I'm in trouble now!

[mjaclyn]

Just a question... I'm not that familiar with how 1st Communion works, but would it be possible for her to switch it to the first full weekend in May? The concert and acting in a musical can't just be switched around...but what about the communion? Is it something that happens on a regular basis? If it can't be switched, I like the idea of having a party the next weekend and just catching the actual event on camera. Then the family could watch the whole thing the weekend that everyone had planned on coming during the party.

 

[Metsfan520]

I also don't get how they got the wrong weekend. If I told someone it was the first Sunday in May then I would think they could look at a calendar and the first Sunday that was in May would be it.

Every First Communion I have been to has been on a Saturday. So I would have thought it was May 7th if I was told "the first weekend in May." My nephew's First Communion was that same weekend a few years ago, my sister told us the exact date as soon as she knew it. Her church doesn't reschedule, nor do they give people a chance to pick the date.

 

[ccgirl]

OP - just realized the niece that is making her First Communion is also your Goddaughter. Is there any way you could make it? Perhaps your DH could drive as you napped? Good luck with your decision. Juggling all of these children's activities is not easy. This particular one is a once in a lifetime though.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I'd chalk this all up to one big misunderstanding. I think we also need to consider the fact that yes, this is still 4 months away. SIL probably had no idea that the date needed to be so exact even before Christmas.

I do have to say that *if* she said "first weekend in May" I would have assumed May 1st, because I would have assumed Sunday, OR I would have asked for clarification. However, I'm thinking that she may very well could have said something along the lines of "it's always the first weekend in May", or "it's usually the first Sunday in May at our church" before she herself knew the EXACT date. I would love to hear *her* side of what put out because this may be case of saying one thing and hearing another.

OP has a dilemma, but as far as I'm concerned, for the grandparents, this is a no brainer- try to sell the concert tickets now.

And you can all mark your calendar's now for Mother's Day, which is always the second Sunday in May. It's May 8th, and not the 15th, no matter what your position is on the "second weekend in May."

 

[Mermaid02]

I'd chalk this all up to one big misunderstanding. I think we also need to consider the fact that yes, this is still 4 months away. SIL probably had no idea that the date needed to be so exact even before Christmas.

I do have to say that *if* she said "first weekend in May" I would have assumed May 1st, because I would have assumed Sunday, OR I would have asked for clarification. However, I'm thinking that she may very well could have said something along the lines of "it's always the first weekend in May", or "it's usually the first Sunday in May at our church" before she herself knew the EXACT date. I would love to hear *her* side of what put out because this may be case of saying one thing and hearing another.

OP has a dilemma, but as far as I'm concerned, for the grandparents, this is a no brainer- try to sell the concert tickets now.

And you can all mark your calendar's now for Mother's Day, which is always the second Sunday in May. It's May 8th, and not the 15th, no matter what your position is on the "second weekend in May."

Mother's day is the 2nd SUNDAY in May- not the second weekend.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I don't think the OP ever came back and said if the communion was in fact on Saturday or Sunday. At any rate....Johnny Mathis is playing in IL on Saturday, April 30th. So, if the communion is on Sunday, they can do both as well.

 

[moon]

I remember my First Communion quite well. I was 8 yrs old and it was a very VERY big deal to me. The importance of the event was clear to me and I was so excited and looking forward to it. Having the whole family there meant the world to me and it was a happy, happy day.

I just wanted to share another POV from someone who experienced a First Communion.

It's sad thar there was a misunderstanding, but the way I see it there will be other plays and concerts; however, the First Communion is a once in a lifetime event. If the grandparents are such huge Johnny Mathis fans, it can be arrenged for then to see him in another date (though considering the lenght of Mr Mathis career, how much of fans can they be if they have never seen him?).

OP, I know this is a big dilemma for you, but the way I see it, it would be a pity for you to miss the First Communion, esp because you are her Godmother. This is a big milestone in your Goddaughter's spiritual life, and having her model her dress afterwards, or doing something special later won't make up for your absence.

A couple of posters (who are no longer Catholic) have told you their First communion wasn't a big deal. I'm a lapsed Catholic, but to me it was a big deal and still cherish the memories. OP, only you know your niece and how much this means to her. I'd base my decision on that more than on anything else.

Gool luck in whatever you decide

 

[KiminChicago]

OP here, I guess I need to clarify a few things. First of all, this is DSis's younger daughter, her older daughter made her 1st Communion two years ago on a Saturday, furthering my assumption that the first weekend in May meant the 7th and 8th. This year's ceremony is also on Saturday, and although there is also the possibility that my goddaughter could make her 1st Communion on Sunday, my sister has decided to dig in her heels and celebrate on Saturday. My BIL's family lives in Michigan so they will be there on Saturday.

My parents were not sure about travelling to Michigan in any case. My dad has had some medical issues which have caused the rest of us to limit his driving (no driving at night). I had suggested that my parents ride with us but if my sister is insisting on a Saturday 1st Communion, I don't see how that will work. We would have to drive to Michigan early Saturday morning, stay for an hour or two, then turn right around to get back for the Saturday night performance (and the concert).

