I'm in trouble now!

[moon]

This was not the reason I went without Catholicism, there were many other reasons (don't believe in it, too strict, etc.). But what I mentioned was a nice side effect. I don't know so much about the rest of your post. When I went through it the dress, drama, and reception were the choice of every family going through it….and it seemed rather encouraged by the church.

Actually, when I had my First Communion a great deal of time was spent teaching us that it was not about the dress/ party. They wanted to diminish the superficial aspect of it so much that long gowns were forbidden in an effort to avoid ostentatious dresses. As for my "reception", it was brunch at my uncle's house. Nothing expensive or fancy, just a lot of fun, and not an ounce of drama.

OP, I also want to commend you for trying to be flexible. There's some time between now and the First Communion. Hopefullly everyone will try and come to an agreement by then. Please, keep us updated!

 

[castleview]

Actually, when I had my First Communion a great deal of time was spent teaching us that it was not about the dress/ party. They wanted to diminish the superficial aspect of it so much that long gowns were forbidden in an effort to avoid ostentatious dresses. As for my "reception", it was brunch at my uncle's house. Nothing expensive or fancy, just a lot of fun, and not an ounce of drama.

OP, I also want to commend you for trying to be flexible. There's some time between now and the First Communion. Hopefullly everyone will try and come to an agreement by then. Please, keep us updated!

And that is how it should be. It's about the communion and service, not the child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, I decided to throw myself on my sword as it were and call my sister and apologize for the misunderstanding. It turns out that my sister wants to have the 1st Communion on Saturday because they have friends coming in from Ohio and she wanted to make it easier for them. The 1st Communion on Saturday is at 4:30pm (5:30 my time), meaning I would completely miss the Saturday performance of the musical. And of course, all the cleanup afterward. So I asked my sister what time was available on Sunday. Apparently there are two possibilities: 9:30 (8:30 Chicago time) or 11:30 (10:30 our time). And sister dear doesn't want to do the 11:30 since that would also inconvenience the Ohio friends. So it looks like it's either Saturday or the early Sunday Mass, she's going to let me know.....

Then she tells me that she was thinking of asking for her money back. It seems that she contributed part of the money that paid for the Johnny Mathis concert tickets, yet she never asked when the concert was either! Since I was not involved in the concert at all, I didn't know what to say to that (I'm honestly still a little peeved that the sister who bought the tickets completely shut me down when I pointed out that it was the same weekend as my son's musical).

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

Number 1, avoid the concert drama like it is the Bubonic Plague. In other words say....Oh..... and nothing more when the sister's start talking the smack.

Number 2, I think your decison at the end is the best one. If she chooses Sat., then she has to live with her decision.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

Well I'm glad it's worked out, but wow, that sucks.

 

[okeydokey]

So the Saturday communion date sis picked is actually in April? How can that be construed at the first weekend in May?

 

[MELSMICE]

So, your sis said it's the first weekend in May, but the Communion isn't even IN May! And she's mad at you?? I stand by my first post in this thread - she really dropped the ball. Especially if she has the option of changing to Sunday, allowing everyone to come, but won't.

Agree.

From the last update you gave OP, I would say you are going out of your way to try to accommodate your sister. Don't forget about your own safety of driving such a great distance both ways on no sleep. Don't put yourself and your family in harm's way.

I, personally, would still say I'm sorry that we won't be able to attend.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think what is getting missed here is what an important occasion this is if you are a devout Catholic. I am wondering in the child was making his Bar Mitzvah (sp) would you also advise the grandparents to go to an everyday concert instead ?

Yes, I would say the same thing about a Bar Mitzvah in these circumstance. Or a baptism or wedding (all things this has been compared to in the thread). To me this has nothing to do with the specific religion.

Also, if the parents are big fans, and they have never been to a concert (perhaps they cannot afford concerts and this is a huge deal to them that they got it as a gift) then it is not an "everyday" thing to them. You keep going back to how it is an everyday or "silly" event--that is your value of the concert--but clearly not theirs. There could be some extra reason as ell as to why this particular concert is special to them--just like there is a reason why this particuar mass is special to the sister and little girl (you know masses are pretty frequent events otherwise too).

