The "Homework without hassles" series by Larry Koenig is similar in theory to what Jordan's mom describes. You set up a habitat for homework (music is fine, but otherwise, no distraction, plenty of pencils, workspace, etc.) The rules are clear (an established time after which homework will cease, they areto do the work without the parental nag factor; if requested, minor help may be given but by and large, the child is responsible for the work). It puts the ball in their court. It's interesting stuff -- I think you can find it on the net, just search under Koenig's name -- he does seminars all over the country.
That aside, kids are incredibly complex and no one theory or practice or seminar or drug or therapy is a "fix" for all kids. We took our 7yr to family counseling this year because we discovered he was emotionally wound quite tightly. And through the parental counseling segment, we have learned GREATLY about all 3 of our children, and the impact of our interactions with them. I now joke with DH that in truth, we parents should be going for the counseling weekly, and our CHILD shoud be going for the monthly "status and update" visits instead! My DH was VERRRRY resistant about counseling but even he will tell you it has helped us all. Sometimes kids can't verbalize exactly what it is that bothers them, what motivates them, what suppresses them. Our counselor has used play therapy with our child and taught us ways to interact with him (and all our kids) to unlock some of the issues.
We too have what some might term a "lazy" 9 yr old (very bright, read at age 2, technically "gifted" but just never wants to do the work, instead whines and "Eeyores" around it). He would bring home papers that clearly, he simply didn't focus on. He once brought home a test score for a reading assignment -- got a 60 on it. I asked what had happened -- he said, Oh, I never read the book. I just took the test to see how many I could get right without ever reading a single page. Look -- I got 6 out of 10 right, and I never read a word of it! Yup - That's our boy. But I am the last one on the planet to cast a stone his way -- I have walked in his shoes (and now, I get to walk in my mother's!) Teachers constantly complained about me to my parents (she can DO the work -- she's just LAZY), my desk was ALWAYS in the corner (I even got suspended from 3rd grade for NOT doing my homework!) My problem? In retrospect, I wasn't challenged enough. I can recall admantly refusing to do multiplication tables (hey, I did 'em once, what's with this repetition crap?) THe one thing that DID motivate me, however -- was praise. But not just "Oh good, you did your book report, that's great!" praise -- I was smart enough to know ANYBODY could do that, that my parents knew that, and I didn't feel very proud of the work anyway. I mean like, hey, you just turned your book report into a 3 part musical -- THAT's something! praise. Within conventional education, there's no real way to get that feeling. I had an INTENSE need to feel attention (which is why I would bug the heck out of my neighbors, which in turn landed my desk in the corner, which in turn made me feel OUT of the spotlight... bad cycle). So if it wasn't positive attention -- hey, I'd settle for negative! Attention was still attention! On those occasions when a teacher would instead appeal to my abilities and challenge me, give me a special task and praise me as if I were the only one who could do it , and do it so well, I rose to the occasion. (And this elementary school flunkie did end up with a PhD in chemistry -- yes, I have a few really great teachers in my past to thank for that!)
So in regard to our son, I have had extensive conversations with his teachers, and together we have a plan whereby this child feels his significance and is also appropriately challenged. After a rough first 9 weeks, he made Principal's List (4.0) his 2nd 9 weeks. He also is doing Odyssey of the Mind which he ADORES, and it challenges him in a whole different way. We also work really hard at finding appropriate reading material (much of the reading his class is doing is well below his reading ability, and he simply isn't motivated to read it; same goes for the spelling words.) He probably would have excelled at home-schooling, but sadly it just isn't something I felt wholly equipped to do. But we did determine that for now, a small private school works best for him (I can work more closely with the teachers and there is a bit more flexibility in the curriculum for him than in the public school). It is a very delicate line we walk, however -- because with a praise-driven child, there can be great fear of failure (if I fail, I'm not praise-worthy) and often, they won't try (in order to avoid that failure). Or they fall into the "negative attention is still attention" rut. So challenge has to be appropriately meshed with good odds for success -- not always easy.
Sorry to be so lengthy with this. Bottom line, explore all the avenues: educational, emotional, physical, and don't forget to seek help for yourself in dealing with him as well. The more stressed out you become, the more intense it will all become and the less effective you can be!
TO ALL WHO HAVE BEEN THE PARENT OF A 10 YEAR OLD MALE PLEASE HELP!! 
I have tried points systems, etc Please please post advice, out of the 60,000 of us here, someone must be able to help me.
After several months of counseling, we were referred to a child psychiatrist who has diagnosed her with a general anxiety disorder, and possible ADD. She has been put on a couple of very low dose meds, and her teacher says the change in class is remarkable. She is now coming home and working on her homework most nights without complaint and finishing it! No meltdowns. No threats from me. It's a miracle. Because of our success, I advocate having him evaluated by a professional to see if there's something underlying his problem besides a learning disability. Some people will say they would never medicate their child, but I say "never" is a pretty easy word to use if you haven't been there!!! Good luck. You all are in my prayers. Feel free to PM me any time!
Kim
Kim
