If going to family that live near you for the holidays, how long do you stay?

[Buckalew11]

I left for my MILs (15 mins away at most) at 11:50 today and got home a little after 8 pm.

We watched a movie, ate, visited, opened presents etc.

I had a good time with them and the time basically flew by. I dunno, it is Christmas and it is what makes her happy. Normal visits can be 30 mins to 2 hours. But on Christmas Eve, I just sorta give her the day.

 

[maslex]

We were at my brothers house last night (Christmas Eve) and we got there about 4:30 and left about 9:00. (they live about 3 miles away) It was my brothers family, my parents (who live next door to them), my family and my cousin with her son.

We're going over SIL's house today for Christmas dinner about 2:00 and will probably stay till 8:00-9:00 (they live about 10 mins from us).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ugh. I am so sick of fighting over this. This is the worst fight my fiance and I have ever had. It’s awful. I should stress that we have no kids either.

He’ll be with extended family and I’ll be with my best friend on Xmas eve and then he will come to my house later.

Our plan is wake up at 7:30 am on Xmas day.

Then drive all the way (over an hour) to his parents house.

They don’t even put up a Xmas tree or exchange gifts. Literally all they ever do when we are there is sit around watching poker on tv. I sometimes have trouble staying awake. Xmas will be no different. I won’t get to watch the Christmas parade. Anyway… we will be doing this until “brunch” at 11. Breakfast foods generally make my stomach turn. I can’t handle the smell of eggs. I don’t eat bacon. Apparently the initial meal was cheese omlets so I planned to just not eat, cause sorry---I’m not making myself ill on Xmas. So FI told his mom and she is now making pancakes and I feel guilty.

He works with his mom and lives with his 3 brothers. So he sees them every day. They all meet at his parents around 11 but we are going early because we have stuff to do.

At 11: 30 we are drive an hour and a half to my brothers to get there for 1:00 lunch. While there we will give my neices (2 and 4) their gifts from us and finally get some Xmas music and a pretty tree. We will eat roast beef and ham and desserts.

I work with my brother so I see him every day but not his children. I see them maybe 5 times a year.

At around 4:30 we will go to my parents house. They live 10 mins from my brother. I see them maybe 5 times a year also. Xmas is my mom’s favorite time of year. This year is my FI first year with my family and my mom spent a ton of $$ (not a big deal to my parents) and more importantly TIME AND EFFORT getting him close to 50 gifts. (nice gifts, like Wii games, concert tix, she even arranged tix for him to meet his favorite band). My parents have been a big help to us financially and are paying for 50% of our modest budget wedding (they are giving us $2500). My mom lives for the holidays. The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving and the presents start piling up shortly thereafter. The TV stays off on Xmas except for to watch the parades and Xmas movies.

We will stay at my parents as long as possible.

FI and I had a nasty fight because he “doesn’t even want” the gifts my mom got him and is po’d at me for “dragging him away from his family on Xmas so quickly”.

Am I wrong to be annoyed with him? How can anyone be ungrateful that their future in laws spent a fortune to try and get them every thing they wanted all year long??

My parents care more about Xmas than his do. Obviously, his parents don’t even decorate/put up a tree. FI himself has said his mom is a scrooge. Xmas at their house will be just like any other day we visit there. And also, my parents went out of their way to help us with wedding $$ and not only give us a ton of gifts but also, they actually get into the Xmas spirit. They have a huge tree, tons of lights and music. It’s like a winter wonderland at their house. Am I wrong for wanting to spend slightly more of our time with them??

Then he got mad that he has to skip seeing his aunts/grandparents. He is seeing them on Xmas eve instead. The reason we are skipping this on Xmas DAY is because I want to see my 2 and 4 year old neices. Shouldn’t children take priority?

The whole thing is making me debate whether I even want to stay with him. What a miserable way to spend Xmas.

Well the fact that your mom bought him "50 gifts" is a bit on the obnoxious side...sorry. My family "does Christmas" and that is even tilting the scale for me. I am sure he finds that overwhelming.

You guys do not sound like you are matched up well. You are VERY resentful of his family and looking to find ways to get out of being together.

That is not good. You are certainly right in thinking about if this is the guy for you. You guys need to talk about this and hopefully both of you mature and respect each other. Otherwise, I might postpone the wedding until you feel you are "ready". Both of you do not sound "ready", imo.

Rent the movie, "Four Christmases".....it will make you feel better.

 

[MELSMICE]

We got there at 11:30. Sat around watching a handful of people play Wii for hours. Ate at 4:00. Then had to completely clean dishes and kitchens including drying everything with a towel (we usually just airdry everything). Finally started to open gifts at 5:40. Had dessert at 7:30. Finally left at 8:00. DH feels the day was fast and he didnt have enough time for everything. I feel that I sat on the couch an awful lot. I even managed to fall asleep I was so bored.

And for those that are curious - yes, DS DID get bacon again this year. But only 1 box.

