I'm a failure!

[Feralpeg]

After all this time, DD has finally decided she wants to get her drivers license. She has had her permit since she was 16. She is now 21. She hasn't wanted to drive in the past. She was very afraid of it. She lost two good friends in an accident and it traumatized her.

Now, she is finally ready. I even arranged driving lessons through a private company. The problem is that she is supposed to practice in between lessons. Of course, she cannot drive alone which means I have to go with her. She SCARES ME!

I have always been a nervous passenger. I am totally comfortable driving, but get nervous riding with others. I just don't know how we are going to get through this. Today, we almost got in a fight. I thought she was drifting to the right too far. She told me to leave her alone. She really needs the practice, but I don't know if my nerves can take it.

I feel like a failure. I can't teach my child to drive because I'm afraid she'll kill us!

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Stick to residential areas until you feel more comfortable.

 

[ilovepcot]

I know I shouldn't do this, but... Seriously, it won't be long before you're laughing about it, too. In the mean time just keep saying to yourself, "And this too, shall pass."

 

[DMickey28]

I am sorry to hear about your daughter's friends. Relax ... you will be fine. Odds are that she has been so careful about driving she will not get you guys in trouble. She has had lots of experience as a passanger and watching other cars on the road. She is probably a lot better of a driver in training then most of the HS kids out on the road.

As long as she is a generally put together girl and aware of her surroundings in general she will be a good driver. I am not sure what to suggest to help you get through it though ... Good Luck.

 

[PrincessParty]

Hang in there!

 

[I'mNoPrince]

Oh DD will be 16 in Oct and tis really gets to me I had to teach her Mom to drive as she didn't even have a permit when we met.

I think it is harder when it's a Child to help I helped my niece drive a standard and and Auto with no problem and am a nervous wreck with DD getting close.

The only good thing for me Is i will have a built in driver for where I want to go I hate driving as it's all I do for work .

Peg I'll be at VWL and BCV from June 16th -26th if she needs to get a hour or so in I might be able to Help lol.

 

[4greatboys]

I taught my 2 oldest to drive. I cannot say it was fun

 

[laurie31]

When I started learning to drive, my dad took me to the high school parking lot in the evenings/weekends. A *huge* place to drive around where there were sure to be no other cars.

I just realized...I *never* drove with my mom in the car, until I was an experienced driver. I've never thought about that. Trying to imagine it now, I'm sure my mom would have done way worse than you're doing with your DD! So don't worry - you're not a failure, you're just a mom

(and I think as sad as it is that your DD lost friends to car accidents, it has made her aware that driving is a serious responsibility. I'm sure she'll be a great driver when she gets the hang of it )

 

[Handbag Lady]

Is there not a mature driver you know who can go with her from time to time?

I don't mean to have you pawn it off, but I learned well by having different drivers with me.

And then this way, your daughter will gain confidence without your nerves fraying. Too much, I mean.

 

[akhenaten]

I think I still have the nail marks in my palms from digging my fingers into them while riding with my DD!!!

Hang in there...

My dad had me drive in a closed mall parking lot...for a few times before hitting the road..
good luck!!

 

[Forevryoung]

Looking back it's hysterical, at the time, probably not so much:

I was 16 and learning how to drive. My dad took me around the neighborhood for some practice. We got into an argument about my stopping at a stop sign. Being a hot-headed teen, I got out of the car and told Dad I was walking home.

Dad arrived home with the car and mom asked where I was. My dad said he didn't know Apparently, Mom was pretty mad at Dad for leaving me on some random street until I walked in the door 10 minutes later.

I had gotten out around the corner from our house (literally) and walked around the block twice to calm down

I never went out driving with my dad again until I had had my license for awhile

 

[Mom2Nick]

My mom was like that. She hit that "invisible brake" so many times I thought she was going to pound a hole through the bottom of the car.

I preferred to drive with my dad. He'd get in, tell me where to go and to smack him on the arm if I needed help and would lay his head back and fall asleep...

 

[bluesaturn]

My 16 year old sister is learning to drive. I've noticed that in the beginning, she responded really well when you just tell her how to fix something, rather than pointing out the problem. So instead of saying "you're drifting to the right", we'd say "now move to the left a little". I think with a direct command she didn't feel like she had to defend herself as much, she just followed the direction. Now that she's more comfortable, we've been phrasing it more as a question "You're drifting to the right, what should you do to fix that?". Also instead of saying, "you should have done this", we try to say "next time you should make sure to do this". Just little changes in phrasing make her much less defensive and open her mind more.

