I witnessed something very disturbing today (long)

[3jsmommy]

I, as well as my 7, yes SEVEN siblings were spanked as children we are all fine upstanding citizens with jobs and homes and everything, can you imagine? Except one, and he started on the wrong road in his thirties not teens, go figure!

What a coincidence I am one of seven also!!
We were not hit, though I do remember my mom pulling my hair once & after all of the times listening to her tell us never to hit, all it did was make me think she was losing it a little!
Of course you can become a good citizen even if you were hit as a kid, but violence breeds fear & consequently more violence, that is what I believe...I do not understand people defending this guys actions.
If you need to bully your own kid because you have never been taught a better way to parent, well that is just sad, for the whole family!

 

[mgilmer]

Yeah that sucks, I don't understand people like this, but I firmly believe that child abusers have something extra special waiting for them after they die, and it wont be very nice. Ever see that movie Hellraiser, I'm hoping that that is what they have in store for them.

That would be too good for them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, spanking or no spanking, what that father did, as described by the OP, was angry, controlling, emotionally abusive, and in the case of a 2 year old, physically abusive.

I am not completely anti-spanking. I will admit that when DS was little, I smacked his little legs a couple/three times. It was what was needed at that time. No other approach was going to work.

However, anyone who is actually PRO spanking, and would use this kind of an example (in which the father's actions were highly inappropriate) to make their case... Well, they are not doing themselves any favors.

Spanking or no spanking, what was described was wrong wrong wrong.

PS: the mothers stone-faced inaction while her child was treated this way also sends huge red flags up. I agree with those who think that she is all to familiar with her husband's abusive behavior. (and possibly her fathers, before that)

 

[KAMLEM]

Maybe you don't believe it but I do believe that if you "spare the rod" you do "spoil the child", as I am a believer in God and the Bible and that's where those words come from.

Not everything is meant to be interpreted literally. I take that to mean that children need to be disciplined, not dragged across a room by their necks or beaten.

 

[Master Gracy]

all spanking issues aside, I dont get the mindset that if you spank a child, it will stop whimpering/be quiet? I know if I was a 2yo and got hit by my father, I would cry and make moreso than before

 

[Mermaid02]

I am one of seven as well. We ALL got spanked enough that I think we were abused. My mom used to make us take our pants down, lay over her leg, and spank us with a piece of wood. And god forbid we try and defend ourselves by putting our hands back there, that would just set her off even more. If we did that, she would hit even harder! She even broke a hairbrush over my sisters mouth once. All this taught me was to fear and hate my mother. Great lesson she taught us!

ETA: When confronted about this my mother still says she did not beat us, she merely spanked us for misbehaving. So for those who think that beating is not the same as spanking, it depends on how the parent see's their actions. Most parents who spank are not going to say they beat their kids. But that might not always be the case.

Kristine

That's sadistic.

 

[connorlevismom]

That's sadistic.

Yeah well, my mom is not right in the head. She is just the only one who does not know it.

Kristine

 

[NotAmused]

That is horrible, but I wouldn't have said anything to the father either because who knows how he would have reacted.

I've never understood the point of spanking. Spanking was never used on my brother or I when we were growing up. I remember one time, my mom did slap me on my leg and I get thinking about that moment. That was the only time. We did get little slaps on the hand, but that was it. There was no need for all that physicalness. In my personal opinion, it takes a weak person to hit/slap/abuse/whatever a child. There are control or anger issues there. A stronger person will be able to calm the child down by talking to him/her and explaining why they are behaving bad. It can work. I was never spanked or slapped around and I turned out fine....never been in trouble in school (nope, never even had a teacher raise his/her voice at me), work, or with the law.

If kids' only reason for behaving is because they fear being spanked, then they truly haven't learned right from wrong. This little girl learned to not cry/misbehave in public or else Daddy will spank her. She didn't learn to not misbehave in public because it's rude, disrespectful, whatever like the parents are probably thinking she did.

I would recommend they watch "Nanny 911"

 

[Minniemouse07]

Spanking a 2yo is reprehensible!

First, the dad overreacted to a child that wasn't really doing anything wrong...whining/whimpering isn't misbehaving, just annoying to the parent. It's not like she was throwing a full blown temper tantrum (which is also typical behavior for her age)

Second, a 2yo doesn't understand threats. Their reality is very concrete so hypotheticals don't work w/ them. Just like time out or delayed consequences don't work w/ them... they just aren't developmentally ready to understand and internalize these things.

