I'm in trouble now!

[Hannathy]

So where is the Christian thinking that the Mom just made a mistake? Isn't the Christian thing to do to forgive her for the mistake and being there, when it is within their power, just not convenient. Or is it more important to prove she goofed up and by golly you will show her and go to a silly concert.

 

[ccgirl]

OP here, I guess I need to clarify a few things. First of all, this is DSis's younger daughter, her older daughter made her 1st Communion two years ago on a Saturday, furthering my assumption that the first weekend in May meant the 7th and 8th. This year's ceremony is also on Saturday, and although there is also the possibility that my goddaughter could make her 1st Communion on Sunday, my sister has decided to dig in her heels and celebrate on Saturday. My BIL's family lives in Michigan so they will be there on Saturday.

My parents were not sure about travelling to Michigan in any case. My dad has had some medical issues which have caused the rest of us to limit his driving (no driving at night). I had suggested that my parents ride with us but if my sister is insisting on a Saturday 1st Communion, I don't see how that will work. We would have to drive to Michigan early Saturday morning, stay for an hour or two, then turn right around to get back for the Saturday night performance (and the concert).

I think people are forgetting the fact that this is still 4 months out. Still should be plenty of notice. You say there is the "possibility" that your Goddaughter could make her 1st communion on Sunday? Does that mean she would not be making her First Communion with her CCD class? Posters are saying the sister made a mistake by giving the "wrong" date. Well, the OP made a mistake by assuming it was the next weekend. Asking her to switch the date of her daughter's First Communion to suit your schedule sounds a little off to me. Maybe that date fits with the rest of her DH's family? I just told the majority of out of state guests about my DD's Communion last week. Either they choose to come or not come. I know my immediate family will definitely be there as they wouldn't miss this barring a tragic illness or something along those lines. You now know the date of the First Communion so now you have a decision to make. Do you forgo the Saturday play, giving plenty of notice, to go to the Communion? Or, do you forgo the Communion to stay for the play? That's a decision only you can make. Will you have any regrets if you choose one over the other?

BTW, First Communions don't have to be expensive. I got my DD's dress for $25 and we're having food back at my house. No expensive dress or reception.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I couldn't imagine short of being in the hospital or military ever missing my God Child's first Communion, especially since the reason is she will be tired.

I don't think she is being a bully at all. I think she is honestly very very hurt that the importance of this occasion is being swept under the table for an everyday concert and not wanting to go tired.

But it wasn't important enough to her to make sure she gave everyone the correct date.

Agreed. A communion - anything - on the Saturday ultimately indicated by the OP is, to a reasonable person, the last weekend in April. It's not the first weekend in May. That Saturday is April 30 - it's not even in May, period. The child's mother is wrong here.

The mother made the mistake here - a big one. Her sister (the OP) and their parents made other commitments based on the erroneous information provided by the mother. It's more than just "an everyday concert" or "being tired". The first weekend in May as directed by the communionee's mom was left free by both parties. The last weekend in April? No. They made plans.

The mother should reschedule the First Communion to align with the information she provided her family.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I think people are forgetting the fact that this is still 4 months out. Still should be plenty of notice. You say there is the "possibility" that your Goddaughter could make her 1st communion on Sunday? Does that mean she would not be making her First Communion with her CCD class? Posters are saying the sister made a mistake by giving the "wrong" date.

It's becoming apparent the sister gave the wrong month. That's a pretty big mistake.

 

[Donnainnj]

On the Saturday to Sunday switch, there could be other circumstances to consider. I have been to (Catholic) 1st Communions on Saturday where it is not at a public Mass, each family gets a reserved row at Church to attend, for Sunday First Communions it is at Sunday Mass and they don't always reserve a row for family.
I definitely understand the Aunt and family not making it because of the obligation, but the grandparents not making it would bother me more. Is there no one else in the family going from down there that could drive them? How are they getting to the concert? I would have a hard time punishing the kid for mom's screw-up if I could possibly avoid it.
Donna

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So where is the Christian thinking that the Mom just made a mistake? Isn't the Christian thing to do to forgive her for the mistake and being there, when it is within their power, just not convenient. Or is it more important to prove she goofed up and by golly you will show her and go to a silly concert.

