If you cant afford the funeral-what are your options

[funnygarcia]

This is what my DD has expressed as her wishes..and to have even more TMI, she requested if there are any unusable parts, please cremate them, as I do not want to get graphic here, do you know what happens to the parts science cannot use? She is alos an organ donor, does that negate being able to donate to science? Sorry to hijack..and as her mom never thought I would be the one worrying about her wishes (obviously hoping to go first) but, after having grey areas with my Dad's wishes a few months ago, I have learned to get everything in writing and cover every "what if".

Part of the guidelines for University of MN body bequest program reserve the right to not accept the body based on Communicable disease or "if body is not acceptable for anatomical study" which makes me think of the very obese as one reason, or if the body was somehow damaged too much for use.
Or if family member objects to bequeathal. (again, let your family know your requests/ beliefs !)

Looked at their site recently, looks like they allow some organs to be donated. They didn't when I first signed up. I prefer organ donation first if possible, more important to help the living be free of illness than body donation.

They pay for transportation of the body, within the state only.
It will be 18 months before cremains are returned to family, body can be released for a burial (burial costs covered by family, not the U) or they will cremate and inter the cremains at a local cemetery.

The application must be done prior to death, if you are interested in this for your local university.. set it up now, let your family now your wishes.

http://www.med.umn.edu/bequest/generalinfo/home.html

The info was easy to find for the U of MN, hopefully just as easy for other colleges/universities in your area.

 

[funnygarcia]

Link to other body bequest programs
http://www.med.ufl.edu/anatbd/usprograms.html

 

[buckler]

We made use of our local memorial society for my father's cremation. We were very satisfied with the service from the funeral home. I can't swear in a court of law that the ashes we received back are my father's, but I'm quite confident everything was done properly. We were given the option to go to the crematory during the cremation but opted not to. The man from the funeral home impressed me with his honesty (he actually discouraged us from buying an expensive urn from him because we could easily get our own less expensive container). If you opt to go with a memorial society you probably will select the funeral home from a list of local providers. You can go check them out ahead of time to see if you are comfortable with them. We signed up my mother with the memorial society after our experience. I need to convince my husband that we should sign up too.

My father was a Korean War veteran so we were able to inter his ashes at a local national cemetery for free. They provide the columbarium space and a plaque for free, along with military honors during interment. My mother will also be interred there when she dies. I'm so glad we opted for the national cemetery. It is beautifully maintained. On the other hand, the private cemetery where my mother-in-law is buried is nowhere near as well kept up.

 

[bumbershoot]

This is what my DD has expressed as her wishes..and to have even more TMI, she requested if there are any unusable parts, please cremate them, as I do not want to get graphic here, do you know what happens to the parts science cannot use? She is alos an organ donor, does that negate being able to donate to science? Sorry to hijack..and as her mom never thought I would be the one worrying about her wishes (obviously hoping to go first) but, after having grey areas with my Dad's wishes a few months ago, I have learned to get everything in writing and cover every "what if".

She would really need to look further into various donation programs. I went to chiropractic school, and I'm not sure that an organ donor would have helped us, because we wanted to learn about the body as it was, not with missing organs.

That said, people often have parts missing because of previous surgeries, etc. So they answer is...she's going to have to look into it. My chiro school is in South Carolina, so if you guys are nearby, perhaps you could call the Anatomy department to find out what group they use? Sherman College in Spartanburg (though I was graduated in '95 and things might have changed by now).

Donating for education is incredibly helpful. I learned SO much from my experience in undergrad anatomy and chiro school.

By shipping them off to a place that is nothing but a factory that does cremations? I, personally and first hand, know what happens in my family's business.

Denise - I was speaking of the states who do not mandate that caskets be allowed in.

No one has said anything about a place that ships bodies? Neptune Society would have just contracted with the crematorium here in Tacoma. Someone else mentioned www.cssouth.com, which seems to use their own facility. Both have heavy duty methods of making sure that the right person goes to the right family.

