I'm a failure!

[Buckalew11]

I've got a 15yo who just finihed the book and will be getting her permit.

I will not be riding in the car with her! Her dad will be teaching her (and possibly doing a drving school). It freaks me out, I am so not ready for this.

I got my permit at 15 and 16 and 17 and finally got my license at 18. I hated driving. Once I got the license they made me drive my last 3 months of HS to school in a car they MADE me buy!!! I had a job starting in June so I needed to be on the road. Honestly, when i finally was able to get behind the wheel and drive by myself it went better for me and I hated it less. however, to this day I'll hand you my keys and let you drive, ask Snoops!!

Good luck, Peg. It is a scary milestone!

 

[DVCLiz]

Poor Peg!! And poor Kendall!! I am going through this with my younger daughter (who still talks about the beautiful basket we won!!) now that she has her permit. The first few times I thought I would scream - but I made it through and she has gotten much better with practice.

Peg: As with many other things along the way, this is one you'll have to figure out. It's up to you to provide the parent support she needs to achieve this important life skill. You'll do it!!! Look back at all the other things you've given her, and how well you've done. You'll do this, too.

Kendall: Your Mom is learning how to be a passenger and watch you learn something new at the same time you are learning how to drive on your own. Give her a little bit of a break - remember she is learning along with you. Give her 3 chances to do something "mom" like - and let her know "OK, Mom, that's one" instead of screaming at her(even if she deserves it, which she probably will some of the time!!) After three chances, drive into the driveway and you're done for the day. She'll get with the groove soon, I promise.

Good luck, girls!! Keep us posted!

 

[bumbershoot]

The driving school will take her out again for two hours on Wednesday. On Friday, they will drive for an hour and then, they take her to take her test. I just don't see how she will be ready, but I might be pleasantly surprised.

Doesn't sound like much of a *school* to me! Unless she's had scads of other lessons already?

I have a late birthday and would have gotten driver's ed long after my birthday, so my mom got me lessons. I remember many lessons being part of the package.

Now I did have a stepdad and a dad who were calm and cool and could take me out, but even if they weren't around there's just no chance my mom could have done it. She was just too nervous and that's not good when someone is learning.

Having your sister take her out is good...anyone else?


It's not bad to learn to drive in serious FL rain...that's where you live, so it's for the best!

 

[Keli]

Been there, done that and I feel your pain!

I thought for sure that my dd would manage to kill us both before she finally learned to drive.
Somehow we muddled through (with a few ill spoken words and hurt feelings, lol) and she ended up learning but it really did take her a long time. I don't know if I was an especially bad teacher or she was an especially bad student or both.
But she did develop into a decent driver and seems to do fine now. And she loves to regale her friends with stories about our driving lessons.

 

[Laurabearz]

My 16 year old sister is learning to drive. I've noticed that in the beginning, she responded really well when you just tell her how to fix something, rather than pointing out the problem. So instead of saying "you're drifting to the right", we'd say "now move to the left a little". I think with a direct command she didn't feel like she had to defend herself as much, she just followed the direction. Now that she's more comfortable, we've been phrasing it more as a question "You're drifting to the right, what should you do to fix that?". Also instead of saying, "you should have done this", we try to say "next time you should make sure to do this". Just little changes in phrasing make her much less defensive and open her mind more.

I have no idea if this will help with your daughter but maybe it could reduce everyone's anxiety and allow you both to relax. My sister is a picture of drama queen teen angst, but she's responding really well to being taught to drive in this manner.

I think that's very sound advice.

Oh well, I feel better knowing that I am not the only parent to go through this. Next time, I'll just take a Valium before we start out!

My first thought when I read your post was to have a stiff cocktail before you head out with her, but a Valium works

 

[PaulaSue]

I learned at the local Fair grounds. Anything like that near your house?

No other cars and great for practicing parking, etc...

 

[rascalmom]

Try going to a large commercial parking lot after hours, or a mega-church lot on an early evening when there are no services.

We did this with both of our dd's when they were first learning & it built their confidence (and my tongue-biting skills). We worked up to the deserted streets of a business complex area after business hours, residential streets & then the major feeder roads around our neighborhood.

One thing that dd's thought really helped them was taking them to the area near the testing center. In our city, that is downtown and not an area they are familiar with from our usual routine. They were able to get familiar with the streets, parking & speed limits in that area before they got in the car with the testing officer.

Good luck - you will both survive!!

 

[MoniqueU]

My 16 year old sister is learning to drive. I've noticed that in the beginning, she responded really well when you just tell her how to fix something, rather than pointing out the problem. So instead of saying "you're drifting to the right", we'd say "now move to the left a little". I think with a direct command she didn't feel like she had to defend herself as much, she just followed the direction. Now that she's more comfortable, we've been phrasing it more as a question "You're drifting to the right, what should you do to fix that?". Also instead of saying, "you should have done this", we try to say "next time you should make sure to do this". Just little changes in phrasing make her much less defensive and open her mind more.

I have no idea if this will help with your daughter but maybe it could reduce everyone's anxiety and allow you both to relax. My sister is a picture of drama queen teen angst, but she's responding really well to being taught to drive in this manner.

