If You Met Someone Who Went To An Old-Money, Exclusive Boarding School, What Would You Ask Them?

[mom2rtk]

Was this before the age of smartphones?

No, they just didn't escape into their phones in the car sitting in the front seat next to me.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

No, they just didn't escape into their phones in the car sitting in the front seat next to me.

Interesting stealth strategy...

My kids are still pre-smartphone/elementary age so I've been watching how my nieces and nephews get absorbed by their phones, and looking for strategies to combat the zombie-fying effect they can have one some.

 

[pianogirl73]

Interesting stealth strategy...

My kids are still pre-smartphone/elementary age so I've been watching how my nieces and nephews get absorbed by their phones, and looking for strategies to combat the zombie-fying effect they can have one some.

If something is bothering them, the phone won't deter them from talking to you about it. My daughter has times that she is buried in the phone while we are in the car, but less often than one would think.

 

[mom2rtk]

Interesting stealth strategy...

My kids are still pre-smartphone/elementary age so I've been watching how my nieces and nephews get absorbed by their phones, and looking for strategies to combat the zombie-fying effect they can have one some.

Seriously, our car time is the best. I always try to engage them in conversation, even if it's just to discuss the latest story on the news. They don't open up about big stuff often, but when it does, it always seemed to happen during car time. Our youngest just got her license this year, and I miss that extra time together running her places. But I still try to find reasons to get in a car with her, even if it's just to run get a soda when she gets home.

Of course it also helps that my daughter always runs out of data within a week of getting her monthly allocation. She saves most of her heavy phone use for when she can get the wifi at home.

 

[amberpi]

I live in Nashville and since this conversation has come up, and the whole Dead Poet's Society MBA thing has been rattling in my head (MBA on which Dead Poet's is supposedly modeled is a day school BTW), I've been asking around, whereas otherwise, who the hell cares where one when went to high school when you're in your mid 30s. Of my six neighbors - both sides, across the street and each side of that street, and the guy directly behind me, 5 of which are either a Nashville native or a part of a native couple, 4 went to private school and 3 to MBA/Harpeth Hall, another to another prestigious day school in town, and I'm not sure about the transplants. So, more went to public schools, but its not as if there aren't a significant number of people who may have gone to a private or boarding school and you'd never know. I'm just saying that you may even be close friends with people who went to boarding school or who went to a top tier college, but as an adult, who would even know? Personally, if you're in my age group and you're still talking about high school? Yikes!

 

[bcla]

I live in Nashville and since this conversation has come up, and the whole Dead Poet's Society MBA thing has been rattling in my head (MBA on which Dead Poet's is supposedly modeled is a day school BTW), I've been asking around, whereas otherwise, who the hell cares where one when went to high school when you're in your mid 30s. Of my six neighbors - both sides, across the street and each side of that street, and the guy directly behind me, 5 of which are either a Nashville native or a part of a native couple, 4 went to private school and 3 to MBA/Harpeth Hall, another to another prestigious day school in town, and I'm not sure about the transplants. So, more went to public schools, but its not as if there aren't a significant number of people who may have gone to a private or boarding school and you'd never know. I'm just saying that you may even be close friends with people who went to boarding school or who went to a top tier college, but as an adult, who would even know? Personally, if you're in my age group and you're still talking about high school? Yikes!

There are a lot of parents who get super serious about getting their kids into the best preschools. My wife was researching local preschools that cost more for one year than my four years of undergraduate education.

 

[amberpi]

There are a lot of parents who get super serious about getting their kids into the best preschools. My wife was researching local preschools that cost more for one year than my four years of undergraduate education.

I get that, as I mentioned, most of my friends with kids all put them in elementary schools that cost $20-30k a year and they were in all the pricey pre-schools preceeding that. It was the price of having a kid to them. I'm just saying that after a point it doesn't matter and who would care about the choices others make? I don't have kids, but if I did I have to admit I would have put them in private day school, but it just doesn't seem like a big deal. Private, boarding, public? They're all going to grow up to be people.

 

[AppleDumpling]

One way to think if it is micromanaging. People have varied degrees of what level of supervision is necessary to help someone achieve success. One person's micromanaging is another person's close and personal/hands-on supervision. Some people need one, others need the other. And I'm not implying that being independent sooner is somehow better. Just what what was right for me and *most* of my peers (there are definitely people who have their issues with getting so much independence).

