your marriage because seemingly innocent meetings can turn into emotional feelings. Just trust me on this!! And it starts with intimate encounters like this! Please just trust me on this. I'm not saying it happens in one night but once your DH goes out with them once, they'll start making other opportunities for them all to go out as a couple. It's fun for them to have another "couple" to pal around with. And remember, DH's friend's wife doesn't really know you but she's in tight with her BFF. If your husband is a great guy (and it absolutely sounds like he is) and if her BFF starts crushing on your guy what loyalty does this woman have to you or your DH to stop anything that could happen? She'd probably encourage it for her BFF Single mom friend to finally have a great guy! I could be going overboard with my ideas but do you really want to take that chance?

I agree with this.

 

[MIGrandma]

I realize life is different for those in the military, but I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to be going out with another couple and a single woman. Dinner and a movie is considered a date night here. I would not be ok with it. I would let my husband know how I feel, and I would hope he would respect my feelings and cancel.

I'm sure the situation is meant as an innocent night out, but it just doesn't seem right to me. And I'm not a jealous person at all.

I agree with you.

I would not want my husband going out with another couple and a single woman. I really don't even understand why the single woman is being invited. I don't think it's necessary that she goes along.

 

[Orange County Girl]

You have every right to be upset. It is totally inappropriate and he should have declined the invitation.

 

[brockash]

I realize life is different for those in the military, but I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to be going out with another couple and a single woman. Dinner and a movie is considered a date night here. I would not be ok with it. I would let my husband know how I feel, and I would hope he would respect my feelings and cancel.

I'm sure the situation is meant as an innocent night out, but it just doesn't seem right to me. And I'm not a jealous person at all.

I've gotta agree. I'm also a military spouse (for 9 years,) and honestly I'd be pretty weirded out if this was my dh, but I also think it depends on your relationship. The thing I always try to ask myself is, what if the roles were reversed. So, how would your dh react/feel if it were you that was out of town, going to, let's say cook for some single Dad, and now you're going to a concert/dinner ect. with this single Dad and another couple? If you really don't think your dh would care, and you could really see this senario happening, then I'd say okay, as it's more normal to your relationship, and I'd tell dh to go ect. (still tell him your feelings, but not be upset about it.) Good luck to you, and I hope your dh gets to come home soon.

 

[Stephanie218]

Another military spouse chiming in.

Tina, from all the posts I've read, I can safely say that your dh thinks you hung the moon. I wouldn't worry about it. He's going to talk to his guy buddy and the wife is just bringing her friend.

I totally agree with this. I know how you're feeling, too. My husband and I had a similar issue a few years ago when he was training for an extended period of time across the country. There was a female Marine who we had both hung out with before together, actually with her husband. But...when they started hanging out together at training alone, it sent up red flags. I know they were just friends....but still.

I just talked to him and asked him that if he was going to hang out with her, I'd be 100% more comfortable if another male was there as well. It wasn't a problem again after that, because he realized how it looked. Hope you get things worked out, Tina - I know how much it can eat at you when you're separated!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I think your feelings are normal, but probably unfounded. The fact that he openly told you about his plans (and the time he spent with this woman before) means he's being very upfront--in my book, trustworthy.

I have co-workers who are male who I go to dinner with when we're at conferences. Just because they are male, doesn't automatically mean something inappropriate will happen. On this night out, chances are he spent the evening talking with this buddy and his wife spent the evening chatting with the "friend".

I mean, I'm married---and that's what usually happens at most dinner dates/parties I go to.

Well said!

We are not a military family, but dh travels a lot for work (and I used to). Both of us have been out to dinner, plays, concerts, etc, with friends/coworkers of the opposite sex, and nothing has happened. It's not a "date", it's just a group of people, sometimes even just two of us. No big deal, IMO.

I'm sorry for the posters here who have been in similar situations that turned out badly. But that doesn't mean that's always going to be the case. Tina, I do think your feelings of jealousy are natural, but you also say you think the feelings are stupid. Why? Because you know your husband best. You know how much he loves you. If you think it's stupid to worry about this outing, it probably is. (and I mean that in the nicest way! )

You hardly get to see him, so he should be spending time with YOU... not someone else's wife!!

They are not in the same state. I am certain that if he was home, he'd be going out with his wife. But when someone is away from home for a long period of time, they should not be expected to avoid outings just because one of the other people in the group is a single member of the opposite sex.

 

[FormrCastMbr]

Just wanted to send a . I had a longer response written but I deleted it. From the posts that you have written on the DIS, I know that you are a sweet person that goes out of her way for others. Just want you to know that hope you feel better about this soon. It sounds to me like you and your husband have a great relationship and you are just missing him and wishing you were there. I am sorry that this is all taking place. It will all work out.

 

[diznygirl]

Read this again!

