If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[Magpie]

Something happened the other day that has me wondering...

I was getting my groceries, when the cashier (a woman I've been friendly with for 15 years) asked me, "What do you do to earn a living?"

I said, "I write." But then I stopped, thought about how pathetically little I've ever earned from my writing, and said, "But I don't earn a living at it." I thought about it a little bit more, and I had to admit that, "My husband does all the 'earning a living' for us." At which point I realized, "I'm really bad at earning a living!"

She looked bemused.

But it struck me that the question of "earning a living" is different from "what's your job" and "what do you do" and other questions like that. It's easy to talk about what I do, as I know I work quite hard. However, I don't get paid for most of it.

I told my husband about the cashier's question and he laughed and said, "You sponge off me!"

Meanwhile, my best friend says I earn a living by being his wife. Of course Simone Beauvoir popped into my head, and I had to ask what was the difference between that and being a prostitute. She laughed and said prostitutes don't do dishes.

So while I'm entertaining everyone around me, I thought I'd ask all of you as well...

On the off chance there's anyone else on this board who doesn't earn a living wage (or hasn't at some point in the past): What do you say when people ask you what you do to "earn a living"?

 

[BKMETV]

I quit work when I had kids...
when people ask I say I don't earn a living I'm a Mom hardest job there is.

 

[Mermaid02]

Something happened the other day that has me wondering...

I was getting my groceries, when the cashier (a woman I've been friendly with for 15 years) asked me, "What do you do to earn a living?"

I said, "I write." But then I stopped, thought about how pathetically little I've ever earned from my writing, and said, "But I don't earn a living at it." I thought about it a little bit more, and I had to admit that, "My husband does all the 'earning a living' for us." At which point I realized, "I'm really bad at earning a living!"

She looked bemused.

But it struck me that the question of "earning a living" is different from "what's your job" and "what do you do" and other questions like that. It's easy to talk about what I do, as I know I work quite hard. However, I don't get paid for most of it.

I told my husband about the cashier's question and he laughed and said, "You sponge off me!"

Meanwhile, my best friend says I earn a living by being his wife. Of course Simone Beauvoir popped into my head, and I had to ask what was the difference between that and being a prostitute. She laughed and said prostitutes don't do dishes.

So while I'm entertaining everyone around me, I thought I'd ask all of you as well...

On the off chance there's anyone else on this board who doesn't earn a living wage (or hasn't at some point in the past): What do you say when people ask you what you do to "earn a living"?

I would tilt my head slightly and say, "Why do you ask?" because it's really none of their business and they are only asking because they are nosy.

 

[Agri]

The slightly-awkward question I get sometimes is "You still live with your mother?" It goes hand-in-hand with yours, though.

I just tell them the truth - I take care of my mom. Or if they ask me what my job is I tell them - taking care of my mom.

I've always thought its a really nosy question for anyone not a close friend or relative to ask. That along with anything dealing with school, personal relationships, or when you're going to give your parents grandkids.

 

[ilovejack02]

I get this question alot, I just say I am a lucky lucky girl, My hubby works at ___ ( or I say has a great job) which allows me to stay home and take care of the boys.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Homeschool. It usually garners amazement or sympathy.

Speaking of homeschool...time to go do that...(and in my defense, the elementary school doesn't start until 9am, so I'm still early.)

I've never had a cashier or anyone like that come out and directly ask.

I have had folks say, "oh, is school out today"--and then I will voluntarily say that we homeschool.

 

[Megan_J]

I used to be a memeber of a message board for a band and this one woman on there hated me for whatever reason and assumed I was on welfare because I would never tell people how I earned money. In reality I probably had more in the bank than she would see in three years. When people ask that I don't tell them because it's none of their business.

 

[rszdtrvl]

I rarely see my Aunt, but last time I did she asked me where I worked.

I let her know that I am a full-time mom, and she asked me what I did all day.

(Yes, she has always been ballsy)

I told her the truth : DH and I sell on Ebay, I clean house, I run errands, and I am very active in my son's travel club and am constantly doing stuff for that.

She asked if I got bored.

 

[SeaShelley]

I would tilt my head slightly and say, "Why do you ask?" because it's really none of their business and they are only asking because they are nosy.

 

[nmmom95]

Sugar daddy

 

[Minnesota!]

I rarely see my Aunt, but last time I did she asked me where I worked.

I let her know that I am a full-time mom, and she asked me what I did all day.

(Yes, she has always been ballsy)

I told her the truth : DH and I sell on Ebay, I clean house, I run errands, and I am very active in my son's travel club and am constantly doing stuff for that.

She asked if I got bored.

OT - but what's a travel club?? It has me curious!

