- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
- Messages
- 1,676
I just sometimes need to write it down to get it out of my head. I'm having such a hard time focusing and I have 2 finals tomorrow so I'm just gonna do it.
I don't know if I'm being melodramatic but I can't help but feel there is some truth to this. My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 18 months. It seems so intense because we basically see each other every day since the start and spend most nights together. We love each other and talk about getting married and having children etc... (in a few years).
We're both 23, and he just graduated this december and I'm graduating in May. We both plan to be teachers. Currently I go to school, substitute teach and work at the mall. He just finished student teaching, is subbing and also works at the mall with me. We're planning on going to WDW in Jan, and hopefully in about 4 years to get married there. We both live with our parents (who are cool with us spending nights). He is financially independent (paying for his car, bills, clothes, etc...) and only is supported by his parents by them providing shelter. On the other hand, my parents support me tremendously, and I help out but am no where near independence.
Since he graduated, he can now focus on substituting in order to secure a job in the district he wants. He also is the Asst. Band Directer there and Color guard coach, so he's pretty busy. Last summer he got his bartending license and was figuring on finding a job now, so he can keep it over the summer (we live near the beach so summers are VERY busy). Next semester I made my schedule so I can sub more and we were both planning on quitting our mall job after the holidays, since it's craptastic and the bosses are not very nice (Like not allowing someone to go to the emergency room).
We were going to do it tomorrow, and he just told me his mom won't let him quit. Now I know I'm not fully aware of their financial situation but I'm pretty sure he supports himself only. I'm kinda upset that he's just like, Ok I'm going to do what my mommy says. I mean, we're 23. It's not like he'll be bumming around. Even if he was he's been working his *** off since I can remember, always working 2 jobs, full class schedule, triple majoring, (and of course last week she was yelling at him that he doesn't do anything), I mean we'd barely see each other if we were sleeping over. My mom is a supervisor so I can basically guarentee he'd sub every day, and he'd make more money doing so, and could still bartend/barback on the weekend. He makes crap money at the mall and it's not worth the hassle. I feel kinda left just hanging there because now I have to choose to stay (so I can at least spend more time with him) or to quit.
I calmed down about it but I feel like we've just been playing this dream of us being together and being adults. I mean if you can't even stand up and say no I hate this job, I'm quitting it, and I have a better one, to your mother who doesn't even support you financially, nor you her, I don't know. I feel like we're just pretending, playing one big game of house. We're merely children, how can we love each other this much and be on this path of marriage and children of our own. I know I'm still young, but 23 isn't that young. I thought i had this plan for my future and I feel like it's merely a game. We're not a man or woman, rather a foolish boy and girl. I felt like we were this team, but we're not. He has his life and I have mine and maybe it's not meant to be together. We're not a family yet. He has to obey his and I do mine, so how can act like we are one unit. I feel so stupid and foolish to think we were more. This is just such a painful realization and I'm crying as I write this. I've always had problems jumping into things and I really thought I did better now, but I haven't changed. I'm in a reality that doesn't exist, and it just really hurts leaving it.
Ok that's my long crazy rant and I'm sorry that I took time from your day who, if anyone, read this.
I don't know if I'm being melodramatic but I can't help but feel there is some truth to this. My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 18 months. It seems so intense because we basically see each other every day since the start and spend most nights together. We love each other and talk about getting married and having children etc... (in a few years).
We're both 23, and he just graduated this december and I'm graduating in May. We both plan to be teachers. Currently I go to school, substitute teach and work at the mall. He just finished student teaching, is subbing and also works at the mall with me. We're planning on going to WDW in Jan, and hopefully in about 4 years to get married there. We both live with our parents (who are cool with us spending nights). He is financially independent (paying for his car, bills, clothes, etc...) and only is supported by his parents by them providing shelter. On the other hand, my parents support me tremendously, and I help out but am no where near independence.
Since he graduated, he can now focus on substituting in order to secure a job in the district he wants. He also is the Asst. Band Directer there and Color guard coach, so he's pretty busy. Last summer he got his bartending license and was figuring on finding a job now, so he can keep it over the summer (we live near the beach so summers are VERY busy). Next semester I made my schedule so I can sub more and we were both planning on quitting our mall job after the holidays, since it's craptastic and the bosses are not very nice (Like not allowing someone to go to the emergency room).
We were going to do it tomorrow, and he just told me his mom won't let him quit. Now I know I'm not fully aware of their financial situation but I'm pretty sure he supports himself only. I'm kinda upset that he's just like, Ok I'm going to do what my mommy says. I mean, we're 23. It's not like he'll be bumming around. Even if he was he's been working his *** off since I can remember, always working 2 jobs, full class schedule, triple majoring, (and of course last week she was yelling at him that he doesn't do anything), I mean we'd barely see each other if we were sleeping over. My mom is a supervisor so I can basically guarentee he'd sub every day, and he'd make more money doing so, and could still bartend/barback on the weekend. He makes crap money at the mall and it's not worth the hassle. I feel kinda left just hanging there because now I have to choose to stay (so I can at least spend more time with him) or to quit.
I calmed down about it but I feel like we've just been playing this dream of us being together and being adults. I mean if you can't even stand up and say no I hate this job, I'm quitting it, and I have a better one, to your mother who doesn't even support you financially, nor you her, I don't know. I feel like we're just pretending, playing one big game of house. We're merely children, how can we love each other this much and be on this path of marriage and children of our own. I know I'm still young, but 23 isn't that young. I thought i had this plan for my future and I feel like it's merely a game. We're not a man or woman, rather a foolish boy and girl. I felt like we were this team, but we're not. He has his life and I have mine and maybe it's not meant to be together. We're not a family yet. He has to obey his and I do mine, so how can act like we are one unit. I feel so stupid and foolish to think we were more. This is just such a painful realization and I'm crying as I write this. I've always had problems jumping into things and I really thought I did better now, but I haven't changed. I'm in a reality that doesn't exist, and it just really hurts leaving it.
Ok that's my long crazy rant and I'm sorry that I took time from your day who, if anyone, read this.