 

[Ceila]

This year's ceremony is also on Saturday

So, your sis said it's the first weekend in May, but the Communion isn't even IN May! And she's mad at you?? I stand by my first post in this thread - she really dropped the ball. Especially if she has the option of changing to Sunday, allowing everyone to come, but won't.

 

[kaytieeldr]

If the grandparents are such huge Johnny Mathis fans, it can be arrenged for then to see him in another date (though considering the lenght of Mr Mathis career, how much of fans can they be if they have never seen him?).

That's cynical. Circumstances interfere. Life intervenes. Responsibility intercedes.

I loved Ricky Nelson. He was appearing in Cambridge, MA one December. I decided I didn't want to go alone and couldn't find anyone to go with me. I was in my twenties, and he was relatively young, too. I had plenty of other chances to see him perform.

He died in a plane crash a few weeks later.

I'm a HUGE Beach Boys fan. Huge. I had tickets, travel arrangements, friends to go with... my parents came to visit (I was at college). I didn't have another opportunity to see them live for about twenty five years. By then it really wasn't "the Beach Boys", it was just Mike Love and some other guys.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So, your sis said it's the first weekend in May, but the Communion isn't even IN May! And she's mad at you?? I stand by my first post in this thread - she really dropped the ball. Especially if she has the option of changing to Sunday, allowing everyone to come, but won't.

I agree. It sounds like your sister is trying to bully the family at her daughter's expense I would not go. Instead I would send a really nice note and gift to my niece and make a point of going up to visit the following weekend and asking her to model her dress for me and then taking her out for a nice lunch or other special "grown up" treat to celebrate. I am not fond of giving in to bullies or guilt trips.

 

[Tiger926]

OP here, I guess I need to clarify a few things. First of all, this is DSis's younger daughter, her older daughter made her 1st Communion two years ago on a Saturday, furthering my assumption that the first weekend in May meant the 7th and 8th. This year's ceremony is also on Saturday, and although there is also the possibility that my goddaughter could make her 1st Communion on Sunday, my sister has decided to dig in her heels and celebrate on Saturday. My BIL's family lives in Michigan so they will be there on Saturday.

My parents were not sure about travelling to Michigan in any case. My dad has had some medical issues which have caused the rest of us to limit his driving (no driving at night). I had suggested that my parents ride with us but if my sister is insisting on a Saturday 1st Communion, I don't see how that will work. We would have to drive to Michigan early Saturday morning, stay for an hour or two, then turn right around to get back for the Saturday night performance (and the concert).

This changes things. If sister has the option to change, and won't, then she is risking her daughter's happiness for stubborn pride? I'm not sure what else to think...?

That event is very important, but to not change the date in order to accommodate everyone, speaks to greater issues.

At this point, I think it might be wise to take step back, and leave it be for a few days, so that sis can calm down a bit. She needs to be more realistic to the fact that she messed up big time, and since she has the opportunity to fix it, and won't, this is very immature of her.

I so hope you find an equitable solution, but considering this new info, it seems that your niece/goddaughter is going to suffer due to the immaturity and miscommunications of the adults in her life, the biggest of which is her mom.

I can totally understand as my sister is like this (we live in the same city, just a few minutes from each other) - the exact opposite of me: not a planner, doesn't send out invites, constantly changes dates, expects people to drop things to attend events in a few hours, etc. It has made for some serious issues, of which I have always stood my ground that the children should never be made to pay for the flakiness, irresponsibility or immaturity of the adults in their lives, and we have usually been able to work things out. Although a few times, she has expected me to cancel events (well your nieces are always more important than xxx), and we've had major blow outs about her irresponsibility in properly notifying people. She has improved a bit, due to some big arguments on our end. Hopefully, your niece's special day doesn't result in that.

Tiger

 

[Mermaid02]

Yeah, knowing that the ceremony is in actually not even in May... come on, I think your sister was confused and now she's trying to CYA (or CHA as it is!).

I'd try, but not kill myself to change plans.

 

[Hannathy]

I agree. It sounds like your sister is trying to bully the family at her daughter's expense I would not go. Instead I would send a really nice note and gift to my niece and make a point of going up to visit the following weekend and asking her to model her dress for me and then taking her out for a nice lunch or other special "grown up" treat to celebrate. I am not fond of giving in to bullies or guilt trips.

Sorry but this isn't a birthday party she is missing. The dress isn't the important part, the treat isn't the important part. It is a momentous religious thing. And she is he GodMother! this is exactly what they ask you if you are agreeing to be there for the child when you agree to be the Godparent. I couldn't imagine short of being in the hospital or military ever missing my God Child's first Communion, especially since the reason is she will be tired.