 

[ilovejack02]

Sugar daddy

LOl I have used that one too , especially if DH is with me. I just point at him say Sugar Daddy, or my hubby will say it for me.

 

[mhsjax]

I am getting this question a lot lately. It is really starting to bug me. I actually had a teenager ask me what I did all day long since I didn't work. Um, I have 3 kids. Yeah I work.

It seems though, that I am getting this question from random people, like that lady that did my hair for the first time, and then when I say I am a SAHM, I just sense an overall attitude that I must be lazy.

I have to hold my tongue a lot. I mean I don't care if a woman works outside the home or not, but I really hate the attitude I get from people just because I am a SAHM.

 

[FINFAN]

when I wasn't working my title was "Domestic Engineer"...aka SAHM, lol. My highest wage earning years were before kids at which time my salary went directly into the house fund savings. We lived off DH income and put $60,000 down on our first home...so Dh used to say I was the "capital investment" officer, having that savings was a catalyst for other things as we grew in life. If I was asked that when not working, I would probably have answered I keep my family sane". Even now, I am part time mostly due to the fact that I am my mom's caretaker, and she is a full time job, but no way could she/we afford to pay OOP for her needs to be taken care of by others. I feel I am earning a living, I am keeping her life as normal as possible...but it doesn't come with a large paycheck. You're not bad at earning a living, you just accept the barter system like I do.

 

[Bonnie40]

Your post is timely....

I'm a middle-aged mom who for the most part, stayed at home with my kids but did some bookwork/admin work part-time which expanded once they were teenagers and now out on their own.

We were out for dinner with some of my husband's highschool friends recently, and one of the women (who has an incredibly good job) turned and kinda asked me what I was doing....

I spoke about my work, but afterward, I felt like it all sounded pathetic compared to everyone else's 'important' work. I mentioned it to another friend who is older and wiser than me and she told me her standard answer to this type of questioning....

The next time someone asks me what I do for a living, I'm going to say...."As little as possible!"

It's witty, yet stops the conversation dead....what do you say after that...?

 

[luvmy3]

I could say, I am an administrative assistant, a personal shopper, a housekeeper, a chef/cook, a gardener, and a driver, but its just easier to say a SAHM . I am very fortunate to not have to earn my living by making money.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I just tell them I don't work for money, I work for my family. And usually when someone hears I am a stay-at-home-mom, I hear how they wish they could stay home with their kids/wish their wife could stay home with their kids. What's funny is when people who I know make a lot more than DH talk about how they wish they/their wife could stay home. We don't do it because we are so rich we don't know what to do with ourselves, we do it because it's best for our family.

 

[krcit]

I just say I stay home with my kids. One time some jerk asked in a really snotty way "What do you do all day." I told him 'I lie on the couch, watch soaps, eat bon-bons and when I get really bored..I have s*x with the UPS man." That shut him right up.

 

[Disneefun]

This is why I hate going to parties or DH's work functions where there will be people I don't know. The first question any one asks is, "So, what do you do?" It's their way of pigeonholing you into some category and determining your "worth." I hate it.

I used to stumble over the answer, but now I pretty much say, "Anything I want to" and let them chew on that for a while. I'm lucky to have a DH who makes a very good living and loves his job with a passion, so I am free to be a housewife. That's not all I do, obviously. I write and do graphic design, but I don't make a living at either. I could (and used to before I quit work), but I choose to put my efforts into other things and so I only take on smaller, select jobs that are for clients I love or on topics I'm passionate about.

Instead of working, I take care of my aging parents (and our aging dog), I do volunteer work, I garden, I do the budget for us, I work hard at money saving activities like couponing, etc., I pay the bills and handle all of the investing/tax stuff, I read a lot, I cook, plan vacations and do all of the packing so DH can just get in the car and go, I handle most of the house maintenance, and I do everything I can around the house so DH can relax when he has some down time. Instead of working 9-5, I'm pretty much on the move from 7:30 AM to 10:00 at night.

Some will say, "Oh, you must get bored," or, "Oh, so you just lounge around all day," but I just laugh. My life is very rich and busy, just not with the kind of work they can understand. My days are spent doing things I enjoy and that bring me value, just not a huge paycheck.

What it comes down to is that I've pretty much reached the point in life where, if someone wants to look down on me for not having a "real" job, I just cut them out of my life or don't bother to get to know them at all. I don't need that kind of attitude in my life.

 

[DawnM]

It really depends on how it is asked. If it is condescending or rude, I won't answer directly.....that person doesn't deserve an answer. If it is just inquisitive or asking out of polite curiosity I do tell the person what career I am in and that I don't work now but will go back when my kids are older.

Dawn