i wish someone could help me

[LittleTink09]

idt there's anything that someone could say or any advice someone could give that i haven't already heard, but i guess it helps to let it out.

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my gf "broke up with me". We were together for a little more than 2 years. I'm only 17.. i know that it's not the end of the world but it feels like it is and i can't help it. Even tho we're young, we were So close and i know it was love. She's SO close with my family. We talked every morning and every night. Spent every minute possible together. The weekend b4 this happened, we got tattoos together and serioulsy, never felt so happy as we did. The one day all of a sudden, she decides that she misses her friends and her family and needs a break. I didnt exactly let her have a break right away. I didn't want that and it was hard. So we both got really upset multiple times and she ended up saying that she's toooo hurt and it's not a break anymore, it just needs to be ended. Last week, i went on vacation (she was supposed to come) and she talked to me alllll week telling me she missed me and needed me. Now that im back, she's ignored me 3 days in a row. I cant eat. or sleep. or go out with friends. My mom kinda knows what's going on even tho i didnt tell her. I came out to one of my 3 sister-in-laws last week and i think she told the others and my brothers. She's been helping a lot! But idk what to do with my self sometimes. I just want to talk to her bc im confused now after last week. And she's leaving for "senior trip" with her friends on saturday!

And this girl, i cant explain how perfect i think she is. She has done some things to lose my trust, but we were working on it. Her looks and clothes and hair and personality and family... is all so perfect. She's outgoing but not loud. Sooo funny. So cute. She comes from a good family. She tries her best with everything. Loves soccer, music, and playing the guitar. I love our meaningful, opinionated conversations. What i love more.. is when we say nothing at all. We're totally differrent people but have a whole lot in common. I could go on forever but i've already said too much.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Oh my God.

You guys broke up?!



I'm so sorry!! It's been more than 4 months since my nasty breakup. I know how it feels. I mean, I loved her way after she stopped loving me. And it hurt. But my PM box is open if you'd like to talk

 

[chell]

Sorry that I have no words of wisdom to offer you but I wanted to offer my support.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

It was 1995, this guy who I thought was straight dropped a note into my backpack on the last day of school. I was a Sophmore and he was a Junior at the time.

So I read through the note and it was ambigous but kind of hinted around that there was something more to it then just saying we should hang out.

So we did, we decided to grab some food and catch a movie. It was Apollo 13 for those into details. As the movie wore on, he wanted to leave because he was on a conditional license and wasn't suppose to drive past 9:00. Well I was annoyed and jokingly gave him the finger, well, he grabbed my hand and well, didn't let go. So we sat there in sheer panic for a few minutes and just grabbed each others hands tighter.

He brought me home, but we didn't really talk about it, just held hands. The next day he came over to my house and picked me up. He brought me to the marina and to his parent's boat. We talked, kissed and in the end started to dig each other.

So it was the start, we dated for the rest of the summer and through the year. It was my Junior and his Senior year and well, his mind was on the future and mine was on him. His mind was set on going off to college, off to "the big world" away from our home town. I tried to ignore it, but over time many bad things started to come from our differences. We argued and we grew apart as the school year dragged on. I lost a lot of who I was, my grades started slipping and I only wanted to keep the "us" working.

Although the relationship was on a downward spiral for those who could see from the outside, the final culmination of events was on his senior ball night, even though we were not each other's dates, I was invited by one of my friends.

My parent's neighbors owned a major limousine company in the area and gave me free use of a driver and a limo for the night. I offered my boyfriend and his date the opportunity to ride with us, I mean, a whole limo for two people was overkill. Well, he wanted to drive himself...fine...so we arrived seperately at the ball, and he refused to even talk to me.

The night progressed and I was basically treated like crap. He finally made it clear that he wasn't spending the night at my parent's house that night. So I made plans with some of my friend's who were hosting a huge after party.

So I went to the party around 10:30 PM. About 2:00 in the morning my mobile rang. It was the boyfriend telling me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was hurt, and really sad and depressed. One of the boyfriends of a friend who didn't drink brought me home. He was one of the nicest guys I ever met. He listened and was honestly compassionate to what was happening. To this day, I consider him a great person, he's straight (so when I say nice, it is meant in full truth) and has a great heart.

As we were driving back to my house my mobile rang again, by this time it was about 3:30 AM, and it was the boyfriend again, calling me, crying, telling me he was sorry that he broke up with me and he was only doing it so he didn't feel like he was cheating on me with this other guy he knew was gay from the ball, that at the ball he decided to go camp with. I knew at this point it wasn't going to get better, and that it was over.