I think this is a good idea. My DS 16 just got his license. I don't have a license due to my eyesight so I could never ride up front with him or noticed when things weren't right. My DH went out with him a few times and then called it quits. He is a control freak and thinks he is the best driver on the road and everyone else is a moron. I think he was actually surprised my DS passed his test on the first try. My mom was the one to take him out and teach him. She i pretty mellow but will push you. I remember when I was learning to drive stick she took me on the steepest hill with the most stoplights she could find in San Diego county. It was sressful to me but I can drive a stick like a champ if I could see well enough to do it.

I feel totally safe in a car with my son but when we followed him to the dr's office the other day and I was in the car behind him it was like an out of body experience for me.
My oldest DD is going to be lots of fun to drive with NOT. She will either try it once have a mistake and then decide she doesn't want to drive or she will get it down pat from the get go and be a speed demon. It is all or nothing with that girl. I have 3 and half years left to prepare for that.

 

[powellrj]

I so feel your pain. I am an awful passenger. I will wear sunglasses so nobody knows I have my eyes closed when riding with co-workers so teaching my kids to drive was pure torture.

One thing I did was critique other people on the road. When we would be riding in the car, I would comment on how the red car needed to do xyz, on how well the blue car handled the merge. That kind of thing. It was easier than just focusing on their driving.

DS drove us to Florida on this trip so we have come full circle!

 

[pyrxtc]

I'll be doing this in the fall. Maybe you could start in an empty parking lot, going up and down lanes, practicing parking in the spots, get some cones or even cardboard boxes to use as other cars that she has to park between.

My DD will only be 15 1/2 this fall and will be learning on my mini-van.

 

[kellyg403]

Chin up...I know how you feel. I just can't do the adult with a person learning to drive thing. I tried with my son, my oldest, TWICE and let it go. We were almost to blows by the time he parked the car in the driveway! I enlisted my brother to do the job. I don't want to know what they did and how they did it. He passed the test and got his license and that was the end of the story. DD is 22 and also does not drive. She has a fear of driving and had her permit but after TWO tie rods replacements in my old van she quit even trying. She never could get the hang of slowing down to take a turn. Cars comming at her made her freak out and we would go 60 around every corner. It was not something I did twice...again my boyfriend, now dh, did the honors. I am a terrible back seat driver who can't keep her screams or mouth shut!

The funniest thing is that karma bit me. When I moved to NC, I didn't get my license changed from VA in a timely manner. I was 41 years old trying to get a NC DL. Ummm, I failed the driver's part. After driving for 20 some odd years and they gave me a learner's permit. My son became the 'adult' driver and relished the opportunity to call me and ask me if I needed him to come over and ride with me to the grocery store. He told that story to anyone who would listen. Trust me, I waited the seven days and went and got that darn NC license. And we did a lot of delivery eating that week. I refused to have my son, all of 19 years old, driving me places!


Kelly

 

[Crystal0608]

My mom hated riding with me when I had a permit at 15 too. She even would press invisible brakes constantly before I got to the stop signs and paniced me so much I got nervous driving. She only let me drive in empty parking lots and the one mile drive to work or the grocery store, so my driving skills were limited. When I got my liscense on my own at 16 after failing the drivers test once, I went the wrong way on a one way street, got pulled and turned left with a red light b/c I was so nervous and to this day I can't drive on a major highway or long bridge without having a panic attack. I've had my liscence now 14 years and besides highways/big bridges I drive fine and my mom still won't ride with me. She will ride with my dh driving, but she is seriously a backseat driver and advises him of all road conditions- Look stop sign (pressing fake brake)! Slow down! Watch out, put on your turn signal! the whole time. Just thought I'd share your not the only one, but I would try to let her get as much experience behind the wheel with you.

 

[Minnesota!]

My dad always took me to the cemetery to practice driving - lots of turns, tight squeezes, etc. And I couldn't kill anyone there

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I know I shouldn't do this, but... Seriously, it won't be long before you're laughing about it, too. In the mean time just keep saying to yourself, "And this too, shall pass."

Of course, passing is only allowed on the right.

Good luck Peg. My mother and I went out once. She freaked, I screamed. It didn't go well. Her boyfriend at the time (now DH) took me out. He was very calm, but annoying because he expected me to find my way around while driving. Took me on a highway in an area I was unfamiliar with and told me to find my way home. At that point I was still trying to keep the car in the appropriate lane -- I couldn't read signs and find my way home at the same time. He finally told me how to get back home and I managed not to kill us. We went out a few times after that and I was able to get my license, first shot.

 

[Stitchfans]

I also can relate. Went through it with oldest DD and yes it wasn't easy. Really not looking forward to it with youngest DD. She is 14 now so I have some time.

 

[ols386]

I was the same way with my son. In the beginning, his driving scared me to death. When he was first driving, and we'd be in the car together, with him driving, we were both a nervous wreck by the time we arrived at our destination. But somehow, we made it though, and now 13 years later, he's a good driver, and I'm not even nervous one little bit when riding with him.
You'll make it through this, some how, some way, you'll get through it.