If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[cassiez76]

when i was unemployed i use to say trophy wife!

everybody did a double take on that one

 

[Planogirl]

There are still meets, but I haven't been to many in a while. A DISer with the user name Haley Whippet (Deb) has been planning them, but they are usually on Sundays. We have a harder time making it on Sunday afternoons than we did when they were on Saturdays. She does the planning mostly by e-mail now. PM me here if you want me to have her add you to the e-mail list.

Sundays are usually hard for me too. I guess that I'll be missing a chance to ask people what it is they do.

 

[dyna]

Yes I have always found the question a bit odd too but then I'm 1 of the few females the last 35 yrs who never went to college never worked outside the home, never got into daytime TV never had time. Counting preschool I had at least 1 kid in school 28 yrs and if I count gkids in preschool whom I occassionally had to transport to school I've had at least 1 kid in school since 1980

DH always thought it was important for me to be home taking care of house an kids yard work etc I did stay busy. DH worked very odd hours for yrs most weekends (he would have had to work all those hours an weekends even if I worked) thought it was important for 1 of us to be there for the kids.

I got it easy now I can just say I'm retired if asked what I did before retiring I just say I dabbled at housekeeping, gardening, chaufering, swimming coach, lifeguarding, painting etc all the things we with kids house an yard.

Funny now that we retired an live away from the kids my house stays clean instead of spending most of the day every day cleaning I clean about once a month when the house starts showing signs of dust an I do check at least weekly I dust which does take about an hour because of all my pretties setting around that I never could have before. I do touch up bathrooms daily takes all of 3 mins max. Run the sweeper about ever 2 to 3 weeks.

Yard an driveway requires more attention trees with leaves falling all winter long the weather has been beautiful all winter long tho an I do enjoy getting outside putterin around.

 

[ols386]

Yes I have always found the question a bit odd too but then I'm 1 of the few females the last 35 yrs who never went to college never worked outside the home, never got into daytime TV never had time. Counting preschool I had at least 1 kid in school 28 yrs and if I count gkids in preschool whom I occassionally had to transport to school I've had at least 1 kid in school since 1980

DH always thought it was important for me to be home taking care of house an kids yard work etc I did stay busy. DH worked very odd hours for yrs most weekends (he would have had to work all those hours an weekends even if I worked) thought it was important for 1 of us to be there for the kids.

I got it easy now I can just say I'm retired if asked what I did before retiring I just say I dabbled at housekeeping, gardening, chaufering, swimming coach, lifeguarding, painting etc all the things we with kids house an yard.

Funny now that we retired an live away from the kids my house stays clean instead of spending most of the day every day cleaning I clean about once a month when the house starts showing signs of dust an I do check at least weekly I dust which does take about an hour because of all my pretties setting around that I never could have before. I do touch up bathrooms daily takes all of 3 mins max. Run the sweeper about ever 2 to 3 weeks.

Yard an driveway requires more attention trees with leaves falling all winter long the weather has been beautiful all winter long tho an I do enjoy getting outside putterin around.

I don't think it's an odd question. I think most of the time it's a question of someone who you just met and don't actually know, trying to get to know you a bit. There probably are people who ask that question for other reasons, but the majority of those who ask don't have some kind of hidden agenda, IMO.

 

[disykat]

I try to use "tell me about yourself" rather than jumping to careers first. When I do ask about careers, I usually say " job" or "career" or "work." "Making a living" sounds very financial to me and just too personal.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am going to go back and read everyone's responses I promise, but I had to say what happened to me one day a few years ago.

I am a SAHM. I went to work last year but we found it didn't work well for our family. I sub this year but even tat we have decided that this wil be the last year for that. My DH's job is just very long hours and it works better if I am at home on the homefront to keep everything running smoothly.

Anyway, I was at the doctor with my 3 kids getting their flu shots. I ran into my DH's co-worker's husband with their kids. He asked me if I enjoyed spending my day off at the doctor as much as he did. I said it wasn't my day off, this was part of my job. He said, oh, you stay home? I said yes. He said, so you get to sit around all day doing nothing while your husband works, huh? I was stunned. Myabe people think that, but I have never heard anyone actually speak that. Anyway, it was the first year I had all the kids in school and had been toying with the idea of getting a job. He asked if I'd consider some babysitting. Well, I love kids so I said sure. I started watching their kids, not when they worked, but on his days off so he could go to the gym and stuff, after a couple weeks he still hadn't paid me anything. When I brought it up he said he thought I was doing it as a favor. I was like, yeah, no...I am not at homee to make your life easier! So he gave me $20. For 2 weeks of feeding and caring for his 2 kids. That was the end of that.