I personally am not really one to care about ashes, though I could "sense" the presence of my mom's when stepdad picked up the urn (and I didn't know he had done so). I was sitting at the dinner table just feeling squirmy and uncomfortable and just spooked, and I finally mentioned something to my stepdad...he told me that the box was right behind me...augh....I had to move to a different seat. But anyway, I'm glad that crematories are making sure of things for those who care, even if I don't particularly care about it.


Costco is allowed to ship the caskets to 32 states. But the FTC (is that right?) law says that EVERY funeral home has to accept caskets. So....

 

[Handbag Lady]

In case anyone needs an idea for services, one side of my family is less fortunate than the other and we've had to have some services in less than ideal situations using clever solutions.

When my grandmother passed away, she left three mortgages on her home and countless credit cards. There just wasn't any money left for her service. I was still young-ish and couldn't do much. We had to skip using a mortuary and went directly to a crematorium. My sister got a loan from her employer for the urn, and we had the service at the Elk's Lodge where my aunt was employed as the barkeep.

I know. It sounds so strange, but it was very lovely. They had a large meeting space that was closed off to everyone except us. One of the chaplains in the Elks said some nice things and invited people to speak. We didn't have flowers or anything so it was very plain. The kind ladies of the Elks served us food afterwords and for a few years afterwards, we donated money to the Elks when we could.

Last December, my aunt (not the barkeep) died suddenly. Again, there was NO money, but at least I was able to do something. The family decided to hold it in the Eagles lodge, which wasn't the best idea. The bar was open and a football game was on during the service. She was cremated, and therefore was in a plastic temporary urn. My sister ran next door and bought some flowers and that was that.


All this goes to show is that you really, really need to try and plan for your own care, but do know there are options. My gran's service was really nice.

 

[mkel34]

As someone who recently buried a family member I have to say that the newspaper charges for the placement of an obituary is disgusting, the way they take advantage of people at that time of their lives is horrible. The major boston newspapers charge between $200-300.

 

[quentina]

Is there no life insurance? I'd check with his employer too. If it was a work-related injury that lead to his death, then there is some responsibility on their part I would think.

If he dies, she will collect workers comp until she dies or remarries. I would think that in the event of death, a good lawyer is a requirment and a necessity. Too be honest, even if he recovers, it will probably be a long, grueling process. THey need to contact a WC attny ASAP.

 

[kaytieeldr]

As someone who recently buried a family member I have to say that the newspaper charges for the placement of an obituary is disgusting, the way they take advantage of people at that time of their lives is horrible. The major boston newspapers charge between $200-300.

Disgusting, isn't it? I Googled "post free obituaries online" and got a number of results. Since none of the results, fortunately, is anything I've ever tried, I'm not going to post specific site information - but there ARE websites that will allow this free, and I'd think anyway, permanently.

 

[jlima]

Oh also, should it all happen, we found that having 3 certified copies of the death certificate was enough. One for faxing to the companies that would take a fax (most of them), and two for mailing off to the places that needed to have the paper in their hands...they all mail them back of course. AARP suggested something ridiculous like 10 or 12 copies...at $18 apiece (in WA at least) that is a huge cost. The three we got served us well...MIL never missed a pension or social security payment, and got the "death benefit" in weeks. All credit cards and phone, utilities, etc, were taken care of nearly immediately as well. 3 was good for us.

OMG - you're putting me in the way-back machine . . . my dad's death certificate was WRONG - it has his birthday off by one day. My mom didn't catch it when when she picked them up and she had to pay for them all over again. And she ordered 10 of them.

 

[tinker&belle]

OMG - you're putting me in the way-back machine . . . my dad's death certificate was WRONG - it has his birthday off by one day. My mom didn't catch it when when she picked them up and she had to pay for them all over again. And she ordered 10 of them.

None of the ones for my brother mailed the DC back...we ended up with about 10 of them by the time everything was done.