Well, I decided to throw myself on my sword as it were and call my sister and apologize for the misunderstanding. It turns out that my sister wants to have the 1st Communion on Saturday because they have friends coming in from Ohio and she wanted to make it easier for them. The 1st Communion on Saturday is at 4:30pm (5:30 my time), meaning I would completely miss the Saturday performance of the musical. And of course, all the cleanup afterward. So I asked my sister what time was available on Sunday. Apparently there are two possibilities: 9:30 (8:30 Chicago time) or 11:30 (10:30 our time). And sister dear doesn't want to do the 11:30 since that would also inconvenience the Ohio friends. So it looks like it's either Saturday or the early Sunday Mass, she's going to let me know.....

Then she tells me that she was thinking of asking for her money back. It seems that she contributed part of the money that paid for the Johnny Mathis concert tickets, yet she never asked when the concert was either! Since I was not involved in the concert at all, I didn't know what to say to that (I'm honestly still a little peeved that the sister who bought the tickets completely shut me down when I pointed out that it was the same weekend as my son's musical).

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

Oh gracious. Well, if the Ohio friends are more important than family (from an attendance perspective) I think that is her perogative--but then she shouldn't complain that you are not there. I think your plan to go if it is on SUnday and not (and honor your other commitments) if on Saturday makes perfect sense.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes, just like there is a reason why this particuar mass is special to the sister and little girl (you know masses are pretty frequent events otherwise too).



Oh gracious. Well, if the Ohio friends are more important than family (from an attendance perspective) I think that is her perogative--but then she shouldn't complain that you are not there. I think your plan to go if it is on SUnday and not (and honor your other commitments) if on Saturday makes perfect sense.

No you can only have a FIRST one time, it isn't an ordinary mass.


Maybe the Ohio friends didn't start complaining about the date or having prior commitments.........

 

[rascalmom]

No you can only have a FIRST one time, it isn't an ordinary mass.


Maybe the Ohio friends didn't start complaining about the date or having prior commitments.........

Or perhaps the Ohio friends aren't having to place common sense and travel safety at risk to make an overnight drive with little sleep. Evidently the sis was able to communicate the correct date to the Ohio friends in the first place....but not so with her own family?

My parents are aging - and while "firsts" are important in the life of a child....in an aging couple beginning to have travel difficulties (can't drive at night, etc), "lasts" also become important. The sis with date communication problem even participated in the purchase of the ticket gift - so she must have understood this was something important to her parents.

I grew up in a family where my grandparents were at every important activity - but they only lived 10 miles away.

 

[NHdisneylover]

No you can only have a FIRST one time, it isn't an ordinary mass.


Maybe the Ohio friends didn't start complaining about the date or having prior commitments.........

Yes, obviously it is not "just" a mass to the first communion takers--my point was it might not be "just" a concert to the grandparents (and as the PP stated, they may well feel it is their last chance depending on their age and health). That was my point--why something is significant varies from one's perspective, and to write off what the grandparents value as unimportant just because you don't value it is just as bad as someone else writing off what is important to you for the same reason.

 

[Mermaid02]

Does anyone else think the SISTER was confused and thought the ceremony was the first weekend in May- and is now trying to save face saying everyone misunderstood her?

 

[NHdisneylover]

My guess is that the ceremony is always the weekend before Mother's Day. 90% of the time that is the first weekend in May. I bet the SISTER assumed the rule was first weekend in May (not one before Mother's Day) and gave people that date without checking the church calendar first and yes she is now back pedaling and trying to twist words to make it appear others made the mistake.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does anyone else think the SISTER was confused and thought the ceremony was the first weekend in May- and is now trying to save face saying everyone misunderstood her?

No, I think the family doesn't communicate well because no one asked what the specific date was.

I mean if my sister told me that her kid was making her first communion I would ask which date and time when she said first weekend in May. Plus I would ask her the plans and other stuff.

I would not let her vague answer go and ask for a specific date because I write everything on my calendar and I am a planner. Plus I forget stuff and if it is not written down, I will make mistakes.

I have learned to never ever assume anything. It makes for an easier life for me.

 

[Mermaid02]

No, I think the family doesn't communicate well because no one asked what the specific date was.

I mean if my sister told me that her kid was making her first communion I would ask which date and time when she said first weekend in May. Plus I would ask her the plans and other stuff.

I would not let her vague answer go and ask for a specific date because I write everything on my calendar and I am a planner. Plus I forget stuff and if it is not written down, I will make mistakes.

I have learned to never ever assume anything. It makes for an easier life for me.

I would have asked too- but she said "the first weekend in May" which was completely wrong. I think she's backpeddling.