I totally agree. No, I don't think your feelings are stupid but it seems clear here that you have nothing to worry about. It sounds like the 2 guys will be hanging out and the 2 women. They are going to dinner and a concert - where to my knowledge it would be pretty difficult for anything to happen. I would not be worried unless I knew my husband and this woman were hanging out alone on a regular basis.

I would have to agree with this....I think you DH's friends probably invited the single lady along for company for the wife....it gives the guys time to chat without the wife feeling like the third wheel.

MTE

If you think about it more as a "date" with his buddy, rather than the single mom maybe it will make you feel better. But feelings are never wrong - they are what they are, just a reflex. It's how you control your actions to those feelings, and it sounds like you are keeping your head on your shoulders (as usual).

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I think your feelings are valid, and your dh should be sensitive enough to respect them. I would be willing to bet your dh is innocent in this situation and just trying to find a way to kill time.

However, I would be concerned in looking at the situation from the opposite sense...from the standpoint of the married couple inviting their two friends to go out with them. My dh's best friend is single and the only way I would invite him and a female friend to come along with dh and I would be if I was trying to set them up. (Of course, I would never try to set the friend up with a married person either). The whole thing reeks of "double-date."

I guess what I'm trying to say is I would be very uncomfortable with the situation and have a long heart to heart with dh. He doesn't need to make it a habit of hanging out with a single woman socially, no matter how innocently it may begin.

 

[Disney Doll]

Your feelings are your feelings..they are neither good nor bad...they just "are".

You and your DH sound like you have a great relationship despite the distance that is sometimes between you.

I don't think I'd worry too much about it. I tend to think that decent people live up (or down) to what they think is expected of them.

If it upsets you, tell him, but don't let it make you crazy. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[JoBird]

If your DH knows that it bothers you, why is he still going? That is what I'd be upset about more than anything.

I'm really sure that there is nothing to worry about in this situation. But simply because it upsets you, he shouldn't be going. Period.

 

[ginna74]

My husband is in the military so he is gone a lot, and is right now too. I understand where you are comming from. I am really jealous of his time with everyone else at times especially when I have been home and alone for a while.

 

[2girlsmom]

Tina, hugs to you! I have to say that based on all the previous posts I have read I don't think that he has any intentions of doing anything wrong. And yes, men and women CAN be friends only, but I would really not be comfortable with this either. Not to mention, guys can be clueless as to the woman's perspective, so even if it is never anything to him, doesn't mean it is nothing to this young woman. When DH was in tech school, he had a couple girls that were in his squadron, and they would all hang out on the river walk and stuff. When they moved training to Wichita Falls, I moved down there and within 2 days I had 7 or 8 people tell me that one specific girl had feelings for my dh and had been flirting with him shamelessly for the entire time of tech school, but to this day, dh says they were just friends and he never noticed any flirtation. I used to pick him up after training, and witnessed her in person, but he still didn't see it (he did agree to take my word for it, though). So while I am sure that you have nothing to worry about from your dh, I would certainly not be comfortable with this in your place, as you don't know the woman or these friends and what they are intending. Better to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think it's only human to feel the way you do. You have a good head on your shoulders. You aren't preventing him from doing it. You don't have to like the idea. Do something extra nice for yourself.

 

[Disney Darling]

Tina, hugs to you! I have to say that based on all the previous posts I have read I don't think that he has any intentions of doing anything wrong. And yes, men and women CAN be friends only, but I would really not be comfortable with this either. Not to mention, guys can be clueless as to the woman's perspective, so even if it is never anything to him, doesn't mean it is nothing to this young woman. When DH was in tech school, he had a couple girls that were in his squadron, and they would all hang out on the river walk and stuff. When they moved training to Wichita Falls, I moved down there and within 2 days I had 7 or 8 people tell me that one specific girl had feelings for my dh and had been flirting with him shamelessly for the entire time of tech school, but to this day, dh says they were just friends and he never noticed any flirtation. I used to pick him up after training, and witnessed her in person, but he still didn't see it (he did agree to take my word for it, though). So while I am sure that you have nothing to worry about from your dh, I would certainly not be comfortable with this in your place, as you don't know the woman or these friends and what they are intending. Better to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.

Exactly. Your DH is an upstanding guy, but you don't know these women or their intentions. Yes they know he's married but you aren't there to make it real for them. Know what I mean? I'm not saying this will ever turn into anything. It could be completely innocent and yes, I think guys and girls can be friends but thise whole thing SCREAMS double date. But that's just my opinion and you know what they say about those.

 

[ohiomom28]

I'd be worse than you.

Me too!

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thank you all for the replies. I haven't talked to my husband yet but I will. I trust him completely and that is my bottom line. He has lived and worked with women since the beginning of our marriage when he has been 10k miles away and in really close quarters. It boils down to my trust in him and his trust in himself and our marriage.