I agree, but feel that independence can also be achieved at home. I believe it's a matter of finding the right balance. You can allow a child to think for themselves and discover things on their own, teach them to be self-sufficient and give them increasing responsibility as they get older. You don't want to be the so-called "helicopter parent" (as we all know from this board is not looked upon favorably) and yet I think you can be very involved in your child's life without micromanaging.

And that the most 'happy' people in life accept what they have without the inevitable envy-of-others-that-have-more getting in the way of living the life you want to live.

Completely agree.

I'm curious, GrnMtnMan, would/will you send your own kids to boarding school?

 

[bcla]

I get that, as I mentioned, most of my friends with kids all put them in elementary schools that cost $20-30k a year and they were in all the pricey pre-schools preceeding that. It was the price of having a kid to them. I'm just saying that after a point it doesn't matter and who would care about the choices others make? I don't have kids, but if I did I have to admit I would have put them in private day school, but it just doesn't seem like a big deal. Private, boarding, public? They're all going to grow up to be people.

To be fair, we ended up sending our kid to one of the better regarded preschools in the area, but not this place that cost $19,000 a year. It was still pretty expensive, and in dollar amounts still more than my four years of in-state undergraduate "tuition" (although they didn't call it that). Of course I'm thinking of straight up dollar amounts without inflation adjustment, back at a time when the state contributed far more to our public universities. My first year at UC Berkeley was less than $1400. I understand that maybe 20 years earlier than my time it was practically free.

 

[wilkeliza]

I live in Nashville and since this conversation has come up, and the whole Dead Poet's Society MBA thing has been rattling in my head (MBA on which Dead Poet's is supposedly modeled is a day school BTW), I've been asking around, whereas otherwise, who the hell cares where one when went to high school when you're in your mid 30s. Of my six neighbors - both sides, across the street and each side of that street, and the guy directly behind me, 5 of which are either a Nashville native or a part of a native couple, 4 went to private school and 3 to MBA/Harpeth Hall, another to another prestigious day school in town, and I'm not sure about the transplants. So, more went to public schools, but its not as if there aren't a significant number of people who may have gone to a private or boarding school and you'd never know. I'm just saying that you may even be close friends with people who went to boarding school or who went to a top tier college, but as an adult, who would even know? Personally, if you're in my age group and you're still talking about high school? Yikes!

Funny enough in NYC it still comes up in a certain social circle. What prestigious private school you went to in high school is just as important for networking as your college choices. A first I didn't get it because I was an outsider to that socioeconomic group but as I've been in it longer I see it as just making a connection. So yeah I know which of my aquantances went to Horace Mann and who went to the Dalton Academy and who went to Masters Academy and so on. I'm the younger age of the group (ranges from 30-50) and they still use their high school as a networking tool.

 

[bcla]

So nobody has mentioned British "public schools". I guess they're not public schools as most of the world thinks of the term, but elite day/boarding schools like Eton or Rugby.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

I'm curious, GrnMtnMan, would/will you send your own kids to boarding school?

Ignoring whether or not I can afford it (not sure I can), I would support them going there if they wanted to, but I don't think it can be forced upon them. You have to be the right fit.

My oldest is finishing 4th grade now, and I have a hard time imagining her being able to be socially independent enough. She has no interest in sleep-away summer camp at this point, whereas she has many peers that do so. We still even have a hard time with sleepovers.

But things can change quickly. After 6th grade I went to a month long sleep away camp. I was pretty homesick the first 10 days or so. When I got home from that I realized how much I loved it, and it was the highlight of my next two years. That's part of what made boarding school look like the right fit for me. My oldest might have some kind of turnaround in the next year or two, but I just don't see it at this point.

 

[bcla]

But things can change quickly. After 6th grade I went to a month long sleep away camp. I was pretty homesick the first 10 days or so. When I got home from that I realized how much I loved it, and it was the highlight of my next two years. That's part of what made boarding school look like the right fit for me. My oldest might have some kind of turnaround in the next year or two, but I just don't see it at this point.

I went to a Catholic school for my first few years. Part of it was that they let me skip kindergarten (this school didn't have it at the time) which our public school district would have allowed only after waiting a year. But it wasn't a super expensive school and there was a wide range of family income levels.

I personally had zero problems with summer camp. It was actually kind of a music camp, but that's a long story. We had some formal music training, but for most of the day it was actually traditional summer camp stuff. However, I came from an era when a 1st grader could take a public transit bus to school without the cops being called. In 2nd grade I had walked home from school a few times, and it was about 3 miles. If I let my kid do that these days, I don't know if I would be coming home with a police car waiting along with an officer ready to grill me about why I or my wife abandoned my kid.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

I'm curious, GrnMtnMan, would/will you send your own kids to boarding school?

