I'm heart broken

[Tiiiigergirl]

Our family had arranged to sit with some other people on our cruise in January. I honestly thought they knew our son was autistic. Well they just found out and said that they hoped we did not think ill of them but they did not want to commit to eating with us now. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. Why do people have to be so mean or ignorant? If he has a meltdown then it just won't be the table we are sitting at, it will be the entire restaurant who becomes aware. I'm just so tired of the fight. I want to cancel the cruise right now and rebook for a different time.

 

[SueM in MN]

I don't know what to say, but it's making me cry too.
{{{{hugs}}}} to you and lots of pixie dust.
I don't know how they can ask you not to think ill of them, because what they are doing is hurting you. I am sure they are speaking out of fear and lack of knowledge, but that's not an excuse to hurt someone else.
{{{hugs}}}

 

[Sue & Co.]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Be assured that it's not you and your son that have the problem it's the narrow minded people that can't accept that not everybody is the same. It's because THEY can't cope that they have reacted this way, fear and ignorance brings out the worst in people. If possible put this out of your mind and go and enjoy your cruise, I'm sure once you get there you will meet so many wonderful people you will be able to put this behind you.

'PD' coming your way.

Sue

 

[Wade Shrader]

I am so sorry that happened to you. As was previously mentioned, try to remember that THEY are the ones with the problem, NOT you or your son. I know where you're coming from being tired of the fight, and I can identify with the desires to cancel. Try to focus on all the positives of the trip, the wonderful magic that Disney will provide for your family, and try to stay positive.

Pixie dust heading your way!

 

[Laney's Mom]

It is so hard not to be sad or just plain mad when people can't accept our children. I try to remember how I probably was 13 years ago. Now I wish for you that on your new table there will be one of millions of people who know and love someone with special needs and they will be more understanding. I just think of all the positive comments my friends and family have given to complete strangers since my daughter was born with Down syndrome. Don't let this ruin your plans.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I will reiterate what others have said. The problem is not yours, it is theirs. You should let them know it is their problem.

However, I will disagree with your use of the term "ignorance". That is simply a lack of knowledge, but it also has a realization that it is cureable by learning. The proper term is "stupidity", which is ignorance coupled with an unwillingness to learn. (Many people consider that stupidity should be a capital crime.)

Personally I would tell the people that you do now and forever will think ill of them for the stupid way they treated you and your family. Also that you expect abject apologies and might, in a few years, be willing to accept their apologies if they show actual remorse. Put the onus on THEM to get back in your good graces.

 

[Talking Hands]

As others said it is their problem not yours. Don't let them spoil your good time. I have sat next to families with autistic kids and had them melt down. I usually brush of their apologies. For one thing I'm hard of hearing so it bothers me less then most. Second I already have figured out the kid's autistic and can't help it since I work with autistic kids. Hopely you will sit with someone like me who understands. If they don't it is good you found out now and not on your trip.

 

[Tiiiigergirl]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. We are seriously considering changing to a cruise in May. Only one of the reasons would be their "stupidity" as Cheshire put it. The others would be that the weather is generally better, it will be my birthday, my parents are planning on moving then and could use our help (they didn't decide that until after we booked it), we will have more money, more vacation time, and could also do WDW for a couple of days (see more money and vacation time!). The other problem is that we truly enjoy running into fellow DIS'ers on the cruise. The only problem is I would be much happier not knowing who these people are and I can't very well attend a DIS meet and not meet them. Frankly the way I feel right now, if it were just them and us on the ship, I'd still ask for a table alone! Maybe time will soften my heart but not yet. This is a big committment of time and money to not fully enjoy the trip.

 

[Earstou]

How sad that they will miss the chance to get to know your wonderful son!

 

[alohacousin]

I am so sorry!! People can be so cruel. I have been there, as so many of us have had to deal with adults who are ignorant. Hugs!

 

[tinksfriend]

Well I hope, if they're DISers, they're reading this!! But I don't expect so, why would they read the disabilities board, they have nothing wrong with them!! (unless you count rude & stupid!)

Sorry everyone, stuff like this really 'winds me up'!!!
Tiiiigergirl, you go have a great time, you and your family deserve it.
My best wishes to you.

 

[bearloch]

Well were not going on the cruise but if we were I would be very happy to sit with your family at all the meals. those people are just PLAIN RUDE AND SELFISH and it make me MAD just thinking about you and your son. I hope you don't cancel, go and hold your head high and be very proud of your family and above all HAVE A SUPER TIME

 

[dclfun]

I realize how you must feel, but there are lots of people who don't want to sit near *any* child whether they're disabled or not. These folks have also paid alot of money for their cruise,etc. and they want it to be "magical" for themselves- I don't think that's so selfish as that's the reason most people go on vacation- to relax and get away from life's stresses. I know several people who've told me their cruise wasn't the best due to their dinner "partners"- not only those who've sat with children but also adults who they haven't gotten along with. I don't see this then as a personal insult to your son but rather just something these people are doing to ensure that they have the best time possible in their own estimation. We've preferred just to sit with our own large family most times- my children are now older and I don't particularly want to dine with small children anymore- not because I don't love children, but because I don't find it relaxing to eat near little ones, esp. during the long dinners on the ship. It's hard for any child to sit still for that length of time and not get restless. I remember well how mine used to wear me out during mealtimes when eating out and I've already taken my turn! I know how it is though, and it's hard not to assume someone doesn't accept your child or have your feelings hurt due to someone's actions but I also figure "to each his own", and don't let someone else spoil my good time due to their own needs and wants. ---Kathy

 

[signtalker]

Lots of pixie dust coming your way

I know how you feel, my son has multiple disabilites one of these being autism. What makes me mad is these children are so loving and tolerable of others,yet other people seem to dismiss them.
I to used to be like you, and have spent many a night/day in tears from people's reactions, the last comment I had which was at work a few weeks ago from my manager
was
"Oh he looks normal"
People just do not think,if it had been me, I would have voiced how upsetting there comment was, meant or not. Alot of it is ignorance, which is why people like us need to give them a nudge in the right direction!!!.

