I'm in trouble now!

[LuvCuteBoys]

When my sister gave me the dates and I looked at the calendar I would have asked her to claify which weekend. I would not have assumed it was on the second Sunday of May instead of the first without asking.

Which is fine... for THIS sister. But what about the grandparents and the other sister?? That's why I'm having such a hard time with this. NOBODY knew the right date!

Also I agree - concert tickets should be sold and the grandparents should be there for a milestone that is important TO THEIR GRANDCHILD! It should make no difference if they are the same religion or not. This is not about their beliefs, this is about their grandchild's beliefs and this is a milestone for her.

So even if it's something the grandparents really wanted to do and were looking forward to, they should just ditch it because the grandchild comes first at all costs?

I strongly disagree with that.

 

[mhsjax]

Not being Catholic, I don't get the big deal about 1st communion. I'm Congregationalist/UCC, and anyone can take communion at our church. Being a theater geek myself, I would not have missed being in the school play to go to a cousin's communion, or to my niece's communion...or to my own, for that matter! I think it's perfectly fine to send your niece a nice card and then go for a visit the next weekend. Do something fun together then! Have your niece model her pretty dress and veil (Do they still do veils?) for you, gush, take tons of pictures, then go get ice cream...or go bowling or something!

I have a similar dilemma this year for graduations. One nephew and one niece graduate in 2 different states at the same time on the same day. I'll probably go to my nephew's because it's nearer, and he is my Godson, but I know my niece really wants me to attend hers. Arg.

Same here. Not Catholic, so when friends of mine make a big deal about it, I really don't understand, in my church everyone is free to take communion. I understand that it is a big deal to Catholics, I just don't understand it.

Now, OP. I guess maybe that you could have gotten exact dates, But I would have assumed as you did, that it was the next weekend. And really if it was that important, why would anyone just say the first weekend without giving exact dates to avoid a mess up.

 

[TanyaS]

Could the OP drive to the communion by herself? If she went to the play and didn't stay at the theater striking the sets, then she could attend the communion by herself the next day. It would not be as ideal as the whole family attending, but it would be better than everyone missing the event.

OP could make arrangements for someone else to handle the volunteer duties she is obligated for, either DH, or another parent (perhaps OP could swap with someone who is helping before the play) or perhaps she could even pay a college student, a theater major perhaps, to handle what she had volunteered to do.

Good luck with this situation. It stinks. No one is really to blame, it was simply a miscommunication.

 

[Hannathy]

No, because there is a time zone shift. 5AM Central to 10AM Eastern, assuming that is the time of the service, is only 4 hours. OP said it takes 4 1/2 hours to drive. And one of OP's follow ups, she mentioned that last year the set crew was at the theatre until 1AM.

Here's how it would really have to go down, if the service as at 10AM and OP is striking the set until 1AM like last year:

Leave theatre at 1AM. Go home. Sleep until 2:30AM. Family takes showers (remember the demolition work?) and gets dressed. Leave at 4AM. Make it to the church at 9:30 on 90 minutes sleep.

Sorry Why does the husband have to be there till 1 am? I'm sure and having done a lot with school theater he could be excused so he could be ready to go.
1.5 hours to shower really? Second the kids and OP could sleep in the car. If she can't make the service she could certainly make the celebration after.

I also think if she told the play what was going on she could be excused before the bitter end. And even if she can't it still isn't that late. And no one here has ever done anything on a few hours sleep? really.

I can't believe people are equating a run of the mill concert (the other grandson isn't opening on Broadway) with a very important milestone in the Grandparents Daughters and Granddaughters life.

I also can't believe the Aunt wouldn't double check the Communion dates before buying tickets at that time of year, considering they knew what year it was.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So even if it's something the grandparents really wanted to do and were looking forward to, they should just ditch it because the grandchild comes first at all costs?

I strongly disagree with that.

If the Grandparents are Catholic, you betcha. It is just wrong on so many levels to skip a 1st Communion for a concert to me.

I know we all want to punish the sister here for giving the wrong date to the family however at the same time the family did not confirm the exact date and time either. Both are to blame imo.

Either way I no longer Catholic or Christian for that matter but if my grandchild was having a religious ceremony I would be there.

 

[Hannathy]

I also don't get how they got the wrong weekend. If I told someone it was the first Sunday in May then I would think they could look at a calendar and the first Sunday that was in May would be it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I also don't get how they got the wrong weekend. If I told someone it was the first Sunday in May then I would think they could look at a calendar and the first Sunday that was in May would be it.

You're right, if they had said first Sunday in May. However, the OP stated that it was the first weekend. Since a weekend starts on Friday evening or Saturday (however you view it), then the weekend would be starting in May and not at the end of April.

To me, when somebody says 1st weekend or last weekend, there's no confusion and really no need to clarify. Everybody I know understands what it means. If my child's event were THAT important to me, I would be sure to say "May 1 is the date, please mark it down."

