I'm in trouble now!

[The Mystery Machine]

I think it is a bit rude to imply that those who do not think this is such a huge issue are not very close to their families.

It is not "rude" so much as it is a big deal to some people & does appear like you are not as close. You can equate it emotionally to missing a baptism of baby.

I can't see Catholic grandparents ditching a first communion over a concert. That is kind of odd to me.

Now with the OP, I understand why she would miss. She made a prior committment to her school and her son is in a play.

 

[Klismania]

I'm willing to give the Grandparents a pass for mentioning that they had planned to attend a concert or go to Vegas or wherever Mathis was playing that weekend. I can easily see the OP on the phone with her mother telling her that she didn't know how she was going to make it because of the mix-up on the dates and her mother commisserating by saying she knew, she and her DH made plans for that weekend, too.

Just because they have tickets an event in May doesn't mean they're actually going to go to that event, so I'm not ready to rake the GP's over the coals for something they haven't even done yet. In fact, if they've purchased airline tickets and made hotel reservations, I can understand all the unravelling they're going to have to do now and wanting to vent about it to their daughter.

Perhaps the GP's have changed their plans in order to attend the Communion, but were commisserating over the loss of the concert ticket prices (the dates can't be changed on those). I totally get that.

However, I agree with most of the posters here that the sister should have been very specific on the dates of the Communion. Perhaps if the OP had known the specific date, she wouldn't have volunteered to tear down sets that day and would have been able to see her son in the play AND attend the Communion the next day.

Her sister is just going to have to lump it. If this was such an important event, she should have confirmed with a card, an email or something last fall that told everyone to save the specific date. This is a good lesson in learning that the world (or even the family) doesn't revolve around her DD's milestones. It would be nice if they were there, but (like a wedding) the whole family doesn't have to be there in order for the DD to be confirmed.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm willing to give the Grandparents a pass for mentioning that they had planned to attend a concert or go to Vegas or wherever Mathis was playing that weekend. I can easily see the OP on the phone with her mother telling her that she didn't know how she was going to make it because of the mix-up on the dates and her mother commisserating by saying she knew, she and her DH made plans for that weekend, too.

Just because they have tickets an event in May doesn't mean they're actually going to go to that event, so I'm not ready to rake the GP's over the coals for something they haven't even done yet. In fact, if they've purchased airline tickets and made hotel reservations, I can understand all the unravelling they're going to have to do now and wanting to vent about it to their daughter.

Perhaps the GP's have changed their plans in order to attend the Communion, but were commisserating over the loss of the concert ticket prices (the dates can't be changed on those). I totally get that.

However, I agree with most of the posters here that the sister should have been very specific on the dates of the Communion. Perhaps if the OP had known the specific date, she wouldn't have volunteered to tear down sets that day and would have been able to see her son in the play AND attend the Communion the next day.

Her sister is just going to have to lump it. If this was such an important event, she should have confirmed with a card, an email or something last fall that told everyone to save the specific date. This is a good lesson in learning that the world (or even the family) doesn't revolve around her DD's milestones. It would be nice if they were there, but (like a wedding) the whole family doesn't have to be there in order for the DD to be confirmed.

Its not a confirmation, its a Communion. Two completely different things.
And since you brought it up, no the whole family doesn't have to be there, but if my grandparents missed my wedding because they chose a concert instead, yes, I would be, beyond upset.

And yes I do feel some of this does have to do with how close a family is, not mileage wise but relationship wise. My husbands cousins aren't even invited to alot of their family functions. They are not a close family. My cousins travel hundreds of miles to attend our family 's milestone events. Its not expected, thats just how it is. We are a close knit family and we are there. I know its not like that for everyone, but even though DH and I aren't very close with his parents , I still couldn't see them missing either of my kids Communions , and DH's family isn't even Catholic.

 

[dawson5]

I have three boys, all made their first communion on Sunday, during the 10am mass, my own was the same way also. We also had two dates, usually two weeks apart. Can you sister see if there is a possibility that there might be a second date and that her child can be switched to it? Half of our family missed my nieces graduation, hubby and two sons went but my youngest had a travel ball game. If it was local rec, we would have talked with the coach to see if he was needed.

(went back and re-read, you would be breaking down sets until possibly 1am, not the ceremony on Saturday. Can you pull neighbors and friends in to help and possibly get done sooner? It would still be a long drive, but doable if you got extra help.)

