If your 9 y.o. snooped in their Christmas gifts - UPDATE post #96

[powellrj]

I think the only thing she taught the kid is he needs to learn to lie better. Its way over the top and not something the child will soon forget. And I don't think the lesson learned is not to lie, only that he needs to learn to do it better.

 

[Schmeck]

Well, since Christmas isn't supposed to be about the presents you get, so what if she took them back after he lied about looking for them? Maybe the true meaning of Christmas will dawn on him, and he'll have the best Christmas ever.

Right now we're dealing with a memorial service for my aunt, who passed away a month ago, my dad has stage 4 lung cancer, and this Christmas marks the 3rd one since my 3 year old godchild passed away. It's not about the crap we give each other, it's the attention we give each other.

 

[kim_o]

I think it's ridiculous. I was a big snooper and still am (in fact Dh doesn't get my present until christmas eve - less time for me to figure out what it is).

 

[lucyem]

I personally think the punishment was on the harsh side. But then again I do not know the background etc. Does he have a problem with lying? Was he warned? I would be more likely to deal with the lying on it's own terms. That I would punish in some way. As for the presents I would tell him I was very disappointed in him and that it was too bad he knows what he is getting because now there is no surprise.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I did this but he'd only found 2 of them since the rest were hidden in the attic. I did buy DS other gifts instead to replace the 2 he'd found but they weren't #1 and 2 on his list since those were the items that he'd found and ended up getting returned.

To this day, he has never snooped looking for his gifts again. or if he has, he's never let on that he knows what his gifts are and has always been happy/surprised when he sees them.

 

[luvmy3]

I personally think the punishment was on the harsh side. But then again I do not know the background etc. Does he have a problem with lying? Was he warned? I would be more likely to deal with the lying on it's own terms. That I would punish in some way. As for the presents I would tell him I was very disappointed in him and that it was too bad he knows what he is getting because now there is no surprise.

This is how I feel, we aren't talking about a 4 year old this is a 9 year old who definitely knows better than to lie. Maybe this mom has spent years trying to teach this kid a lesson about lying and he just hasn't gotten it. I have a little story teller myself so I know how frustrating it can be for a parent who has a little liar and can see myself snapping at some point if it doesn't stop. I don't know if I'd go as far as this mom but I could see at least not giving him the gifts he lied about seeing.

 

[tmarquez]

The mom is a nut.

It's completely normal behavior for a 9yo to snoop. And how did the lie come about? She caught him, right? So she caught him and then to make it worse she started questioning him? Of course he's going to lie.

He probably has learned to lie because of her and her irrational behavior. All 9yo's do "bad" things sometimes...but if you are worried your crazy mother is going to fly off the handle about some little thing, you're going to do whatever you can do avoid that.

I feel bad for the kid...and not just because he may not have presents.

 

[kellyg403]

I think the snooping is age appropriate. I don't know many kids who AREN'T hoping for that one gift and the wonder if they got it or not is too much for them. Heck, sometimes I badger DH to death wondering 'if' I am getting something I wanted.

The lying part I am not so sure about. Its also age appropriate. I would imagine since he lied about snooping, he had been warned. So, I am not sure the crime fit the consequences.

I got tired of the kids snooping and not be excited at Christmas, so I got a storage unit. That first year the kids actually were nervous about christmas that year. Now, I do the unit every year. It saved us all a bit of grief and the 35 bucks was worth it to me. I got the element of surprise and the kids didn't have to worry about snooping.

Kelly

 

[robinb]

Posting without reading what others have said ... Personally, I think that the mom is a controlling whack-a-doodle and the punishment far outweighed the crime. EVERY kid snoops and when confronted I would bet MOST kids would lie/fib. I'm sure there are some kids that wouldn't outright lie about the snooping but at the best most would say "Nothing ..." if asked "What are you doing?"

Way to go Mom! Way to embarrass your 9-year old and completely ruin Christmas for the kid ! Way to put a giant knot in the pit of his stomach for the next week ! Way to completely ruin whatever lesson you were going after if you re-buy those things and give them to him anyway ! Moron.

 

[puffkin]

Please! You can't expect a 9 year old to not want to peek at his presents. You have to hide them really well or wrap them immediately. Sneaking around and snooping when he was specifically told not to does require some form of punishment. But taking away his presents is way too extreme!

I still snoop and I am 29! I agree with the above post....punish the lying but taking the presents all back is horribly extreme and will just lead to resentment later in life. I think the mother needs a better hiding place!

 

[Jasperann]

That punishment was a bit harsh. I wouldn't do something like that to my kids. I'm sure that my oldest has snooped in the past. But all it did was ruin her surprise on Christmas Morning. Don't think she's done it since. I think she was around 9 when she snooped too. Maybe it's a stage?