Oh, to answer the OP's question. I have never been asked how I make a living, but when asked what I do I say that I am blessed to be a full time wife and mom.

 

[lakelandgal70]

I guess I am lucky. Most people know I quit my job last year due to chronic illness. We don't have kids only dogs so if anyone asks I can tell them I am a stay at home dog mom hehe

 

[mhsjax]

I am going to go back and read everyone's responses I promise, but I had to say what happened to me one day a few years ago.

I am a SAHM. I went to work last year but we found it didn't work well for our family. I sub this year but even tat we have decided that this wil be the last year for that. My DH's job is just very long hours and it works better if I am at home on the homefront to keep everything running smoothly.

Anyway, I was at the doctor with my 3 kids getting their flu shots. I ran into my DH's co-worker's husband with their kids. He asked me if I enjoyed spending my day off at the doctor as much as he did. I said it wasn't my day off, this was part of my job. He said, oh, you stay home? I said yes. He said, so you get to sit around all day doing nothing while your husband works, huh? I was stunned. Myabe people think that, but I have never heard anyone actually speak that. Anyway, it was the first year I had all the kids in school and had been toying with the idea of getting a job. He asked if I'd consider some babysitting. Well, I love kids so I said sure. I started watching their kids, not when they worked, but on his days off so he could go to the gym and stuff, after a couple weeks he still hadn't paid me anything. When I brought it up he said he thought I was doing it as a favor. I was like, yeah, no...I am not at homee to make your life easier! So he gave me $20. For 2 weeks of feeding and caring for his 2 kids. That was the end of that.



Oh, to answer the OP's question. I have never been asked how I make a living, but when asked what I do I say that I am blessed to be a full time wife and mom.

You know, I am sitting here with my dog, who has just been neutered, and I am thinking, maybe just maybe that guy should be neutered also. then you can stuff them in his mouth and let him chew on that for a while.

This is exactly the reason why some of us get upset and defensive when people ask what we do for a living. This attitude is more prevalent than some of you think.

 

[lakelandgal70]

Anyway, I was at the doctor with my 3 kids getting their flu shots. I ran into my DH's co-worker's husband with their kids. He asked me if I enjoyed spending my day off at the doctor as much as he did. I said it wasn't my day off, this was part of my job. He said, oh, you stay home? I said yes. He said, so you get to sit around all day doing nothing while your husband works, huh? I was stunned. Myabe people think that, but I have never heard anyone actually speak that.

Wow I can not believe someone said that to you. We don't have kids but I sure the heck don't sit around all day doing nothing while DH works. Good grief. You handled that better than I would have. I wonder who this guy thinks keeps the kids and house clean and his clothes clean??

 

[palavra]

It didn't take long for this thread to become a "who has it harder" thread. Regarding the poster you responded too: I don't think she was saying working is easy; she's just pointing out that at home, you're never done - you don't get to leave it at the office. I remember when I first started staying home after our first child was born that I noticed every little thing that had to be fixed or cleaned up.

That's what i was saying too. When I get home, I may leave my job, but i come home to laundry, cooking meals, taking my daughter to gymnastics. etc. I still most of the things that i did as a SAHM, but now I have a full-time job outside the house as well. Since I am a teacher, I know I have it easier than most, but just because I WOH, my house isn't magically clean and dinner isn't on the stove every evening when I get home.

 

[mhsjax]

Why is it that even though this thread is about how to tell people you are a SAHM or stay of home anything, it still seems to turn out to be a discussion about who has the harder job, it is crazy. This has nothing to do with whose job is harder and everything to do with the attitude that some of us receive when we tell people that we don't work outside the home.

 

[beattyfamily]

Oh boy. The mommy wars in full force even with an innocent question. :

 

[Mkrop]

I usually say I am a SAHM. I have had people ask what I do all day, I had the dental hygienest go off about it while she was cleaning my teeth. She was incredibly rude, not just making conversation. She was so rude I told my dentist I wanted someone different the next time I went in, turn out she was fired. I complained after she was fired but my dentist indicated that I wasnt the only one.

I hate the mommy wars. I really do. I think everyone should do what works best for their family. I tried working PT when my kids were younger and maybe it was where I worked but they were not very understanding if I they wanted me to stay late, that DH could not pick them up. Or if one of them got sick or had a 2hour delay it fell to me. Maybe if DH had a typicl 9-5 job, but he doesnt. If I had to work late and it wasnt planned, he could be hours from where the kid were.

I dont think people can compare, some jobs make it very difficult for both parents to work.

