I'm not fun anymore

[Doodlebop]

Does/did anyone ever feel like this? I just feel like I'm not a fun person anymore. I was looking at some old pictures, from college, even after that. I was always the bubbly, chipper, happy person. I'm not saying I'm not happy now. I am very happy...I love my DH and my kids, and my house. We have no major issues. I'd rather not work, but who wouldn't. I'm not depressed. Theres just always something to do or plan or worry about or take care of or something breaks and theres just no time. Maybe its just part of getting older. I feel bad though, cuz sometimes the kids want to play and I just don't feel like. I'm not saying I want to go cry, I just want to sit down and not move and watch tv. Or look online, or do something. Maybe my version of what fun is has changed? I don't know. Anyway, thanks for listening! Has anyone else ever gone thru this?

 

[gris gris]

Yep - quite often! I think it's just a part of "growing up" and having more responsibility. When I was in college all I really worried about was getting to class on time, getting good grades and graduating. After college I worried about what I'd be doing on Saturday night. These days with a DH, kids, job, etc....there's just so much going on. Another thing is that in the "old days" we always had $$ to blow on having fun. These days, our $$ gets spent on things that we need in order to run our lives and households. Where we used to go to a bar on Saturday night, it's really cheaper to stay home and have a drink. I keep thinking that once the kids are a little older (LOL one isn't even born yet!) and I can get myself a Jeep Wrangler, life will be a little more fun Maybe we make the sacrifice now while raising our families so we can have fun later? I don't know. I know I'm not depressed, crabby, miserable or anything like that and I do take time for myself, but I think it's hard right now to be "fun" all the time.

 

[sajetto]

I think its just because you're older and have more responsiblities. I used to make a joke out of everything now all my old high school and college buddies say I take things to seriously. A lot have stopped talking to me, but I have to worry about my house, bills, and a mountain of work. It always seems like something is going wrong so I don't stay in a very chipper mood. I'm not an angry or depressed person, just overwhelmed.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Every once in a while it would be nice to go out and not have all the responsibilities that comes along with having children. I don't think it's that you aren't fun I think it's just the priorities we have once we do have kids. It's a whole other ball game.

 

[dadto1]

I've found that working in the corporate world and having to manage DHE's all day every day pretty much zapped all the fun I had in me out.

 

[disykat]

Boy can I relate! Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to be more fun with my kids. It's quite a change from the days when people used to tell me they invited me because they knew I'd keep the party rolling.

I think part of my fun side decreased when I married dh. One of the reasons I fell in love with him is that he grounded me. However, that does lead to a certain lack of spontenaity. Then we bought the house and started having kids - time restraints certainly changed our social life and the amount of time we have for recreation. I have to remember that part of why dh fell in love with me was my fun side and not let that get lost!

 

[mickeyboat]

Yes, yes yes - I agree with what everyone else has said. I have a few ideas to add.

1. Find a new hobby - try something new that you have always wanted to try. Take a class. It seems counter-intuitive, because you would be taking time away from your family, but if it makes you a "funner" person to be around, it's worth it.

2. Turn off the TV. We spend a lot of time vegging in front of the tv during the winter. Our kids' school had TV turn off week last week, and we participated. We didn't have it off all week, but by just making an effort to find something else to do during down time, made our family life more fun than it has been in a long time. I read two books, and took the kids bike riding several times. DH and I actually talked a lot, too. It was great!

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[Tracey1974]

I've been going through the same thing since I went back to work in Nov. I am just not as chipper or fun as I used to be and DH was noticing. I am trying to make an effort to not be as grumpy but it isn't easy. I kind of miss my carefree days and when I used to smile all the time. I chalk it up to being a working mom with a 3 hour commute round trip, a 32 hour workweek, a house to keep clean and a 10 month old.

 

[Amy]

ITA agree with what's been posted - once you get married, buy a house and have kids, your priorities are totally changed. Our DS's are now 16 and 14, so we've got college looming ahead. Yes, it'll be nice to not have to run around for the kids so much, and it'll be heaven to get back to just the two of us and do "couple" things, but we'll also be so broke from college that we won't be able to go anywhere!

 

[Tracey1974]

1. Find a new hobby - try something new that you have always wanted to try. Take a class. It seems counter-intuitive, because you would be taking time away from your family, but if it makes you a "funner" person to be around, it's worth it.