Side note: when my kids' lack of independence bugs me a bit, I often joke to them: "how are you going to be be able to handle being on your own at Hogwarts?"

 

[amberpi]

Funny enough in NYC it still comes up in a certain social circle. What prestigious private school you went to in high school is just as important for networking as your college choices. A first I didn't get it because I was an outsider to that socioeconomic group but as I've been in it longer I see it as just making a connection. So yeah I know which of my aquantances went to Horace Mann and who went to the Dalton Academy and who went to Masters Academy and so on. I'm the younger age of the group (ranges from 30-50) and they still use their high school as a networking tool.

I spend a ton of time in NYC and lived there for a period, I work in finance, so I hear the braggy college stuff, but never high schools. Those guys make a ton of money though, but I think for them its more about their firm or assets under management instead of schooling. God, those guys love to use the assets thing as a substitute other yardstick...lol.

 

[wilkeliza]

I spend a ton of time in NYC and lived there for a period, I work in finance, so I hear the braggy college stuff, but never high schools. Those guys make a ton of money though, but I think for them its more about their firm or assets under management instead of schooling. God, those guys love to use the assets thing as a substitute other yardstick...lol.

Yeah this is less job specific and in the "old boys club" so to speak. I agree it really should matter. Finance is a whole different world all on its own haha. Depends on what time of finance of course.

 

[mom2rtk]

Ignoring whether or not I can afford it (not sure I can), I would support them going there if they wanted to, but I don't think it can be forced upon them. You have to be the right fit.

My oldest is finishing 4th grade now, and I have a hard time imagining her being able to be socially independent enough. She has no interest in sleep-away summer camp at this point, whereas she has many peers that do so. We still even have a hard time with sleepovers.

But things can change quickly. After 6th grade I went to a month long sleep away camp. I was pretty homesick the first 10 days or so. When I got home from that I realized how much I loved it, and it was the highlight of my next two years. That's part of what made boarding school look like the right fit for me. My oldest might have some kind of turnaround in the next year or two, but I just don't see it at this point.

Or maybe they don't change quickly at all. Every kid is different. My 3 have certainly taught me that. One might have been suited to it, 2 definitely were not. One of the ones who wouldn't have been suited to it ended up going away to college and graduates in a couple weeks with a degree in Chemical Engineering. He will turn around and move to Wisconsin a couple months later for a new job. He's doing just fine in spite of wanting to stick close to home as a young child.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Well I've been focusing specifically on boarding schools, as I thought that was the point of the original question. The differences between public and private (day) schools don't concern me. I do have some friends who went to local private schools (mostly religious-based). Good for them. I have no problem with sending kids to private school (or high-end preschool) if you can afford it and it's the best option for your child in your area.

Boarding schools are a different issue. I'm talking about students who attend school far from home, and don't go home every weekend or have frequent visits from parents. I wouldn't like that as a parent, and honestly don't think I would have liked it when I was in high school. But again, to each their own.

 

[bcla]

Well I've been focusing specifically on boarding schools, as I thought that was the point of the original question. The differences between public and private (day) schools don't concern me. I do have some friends who went to local private schools (mostly religious-based). Good for them. I have no problem with sending kids to private school if you can afford it and it's the best option for your child in your area.

Boarding schools are a different issue. I'm talking about students who attend school far from home, and don't go home every weekend or have frequent visits from parents. I wouldn't like that as a parent, and honestly don't think I would have liked it when I was in high school. But again, to each their own.

That kind of old-money boarding school seems to be something that's more prevalent on the East Coast or maybe certain parts of the South. There might be some newer schools that try to emulate those on the West Coast, but it's obviously not going to be the same kind of place with over a century of history where they're basically feeder schools for elite private universities.

In many ways we hear of the reputation of these elite prep schools as places where maybe kids manage to get away with bad behavior because their parents are rich and can afford good attorneys. There are a few Silicon Valley execs who sent their kids to prep schools and then Ivy League schools, and they can't seem to keep them out of the news for doing things that would normally land others in jail or would get them booted from school.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

There are a lot of parents who get super serious about getting their kids into the best preschools. My wife was researching local preschools that cost more for one year than my four years of undergraduate education.

Yup. In our area, private K-12 schools are ~ $35K/yr+. Very few board anymore, but clearly that is for an added $$$/yr. I've heard stories about the boarding schools, but haven't experienced firsthand so wouldn't want to share. I will only say that a lot of what I've heard is pretty similar to depictions in films!