If you have been divorced and remarried, did you invite your ex-IL's to your wedding?

[Disney1fan2002]

Just curious.

My brother and his wife of 20 years got divorced this year. They have been seperated since last summer. He cheated on her, she wanted to work it out, he is the one that used the opportunity of her finding out, to leave her.

To us, she is STILL our sister-inlaw. She dated my brother while still in HS, and she is only a year older than me. So she has been in my life since HS. She is still invited to family parties, and is still as much of the family as ever. She started dating a man last fall, and we wanted her to bring him to the family Christmas party. She would of, but the man did not feel comfortable, and who would? By May, she finally convinced him to come to my DD's 1st Holy Communion party to meet the "family". He did come, and I told him he never has to feel intimidated around us, because we are not his GF's ex's family, we ARE her family. He loosened up, and seemed to enjoy the party.

They are joining us on the family trip to WDW I have planned. SIL has 4 kids. During my chat with her about the trip, she told me she got a ring! They have set a date for May 2007. We're all invited, of course.

I am so happy for her. This man seems to be giving her the life she NEVER got with my brother. She is so happy now. I will be at her wedding with bells on, but I can't help but wonder how weird it would seem to his family and guests that her EX's family is at the wedding.

So, if you have been divorced, did you keep your ex's family? Were they invited to your 2nd wedding? How did it go?

She is not a SIL, she is a true SISTER to us. I think she would feel like something huge is missing if we weren't at her wedding.

 

[Charade]

This really hits home to me. While I'm not getting married (right now that his but my dgf has other plans ) I was part of my ex's family for about 16 years. And the situation was the same except she left me for another man. I have not seen or heard from any of my ex's family since about year after we officially separated (now divorvced). I was pretty close to my FIL and since I was estranged from my family they became my surrogate family. I have no idea how they are doing now. It saddens my heart but maybe that's just the way it needs to be in my situation.

So to answer your question, I can say with certainty that my ex's family will not be attend my next wedding.

 

[disneylizzy]

You sound like such a nice family. Very similar situation with me, except my ex's family dropped me like a hot potato. Doesn't your ex-SIL feel weird being around her ex-husband and the new wife/GF? I don't think I could stand seeing my ex in a purely social situation, although I see him all the time for kid's birthdays, holidays and when he comes to get them. I guess that sounds contradictory, but I look at the times when I see him as times that I HAVE to see him for the sake of our children. As far as his new GF, I think I would be hard-pressed to be civil to her.

Congrats to your family and I'm real pleased that your ex-SIL found someone that is making her happy. In answer to your question, while I am not even at the dating stage yet, no, my ex-in laws won't be at the wedding, if there ever is one.

 

[doxdogy]

When DH and were married his former in laws were not invited. However over the years we have all (ex-wife included) gathered together at DD's house for Christmas.

 

[Kimmielee]

My ex MIL, SIL and nieces came to my baby shower. Families are families... divorce is between the spouses. It's awesome if you can keep the ties strong and that your Brother is an adult about it.

The only time it got strained for us was after my son was born his nieces and nephews would "gush" about how cute he was, etc... to his new wife and that struck a nerve with my ex. He ASKED me to stay away from his family. Out of respect to his new wife and to give their relationship less stress, I stayed away on holidays... but still keep in touch.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

See, the thing is, my brother does not come to the family parties. She is more a part of the family than he is.

 

[DMickey28]

I have very little personal experience in regards to this. However, if your family is comfortable and she is comfortable then I don't see the problem. As long as your brother is not staying away because she is such a part of the family. She's been there forever, I don't see theproblem. The people that would be at the wedding that would have aproblem with that are probably the ones that are jealous or small minded.

 

[isyne4u]

We've always joked that if my brother and his wife ever divorced we were keeping her!!!

My father's parents hated my mom after the divorce (apparently it was mom's fault that my dad decided to date another woman during his marriage ) so no they were not invited to my mom's second marriage.

You sound like a great family!!!

 

[mantysk8coach]

This same exact situation happened when my mom got remarried! My mom, and my dad's sister stayed close after my mom and dad divorced. My dad's sister and her family were at my mom's second wedding, they even did the video taping.

Actually, its eerie how similar the situation is. My dad cheated also, and did not even want to try to work things out.

Anyway, yes, sounds like you have a very similar relationship that my mom has with her SIL. As long as you feel comfortable with it, go ahead and invite them.

I agree with who said you divorce spouses, not nieces, nephews, and other family members that you had a good relationship with.

This definately has to be something that is considered by each individual situation, but I think in your case, it will work well.

Good luck!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

As long as your brother is not staying away because she is such a part of the family.

No, he is not staying away because of her. After they seperated, we realized the only reason he ever came to a family gathering, was because she dragged him. It was his family after all. Well, now she just comes with the kids, and enjoys herself so much more.