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I can't get over the Saturday ceremony. I have three boys, all made their first communion on Sunday, during the 10am mass, my own was the same way also. (We've moved a bit also, three different parishes, in two different states, all did this on Sundays.) We also had two dates, usually two weeks apart. Can you sister see if there is a possibility that there might be a second date and that her child can be switched to it? Half of our family missed my nieces graduation, hubby and two sons went but my youngest had a travel ball game. If it was local rec, we would have talked with the coach to see if he was needed.

Didn't think of that, isn't changing dates an option, for the first Communion? Our church has a set date for the class, but if thats not a good time or date, the parents do have an option for switching it.

We have a cruise booked for the Fantasy in April 2012. That is when DD makes her First Holy Communion, so depending on when her date is, we may be asking to switch it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I can't believe people are giving the OP a hard time! Her sister is the ditz who informed everyone the wrong weekend. I don't know ANYBODY who would consider the last part of one month as the "first" of the next. And in case anybody missed it, the somebody purchased those concert tickets for the grandparents for Christmas. So why didn't the sister plan the communion date when she knew this back in December?

OP, I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty for sitting this one out. You shouldn't have to drag your kids and yourself, exhausted, another state away.

 

[dawson5]

I edited after going back and rereading.

We have a large congregation. Ours have always been two different dates. Half the class (alphabetically) on the first date, the other half on the second. They've been flexible in the past and have allowed some families to trade or one or two to move to the next date. I've also gone through all my classes where I live and had my children baptized at the church back home, just so my family would not have to drive 3+ hrs to see. Is this a possibility also? For us it was just a matter of our church contacting the other one. With a baptism it wasn't that big of a deal, might be with the First Communion though and the child might really want to make this step in their religious life at their church.

 

[golfgal]

OP, I don't see how this is even remotely your own fault. It's your sister's responsibility to make sure SHE gives our correct information and I have to agree that the "first weekend in May" would be the one you thought too. An email to everyone saying, " Joe's First Communion will be on May 1st. We would like you all to attend" would have taken care of any confusion from the start.

 

[Tiger926]

It's funny that I read this thread, as we just planned my daughter's first communion this weekend! Our date is for June, but around here, we are huge ethnic city, so churches, halls and restaurants book up quickly due to showers, weddings, baptisms and communions at that time of year.

We have a huge church, and have 3 weekends (Sat/Sun masses) in which to make private communions (during mass), with a small limit of only 10 children per mass, and then all chidlren must attend a huge ceremony on Father's Day. It is a very big deal around here - we are a very religious family, and so my daughter has been waiting to make her first communion since she was 2 years old! Each week at mass, she asks how many more days until her first communion?

That being said, I verbally let family know of the date, and then I send out invitations. I honestly don't get people who don't send out invitations - verbablly giving people dates just means trouble, and you can pretty much count on no one being there. People are just too busy to remember things without any invitation that can be stuck to the fridge, or, attached to a calendar.

In regards to attending, the concert is not a big deal at all. That can be cancelled, and in our family, it absolutely would be. The play is a bit harder, as that is a big commitment on the part of several family members.

I would ask if the date can be changed for the communion, but if it's like our church, it more than likely can't be, as all other dates are probably booked. If it's like our church, a child may only make his/her first communion during one of these weekends, and that is it. I would hope they would make a change for extenuating circumstances, such as death or illness, but this scenario wouldn't fall into that category in our church.

Good luck to OP in making this decision as this sounds like a very special event for her niece. Too bad the OP's sister didn't send out invitations, and too bad the OP didn't think to double check on the actual dates before committing to the play - that's how we do it in our family, and when it deviates from that, there are always scheduling problems.

Moral of the story - if you want people to attend, then you need to do whatever it takes to make sure that people understand the correct date.

Tiger

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Hold up a second. The OP wasn't given the date, and neither were her parents OR her other sister, who bought the concert tix in the first place.

If this is so important, then the sister whose child is making her first communion should have been the one to make sure everyone had the correct date.

That didn't happen.

The OP's family should go to the play... the grandparents should go to the concert. If the date had been correct in the first place, the second sister wouldn't have bought the concert tickets. They were a gift and I'm guessing it's something they really want to do. I say they should go.

I guess some families are just closer than others.

Classy.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Anyway, I guess the way that the people in my family would see it is: BECAUSE we love each other so much we would NEVER let any one event have a serious, negative effect on our relationships. Part of how we show love in our family is by not getting hung up an the details of who was where when and who said what to whom, etc.