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Sorry Why does the husband have to be there till 1 am?

I'm not assuming the husband has to be. But none of us have any idea, do we?

1.5 hours to shower really? Second the kids and OP could sleep in the car.

How many people are in the family? How many showers are in the house? Without this information, how can any of us know how long it will take? Heck, we don't even know what time the service is. Maybe it's 1PM, maybe it 9AM.

I can't believe people are equating a run of the mill concert (the other grandson isn't opening on Broadway) with a very important milestone in the Grandparents Daughters and Granddaughters life.

Are you talking about OP's son's high school musical now, or the grandparents Johnny Matthis tickets?

 

[Hannathy]

I'm not assuming the husband has to be. But none of us have any idea, do we?



How many people are in the family? How many showers are in the house? Without this information, how can any of us know how long it will take? Heck, we don't even know what time the service is. Maybe it's 1PM, maybe it 9AM.



Are you talking about OP's son's high school musical now, or the grandparents Johnny Matthis tickets?

The grandparents.
I don't think there is any reason the Aunt(OP) can't do both, no problem. There is no reason she can't go to the play and make the Communion the next day.

 

[MELSMICE]

OP: Yes, your sister should have been more specific

Yes, she should have. It is not the OP's fault.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

I don't think attending or not attending an event, regardless of what it is means a family is close or not.

I was unable to attend my brother's wedding. That doesn't mean I love him any less & it doesn't mean we aren't close.

I think it is a bit rude to imply that those who do not think this is such a huge issue are not very close to their families.

It's more than a bit rude.

Ok posters are saying well she should send out invitations, fine, uh it is January even weddings only get sent out 6 weeks prior so when is she to send the invitations?

Giving people the dates & sending out invitations are 2 different things. My family knew the dates of DD's milestones in their lives many months prior to the official invitations being sent out.

I also don't get how they got the wrong weekend. If I told someone it was the first Sunday in May then I would think they could look at a calendar and the first Sunday that was in May would be it.

She was not told it was the first Sunday in May. She was told it was the first weekend in May. Again, the first weekend in May is not April 30 & May 1. May 1 is the first Sunday in May.

 

[Hannathy]

She was not told it was the first Sunday in May. She was told it was the first weekend in May. Again, the first weekend in May is not April 30 & May 1. May 1 is the first Sunday in May.

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

 

[princess stich]

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

First Communions are on Saturdays here...at least at my church.

 

[okeydokey]

I'm sorry but everyone in a Catholic family Knows the first Communion would be on a Sunday. If they weren't clear they could ask before buying tickets. Yes she could have been clearer but I wouldn't have made plans until I knew for sure when my nieces Communion was.

Many first communions are on Saturday.

 

[allison443]

First Communions are on Saturdays here...at least at my church.

Here too! There are two sessions one Saturday (10:00 and 12:00) and one session the following Saturday (10:00). Children are assigned to one session but they do allow switching sessions if you have to.

 

[allison443]

My parents are devout Catholics and never in a million years they would they choose to miss their grandchild's communion to attend a Johnny Mathis concert, no matter how far in advance they had the tickets.
(And my dad was always a big Johnny Mathis fan!)

Blaming each other (who should have sent out save the dates, who should have reconfirmed or asked again) really doesn't help at this point. OP I understand why you cannot go. However if your parents decide to skip the JM concert and go to the communion, I hope other family members respect that decision and don't make them feel guilty for not using the tickets/Christmas gift.

 

[ols386]

If I were the op's sisters, I think I would have been very specific about the date for the 1st communion. I would have said May 1, not the first weekend in May.

It's the sister's responsibility to make it very clear the EXACT date for the communion. It's not everyone else's responsibility to TRY and figure out what date the sister meant. Seems to me like the sister is upset and trying to blame everyone but herself.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I think the mistake was made on both parties. She wasn't clear but no one verified the dates prior to booking either. The date is almost 6 months away, would she not be able to rebook her communion?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think the mistake was made on both parties. She wasn't clear but no one verified the dates prior to booking either. The date is almost 6 months away, would she not be able to rebook her communion?

No. It does not work that way.

 

[allison443]

Do you think Sis would agree to have the party part the weekend following the actual First Communion? It's not like you guys live in the same town. It isn't even convenient for you all to get there.

I think this is an interesting suggestion! I have attended communion parties held the day after or the weekend after the communion.
That wouldn't solve the whole "missing the ceremony" issue, but the family could still travel to be able to celebrate it.
If I was the mom of the communicant, I would consider this. There was a miscommunication, plus the travel distance, which prevents close family members from celebrating that weekend. (Of course this depends on who else is coming, the other side of the family, etc.)

 

[Hannathy]

First Communions are on Saturdays here...at least at my church.

Really? Wow. Didn't know that everywhere I have ever lived First communions were on Sunday.