When I was little I found the 'hiding' place for the gifts and I snooped and found this doll that I wanted for Christmas so bad. When Christmas came I was so excited! Until I seen my niece opened it... I never snooped again after that. Before I was born, my brother and sister snooped one year and the next year my mom wrapped all of their gifts with the others names on them. My sister was really disappointed when she snooped and unwrapped a baseball bat meant for my brother.

 

[mjkacmom]

What kid hasn't done this?! I did it, my sister did this, and dd13 has figured out we store the gifts at her grandparents, so had to find another spot in their house. I thought trying to find the hiding spot was just another part of the holiday!

 

[mcraft17]

When I was younger my mom put all the gifts in garbage bags and set them out on a table in the basement. She told us that she would know if we peeked and if we did it would ruin the suprise of Christmas. Let me tell you that was really hard not to look but I didn't want to ruin the suprise so I didn't look, but I sure stared at them alot and tried to guess from the shape. My dd knows they are in our apartment but doesn't go looking for them which is good cause there really isn't many places to hide them. I agree that the lying needs to be dealt with but I would have just sat the gifts out Christmas morning unwrapped while everyone else unwraps theirs. No need to wrap if you already know.

 

[Manda]

That makes me so sad for the poor kid.

He probably lied because he's terrified of his crazy Mom. And she pretty much hammered that point home. Kinda reminds me that Mommy Dearest movie.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

When I was younger my mom put all the gifts in garbage bags and set them out on a table in the basement. She told us that she would know if we peeked and if we did it would ruin the suprise of Christmas. Let me tell you that was really hard not to look but I didn't want to ruin the suprise so I didn't look, but I sure stared at them alot and tried to guess from the shape. My dd knows they are in our apartment but doesn't go looking for them which is good cause there really isn't many places to hide them. I agree that the lying needs to be dealt with but I would have just sat the gifts out Christmas morning unwrapped while everyone else unwraps theirs. No need to wrap if you already know.

I like this idea and I think it would keep the snooper from doing so again. Nothing to unwrap?!

No, we don't know the whole story. 9 years old - is he going through the "is Santa real" phase and snooped to see if there were presents stashed by mom? Is he an older brother and did he tell younger sib(s) that MOM bought the presents and that he found the proof? Is he a chronic liar to the point that mom finally snapped and chose this way to teach a lesson on lying?

Actually, I feel sorry for both mom & kid. This Christmas is ruined for both of them now. Hopefully, many years down the road, they can both laugh about the "Christmas that wasn't" and how he learned to never snoop and lie again.

 

[my3sons77]

I'd laugh.

Last year my cousin had our older boys on Black Friday while we did some shopping. When she dropped them off my oldest son went straigth to our closet and saw the Lego set that he wanted so badly. We told him that was for someone else. By the time Christmas came he had forgotten all about it (or at least didn't say anythign else about it)

We laughed about it. I peeked on my Christmas presents when I was 9 too. It's called childhood.

 

[JUJU814]

This woman is a complete fruit loop, all kids snoop. Granted the lieing bit isn't good but the action she took is just plain mean

I'm with you! Reminds me of something out of "Mommy Dearest"

 

[JUJU814]

That makes me so sad for the poor kid.

He probably lied because he's terrified of his crazy Mom. And she pretty much hammered that point home. Kinda reminds me that Mommy Dearest movie.

ha ha! Took the words right out of my mouth! I just posted that and then read your post (about Mommy Dearest)

Actually, I've been reading a lot of stuff on here lately that reminds me of that movie!

 

[Hillbeans]

Wow, I think that is completely harsh and unreasonable. I feel respect is important also and don't let my kids get away with stuff but really, to return them all is just extreme. It wasn't as if he pulled out a ladder, climbed the roof and discovered a trap door that led to the gifts. They were in her room, assuming pretty easy to peek into. Yes, he needs to respect privacy but he's *9* and it's Christmas.

I really hope she changes her mind so he has some gifts at Christmas. I cannot imagine as a mom not giving anything to my kids, no matter if they lied about snooping or not. For mine, I know I could threaten to return them and let them sweat it out til then and that would be plenty.

I completely agree...wow, that is just harsh. I think some people just love being mean and get a kick out of bullying around their kids. It's sick, and this kid will end up hating his mother if she is that unreasonable.

 

[crisi]

We don't really have a "no peeking" rule to start with. You want to figure out what you are getting for Christmas so there are no surprises - well, have a nice Christmas - while everyone else is squeeling and surprised, you can open presents knowing exactly what is in the box. (Though I like the "why should Mom bother to wrap it" idea.)

The lying is troublesome, but as pointed out upthread, if telling the truth was likely to result in no presents, I'd have lied too.