I think everybody involved needs to understand that this was a miscommunication. I can't speak for OP or her parents, but I would try to make it there if possible, even if it was inconvenient. Just as long as it was doable.

However, if the sister has the option to change from Saturday to Sunday, she should consider what would be easier for those of her family that would have to travel 9 hours to go to the mass and/or party.

 

[disneychic2]

Wow, op, I'll bet you didn't realize what a can of worms you were opening! DH and I are not Catholic, but his entire family is and he was raised Catholic. This is an unfortunate circumstance that has the potential to split your family, so be very careful how you handle it. I like the pp who said to go Saturday with parents and come back same day maybe a bit late to the play. Parents should go to their concert. It is a shame your sis is too stubborn to help by changing to Sunday.

Here's the deal, though. God doesn't care about the 1st communion ceremony. It's a symbol for humans, He doesn't need it. IMHO, He would rather everyone involved show the love that is His main message to the world. It's easy for pp to say "I would do this" or "I would do that". I would hope that if I were in your sister's place, I would WANT my parents to go to the concert. I would not make my love conditional on how well people met my demands. Also, I hope I would want my sister to enjoy her son's play and come the following weekend for special time. I know it's an honor to be chosen as Godmother and I'm sure you've met those responsibilities every chance you got over the years. In the entire scheme of our lives, this is really a non issue not matter who was "at fault". In the end, our love for God and our relationship with Him as well as our love for each other is what is important. Praying this has a happy ending.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP here, I guess I need to clarify a few things. First of all, this is DSis's younger daughter, her older daughter made her 1st Communion two years ago on a Saturday, furthering my assumption that the first weekend in May meant the 7th and 8th. This year's ceremony is also on Saturday, and although there is also the possibility that my goddaughter could make her 1st Communion on Sunday, my sister has decided to dig in her heels and celebrate on Saturday. My BIL's family lives in Michigan so they will be there on Saturday.

My parents were not sure about travelling to Michigan in any case. My dad has had some medical issues which have caused the rest of us to limit his driving (no driving at night). I had suggested that my parents ride with us but if my sister is insisting on a Saturday 1st Communion, I don't see how that will work. We would have to drive to Michigan early Saturday morning, stay for an hour or two, then turn right around to get back for the Saturday night performance (and the concert).

Well if she has the option to change and refuses then I would not go. Reciprocity is paramount and since she is not forthcoming she has to live with the consequences.

I did not realize your parents were not able to drive themselves so that pretty much seals the deal there.

Just send your regrets and a nice check.

 

[disneychic2]

So where is the Christian thinking that the Mom just made a mistake? Isn't the Christian thing to do to forgive her for the mistake and being there, when it is within their power, just not convenient. Or is it more important to prove she goofed up and by golly you will show her and go to a silly concert.

You make a good point about the Christian thinking. But it works both ways. This isn't about finding fault. It's about finding a solution in as loving a way as possible.

 

[plutotek]

So where is the Christian thinking that the Mom just made a mistake? Isn't the Christian thing to do to forgive her for the mistake and being there, when it is within their power, just not convenient. Or is it more important to prove she goofed up and by golly you will show her and go to a silly concert.

So-called 'Christian thinking' doesn't have anything to do with it. Sis was responsible for getting the proper information to those she wanted to attend. Because she didn't do that, plans and committments were made by family that prevent them from attending. If she wants these family members to attend, she needs to make an attempt to rectify the situation. The only one at blame her is Sis, not because she made a mistake, but because she appears to be compounding that mistake by showing an unwillingness to take an alternate date that might resolve the issue.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

So where is the Christian thinking that the Mom just made a mistake? Isn't the Christian thing to do to forgive her for the mistake and being there, when it is within their power, just not convenient. Or is it more important to prove she goofed up and by golly you will show her and go to a silly concert.

