Im going to a wake today....

[ez]

for a young teenager who died in a tragic accident on NYD. My question is how do you keep your composure during something like this, especially when seeing the parents who we have known for over 20 years. I feel like you want to be supportive, but how do you keep yourself from crying, or is ok to? Any suggestions what to do, say or for keeping it together? Thank you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

No advice, just a hug . I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I don't think there is anything you can say except that you are sorry for their loss and that you will miss the teen also. And there is nothing wrong with tears running down your face if you can manage without sobbing or becoming a spectacle. (That didn't sound the way I wanted it to.)

 

[lovemygoofy]

You let yourself grieve and be sad and hurt. You can cry but you don't make a show about it as this isn't about you. Remember that the hurt you feel for this family is no where as deep as the devastation they feel.

Keep calling and trying to talk with the family. They will need it once everything settles down. Listen if they want to talk about their child even if you have heard the stories a hundred times. Throw in a story or two if they are ready to hear it. In the end, you hug them and love them and be there for them the best way you can.

 

[disneyslp]

If you have been friends for 20 years then I would think this child was part of your family as well and you have lost a child of your own? Go and mourn as you feel. The parents know that you are hurting also and they will appreciate you being there for them. This is just my opinion.

 

[MizTink]

for a young teenager who died in a tragic accident on NYD. My question is how do you keep your composure during something like this, especially when seeing the parents who we have known for over 20 years. I feel like you want to be supportive, but how do you keep yourself from crying, or is ok to? Any suggestions what to do, say or for keeping it together? Thank you.

oh how sad.
a 16 yr old friend of my son was killed several weeks ago (14 yr old shot him). i didn't go to the service, but after i dropped DS off at the funeral home i just lost lost. i cried the whole way home. the whole idea was just too much for me to handle.
i guess i don't have any suggestions for you. i just want to say that i understand how difficult today will be for everybody involved. it's so unfair. at least you are going. and i sure wouldn't think there is anything you could possibly do wrong (aside from the obvious).

 

[dansamy]

Offer them your presence and support, but please don't be ashamed to show your own grief as well.

 

[Shmily1]

As one who has been there (DB died at 17 due to a vehicle-train accident), it is ok for you to cry. Don't worry about keeping your composure for them. Because you've been friends so long, you are hurting because they are hurting--kind of hurting for them. DB would have been 37 this past Sunday and it still was an awful day even after all this time.

 

[KNJWDW]

Our friend's teenage son was killed in a car accident last spring. The funeral was very difficult for everyone. It is okay to cry, there won't be a dry eye there. The one thing my friend finds very upsetting is that no one will say her son's name. So, if I can offer any advice - continue to talk to them about their child. It seems to help my friend.

Take care.

Amy

 

[Darsa]

I cannot imagine not crying at something like that, especially with that much of a past history with the family. I'm so sorry for your loss

 

[ChrizJen]

I'm so sorry...what a tragedy.
I think it's perfectly normal and OK for you to cry if you need to. You feel grief too, and you're going to be sad not only for the loss, but for your friends and their loss. There's no way to totally hold back your emotions. As another said, you should do your best to be discreet and not overly dramatic, but tears and sadness are naturally going to be there. Just make sure you're there for them when they need it. They'll understand your tears.

 

[Jenvenza]

My 19 year old cousin died in 1997 in an awful wreck with a school bus. There wasnt a dry eye at his funeral. It was very hard and the worst part for me was seeing how devestated his mom and dad were. It is okay to cry. I am sure most everyone will be. Just be there for the parents.

 

[Tink888]

Our friend's teenage son was killed in a car accident last spring. The funeral was very difficult for everyone. It is okay to cry, there won't be a dry eye there. The one thing my friend finds very upsetting is that no one will say her son's name. So, if I can offer any advice - continue to talk to them about their child. It seems to help my friend.

Take care.

Amy

YES!!!!! Excellent advice. People don't want to bring it up because they don't want to upset the person, but by never mentioning the person who died, it makes the person feel as if the rest of the world has forgotten the person who died ever existed at all.

There are so many, many wonderful memories before a tragedy. A grieving person needs and wants to remember and talk about those times. The memories NEVER get old. Talk to them, even after much time has passed and let them know you remember too. They'll appreciate that more than you could ever know.

 

[puffkin]

You let yourself grieve and be sad and hurt. You can cry but you don't make a show about it as this isn't about you. Remember that the hurt you feel for this family is no where as deep as the devastation they feel.

Keep calling and trying to talk with the family. They will need it once everything settles down. Listen if they want to talk about their child even if you have heard the stories a hundred times. Throw in a story or two if they are ready to hear it. In the end, you hug them and love them and be there for them the best way you can.

Our friend's teenage son was killed in a car accident last spring. The funeral was very difficult for everyone. It is okay to cry, there won't be a dry eye there. The one thing my friend finds very upsetting is that no one will say her son's name. So, if I can offer any advice - continue to talk to them about their child. It seems to help my friend.

I agree with the above, especially the bolded parts. My brother was killed in a car accident at 17 so I have first hand experience on how devastating it is. There will be a lot of crying/sobbing at the funeral, but try to hold it together as much as possible for the family's sake. Save the more intense grieving for private. I know that sounds harsh, but it VERY HARD on the family if someone shows up and makes a huge spectacle.

The weeks and months after the funeral are very difficult. Everyone moves on but the family is left behind. It is a very intense period and very difficult. Be there for them then. And don't be afraid to mention or talk about him. My parents HATE when people act as if my brother never existed. I can be hard at times, but in the long run your friends will appreciate it.

 

[Rora]

OP- sometimes I think it's harder to find the right words so when I attend tragic occasions such as this I typically just hug the people who has lost a loved one.

I think it's absolutely okay to cry-- you need to grieve too.

 

[tazdev3225]

I have gone through this experience myself several times. Go to the wake and cry. The grief at the death of someone who is young is overwhelming even for acquaintances. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Disney Darling]

I agree with the above, especially the bolded parts. My brother was killed in a car accident at 17 so I have first hand experience on how devastating it is. There will be a lot of crying/sobbing at the funeral, but try to hold it together as much as possible for the family's sake. Save the more intense grieving for private. I know that sounds harsh, but it VERY HARD on the family if someone shows up and makes a huge spectacle.

The weeks and months after the funeral are very difficult. Everyone moves on but the family is left behind. It is a very intense period and very difficult. Be there for them then. And don't be afraid to mention or talk about him. My parents HATE when people act as if my brother never existed. I can be hard at times, but in the long run your friends will appreciate it.

Absolutely cry. It is your loss too but as the others said, no spectacles.

And I also 100% whole heartedly agree with the bolded portion! When I was 8 my 18 y/o cousin was killed on a bike when struck by a drunk driver. My aunt, in times past, has said many many times that the time after the funeral was the HARDEST. During the news of his death and up to the funeral she was surrounded by folks. Once the funeral was over people dispersed and she felt so alone as if everyone went back to their lives but forgot her and her grief that she was going through. She had to bear it alone. If I can offer one word of advice, be there for the funeral but continue to be there for weeks and months after. Don't shy away because it feels weird because this isn't about what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable, it's about your friends. And definitely talk about their son. Don't stop. Laugh and cry about his memories. His life was meaningul and he existed and you can't let his memories die.