If the father really wanted the child to change her behavior, one the the best ways at that age is distraction. No you cannot have mommy's purse, but here is a..... toy/board book/car/doll/sticker book/cool pamphlet w/ pictures of kids I found for free in the dr.'s office. Done before the whining/whimpering starts...it goes a long way.

In response to the parent who "spanked" their two year old at the store for having a temper tantrum. It is fairly well documented that the best way to stop that kind of behavior is to remove the child from the situation and leave...even if that means leaving your grocery shopping. Another way to get around the temper tantrum in the store is to only go when the child is well fed and rested...and use distraction BEFORE the tantrum starts.

Sure my two kids (6yo & almost 2yo) have times when they are stubborn (they get it from mom! ) but I have yet to deal w/ a full blown tantrum out in public... they just don't happen. Sure they have gotten whiney...but nothing more. I have never raised a hand to either of them and they are both extremely well behaved (age appropriately)...in fact we receive compliments about their excellent behavior all the time!

To the OP... I think I would have intervened w/ the dr's office. Yes you did witness abuse. The yanking around/yelling was bad enough but even though the spanking happened in the hall, it was obvious that it occured.

At this point, I would follow up w/ the dr's office and see if you can report the incident after the fact. That little girl needs someone to intercede on her behalf.

 

[3jsmommy]

Maybe you don't believe it but I do believe that if you "spare the rod" you do "spoil the child", as I am a believer in God and the Bible and that's where those words come from.

Beating is not the same as spanking, not even close.

I think if you took a survey of the inmates in prison you would find most of them are uneducated and that might be one of the main reasons (not that they were spanked while growing up) why they turned to a life of crime. Ivy League college students probably aren't going to wind up in prison. Most of the time anyway.

I also believe in God & my father is one of the most spiritual people I know.
He always used to say "The family that prays together stays together!"
I would not take everything the bible says verbatim when disciplining a small child. The bible talks a lot about love your brother as you love me, would you say this man was acting like Jesus would towards this little girl?
I still disagree about the spare the rod spoil the child statement, I was never hit by my father & I was definitely not spoiled!!!
I an one of 7 & my Dad was one of 9 there was no spoiling going on in our house!!!

 

[Minniemouse07]

If kids' only reason for behaving is because they fear being spanked, then they truly haven't learned right from wrong. This little girl learned to not cry/misbehave in public or else Daddy will spank her. She didn't learn to not misbehave in public because it's rude, disrespectful, whatever like the parents are probably thinking she did.

Children that are raised w/ punishment (ie spanking, screaming, yelling) learn to not get caught. Children that are raised w/ logical consequences learn to act correctly even when noone is watching!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I would never drag a child by the neck of their coat.

I would discipline a child that I felt was mature enough to understand that she should be sitting quietly and not disturbing others. I don't know if this child was mature enough for that or not.

The "no Daddy" really doesn't bother me. There were times when I would be removing a pre-schooler from a restaurant or someplace for misbehavior and they would scream like they just KNEW I was taking them off for a 3 hour session on a torture rack followed by a flogging --- and I promise to you all, I never did no such thing.

 

[Buckalew11]

Well, I believe in spanking is OK and I have spanked DD in years past. But, I think this father was reacting out of anger and/or embarrassment. He told her to be quiet and stop the whimpering and she did not. So, he told her again. That's probably when the anger and embarrassment kicked in because she was not robotic enough to stop her emotions.

Don't you all ever remember being a kid and crying and trying to hold those tears in and not being able to "just stop"? Well, I do. I do not think one should spank for crying and wimpering.

This isn't about spanking vs. not spanking. It is more about when it would be appropriate to spank if you are going to. #1 rule is to never spank in anger. EVER.

I think the Bible does talk of spanking but not beating. I think one must be a wise person to be able to spank effectively. Also, rods were used to guide and not beat the sheep. I think, too often people that spank for reasons like this dad did spank because they are not in control of their emotions and do not know any other way to wffective guide a child and were probably beat as kids themselves.