I don't think she is being a bully at all. I think she is honestly very very hurt that the importance of this occasion is being swept under the table for an everyday concert and not wanting to go tired. I would be devastated if I was her, and from my Mom and sister, to very important people in my life and my children's life.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sorry but this isn't a birthday party she is missing. The dress isn't the important part, the treat isn't the important part. It is a momentous religious thing. And she is he GodMother! this is exactly what they ask you if you are agreeing to be there for the child when you agree to be the Godparent. I couldn't imagine short of being in the hospital or military ever missing my God Child's first Communion, especially since the reason is she will be tired.

I don't think she is being a bully at all. I think she is honestly very very hurt that the importance of this occasion is being swept under the table for an everyday concert and not wanting to go tired. I would be devastated if I was her, and from my Mom and sister, to very important people in my life and my children's life.

But it wasn't important enough to her to make sure she gave everyone the correct date. It's not even in May for heaven's sake! I think the Mom thought it was the next weekend and now is blaming everyone else for her mistake and trying to guilt them all into changing their plans.

 

[castleview]

I'll be getting flamed here, but reading this thread makes me very happy that I chose DH's congregational upbringing for our kids over my own Catholic one. No drama, no expensive dress, no reception, etc….

Anyway, the sister screwed up. What are you going to do? Maybe she could change the party date to the following weekend. Sounds convenient to me and no one else has to give up a concert, show, etc.

 

[Tiger926]

Sorry but this isn't a birthday party she is missing. The dress isn't the important part, the treat isn't the important part. It is a momentous religious thing. And she is he GodMother! this is exactly what they ask you if you are agreeing to be there for the child when you agree to be the Godparent. I couldn't imagine short of being in the hospital or military ever missing my God Child's first Communion, especially since the reason is she will be tired.

I don't think she is being a bully at all. I think she is honestly very very hurt that the importance of this occasion is being swept under the table for an everyday concert and not wanting to go tired. I would be devastated if I was her, and from my Mom and sister, to very important people in my life and my children's life.

I will disagree, because if it was that important, she would have given the exact date, whether by email, verbally or save the date cards. She couldn't even bother to get the date right, and now that she has the opportunity to change the date, she won't. Big problems, as far as I'm concerned...

I have been there, and have done everything in my power to alert people months in advance (before invites go out), for very important events. It ensures that all people have the proper info in order to make sufficient arrangements.

This is a major fire that OP's sister has started, and it never needed to be, if she would have used an actual number date.

Still scratching my head at the OP's sister...

As an aside, for those of you who don't understand the significance of a first communion, by DD7, is right now in her playroom playing first communion with her dollies. She has been waiting for her big day in June, since she was 2.5 years old. She is not that concerned with the dress or the party, but actually getting her bread, so for some kids, it's a huge deal!

Tiger

 

[NHdisneylover]

Sorry but this isn't a birthday party she is missing. The dress isn't the important part, the treat isn't the important part. It is a momentous religious thing. And she is he GodMother! this is exactly what they ask you if you are agreeing to be there for the child when you agree to be the Godparent. I couldn't imagine short of being in the hospital or military ever missing my God Child's first Communion, especially since the reason is she will be tired.

I don't think she is being a bully at all. I think she is honestly very very hurt that the importance of this occasion is being swept under the table for an everyday concert and not wanting to go tired. I would be devastated if I was her, and from my Mom and sister, to very important people in my life and my children's life.

See--to me it is not important enough to the mother to bother getting the right date (not even the right month) out to people, or to switch by one day to make sure people can be there. If SHE does not feel it is that important why on earth should other people? So, YES, she is trying to bully people into rearrange their lives for something she was not willing to compromise on--or just spend 5 minutes getting right information to people in the first place.
Yes, I know the religious aspect of it is what is supposed to be important. realistically most 8 year olds are more focused on the dress and the party/gifts. At least most that I know. So, the aunt/godmother showing the girl she (the girl) is a priority and important in her life by spending special time the next weekend with her still works--and if religion is what truly matters, does God really care who else is at the church/party that day? Or does He care that the godparent is over all a good spiritual guide and a good person and someone who takes time for the child (on whichever weekend)?

 

[Hannathy]

Posted before I saw the update. Now I don't get what striking the set till 1 has to do with anything?

Can just you and your Parents go and you just be a bit late getting there Saturday night? I'm sure a middle school production could find someone to cover for a bit. go for the service and a bit of the party and then leave.

I still say your parents should skip the concert and then stay over if he can't drive at night and you can't go.

 

[allison443]

I'll be getting flamed here, but reading this thread makes me very happy that I chose DH's congregational upbringing for our kids over my own Catholic one. No drama, no expensive dress, no reception, etc….

Anyway, the sister screwed up. What are you going to do? Maybe she could change the party date to the following weekend. Sounds convenient to me and no one else has to give up a concert, show, etc.

Your comment seems quite gratuitious to me. I'm sure you realize that "drama", expensive dresses and receptions, are not Catholic dogma. Those are the choices of individual families. I would hope people choose their religions/beliefs for other reasons.