I'm Engaged! UPDATE p. 2

[LiLIrishChick63]

congrats!!!!! how exciting!!

DH2B and i got engaged last year(i was only 21) but i had already told him that i didn't want to get married for a few years, and he was fine with that.

have fun!

 

[cheerful chickadee]

congrats! I agree that you should take some time to enjoy being engaged!

 

[basas]

Congratulations!

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

Congrats!!!

 

[supercarrie]

Congratulations!

 

[Pooh67_68]

Congrats

 

[singingpixie]

Well, I talked to him last night and I'm feeling a lot less freaked out. Basically, I told him that I'd like a long engagement so that we're a bit more stable financially and will be able to cut it without roommates (cause what kind of married life would that be?) and know where we're going academically/professionally. He actually took it really well, which I was nervous about (I felt like I was being less than honest with him while pretending to be as excited as I wanted to be). We'll still need to solve the "where?" question sooner rather than later, but at least now we're under a lot less pressure. I even told him that I'd rather have been proposed to in private so that I could have been completely honest rather than being on the spot in front of his family... not that I can do anything about it now, but I was kind of mad/resentful about it (more just hurt that he couldn't have anticipated that, knowing me for three years) so it made me feel better to be honest about those feelings too.

 

[budbeerlady]

Take your time.... I was engaged Christmas of 97 and got married in May of 99. Even that long of a time ( 1 1/2yrs) seemed a bit rushed. I am a huge over planner so that doesnt help. Take the time to test out the 20 diff wedding cakes, read all the magazines, just enjoy it. You dont have to get married by a certian date, do what you guys want to do!

 

[Ginamarie]

Well, I talked to him last night and I'm feeling a lot less freaked out. Basically, I told him that I'd like a long engagement so that we're a bit more stable financially and will be able to cut it without roommates (cause what kind of married life would that be?) and know where we're going academically/professionally. He actually took it really well, which I was nervous about (I felt like I was being less than honest with him while pretending to be as excited as I wanted to be). We'll still need to solve the "where?" question sooner rather than later, but at least now we're under a lot less pressure. I even told him that I'd rather have been proposed to in private so that I could have been completely honest rather than being on the spot in front of his family... not that I can do anything about it now, but I was kind of mad/resentful about it (more just hurt that he couldn't have anticipated that, knowing me for three years) so it made me feel better to be honest about those feelings too.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a long engagement. DH and I met while I was just starting law school. We knew within a couple of months that this was it for us, but had a LONG way to go before we'd be financially ready for something like a wedding. We got "oficially" engaged in February 2001, but
didn't get married until November 2002 (after law school and the bar exam were over and DH had a steady job for awhile).

My DH proposed in front of his family too, and I felt the same way (about wishign he'd done it in private). Don't stress-- you love each other and now you get to start planning the rest of your lives together.

 

[trip]

Congratulations!

Take your time setting the date - just enoy being engaged for a while! Once you set a date the wedding plans will take over your life.

 

[Nancy]

lol, yeah, I was thinking at least a year and a half... and then DF was like "I was thinking maybe 8 months?".... my first thought was "no way, that's way too fast!" He'll still be in school then.... I guess we'll at least figure out a month/year soon. And where... seeing that we live in Northern VA, his family is in Southern VA and my family is in Western NY.

Thats so funny! When I got engaged (longer ago than you've been alive!) we got engaged in the end of February, and we had only known each other 3 months. We started talking dates right away and I was saying September..he said June and I almost flipped out! Of course he wasn't referring to the June coming up...he was referring to the following June..me I was referring to the coming September (I have no idea why Sept was OK but June was OMG thats too quick).

I'm glad we waited over a year. I had time to plan things leisurely, save up money, and just enjoy being engaged. We did set a date right away, booked the hall and stuff like that, but that was just because June dates fill up fast. When I called for the church there were only 2 slots left for a Saturday wedding that June. This way we appeased his Mom cause she could tell everyone we set the date.

BTW...do you see where I live...WNY!

 

[cybrkitn]

Take your time.... I was engaged Christmas of 97 and got married in May of 99. Even that long of a time ( 1 1/2yrs) seemed a bit rushed. I am a huge over planner so that doesnt help. Take the time to test out the 20 diff wedding cakes, read all the magazines, just enjoy it. You dont have to get married by a certian date, do what you guys want to do!