And my personal experience was working was sooo much easier than staying home when the kids were younger, my house stayed clean, I was not entertaining a toddler all day etc. I loved my work days!

Now my kids are in school, so I volunteer at their school. Our school has many opportunities and it is encourage, which I know is strange concept to some here on the DIS. I could be up at that school helping every day if I wanted but some days I need to get done stuff at home as well.

DH still has the same job, he is all over the place, with unpredictable hours. I have toyed with the idea of going back to work, I just not sure how I would swing the stuff for the kids after school and such, so for now this works for us.

 

[Robinrs]

Part of my profession involves meeting - and getting to know - many people, especially parents. "What do you do" or some variation of that question is one of the first things I ask people when we first meet. I've never considered it rude; it's an opportunity for a conversation, shared experience, or similar interest. Many of those that I meet along the way (male AND female) stay home and to date, I don't recall anyone who seemed bent out of shape because I asked.

Typically, the conversation leads into how they spend their time and what they are passionate about - remember, much of the fabulous non-profit work in this country is done by people who don't work at a paying job I know in my work, I rely heavily on those who give their daytime hours towards great causes that they value.

(perhaps I should mention that I'm not a cashier )

Great post. People are just trying to get to know you! Says a lot if you are offended by that......

Agreed. I never judge people by their title or what they do. Are they happy? Are their kids happy? Are they thriving? Are they asking ME for money? Well, maybe I WOULD care if it were the last one...

 

[IdesOmarch]

Being a SAHM or Dad is a full time job. IMO if someone thinks that if you are a SAHM and you "sit around doing nothing all day" either has no children and has no idea about what it takes to raise children, or is just an ignorant slob. I only have one baby, but I can't imagine how people function that have twins or triplets, or even people with more than one toddler. Mine is a handful all in and of herself.

 

[beaucoup]

I'm finding the only people who seem to keep bringing up the fact that I'm not working outside the home any longer are the women who hate their jobs or are having a very difficult time making ends meet. Basically, jealous women.

I no longer owe them an answer since they know what it is already.

 

[sparks19]

Yeah I don't get the attitude towards stay at home moms either. Luckily I don't encounter too many of those types but my sister is one of THOSE types.

to her money is everything. It's all she EVER talks about... I'm not even close to kidding about that lol. Her and my dad came down here to visit us for a week. she wouldn't shut up about me getting a job. "I just started selling this acai berry juice... you should sell it. You will make some money" Sorry... I'm happy with what I am, my husband is happy with this arrangement, no we may not have $300 towels (again not kidding lol) but that's ok, AND I don't want to hock my wares to all my relatives and friends. Not my thing. "but you could make some money" Yeah... I know. I make some money with the jewelry I make and sell... that's good enough. "Well how much does your husband make?" uhhhhhh well I was always taught it was rude to ask people what they make but if you want to know *insert answer here*. "Oh well that's good but I'm sure you guys could use extra money and you are just staying home"

then she went around asking me what all my friends make :O who does that lol

It does annoy me. I don't think I work harder than anyone else. My husband works very hard and he comes home and is a father to his daughter. But I certainly don't appreciate the implication that I'm just a lazy leach who won't go out and earn. It doesn't make SENSE for me to work outside the home. I wouldn't make more than it would cost me to pay for her daycare. so? whats the point? I would be working just to pay the daycare bill and I'm just the middle man that passes the money from one party to the next.

So why does anyone feel the need to treat me like I'm not doing my share? Like I'm some how lesser than all the workin folk. I don't begrudge people who work outside the home... so LEAVE me alone lol

 

[Robinrs]

I'm finding the only people who seem to keep bringing up the fact that I'm not working outside the home any longer are the women who hate their jobs or are having a very difficult time making ends meet. Basically, jealous women.

I no longer owe them an answer since they know what it is already.

Yeah, right.

Or maybe they LOVE working and can't imagine anyone not wanting to.

 

[sparks19]

Being a SAHM or Dad is a full time job. IMO if someone thinks that if you are a SAHM and you "sit around doing nothing all day" either has no children and has no idea about what it takes to raise children, or is just an ignorant slob. I only have one baby, but I can't imagine how people function that have twins or triplets, or even people with more than one toddler. Mine is a handful all in and of herself.

I saw a woman at the play area one day that had triplets (or I assume they were hers... she was there alone). they were probably one or just over as they were still walking the way they do when they just start to master it lol. She was also VERY pregnant. I thought Bless that woman because there is no WAY I could handle that. Some days it's hard enough with just one lol she is like superwoman lol.

 

[BeefJerky]

I say "I'm working on life right now. Maybe in the end I will get a promotion."