THAT is what DH has been after me to do. I just don't have a hobby. I mean I like to shop and DIS but working and taking care of the baby take us most of my time. I love to cook but can only do that on the weekends. I just don't have time for everything.

 

[WeirdEyes]

I feel the exact same way! DH was telling me the other day that I just didn't seem happy. I'm happy! I just have 50 million things to do and no time to do them in!

 

[DMickey28]

You are speaking my language girls!! I feel the same way and we don't have kids. DH and I move alot for his job and that causing a lot of lingering feelings each time. It's hard. I have to keep finding jobs and I am tired of it. We are TTC #1 right now and I am hoping it will happen soon so that with this next month in July the pressure is off me to find a "real" job! We can certainly make it with DH's salary alone, and he is in a sale position which means comission. It seems that I worry so much about money and fianances and keeping the house clean and food available. I know I bring it on myself b/c DH could care less... but sometimes I don't know how to stop it.

Back last summer I was in a real funk. I wasn't unhappy or sad, but I wasn't happy either. I had everything going for me (still do) but I couldn't get away from the gray feeling of just handling everything day to day and not being able to enjoy much of it. I went to a doctor and talked with them. They felt that I was suffering from Mild Depression. I started talking to a counselor and it helped a lot. Eventually I started with Wellbutrin XL which helps keep me level. That's helped a lot too. I am doing better now, but still get into funks, especially now that I am off any kind of Birth Control.

I wish I had advice for everyone but I am there too!

 

[SC Minnie]

I am just plain tired.

I guess that comes from getting older and all the weight of the responsibilities. DH and I don't go out anymore when we do it is only to eat and then back home. We are asleep most night before 10. There is the 40 hr + work week outside the home then another 40 or so hours a wk of work around the home. In college I had more time to rest and play.

I also think as you get older your 'everyday fun' it just different. Saturday I played DDR with DD. We also go on walks and just talk. These things are fun for me now.

 

[MossMan]

Does/did anyone ever feel like this? I just feel like I'm not a fun person anymore.

Boy, do I hear you. When I think of all the fun stuff I used to do I can’t help but get all choked up with nostalgia. Whatever happened to that guy I once was?

I’m turning into my father. That’s something I promised I would never do.

So I tell you what, I’m going to break the pattern this weekend. I’m going to do at least one of those things I used to do when I was younger. Now I just have to figure out what it’s going to be. Here’s my short list:

1. Try a brand new drug: It’s been about 25 years since I last did any drugs, so it’s been about that long since I last tried anything new. When I was in college I would pretty much swallow or smoke anything you put in front me. So to recapture that time in my life I am going to start taking drugs again. Maybe I will give ecstasy a try, or how about that methamphetamine stuff I’ve been reading so much about. The point is to do something new and break out of my rut.

2. Have sex with a stranger. I’m still not sure if this one will fly with my wife. But it occurs to me that I haven’t had meaningless sex with an inebriated stranger since the early 80’s. Truth be known, I’m not sure how much fun this really was as I was mostly inebriated too. But it’s something I used to do when I was younger so it must have been fun.

3. Drive a car like a reckless fool: Now I’m reaching back to my teenage years. But I seem to remember driving way too fast in cars that had no business being on the road. Nowadays I never get speeding tickets in my minivan and carefully follow all the rules of the road. How boring is that?

4. Tell my boss off, quit my job and go to Europe for 2 months. I actually did this one spring and I have to say I’ve never had so much fun in my life. So I’m thinking maybe I could recreate this episode in my life. My family can live off my kids college fund while I’m off backpacking through Europe. It will be totally radical. I’ll do things just like I was 19 again. Of course I will need to find hostels that have chiropractic beds so I don’t aggravate my back problems. And hopefully the restaurants in Italy and Greece aren’t still using so much olive oil (ever since I turned 40, olive oil gives me indigestion).

So if any of you have any opinions on which one I should do, please go ahead and offer your opinion. (I used to be a lot more decisive when I was younger.)

 

[Tracey1974]

Boy, do I hear you. When I think of all the fun stuff I used to do I can’t help but get all choked up with nostalgia. Whatever happened to that guy I once was?

I’m turning into my father. That’s something I promised I would never do.