If my kid had had a temper tantrum in a store, I would not spank her in the middle of the store, ever. I'd have marched her out of the store and dealt with her privately. I think people so often see misbehaving children and parents who threaten to discipline that when people see a parent stop threatening and DO something, they might cheer for that. Either that or they were all spanked or beat and think (as many people do) that when they see a misbehaving child that "that child needs a good whack". Yikes!

 

[Minnie_me]

I would hardly call three whacks on the butt (I'm assuming butt) child abuse.

He did give her quite a few chances.

Quite a few chances to do WHAT?!?!? IMO, she wasn't doing anything that would warrant a spanking (even though I don't spank). He wanted her to stop crying. Do you you know how difficult it is to "STOP CRYING"???

If he smacked her loud enough for people to hear, in a public place, God only knows what he does to her in the privacy of their own home.

Makes me sick.

 

[DaParkers]

WHAT?
So if a children are hit more often the world would be a better place?
Just because you "spare the rod" doesn't mean you "spoil the child"
THere are much better & more intelligent ways to discipline a two year old than hitting!
My kids do not need to be hit by a teacher or principal because they do not get hit at home & understand there are consequences to their actions that don't inlude adults becoming out of control!
All of the Old Scool mindset people out there, let me tell you I guarentee that if you took a survey at a prision & asked how many of the inmates were beaten as kids compared to the same survey at an Ivy League college, you would find the prisioners were beaten MUCH more!

I agree 100%. Beaten people turn out worse. But being beaten and spanked are 2 different things. Most of our Presidents were spanked. And I would like to know the statistics about Ivy League students that were spanked.

 

[Master Gracy]

Quite a few chances to do WHAT?!?!? IMO, she wasn't doing anything that would warrant a spanking (even though I don't spank). He wanted her to stop crying. Do you you know how difficult it is to "STOP CRYING"???

If he smacked her loud enough for people to hear, in a public place, God only knows what he does to her in the privacy of their own home.

Makes me sick.

IMO Ive felt that quite often around parents. Like the time a big man slapped a child in the face for dropping his waffle in disneyland.
My parents are both teachers, and I guess have the mindset to control without physical punishment .

 

[JennyMominRI]

o never spank in anger. EVER.

. Also, rods were used to guide and not beat the sheep. I!

Yay, I'm so glad you pointed this out

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

If my kid had had a temper tantrum in a store, I would not spank her in the middle of the store, ever. I'd have marched her out of the store and dealt with her privately. I think people so often see misbehaving children and parents who threaten to discipline that when people see a parent stop threatening and DO something, they might cheer for that. Either that or they were all spanked or beat and think (as many people do) that when they see a misbehaving child that "that child needs a good whack". Yikes!

Well, how many children do you have and where do you live? Because I have 4 children and at the time mine were 6 months, 2, 3, and 5 and it was the dead of winter in Indiana. Not really condusive to marching her out of the store and dealing with her in privately was it? I tried dealing wit it quietly and in a calm manner for about (no kidding) 3 or 4 minutes. Now if I only had one child- no problem leaving the store immediatly and dealing with it- I can even see two children. But you try getting out of store in a hustle with a flailing 2 year old and 3 other small children. Odds are my way was the right in THIS scenario.

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

IMO Ive felt that quite often around parents. Like the time a big man slapped a child in the face for dropping his waffle in disneyland.
My parents are both teachers, and I guess have the mindset to control without physical punishment .

Now that is horrible! I would've said something.

 

[JennyMominRI]

Well, how many children do you have and where do you live? Because I have 4 children and at the time mine were 6 months, 2, 3, and 5 and it was the dead of winter in Indiana. Not really condusive to marching her out of the store and dealing with her in privately was it? I tried dealing wit it quietly and in a calm manner for about (no kidding) 3 or 4 minutes. Now if I only had one child- no problem leaving the store immediatly and dealing with it- I can even see two children. But you try getting out of store in a hustle with a flailing 2 year old and 3 other small children. Odds are my way was the right in THIS scenario.

I had 4 kids one year apart and I did what Buckalew did...That was in San Diego however. I would have done the same thing here in RI though. I had to do it one time..One child was nearing a tantrum and I marched all 4 of them out of the store to the car and told her to knock it off. when her behavior improved we went back inside...My kids knew I meant it if I said we would leave if they misbehehaved..