 

[RadioFanatic]

seems like your sister has already decided her ohio friends are more important than family re communion times; so she appears to be a bit more than hypocritical to me.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would have asked too- but she said "the first weekend in May" which was completely wrong. I think she's backpeddling.

Whether she is backpeddling or not, I think it is weird to not ask for the specific date of something. That tells me that both parties are not very good with communicating with each other.

I never assume anything, ever, anymore. I have "my calendar". Even DH knows to "check the calendar".

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

So-called 'Christian thinking' doesn't have anything to do with it. Sis was responsible for getting the proper information to those she wanted to attend. Because she didn't do that, plans and committments were made by family that prevent them from attending. If she wants these family members to attend, she needs to make an attempt to rectify the situation. The only one at blame her is Sis, not because she made a mistake, but because she appears to be compounding that mistake by showing an unwillingness to take an alternate date that might resolve the issue.

If it was April, I'd agree with you, but it's January. The event is four months away.

Four months is plenty of time to sell a concert ticket and recruit someone else to take apart a set for a school play.

 

[ccgirl]

This was not the reason I went without Catholicism, there were many other reasons (don't believe in it, too strict, etc.). But what I mentioned was a nice side effect. I don't know so much about the rest of your post. When I went through it the dress, drama, and reception were the choice of every family going through it….and it seemed rather encouraged by the church.

My DD goes to a small parochial school. It is so not about the dress and party for them. It is very much discouraged, actually.

Number 1, avoid the concert drama like it is the Bubonic Plague. In other words say....Oh..... and nothing more when the sister's start talking the smack.

Number 2, I think your decison at the end is the best one. If she chooses Sat., then she has to live with her decision.

This.

No, I think the family doesn't communicate well because no one asked what the specific date was.

I mean if my sister told me that her kid was making her first communion I would ask which date and time when she said first weekend in May. Plus I would ask her the plans and other stuff.

I would not let her vague answer go and ask for a specific date because I write everything on my calendar and I am a planner. Plus I forget stuff and if it is not written down, I will make mistakes.

I have learned to never ever assume anything. It makes for an easier life for me.

This too. I would have asked for the specific date and any plans.

If it was April, I'd agree with you, but it's January. The event is four months away.

Four months is plenty of time to sell a concert ticket and recruit someone else to take apart a set for a school play.

This too. Lets face it....this is not a last minutes notice. OP - I am curious, did the family wait to make the plans for the play and concert until after the date of the First Communion was announced? I was amazed at how many people were calling me asking when my DD's First Communion was as they knew this was the big year. I just let them know I didn't know for sure until I had the actual date. I am very OCD about actual dates though. In my church, we just found out the date last week. I know every church is different though.

I will say though, I am surprised at your sister's reaction as well. Especially given the fact you are the Godmother. If I was up in the air with the date I would confirm it with the Godparents/Grandparents first to see which works out better for them. I thought she mentioned the Saturday date was also better for her DH's family?

 

[MELSMICE]

No you can only have a FIRST one time, it isn't an ordinary mass.


Maybe the Ohio friends didn't start complaining about the date or having prior commitments.........

The OP stated she has the option to change the date of this "First" but is choosing not too because she doesn't want to inconvenience her friends.

Four months is plenty of time to sell a concert ticket and recruit someone else to take apart a set for a school play.

The sis, whose DD is making her communion, paid for a portion of the concert tickets. I'm assuming she knew what date the concert was when the tickets were purchased. If not, she should have confirmed the date & realized there would be a conflict.

Suppose the communion date wasn't announced when the concert tickets were purchased. When the sis did see the date conflict she should have immediately asked for the Sunday date of May 1 & this all could have been avoided.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Whether she is backpeddling or not, I think it is weird to not ask for the specific date of something.

I think it's weirder (read: less responsible) not to GIVE the specific dates. Combine that with giving the entire wrong month and expecting invitees to "sense" what the hostess actually meant - I think the sister is in the wrong.

If you had told me in December something is happening "next year", that means 2011; if you tell me today it's happening next year, that means 2012. "The first weekend in May" DOESN'T translate in ANY way to April 30. Ever.

The first Sunday in May, okay. But the first weekend in May is the first full weekend. Miscommunication on the niece's mom's part. Plus, she should realize her parents can't safely drive at night, but would have to, and should accommodate them over ANYONE else.