I don't think anyone is advocating not going simply because the sister made a mistake. The problem is that the other people involved have all made other plans (based on the information that was given to them) that may be as important to them as the communion is to the sister.

Now, if everyone knew the correct date and decided to make other plans just because... my answer would be different. But it's not about punishing the sister for making a mistake. It's about other people having lives as well, and having things to do that are important to them.

Here's the deal, though. God doesn't care about the 1st communion ceremony. It's a symbol for humans, He doesn't need it. IMHO, He would rather everyone involved show the love that is His main message to the world.

Agreed. You said that so much better than I could have.

I'm not Catholic, but I am Christian. Our first communion takes place when we're confirmed. That was an important day TO ME. I know we had a party, but I don't remember off the top of my head who was and wasn't there, but I do know that neither of my Godparents were there. It didn't affect me at all. When my brothers and sister were confirmed, I know that none of our family (aside from me and my parents were there)... and we were only two hours away.

 

[Hannathy]

I think what is getting missed here is what an important occasion this is if you are a devout Catholic. I am wondering in the child was making his Bar Mitzvah (sp) would you also advise the grandparents to go to an everyday concert instead ?

 

[plutotek]

I think what is getting missed here is what an important occasion this is if you are a devout Catholic. I am wondering in the child was making his Bar Mitzvah (sp) would you also advise the grandparents to go to an everyday concert instead ?

Now you seem to be taking this as a personal attack against Catholicism. No one seems to have gone down that road. The 'importance' of the ritual had some credence right up until Sis wasn't willing to compromise on HER error and shift the date (according to OP's subsequent post).

If the event was changed due to no fault of Sis, and everyone had made other plans for the new date, would you still think they should change their plans? Personally, I would find it selfish in that case, and the thread is basically about the same thing, except Sis was responsible.

 

[KiminChicago]

Well, I decided to throw myself on my sword as it were and call my sister and apologize for the misunderstanding. It turns out that my sister wants to have the 1st Communion on Saturday because they have friends coming in from Ohio and she wanted to make it easier for them. The 1st Communion on Saturday is at 4:30pm (5:30 my time), meaning I would completely miss the Saturday performance of the musical. And of course, all the cleanup afterward. So I asked my sister what time was available on Sunday. Apparently there are two possibilities: 9:30 (8:30 Chicago time) or 11:30 (10:30 our time). And sister dear doesn't want to do the 11:30 since that would also inconvenience the Ohio friends. So it looks like it's either Saturday or the early Sunday Mass, she's going to let me know.....

Then she tells me that she was thinking of asking for her money back. It seems that she contributed part of the money that paid for the Johnny Mathis concert tickets, yet she never asked when the concert was either! Since I was not involved in the concert at all, I didn't know what to say to that (I'm honestly still a little peeved that the sister who bought the tickets completely shut me down when I pointed out that it was the same weekend as my son's musical).

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

 

[Tiger926]

Well, I decided to throw myself on my sword as it were and call my sister and apologize for the misunderstanding. It turns out that my sister wants to have the 1st Communion on Saturday because they have friends coming in from Ohio and she wanted to make it easier for them. The 1st Communion on Saturday is at 4:30pm (5:30 my time), meaning I would completely miss the Saturday performance of the musical. And of course, all the cleanup afterward. So I asked my sister what time was available on Sunday. Apparently there are two possibilities: 9:30 (8:30 Chicago time) or 11:30 (10:30 our time). And sister dear doesn't want to do the 11:30 since that would also inconvenience the Ohio friends. So it looks like it's either Saturday or the early Sunday Mass, she's going to let me know.....

Then she tells me that she was thinking of asking for her money back. It seems that she contributed part of the money that paid for the Johnny Mathis concert tickets, yet she never asked when the concert was either! Since I was not involved in the concert at all, I didn't know what to say to that (I'm honestly still a little peeved that the sister who bought the tickets completely shut me down when I pointed out that it was the same weekend as my son's musical).