I have no idea if this will help with your daughter but maybe it could reduce everyone's anxiety and allow you both to relax. My sister is a picture of drama queen teen angst, but she's responding really well to being taught to drive in this manner.

 

[luvflorida]

I have always been a nervous passenger. I am totally comfortable driving, but get nervous riding with others. I just don't know how we are going to get through this. Today, we almost got in a fight. I thought she was drifting to the right too far. She told me to leave her alone. She really needs the practice, but I don't know if my nerves can take it.

I can totally relate to this! I was nervous when my two oldest were learning to drive, but we got through it and they are very, very good drivers. Now, with our youngest...

She didn't get her license until she was 17 1/2. She failed her driver's test twice (maybe three times, I can't, or don't, want to remember). She drove a bit over the summer, but not much since because she wasn't allowed to have her car on campus as a Freshman. *Thanking my lucky stars.*

Now that the school year is over, she's home and she's wanting to drive places. We are new to the Tucson area, and I have to say, it's a crazy city to drive around in. I've never seen so many accidents, almost one every single day, sometimes more, and I've seen some horrible ones. There are so many things to watch out for, lights, pedestrians, bicyclists, weird turning lanes, and U-turns the likes of which I've never seen anywhere!!!!

My husband keeps saying our daughter needs to drive to get the experience, but I say she needs the experience before she gets out on the roads. Of course, how does she get the experience if she isn't allowed to drive. A catch-22.

I'm extremely nervous that she isn't watching out for everything. Does she see the car's brake lights in front of us? How about the stop sign, red light, or the car coming up beside her as she's changing lanes? What about the pedestrians crossing on the green light, the car making a U-turn into the same lane she's turning into? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I think I've worn a hole through the floorboard on the passenger's side applying my imaginary brake. I just don't feel she is careful enough and assumes other drivers automatically know when she is going to change lanes or make a turn. SHE SCARES THE HECK OUT OF ME!!

You are not alone!

 

[MM27]

I had no interest in getting my license either. My brother and sister both went to driving school, but I waited until I turned 17 and went and got my permit then. My mom took me out and I'm sure her hands probably hurt when we were done because she would hold on tight.

Even today, if I drive her somewhere, she pushes on the dashboard (because yes that will stop the car ), holds on when we turn corners, etc.

Honestly, I'm a good driver, but for some reason I scare her.

 

[DISUNC]

SAVE YOUR SANITY..INVEST IN A DRIVING SCHOOL!

Let me just state that I am one of the calmest human beings out there (IMO...other may not say that)...BUT if I was to ever beat a kid mercilssly it would have been while teaching them how to drive.

Some people just cant do it. TRUST ME!

 

[Dan Murphy]

....Today, we almost got in a fight...

You and Kendall???? Peg, you guys will do fine. Driving school is a plus too.

 

[Feralpeg]

You and Kendall???? Peg, you guys will do fine. Driving school is a plus too.

Yes. Sadly. It was when she thought I was going to grab the steering wheel. I did think about it, but I didn't. It was just an involuntary flinch!

Tomorrow, my sister is going to take her out to practice if the weather cooperates. The driving school will take her out again for two hours on Wednesday. On Friday, they will drive for an hour and then, they take her to take her test. I just don't see how she will be ready, but I might be pleasantly surprised. To make things worse, it was raining all day today. We haven't had rain in weeks. She started her lesson today and it was a monsoon. It is supposed to rain heavily all week. They are predicting 5 inches in our area tomorrow. Why this week?

Oh well, I feel better knowing that I am not the only parent to go through this. Next time, I'll just take a Valium before we start out!

 

[mum4jenn]

My Mom took me to an industrial park on the weekends. The place was totally empty and there were all sorts of traffic signs, parking places (even parallel parking). It was a GREAT place to learn how to drive, park, turn,back-up,etc without there being any other cars to hit.

I was the scared one and I think I drove less than 5 mph and still stomped on the brake!! My Mom seemed to handle it very well!!

When my dd is old enough I plan on taking her to a place like this as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel your pain. I don't like to drive with my 18yodd and she is a good driver. She got her license the day she turned 16.

Now she wants to drive to TX from MO alone. Um, that is not happening.