This sounds like the way a day would go in my family. Just hang out playing games, talking, eating & enjoying each others company. The things we don't get to do on a daily basis.

We clean up, wash, dry & put away the dishes right after the meal too. Then the hostess doesn't have to do it alone after everyone leaves.

When my kids were the age of your son (2, I think you said) I would have so enjoyed being able to sit on the couch & doze off for a few minutes!!!

 

[Donnainnj]

We got there at 11:30. Sat around watching a handful of people play Wii for hours. Ate at 4:00. Then had to completely clean dishes and kitchens including drying everything with a towel (we usually just airdry everything). Finally started to open gifts at 5:40. Had dessert at 7:30. Finally left at 8:00. DH feels the day was fast and he didnt have enough time for everything. I feel that I sat on the couch an awful lot. I even managed to fall asleep I was so bored.

And for those that are curious - yes, DS DID get bacon again this year. But only 1 box.

Naps are good.
We had my family from about 2:30pm (about 1 1/2 hour late) till about 10:30pm. I was ready to send them home at 7:30pm or 8pm. We still had to get the big ones to bed, and get ready for Santa.
Donna

 

[Planogirl]

DS and I will be visiting in-laws tomorrow and I hope to just stay for 3 or 4 hours. We'll be spending the night with friends and visiting them is frankly much more fun and relaxing but we'll see how it goes. I would never be rude so I'll leave when it feels right.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I have to say I'm pretty shocked. I grew up getting 100+ gifts for Xmas and my parents do not feel the need to stop now that we are adults. I showed my mom this thread and she was baffled by how many people said that they'd get "angry" getting that many gifts. I suppose you all think I ought to donate them to charity? Not everyone thinks that way.

This year, I got a Keurig with 100 K-cups, a portable dvd player, numerous movies, at least $200 worth of gift cards, tons of clothes, a lot of "artsy" jewelry, new boots, a 500gb harddrive, a new set of nice kitchen knives, some small kitchen appliances, new bedsheets, a new teapot set and tea from Teavana and a slew of books. Other smaller stuff like candy and candles too. This is the way Xmas has been for my entire life. Just because it's not how Xmas is for most people, doesn't make it wrong.

By the way. My fiance seemed to get over it pretty quickly once he started opening presents.

And before you all go thinking we don't have family time, I think all were in agreement that the best part of the day was when my 4 year old neice ran up and hugged my fiance for the first time. I thought we were all going to cry.

 

[MELSMICE]

I have to say I'm pretty shocked. I grew up getting 100+ gifts for Xmas and my parents do not feel the need to stop now that we are adults. I showed my mom this thread and she was baffled by how many people said that they'd get "angry" getting that many gifts. I suppose you all think I ought to donate them to charity? Not everyone thinks that way.

This year, I got a Keurig with 100 K-cups, a portable dvd player, numerous movies, at least $200 worth of gift cards, tons of clothes, a lot of "artsy" jewelry, new boots, a 500gb harddrive, a new set of nice kitchen knives, some small kitchen appliances, new bedsheets, a new teapot set and tea from Teavana and a slew of books. Other smaller stuff like candy and candles too. This is the way Xmas has been for my entire life. Just because it's not how Xmas is for most people, doesn't make it wrong.

By the way. My fiance seemed to get over it pretty quickly once he started opening presents.

And before you all go thinking we don't have family time, I think all were in agreement that the best part of the day was when my 4 year old neice ran up and hugged my fiance for the first time. I thought we were all going to cry.

You're right - it definitely does not make it wrong. Just like it's not wrong that other families celebrate different than your family does.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I never said his family was "wrong". I said they don't celebrate. They get together. They get together every week.

There is a difference between getting together like you do 52 weeks out of the year and celebrating Christmas like most people do one day out of the year.

 

[MELSMICE]

I never said his family was "wrong". I said they don't celebrate. They get together. They get together every week.

There is a difference between getting together like you do 52 weeks out of the year and celebrating Christmas like most people do one day out of the year.

But to them, that is normal - no big celebration is necessary. They just want to be together. Why should that bother you?

My family got together just about every Sunday at someone's house for dinner - either my parents, my house or one of my 3 siblings. We named it "the call" because on Sunday morning someone would make a phone call asking everyone over to dinner. We'd say, "This is 'the call' for dinner - it's at our house today." It got to the point where on Sundays when dinner was over we'd say, "who's having 'the call' next week?"

Sadly, my family does not all live in the same part of the country anymore - my mom & dad are in Florida, brother is in the Air Force & lives on the other side of the country. My sister's & I still get together as much as possible, but everyone is so busy with our kids, etc., that it makes it more difficult.

Christmas was a lot of fun celebrating together, but honestly, the real enjoyment is just visiting with each other. It would be just as much fun if it was just like our casual Sunday dinners.

There are many ways to celebrate the holidays. Frowning on the way another family celebrates is just not right.