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

What an update!

I'm sorry, but it sounds like she is choosing her Ohio friends over you, the Godmother, and the grandparents, and I don't understand this. It is closer to drive to Michigan from Ohio, so that should not be an issue at all. Why in the world does she have to make it easier for friends who live way closer than her family? Something is amiss here...

Switching to Sunday would be best for her family, yet she is choosing friends? I don't get it... I feel most sorry for your niece, since her mother is making tons of problems all around, and she is getting caught up in the middle of it.

I am sorry you are going through this - your sister is causing a lot of problems that don't need to be caused.

Good luck, Tiger

 

[kaytieeldr]

I think what is getting missed here is what an important occasion this is if you are a devout Catholic. I am wondering in the child was making his Bar Mitzvah (sp) would you also advise the grandparents to go to an everyday concert instead ?

100%. I missed my nephew's Bar Mitzvah. I had to work. In fact, none of my siblings were able to go, for various reasons.

It's not about the specific religion, it's about prior commitments.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I think what is getting missed here is what an important occasion this is if you are a devout Catholic. I am wondering in the child was making his Bar Mitzvah (sp) would you also advise the grandparents to go to an everyday concert instead ?

Absolutely.

Just because you consider it to be an "everyday concert" doesn't mean that the people going feel that way.

I, personally, don't think that any eight-year-old could be considered a devout Catholic (or any other religion). Others may disagree, but I don't think an eight-year-old can have the understanding to be described as such.

 

[plutotek]

Well, I decided to throw myself on my sword as it were and call my sister and apologize for the misunderstanding. It turns out that my sister wants to have the 1st Communion on Saturday because they have friends coming in from Ohio and she wanted to make it easier for them. The 1st Communion on Saturday is at 4:30pm (5:30 my time), meaning I would completely miss the Saturday performance of the musical. And of course, all the cleanup afterward. So I asked my sister what time was available on Sunday. Apparently there are two possibilities: 9:30 (8:30 Chicago time) or 11:30 (10:30 our time). And sister dear doesn't want to do the 11:30 since that would also inconvenience the Ohio friends. So it looks like it's either Saturday or the early Sunday Mass, she's going to let me know.....

Then she tells me that she was thinking of asking for her money back. It seems that she contributed part of the money that paid for the Johnny Mathis concert tickets, yet she never asked when the concert was either! Since I was not involved in the concert at all, I didn't know what to say to that (I'm honestly still a little peeved that the sister who bought the tickets completely shut me down when I pointed out that it was the same weekend as my son's musical).

I spoke with my mother prior to calling my sister and I think we've pretty much agreed that we're going to see if we can somehow drive up after finishing at the musical, if the 1st Communion is on Sunday. If it all works out, we'll get home from the musical around 1:30 am, shower and change clothes, then drive over to my parents' house around 2:30. Hopefully they'll be home from the concert by then and we'll all leave for Michigan and get there sometime around 7:30am their time. Which may leave enough time to get a one hour nap so that I don't fall asleep during Mass. And then later on Sunday we have to turn around and drive home since DS has a band concert on Monday and has to be in school that day to participate in the concert. If my sister sticks with the Saturday date, then I guess she'll be celebrating with the Ohio friends.

I commend you for making the gesture, even though I don't agree w/you based on your statements here. Good luck.

 

[castleview]

Your comment seems quite gratuitious to me. I'm sure you realize that "drama", expensive dresses and receptions, are not Catholic dogma. Those are the choices of individual families. I would hope people choose their religions/beliefs for other reasons.

This was not the reason I went without Catholicism, there were many other reasons (don't believe in it, too strict, etc.). But what I mentioned was a nice side effect. I don't know so much about the rest of your post. When I went through it the dress, drama, and reception were the choice of every family going through it….and it seemed rather encouraged by the church.

 

[castleview]

I commend you for making the gesture, even though I don't agree w/you based on your statements here. Good luck.

I agree with this. Kim, you're definitely being the bigger person. But your sister is throwing a tantrum.