 

[Hannathy]

Ok posters are saying well she should send out invitations, fine, uh it is January even weddings only get sent out 6 weeks prior so when is she to send the invitations? So when they get the invitation in 6weeks from now that will make it better? they will change their plans then?

Sorry I still say Grandparents should change concert plans AND OP can tear down set and still get in the car in the Am and be there for the Communion later in the day it is possible it is only 4 hours so she can leave at 5 and still make a 10 AM service no problem.

I can see grumbling to each other but I can't see not making it when it is completely doable.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If anything, I think your parents are in a better position to go. But then they would be spurning the Christmas gift of one child for the first communion of another child's child. That's tough.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

she can leave at 5 and still make a 10 AM service no problem.

No, because there is a time zone shift. 5AM Central to 10AM Eastern, assuming that is the time of the service, is only 4 hours. OP said it takes 4 1/2 hours to drive. And one of OP's follow ups, she mentioned that last year the set crew was at the theatre until 1AM.

Here's how it would really have to go down, if the service as at 10AM and OP is striking the set until 1AM like last year:

Leave theatre at 1AM. Go home. Sleep until 2:30AM. Family takes showers (remember the demolition work?) and gets dressed. Leave at 4AM. Make it to the church at 9:30 on 90 minutes sleep.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Seriously? I'm sorry but I totally disagree. In the Catholic religion a 1st Holy Communion IS a big deal, especially if it were my niece and god daughter , or granddaughter.

OP: Yes, your sister should have been more specific but I if I were you, I would have confirmed the specific dates before any other plans were made. And seriously, your parents think a Johnny Mathis concert is more important than their grandchilds First Holy communion?
Maybe our family puts more importance in our religious milestones than yours or maybe our family is closer than yours but I couldn't imagine not reconfirming dates and missing an important celebration for a concert.

Thank you for stating this. I didn't make it past your post. My parent flew in from Colorado to NJ for their grandkids first Communion. In the Catholic religion it is a big deal.

 

[Erin1700]

As a Catholic, I agree it is a big deal when you have your First Communion. But I would never expect my nephew to miss out on his musical at school because of it.
Not sure about what the grandparents should do, what time is the concert? If they absolutely can not make it, then they should go out the next day.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

As a former Catholic who remembers his 1st Communion, it was more of a big deal for the rest of my family than it was for me. I remember screwing around with my friends in mass, and I remember the party afterwards. I remember getting $100 in cash out of it. I think I spent it on G.I. Joes.

Maybe if I was still a devout Catholic (instead of converting to mainline Protestant faith) I would understand the importance, but at the time the significance wasn't something I, as an eight year old, thought about.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

The sister knew the date in October! If it was as important as she says it is, she should have said then and there to EVERYONE.... 'this is a really big deal for us and since you're getting plenty of advance notice, we would really like everyone to be there.'

As for the time frame of the wedding invites, they might be sent out six weeks in advance, but anyone who HAS to be there would know about it sooner.

In this particular situation, if everyone already has plans made and chooses not to break them... I don't think it's fair for the sister to be upset. She needs to realize that she didn't give out the correct information and well, life happens.

 

[marcyinPA]

As a former Catholic who remembers his 1st Communion, it was more of a big deal for the rest of my family than it was for me. I remember screwing around with my friends in mass, and I remember the party afterwards. I remember getting $100 in cash out of it. I think I spent it on G.I. Joes.

Maybe if I was still a devout Catholic (instead of converting to mainline Protestant faith) I would understand the importance, but at the time the significance wasn't something I, as an eight year old, thought about.

Bingo!! Same here! Former Catholic, now Presbyterian. My experience was the same as yours, but mine included fear. Those nuns scared the bejeezus out of us during CCD, and I can remember sitting there with that host stuck to the roof of my mouth, scared to touch it or chew it or risk going to hell. Nice thing to do to a 7 year old!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

When my sister gave me the dates and I looked at the calendar I would have asked her to claify which weekend. I would not have assumed it was on the second Sunday of May instead of the first without asking.

Also I agree - concert tickets should be sold and the grandparents should be there for a milestone that is important TO THEIR GRANDCHILD! It should make no difference if they are the same religion or not. This is not about their beliefs, this is about their grandchild's beliefs and this is a milestone for her.