1 for each student loan (he had two or three, I can't remember)
2 credit cards required an original, another would accept a copy
1 for his car loan
1 for each life insurance policy (he had two)

That's all I can remember, but I know there were more things. If the person doesn't have a lot of loans or is married and the spouse would take over the loans they wouldn't need as many. When MIL died I think they just needed 2 or 3.

 

[angwill]

This is what my DD has expressed as her wishes..and to have even more TMI, she requested if there are any unusable parts, please cremate them, as I do not want to get graphic here, do you know what happens to the parts science cannot use? She is alos an organ donor, does that negate being able to donate to science? Sorry to hijack..and as her mom never thought I would be the one worrying about her wishes (obviously hoping to go first) but, after having grey areas with my Dad's wishes a few months ago, I have learned to get everything in writing and cover every "what if".

Having dealt with this when my brother passed away 2 years ago here is what I learned. He was donated to the Anatomy Gifts Registry where my mother was already registered for when she passes. We were trying to donate his organs but he had an unexpected infection so they could not be used. If you donate organs you can not do whole body donation, at least not with the place we used, and will still have to bury the body once the organs are taken. With AGR you can still donate the eyes, and I believe it was bones and still donate the rest of the body to them. AGR finds the college etc that will take the body for scientific research then they state after a year you can get the ashes shipped back for the cost of shipping or you can have the college it was donated to bury the ashes with other donated bodies in a plot dedicated to all those kind enough to have donated to them. My brothers ashes were actually sent back in 2-3 months.

If she wants to take care of things now she can google whole body donation or Anatomy gifts registry and actually register all her info before she passes. If not you would have to call as soon as she passes and set it up giving them a whole bunch of information about her.

Organ donation is not just a simple thing depending on the way she passes and what might be going on with her body like with my brothers infection. It was sad because I know he would have loved to have saved someones life but hopefully he helped others through the research done.

HTH

 

[Danibelle]

As the daughter to a funeral director and funeral home owner, what most of the previous posters have said is true, direct cremation will be the cheapest option. Someone mentioned that embalming is not required which is true in Illinois (where I am familiar with the laws) but can vary state by state. And burial must take place within 24 hours of death - otherwise the decomposition will be a health hazard. And no viewing of the person can take place.

I know several people have mentioned cremation societies as a possibility. Personally, I would never use one of them. About 20 years ago when my father saw that cremation was rising in popularity he had a crematory built at one of his funeral homes. He has always taken excellent care of all of his families that he has served and did not want to take the risk of someone else doing the cremation and making a mistake with ashes (such as getting the wrong ashes back, or multiple cremations taking place at the same time). I know that in the past there have been many unscrupulous crematories and funeral homes that have had bodies stacked up waiting to be cremated for long periods of time - we've all seen the awful news stories regarding these. For this reason, I would suggest that the price difference between a cremation society and a funeral home with a crematory might be worth it to you for the peace of mind. And usually the funeral home prices will be higher than others b/c they are paying the mortgage on a whole funeral home with viewing areas and parking lot as opposed to just a crematory.

And someone else mentioned using Costco to buy a casket as being cheaper. Maybe, but maybe not too. And like many otherg things - you often get what you are paying for - I know my father looked into less expensive caskets being made in China and didn't find the quality to be the same. And many funeral homes have little, if any profit built into caskets, urns and vaults. They are funeral directors offering a service and that is where their profits are made - not reselling a product. And many funeral homes will not allow another casket to be brought into their funeral home.

And please also don't forget when you are describing funeral directors that they are also members of your community. My father has worked very hard for the town where I am from. He raised enough money for 20 police officers to purchase bullet proof vests (often not provided by the police dept.), donated his time in Rotary Club for all sorts or projects, worked for Habitat for Humanity, painted houses for the Bucket Brigade, is a member of our church board, etc. For everything he has gained, he has given back greatly to our community - do those cremation societies do the same?

Thank you for presenting another view. This is what I did for my mother and was very satisfied with using my mother's choice of funeral home. I found this to be a respectful way of dealing with a difficult time.