I think he truly hates us. It has nothing to do with our relationship with her. He has issues.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

My ex & I were only married 5 years, and have been separated/divorced since '92. His sister & I are still close, and probably closer now as the years have gone on. Her family & mine just got back from a week camping together & had a great time. I would definitely invite her to my next wedding if I had one.

 

[bettyann29]

I dont see anything wrong with this at all.. I am divorced and will be getting remarried soon.. My DF is also divorced.. His ex mil is like his mother.. He was married almost 20 years and his ex wifes family is like his family and still is.. He explained this to me in the beginning and they treat me like part of their family.. we go there for cookouts,etc.. Sometimes when I tell people they think its weird.. They say.. I thought they were his ex family.. Well they are but they are like his family.. We are going on a cruise in October and taking DF's mom and his ex mother in law.. They are like sisters and are so excited.. I am still close to my ex inlaws.. My ex sister in law (ex husbands sister) is getting married in October and invited us to her wedding.. unfortunately we will be on the cruise so we wont be able to attend.. We were going to invite both sets of ex in laws and family to our wedding but we have decided to get married on a beach in the caribbean next year when we go on a cruise, so they wont be able to attend..

But I truly understand how ex inlaws become part of the family..

 

[GeorgeG]

Absolutely not!

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

My ex inlaws came to my wedding. They are much closer to me than they are their own brother! Actually, they not only came but my ex BIL (ex's bro.) did my DD's hair, and my ex SIL (ex.'s sis.) did their nails. Of course my best friend/ maid of honor used to date my father, so it was just weird all around. But it works for our family! My ex. MIL did not attend, but she was welcome to come. She doesn't like to travel, or she would have attended I am sure. Everyone is different, and I say do whatever is comfortable for you.

 

[barkley]

when my brother divorced we still invited his ex wife to my wedding and family events (we joked they divorced each other but not us).

i dated and was engaged to a young man but broke it off. his family and i had known each other for 5 years and i guess none has ever been able to 'cut the cords'. it's now 20 years later and i and members of my family were invited when he was married, i was invited when his brother married, he and his wife along with his mom came to my wedding, his parents have been to gatherings at our house, dh and i were honored to be invited to his mom/dads 'family only' 50th wedding anniversary. we still exhange holiday cards and photos of our kids with him/his wife as well as his parents. i could'nt imagine loseing people i considered family.

what a great attitude your family has! and how great for your neices and nephews. i think kids of divorce whose parents are still loved and welcomed by the 'other side of the family' are so much better off-after all they will always be the family members of both.

have a great time at wdw!

 

[marybet]

I didn't and even if I had they wouldn't have come. I was married for 20 years to my ex, and I got along okay with the in-laws. When we were first divorced things were friendlier but after I remarried I never heard from them. Mostly because my ex and I had to go to court over the house that we still owned together, and he still had to pay me alimony for 2 more years. My ex MIL has not spoken to me since. My ex did send me a card when my mother died, that was in 2000 and I haven't heard from him since than. My kids mention him now and then, but we really don't talk about him much.

The thing is we weren't friends with each other. As my kids got older I had less and less contact with them, although my children still see them on holidays. And I guess if my kids ever get married they would all come to the wedding, and I would have no problem with that.

I think it is great that you have maintained a relationship with your SIL. Not everyone can do that.

 

[spazzyjazzy]

I am not divorced but, I did have child before I got married. I did invite my son's "other" family to the wedding. They did go and had a wonderful time. They have always been really really wonderful to me. Some people thought it was weird but, I didn't care. My husband knew them alot longer than me since he used to be my son's dad best friend in jr high and high school.

 

[Serena]

It's a very similar situation with my ex's family. I started seeing their son when I was 17, married at 18, divorced at 40, and still live next door.
I probably will have to invite them. Especially my mil. My mom died about 13 years ago and she's stepped into the role as much as I would allow.
She's told me many times that I am her daughter and she doesn't care what anyone says.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

Good for all of you to be able to get beyond the whole divorce thing. I do wonder though, how does your brother feel about her still being part of the family, and furthermore, how does he feel about you all going to the wedding and all? I personally did not get along with my in laws with my ex so for me this is a no brainer, however, DH was married before and when his son graduated from HS a few years ago, his ex invited us and DD to stay with her. We didn't because I just didn't feel right, but it was nice of her to ask. DH and her get a long great.

 

[CJMZ]

This occured with my MIL and FIL.. they were divorced when my DH was 4, but all major holidays are spent together at my FILs family even to this day.
They both dated others with no troubles and when my MIL remarried recently she invited all of the former in-laws, and they came and had a great time. Her DH doesn't mind at all - he gets along great with them.. I guess it is what you make of it.
I was thankful that they did get along so well because at my wedding, I was able to place both ILs with the spouse and gf at the same table and take some pictures with just the ILs.