I'm not happy and it's a really stupid thing

[lovemygoofy]

I am so not happy with my husband right now. It's really stupid though and sounds stupid when I type it out.

Tonight my husband has a date, well not a date date but it sure sounds like it in my brain.

My husband is away for a few months, but will be home for a week or two at Christmas, and has a friend where he is in GA. He has known this guy for several years now. I still haven't met him but have talked to him, sent him goodies and so on. My husband spent the weekend over at this guy's house last weekend with his wife and other friends. I was happy he wasn't alone.

Last Saturday, my husband and his friend decorated the outside of the guy's house and then went to decorate the outside house of his wife's friend, single mom, so she wouldn't have to worry about it. He was there all day even though the buddy had to take off for a couple hours for a kid's ballgame or something.

Fastforward to lastnight and my husband tells me that he is going out tonight. His buddy with that guy's wife AND the other chick are going out to some concert and dinner and out on the town. I am jealous of a woman I don't even know. I know how childish this all sounds but we all have our moments.

I trust my husband. I don't know single chick to trust her and I'm not sure about the other couple as we've had some really baaaad experiences with other couples trying to step out of friendship boundaries.

So go ahead and tell me how stupid I'm feeling. I know I'm going to be really unhappy all tonight and I'm not going to call or text. I have to be an adult and show that I trust and respect him. That doesn't mean I don't want to punch the other chick in the eye lol.

 

[Mkrop]

 

[Robinrs]

The only thing I think is stupid is that this sounds more like a double date than an outing... and the fact that you're calling her a "chick". I'd be more disgusted with his friend and your husband for allowing this than with HER.

Why weren't YOU invited? I find that strange....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is not stupid. Your dh is away and having fun and you are missing him wishing you were there.

I would say you are normal.

 

[RunningGirl]

I would feel exactly the same way.

 

[tinatark]

You are right - it does seem like a date.... I would not be comfortable with it either - does he know how you feel?

 

[golfgal]

I would be jealous too, not of the woman necessarily but of the TIME he is spending with them since you get so little time with him.

I am sure he doesn't think anything of the going out with friends but you MIGHT want to clue him in on what it looks like from the outside--especially to his superiors.

 

[golfgal]

The only thing I think is stupid is that this sounds more like a double date than an outing... and the fact that you're calling her a "chick". I'd be more disgusted with his friend and your husband for allowing this than with HER.

Why weren't YOU invited? I find that strange....

She is in Washington, DC, this group is in Georgia (her husband is in the military).

 

[Christine]

Not stupid or childish AT ALL. That is a tough situation to be in. I'm sure your DH is an upstanding guy and that he can be trusted. Even with all that, it sure stings knowing that he is out in a group like that. I don't think your feelings are out of line at all.

 

[luvthatdisney]

Trust is very important in a marriage and his actions are making you question it. From your picture, you appear young and these feelings need to be "nipped in the bud". I would recommend having a conversation about this with your DH and tell him this is making you uncomfortable.

Granted you do not want him sitting alone, but there are some invitations he could reject as he is married. I agree with the pp that said this sounds like a double date. It could be totally innocent, but ... Put the shoe on the other foot, what if you did the same. How would he react. Food for thought.

My marriage did survive one bout of infidelity on my DH's part many years ago. It took alot of work, but we had a lot to lose. Our relationship is different now, we talk about our feelings, which we did not do before. Being open and honest is best. We are going on 25 years of marriage now and even though we still have to work on it, things are better.

Good luck to you!

 

[kellyg403]

I don't think you are stupid at all. Sometimes feelings pop up out of the blue, sometimes there are instincts associated with said feelings...sometimes our imagination gets the best of us.

From all the posts I have seen, you and your dh have a wonderful relationship. Being in the military is hard..harder than most think on a marriage. Your dh has been gone a lot in the last years so maybe its just one of those times where you are a little more sensitive or a little bit more needy. When my ex was deployed for about 4 of 5 years, I found myself needing extra from him and feeling like I was sensitive about things I normally wouldn't.

I would spell it out for your dh...while you are happy he is not alone, has some great friends, your feelings associated with the situation and the chick should be validated. He may not even realize it because you are so trusting and caring in your relationship. So, if it were me, I would just say hey, right now I am sensitive to this, I don't like it, lets solve it.

Kelly

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input.

Someone mentioned jealous of his time and you are so right. I am jealous that he is spending his time with others when we do get so little together. I was jealous that he was decorating someone else's house when I was struggling to do our house.

He does know I'm not thrilled with it but I also do trust him and don't want him just staying in his room. He told me that he was glad I told him I'm not happy with the situation and if I wanted he would leave the phone on speaker the whole night so I could be there too lol. That's a great husband.

 

[emma'smom]

I think your feelings are normal, but probably unfounded. The fact that he openly told you about his plans (and the time he spent with this woman before) means he's being very upfront--in my book, trustworthy.

I have co-workers who are male who I go to dinner with when we're at conferences. Just because they are male, doesn't automatically mean something inappropriate will happen. On this night out, chances are he spent the evening talking with this buddy and his wife spent the evening chatting with the "friend".

I mean, I'm married---and that's what usually happens at most dinner dates/parties I go to.

 

[kellyg403]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input.

Someone mentioned jealous of his time and you are so right. I am jealous that he is spending his time with others when we do get so little together. I was jealous that he was decorating someone else's house when I was struggling to do our house.

He does know I'm not thrilled with it but I also do trust him and don't want him just staying in his room. He told me that he was glad I told him I'm not happy with the situation and if I wanted he would leave the phone on speaker the whole night so I could be there too lol. That's a great husband.

 

[wdwfan16]

I don't think your feelings are stupid. I would feel the same way as you do.

 

[agnes!]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input.

Someone mentioned jealous of his time and you are so right. I am jealous that he is spending his time with others when we do get so little together. I was jealous that he was decorating someone else's house when I was struggling to do our house.

He does know I'm not thrilled with it but I also do trust him and don't want him just staying in his room. He told me that he was glad I told him I'm not happy with the situation and if I wanted he would leave the phone on speaker the whole night so I could be there too lol. That's a great husband.

Hey Tina, give me a ring! If you need some help decorating, I'll be glad to lend a hand .

As I was reading the posts, that's what I was thinking, that you're jealous of the *time*. I understand, my DH travels a lot on business, we miss him SO much when he's away. What's funny is that things feel odd when he's away but to top all that off he's gone so much that then it's also kind of odd when he's home!

agnes!

 

[Buckalew11]

I'd be worse than you.

 

[Tinker74]

I'd be worse than you.

Me too!...My dH works away during the week and comes home at weekends...I would NOT be happy about a "double date" situation with another couple and a single woman....Going out in a group is one thing but this is not right for a married man...especially when he knows its upsetting you. Iam angry with the buddy for encouraging this.

 

[Keli]

Tina, I've been married a long time to a wonderful guy and I'm telling you straight up I wouldn't like the situation either.
Part of how you stay married for a long time is you protect your relationship from outsiders. This woman may have absolutely zero designs on your husband. Or not. Doesn't matter, IMHO, your dh shouldn't accept any more invitations that appear to create 'couples' for the evening. An odd number would do a lot to make me feel better if I were you.

 

[si-am]

I'd be mad, too. I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel and how uncomfortable this makes you.

There are certain boundaries in marriage that shouldn't be crossed, even in total innocence, and a "double date" is definitely over the line.