So I tell you what, I’m going to break the pattern this weekend. I’m going to do at least one of those things I used to do when I was younger. Now I just have to figure out what it’s going to be. Here’s my short list:

1. Try a brand new drug: It’s been about 25 years since I last did any drugs, so it’s been about that long since I last tried anything new. When I was in college I would pretty much swallow or smoke anything you put in front me. So to recapture that time in my life I am going to start taking drugs again. Maybe I will give ecstasy a try, or how about that methamphetamine stuff I’ve been reading so much about. The point is to do something new and break out of my rut.

2. Have sex with a stranger. I’m still not sure if this one will fly with my wife. But it occurs to me that I haven’t had meaningless sex with an inebriated stranger since the early 80’s. Truth be known, I’m not sure how much fun this really was as I was mostly inebriated too. But it’s something I used to do when I was younger so it must have been fun.

3. Drive a car like a reckless fool: Now I’m reaching back to my teenage years. But I seem to remember driving way too fast in cars that had no business being on the road. Nowadays I never get speeding tickets in my minivan and carefully follow all the rules of the road. How boring is that?

4. Tell my boss off, quit my job and go to Europe for 2 months. I actually did this one spring and I have to say I’ve never had so much fun in my life. So I’m thinking maybe I could recreate this episode in my life. My family can live off my kids college fund while I’m off backpacking through Europe. It will be totally radical. I’ll do things just like I was 19 again. Of course I will need to find hostels that have chiropractic beds so I don’t aggravate my back problems. And hopefully the restaurants in Italy and Greece aren’t still using so much olive oil (ever since I turned 40, olive oil gives me indigestion).

So if any of you have any opinions on which one I should do, please go ahead and offer your opinion. (I used to be a lot more decisive when I was younger.)

Very funny

 

[momx2]

Boy, do I hear you. When I think of all the fun stuff I used to do I can’t help but get all choked up with nostalgia. Whatever happened to that guy I once was?

I’m turning into my father. That’s something I promised I would never do.

So I tell you what, I’m going to break the pattern this weekend. I’m going to do at least one of those things I used to do when I was younger. Now I just have to figure out what it’s going to be. Here’s my short list:

1. Try a brand new drug: It’s been about 25 years since I last did any drugs, so it’s been about that long since I last tried anything new. When I was in college I would pretty much swallow or smoke anything you put in front me. So to recapture that time in my life I am going to start taking drugs again. Maybe I will give ecstasy a try, or how about that methamphetamine stuff I’ve been reading so much about. The point is to do something new and break out of my rut.

2. Have sex with a stranger. I’m still not sure if this one will fly with my wife. But it occurs to me that I haven’t had meaningless sex with an inebriated stranger since the early 80’s. Truth be known, I’m not sure how much fun this really was as I was mostly inebriated too. But it’s something I used to do when I was younger so it must have been fun.

3. Drive a car like a reckless fool: Now I’m reaching back to my teenage years. But I seem to remember driving way too fast in cars that had no business being on the road. Nowadays I never get speeding tickets in my minivan and carefully follow all the rules of the road. How boring is that?

4. Tell my boss off, quit my job and go to Europe for 2 months. I actually did this one spring and I have to say I’ve never had so much fun in my life. So I’m thinking maybe I could recreate this episode in my life. My family can live off my kids college fund while I’m off backpacking through Europe. It will be totally radical. I’ll do things just like I was 19 again. Of course I will need to find hostels that have chiropractic beds so I don’t aggravate my back problems. And hopefully the restaurants in Italy and Greece aren’t still using so much olive oil (ever since I turned 40, olive oil gives me indigestion).

So if any of you have any opinions on which one I should do, please go ahead and offer your opinion. (I used to be a lot more decisive when I was younger.)

I love it! Can I join you on your trip to Europe?

 

[luvmyboys]

You aren't alone! I am sitting here, in the library at George Mason Univ, studying for finals. (ok, DISing w/ a healthy dose of studying thrown in)! While the table next to me is discussing their wild weekend plans (MossMan- your to-do list would fit in well!) I am mulling over potty-training tactics for DS 1 and trying to figure out the logistics of DS 7's 2 baseball games and 1 birthday party on Saturday.

Wake me up when there's time for fun again!!!!
But, every day w/ my kids, no matter how hectic, time-crunched, etc... is MEANINGFUL. Though I must admit I do have the occasional twinge of jealousy as I am surrounded by 18-20 year-olds, I wouldn't trade my life w/ my DH & boys for all the keg-stands in the universe!!!