We stayed friends for sometime afterwords, but never dated again. Eventually he gained this anger and hatred to me and ultimately to this day, he won't talk to me, and I don't know what I did wrong. The following year, I started into my Senior year of high school and focused on me. I boosted my grades, I got into better shape and I got a new boyfriend.

In short, the lesson of the story is, the only thing you can control is your own life, don't try to hold onto something that doesn't want to stay. Be yourself, focus on you, learn new things, focus back on school, find a hobby you enjoy. In the end, it will get better, but the longer you dwell, the longer it takes to feel joy. You will be able to look back with your head held high and say, it is what it is, it was what it was. You learn many lessons in life, some come with joy and others with pain, but each is a stepping stone for the next.

Look forward and be you!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

jlewisinsyr, what a compassionate person you are.

Losing someone hurts. Losing your first love hurts the worst. It really does. You've not ever experienced this before and your heart feels like it is torn out. That's because it is.

Unfortunately, there is no way around that pain. You must go through it. You must experience it. Once you are on the otherside, you can begin to step away from it, one tiny step at a time.

Focus on yourself. It's hard, but you must do that. {{{hugs}}}

 

[OrlandoMike]

I totally agree with the above two posters! It will get better, trust me. We have all been through this, and trust me when I tell you if it's your first love it's the worst!

Time to focus on you!

 

[hematite153]

I'm sorry LittleTink!

Breakups are awful, good luck finding a way through it.

 

[joanjett1976]

Hey Tink-

I am also going through a separation/break up situation myself and I reached out to the boards late last week. And it does help.

Feelings are feelings because they are not rational, go ahead, let yourself feel sad, get it out of your system, don't push any emotions back. Rely on friends, evaulate the relationship, whether there is a possibility for reconciliation down the line. Be honest with every single aspect ot it. A lot of people will say to keep your chin up, and forget na dmove on but I am going through this right now and it is easier said than done. Take care of yourself the best you can, share your feelings with trusted friends (virtual or real ) and trust that time will heal.

 

[tomboy_m]

Sorry that you are going through this.

 

[PghLybrt]

I am sorry too. It is always hard but in the long run everything works out the way it should, I guess. It took many years for my first girlfriend and I to become friends again. (Ok, I guess it didn’t help that I starting dating one of her girlfriends .....we have been together 13 years now) My point is we found a new realationship that works for us. We are still very much in each others lives.

I know you will hate to hear this but go out and have some fun. It is Pride here in PGH this week. There will be tons of new faces for you to meet! (Clicks play an all ages show on Sunday…just sayin. )

 

[LittleTink09]

thank you all veryyy much.

Still, nothing's getting any better. It is getting easier to stop trying to talk to her. I just got back from the beach and until i left, i texted her everyday and called a lot. Somedays, constantly. I can't believe the way she's ignoring me. She just got back from senior trip so maybe she's getting over her "i need my friends" thing that she's going through. I'm hoping that if i leave her alone, she'll see that i dont need her and she'll miss me. I'm scared that won't happen tho, i think she's talking to this girl that she cheated on me with a while ago. I don't want to move on, i dont want it to be over...

 

[starrzone]

thank you all veryyy much.

Still, nothing's getting any better. It is getting easier to stop trying to talk to her. I just got back from the beach and until i left, i texted her everyday and called a lot. Somedays, constantly. I can't believe the way she's ignoring me. She just got back from senior trip so maybe she's getting over her "i need my friends" thing that she's going through. I'm hoping that if i leave her alone, she'll see that i dont need her and she'll miss me. I'm scared that won't happen tho, i think she's talking to this girl that she cheated on me with a while ago. I don't want to move on, i dont want it to be over...

Been there, done that, going through it right now. This guy and I got really close after a few months and he kissed me, told me all the usual wonderful stuff, we got close....and then he decided that he "wasn't ready" and "couldn't handle" a relationship right now . We talked ALL the time and I would go almost every day to visit him at work. We hung out constantly, and then...nothing. No calls, no MSN...it was like he cut off contact. It was really, REALLY hard not to initiate anything, but after a couple weeks (there were a couple slipups!) he seemed to thaw a bit and we have been better ever since. I must admit that I was sad, bitter, angry, confused, frustrated....but give it time. Time is THE only thing that heals sometimes. I hope things work out...

 

[quietgirll]

i am so sorry that you are going through this...it is so hard when you lose your first love...you dont ever really want to let go. you really only can control yourself, and allow yourself to be happy in spite of this. i wish there was some wisdom i could share...nothing will probably help at this point....but know that it will get better. honestly, it probably will get worse first, esp with another girl in the picture...but it will get better. one day you will be able to look back and appreciate the experience this gives you...until then, just try to be strong, and do whats best for you!!