If you have good teens

[Tiggeroo]

do you check up on them?
My boys will be 16 this summer. They have never been in any kind of trouble, and I know most of their friends. I don't, however know their friends parents. They seem to be busy, and give their sons an incredible amount of freedom. Generally all of the boys hang out at my house. But my place is small so at night when they want to watch movies, or when there is a party it is at somebody else's house. In the beginning whenever they went to somebody's house I called to see if a parent would be there. But I was the only person who did this and the parents acted like I was crazy. So I stopped. But now their group is definitely guy/girl and I worry when they are out at night. We live in a small resort town and the boys can walk to anybody's house or ride bikes.
Do you check up on your kids. It definitely embarasses my sons but if I think it's necessary I will do it anyway.
Also, since we live in a small town it is often difficult to keep track of the boys. They go out to surf or skateboard and could be anywhere in town. They know I don't want them in homes with no parents, but I would not know if they did do it. At night they like to walk the boards with their friends. I worry about them having too much unsupervised time with no adults. They will both be working full time during the summer, going to sports camp, and very involved in youth groups so they don't have unlimited free time. But they could be out at least 3-4 nights a week. How have you handled setting limits on your teens.
My older dd was a stay at home type. Plus I knew all of her friends parents so I never worried. I will be so stressed by the end of the summer.

 

[Trinity721]

Go with your instincts. If you feel comfortable calling and checking up on your sons, then do it. I totally believe in those commercials that say "I know, because I ask". Consider also getting them a cell phone or pager, one of those family plans. That way they don't have the excuse of saying "well I wasn't by a phone". My brother who's 18 has one, and my parents feel better knowing that they can always reach him. It wasn't like that with me, since I am the oldest and only daughter... my dad literally would follow me, he was very strict. They're 100 times more lenient with my brother, but I honestly know he's a good kid because we're close and he talks to e. I wouldn't suggest doing what my dad did with me, because being too strict can push your kids away more. I think it's fair to set down the rules you want them to obey, and to keep an open line of communication. I took a class on Psychology of Adolescence, and learned that it's good to discipline and set rules for your teens while letting them know that they can talk to you.

 

[Lynn CC]

Our DS gets dropped off and picked up and Yes we do know the parents or he doesn't go over their houses. I think 16 is too young for an unsupervised party. DS is having a pool party next month. We will both be home. The only time we go out is if he has his best friend over or he goes to his best friend's house and we all (the parents) go out to dinner. They are really good kids and play video games, board games etc. They also still like it if we play along with them...even if it's Marco Polo in the pool, infact they always ask us to do whatever they are doing. If you can get friendly with some of the parents, it's a fun time when everyone gets together for a Monopoly or Risk game. Our kids love it and so do we!
Your doing the right thing keeping track of your DS's.

 

[Snoozan]

As the mom to 2 DS's 18 & 20-I've been there! I sometimes felt like I was the only parent who ever questioned if events were chaperoned. I knew when my kids told me not to bother calling the parents that it was an unchaperoned event and they knew they would not be going!! I sometimes think they may have missed out on some fun times with their friends, but I also know they never ended up in the Police log or District Court in the local newspaper-like alot of their friends! It was mostly for minor things-driving after midnight, breaking & entering(in an abandoned house they were told was "haunted"),but there were also the underage drinking and drug use charges.

You have to do what you feel best for your kids. I agree the cell phone is a great relief to my mind, especially when they're in their cars.

 

[sharbear]

I have a DS who's 15 and we are having this problem also. I think that I could have written the same letter that you have. We live in a small town also and he can walk to his friends' houses. Last Sat. we were over to a friends house for dinner and he went to a friends house and his parents were gone. His older brother (who I think does drugs) was the only one there. I trust my DS but I don't want him in this house without any supervision. This age is so hard and it's hard to know what to do. Esp. when so many parents seem to not care what is going on when they are not there.

 

[CarolAnnC]

My DD's are 20 and 17 and a couple of years ago I got them each a cell phone. They check in with me and keep me informed of where they are off to. I have always been fairly lenient, but then again they have never given me cause to not be. The cell phones are great, cause I can also ring them and ease my mind if I am unsure of where they are off to. Well worth the $$ I pay for them.

 

[FOJMO]

Every teen is different and they act differently, depending on with whom they are with!

Our DD (17) is very responsible and, at some point, you just have to know that you've taught them well, given them options, and told them to be prepared for any situation.

Then, you need to let them make their own decisions -- good or bad. That's the only way they can learn for themselves. You are not going to be around them all the time and you can only let them know that you are there for them if they need help.

It's very hard, but I've been very good at letting her be responsible for her own actions.

 

[Tiggeroo]

It is very difficult. I am trying to walk a middle ground. I am mainly wondering if every time he goes to a house at night that I don't know the parents should I call there and verify the parents are home?
Also, the way things work around here when the boys aren't working they would go surfing at 7am, til they're exhausted. Come back here and shower eat (alot) lounge around for an hour or two (til like 6pm) then go out to the boards and hang with their friends til I make them come in. Usually during this they pop in and out during for like ten minutes here and there. Sometimes they want to go to a friends house in the evening to watch movies or play video games. They are good about keeping in touch. But during the summer it is alot of unsupervised hours. My boys are very active and the only alternative is to make them stay in. This seems unfair on nice summer days and nights. We have seen kids, not in their immediate group of friends but next level of friends, really get sucked into the party scene. Several of my sons friends older brothers are definitely involved in drugs. All of the boys in my sons group are starting to have girlfriends, who frequently are with them now.
These are really good kids. I just don't want them hanging for hours on end. Most of the boys work full time in the summer, but they still seem to have tons of free time.
I teach and was hoping to work this summer, but I'm worried about leaving the boys with no supervision while I do.