Jules

 

[sadeeyore]

That is so unkind of them.
I hope you still feel able to go and have a really good time.
All we want is for our children to be accepted.
I can understand adults without children not wanting to eat with a lot of children, but if they were happy knowing that you had a child then the fact that your DS has autism shouldn't matter. Some people are so thoughtless.
You just have to remember that there is a lot of people that are not like that and would be really happy to share a table with you and your family.
My DS7 has autism, Yes it is a hard fight but you realise who your friends really are.
Whether you decide to go in January or at a later date - Have a great time

 

[bearloch]

I disagree on the coment that maybe they don't want to dine with kids! I ve never been on a disney cruise, But the key to me is DISNEY that alone to me means family and children, i don;t think a cruise dinner would be much differnt that a expensive dinner at the park. If you don;t want to dine with kids take a different cruise.


I expecially hate people who alos comment about kids on planes KIDS are kids there supposed to be excited, talk, bounce around and of course have melt down, temper tantrum, spill there food etc. most people take everything in stride but a few adults can ruin it for everyone with there coments and attitude

 

[Tiiiigergirl]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all the kind support. I'm happy to report that we are still cruising but are going on a different one and for a different reason! Our son was able to get into a special autism class and instead of year-round school he now has a traditional school year. So he would have to miss in the middle of a year if we had kept him there. So for that and all of the original reasons we moved to May. I'm also very excited because we should also get to visit the parks too.

As far as the people go, I think I was just feeling very vulnerable. No it does not excuse their behavior but usually I'm better at letting the comments of ill-mannered boors roll off my back.

It is not that they don't want to eat with children in general as they are being joined by a third family and they do have children. They were also aware we had a child. They indicated they did not want to sit with us after they found out about the Autism. I understand that it is their vacation and they can do what they want but if he decided to have a full blown melt-down they would hear him from across the restaurant. Just for the amount of time it took for us to escort him out!

 

[dclfun]

Yes,. it's true that on the Disney ships, many people do not want to dine with kids. This can include honeymooners, couples without children, and folks like myself whose kids are older and thus we prefer to be able to enjoy guaranteed uninterrupted conversation during our meal. ( I don't mind at all children at an adjacent table nor do I expect or even want an adults-only dining room). The Disney ships are and are advertised to be for everyone no matter what age, which is why there are separate adult areas that are supposed to be kid-free with other areas for families, teens and those with small children. As for myself, of course it's Disney and I expect to see, and enjoy seeing children. I just don't choose to eat at the same table with little ones though it certainly wouldn't ruin my vacation if we were seated with them. Just as an added note, I raised four biological children and two special needs foster children, was an Occupational Therapist , and currently have a recent college graduate daughter working at a school for autistic children in Boston ( kind of following in her mother's footsteps!. ) I value and appreciate all children and have special regard for parents raising those with special needs . That said, I want to relax on vacation with my own family which now no longer consists of younger children and to spend quality time with my kids esp. since I have a terminal illness. Unfortunately, the OP mentioned that the family involved specifically didn't want to dine with her son but was willing to dine with children of other parties, so I can see where feelings were terribly hurt. Sometimes autistic or other special needs children are much better behaved than non-disabled children , so how awful for someone to assume that her son wouldn't be a good dinner companion as compared to a young man without a disability....sigh. To the OP...I'm glad you were able to reschedule for the reasons you stated, and hope you have a great time on the ship in May! ---Kathy

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

Hi there Tiiiigergirl

Personally I would not want to sit with someone who does not like kids but that is just my opinion. Nothing wrong with them I suppose but we would have nothing in common.

All kids are capable of having a meltdown and some of them do it for no reason. Life is messy and that is what makes it interesting.

I am sorry that someone hurt your feelings. I hope you will not let it ruin your fun. Go and enjoy whatever the trip brings. It is not perfection that we remember but the challenges of life and what it teaches us.

Big old hug for you and your wonderful boy.

Slightly Goofy/Linda

 

[Megan's Mom]

As a parent of as special needs child I feel your pain. It is so hard when you want your child treated as if they were "normal" , whatever that is. You expect kids to say and do things that end up hurting feelings because they don't really know better. We have kids stare at us all the time but when adults who should know better do the same things it really hurts our feelings. we don't mind answering questions people have about Megan and welcome getting to share her with other people but some people like to form their own opionion without really knowing us. I had an experience many years ago. A friend of a friend was looking for a babysitter for her two kids two mornings a week. The lady that kept Megan was looking for addtiional kids because the previous ones had gone to school. Mrs S was great with the kids so I suggested that she try her. She looked me in the eye and said she wanted her kids to go somewhere where the other children could play with her kids. And that she thought Megan would take too much of her time. I looked at her and told her that it was her loss because her kids would miss out on a wonderful experience. Her kids will never learn tolerance and in fact I think they made a rude comment at a birthday party taht we attended much later and I guess she forgot who we were but I will never forget her. But then it is wonderful when people come up and talk to Megan and say nice things to her as if she really is a person. I wish you luck on your cruise and I know that you will get to eat dinner at a table with wonderful accepting people and that your son will enjoy the experience and won't have a melt down until you tell him he has to leave Mickey in Florida. Isn't that what they all do.