I'm a little longer than you. We got engaged in '93 just two months shy of 6 years dating (I was almost 22 and he was 23). We didn't married until Sept. 1999.

I have to agree with what you said though. OP, take your time. DH and I weren't financially ready to be married when we were engaged either. He was still in college and I was at a dead end job and didn't decide to go to a business school until the next year. It was a looong engagement but definately worth it. We have been married for 7 wonderful years and this July will be 20 years that we have been together (dating is included in that).

The one thing, though, that I got a lot was the "Don't rush it" bit from people including co-workers. That is until I told them how long we were together and engaged, then it was "What's taking you so long?"

 

[JR6ooo4]

Don't forget, in a good marraige things need to be even, and by that I mean I got an engagment ring as well. No rocks, just a gold band. But it was nice.

Thanks Honey! (if you read this.... or not, even)

MIkeeee

 

[aprilgail2]

Take your time, you are still very young! At least wait until he is out of school and has a steady income before you get married.

 

[KrnB]

Congrats!

I think it's a great idea to wait until you feel prepared/stable and ready to get married. I honestly think that's the key to getting your marriage off to the right start - and the marriage is the important part, not the wedding that gets you there. The marriage lasts much longer.

But as far as the pressure to make that next step (like setting a date the second you get engaged), it's totally normal for that to happen - and for you to feel uncomfortable about it. It is, after all, a life-changing event, but for some reason, people love to get details as soon as they can. I hate to say it, but get used to it. I guarantee you that someone will ask you at your wedding when you're going to start having kids. Just smile and laugh it off, they mean well (usually ).

 

[singingpixie]

Congrats!

I think it's a great idea to wait until you feel prepared/stable and ready to get married. I honestly think that's the key to getting your marriage off to the right start - and the marriage is the important part, not the wedding that gets you there. The marriage lasts much longer.

But as far as the pressure to make that next step (like setting a date the second you get engaged), it's totally normal for that to happen - and for you to feel uncomfortable about it. It is, after all, a life-changing event, but for some reason, people love to get details as soon as they can. I hate to say it, but get used to it. I guarantee you that someone will ask you at your wedding when you're going to start having kids. Just smile and laugh it off, they mean well (usually ).

Lol, don't worry, they've been doing that already. His family (half-joking I think) for years, and then the big shocker- MY mom over Christmas, the week before we got engaged (she had no idea it was going to happen). At least I'm used to answering those questions- once we can afford to have a bedroom for a kid and feed/clothe him or her, then we can start talking. Till then, that's what playing with other people's kids is for!

 

[Nancy]

MY DH's grandmother gave me baby items at my bridal shower...I thought she was confused about what kind of shower she was attending, but afterwards she told me that she gave me those gifts to let me know she expected great grandkids right away!

 

[singingpixie]

MY DH's grandmother gave me baby items at my bridal shower...I thought she was confused about what kind of shower she was attending, but afterwards she told me that she gave me those gifts to let me know she expected great grandkids right away!

I honestly think I'd say something along the lines of "Thank you for your thoughtful gift. I will be sure to keep them somewhere safe until the time comes that they are needed." Wow, that's pretty forward unless she was joking! (And don't get me wrong- I love kids, I just want to have them on my own timetable!)

 

[Davids-Coco]

Congrats.

As a fellow young bride, I wanted to say that you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. We dated for five years before getting engaged, were engaged for 2 1/2 years, and have been married now for 3 1/2. We have been together a long time (though we didn't live together before getting married) yet were only 22 and 25 when we were married.

You have got it though! It doesn't make a difference how old you are if you realize that honesty helps you though and that you need to do things in your own time. A long engagement can be good if there is no rush - we had EXACTLY the wedding we wanted. And, of course the comments start immediately about having a baby. Ours wasn't born until over 3 years later because we wanted time to play... and frivilously spend on WDW trips!

So enjoy, keep your head balanced, and do what is right for you (which I am sure you will) because that is what will make a difference. Congrats again.

 

[Nancy]

I honestly think I'd say something along the lines of "Thank you for your thoughtful gift. I will be sure to keep them somewhere safe until the time comes that they are needed." Wow, that's pretty forward unless she was joking! (And don't get me wrong- I love kids, I just want to have them on my own timetable!)

Not joking! (unfortunately) Too bad it took me 3 years to have our first...infertility problems.