I was original poster on "attitude" and SAHM

[Camping Griswalds]

I used to be a nanny for 2 years, and I will tell you the truth...I LOVED those kids. Still keep in contact with them today and they are a junior and senior in H>S> I was with them Mon-Fri from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm. I obviously was with them the majority of their waking hours, 5 days a week for those 2 years. I'd dare anyone to say they were not taken care of to the best of anyones ability!!!

I've had each of my kids in daycare, with varying lengths of stay, and with varying success. No horrible experiences. Just lots of sickness. They'd stay home, be all cleared up , go to daycare, and the next day start with the runny nose, be home, get cleared up, go back to daycare (I usually only sent them each max of 2 days), then start the cycle again. I know kids carry yuck around, but it's never as bad in my own home. (please noticce I said MY home) We've recently decided for me to be SAHM and I must say am very pleased not to have to think about daycare. Some are good, some are bad. that's life.

I always wanted to be a SAHM, felt that it was what I was meant to be. I've worked full time, part time, and nights all to make it work. Even now with deciding to be a SAHM I'll probably still go in and work some from 11pm-7am, while kids are sleeping. Just to have a nicer life and to keep my nursing liscence current for when or if I need to go back to work.

I'm 36. My mom was very career driven. Happier when working, needed to work etc. She went back to work full time when I was 10 and I HATED IT!!! Really very traumatic for me. BAbysitters, getting sick at school and my moms friends picking me up 'cause she was at work, her not being there in the audience...I HATED IT!!! Nothing bad ever happened to me, I was not put in any kind of circumstance that was scarry, I was just happier and felt safer when my mom was home. She had to do what was best for her I guess, and as an adult I think I understand better, but I just think its nuts when she or other people (even some posters on this board) say "You were fine. They will be fine etc" Not every kid enjoys it, even though the daycares or babysitters are great. Not to bash anyone who does this, out of necessity or need, I just know from my experience, that it was not for me and I never told my parents because I could tell they were better off. My sister on the other hand said that it never bothered her. She of course was 15 when my mom went back full time so maybe that was the reason, maybe not.

That being said, it is I'm sure why I've always been so driven to stay home with my kids. It has not worked for me the first 13 years of being a mommy, but we are giving it a good try now. To be honest my 13 yo states that its fine with him if I'm not always there. He says he knows I have to work and he promises he's not the only kid in the audience without a mom or dad there. He's fine if I work, and has been at every age from what I can tell, and what our conversations have been about. My 9 yo wants me every where, up front and accounted for. He runs to greet me at the door, just very snuggly and happier when I'm around. (I guess he's just like his Momma) When we told him I was staying home, he was ecstatic!!! My dd is just turning one, so of course I don't truly know where she stands, but let me stay that after a day of daycare, she will not let me put her down!! That usually happens the next day after daycare as well. So I think I may have another "MOMMY" needer.

I think that every woman and every child is different. We constantly evaluate and change if needed in my home. I celebrate that I have been given the opportunity to be a career woman, a working mom, and a stay at home mom. Shouldn't we all!!??!!??

 

[zippehsmom]

I 've been reading this thread with great interest and I will chime in with my opinion. I think that ALL Moms work hard (working or stay at home). My Mom had to work (she was a single parent), but I never felt slighted. She did an awesome job with my brother, sister and I. We have all gone on to have advanced degrees and successful families and careers.

I stayed home the first 2 years with my oldest dd and then I went to work. I teach kindergarten and keep the same school schedule that DD keeps in school, my youngest is 2 1/2 right now. I absolutely love my job. What worked out well this year is DD5 was in half day kdg., so when DH picked her up from school she came to my school for the rest of the day. I have an awesome principal who understands that family is important. My school has a preschool, so when my youngest gets to preschool age she'll come to my school too.

I have never missed a school performance, and I volunteered for 4 of her holiday parties at school. I use my sick days to take a few hours here and there to volunteer at her school also. DH and I made the decision that he would work second shift until our kids get into school all day. For the 2 hour gap that we have between the time he goes to work and I get off, his Mom watches our youngest. I feel really blessed and fortunate to have the family support and that DH has the flexibility within his job for us to do this.

So I just want to tell all the Mom's keep up the good work, make the best choices for you and your family (and only you know what that is) and of course we all know that a Mother's job is never done!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

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[Anastasia]

I am a SAHM who has done it both ways. I worked until my oldest was four, and my middle was 2. When I got pregnant with my third, we immediately decided it wasn't worth the aggravation of working with three children. I worked through the third pregnancy and then quit. I was commuting 1.5 hours each way to a high stress job. It broke my heart to leave my children every morning. We couldn't believe how much less stressful it was when I started staying home. My husband is the biggest supporter of me being home with the kids.

I would never question someone's decision to work or not work. I have friends who go back and forth over whether they should quit or not. These are people who could afford to stay home, but choose not to. I do not judge them for not staying home, however I do feel like they are missing out by not being home with their kids. I just hope that they don't regret it down the road.

I feel it is a privelege to be able to stay home with your children. We have been blessed in that it has not been a burden financially. It was a little tight for the first two years, but DH's income has risen since then. Even if it hadn't, once "forced" to make the decision by the third pregnancy, I think we would have found a way to make it work.

I completely understand that there are people who absolutely must work to make ends meet. And I admire what people do to make things work. Working night shifts and caring for your children all day is exhausting, and you should be commended for making that sacrifice.

Cadence, you are not the only one who worries about the "what ifs". We take that very seriously. We have calculated our life insurance needs based on the fact that I want to be home with the kids until they are out of school. We also have adequate disability insurance. This is extremely important. Most companies do not have great disability benefits. A person is much more likely to become disabled than to die during their working years.
The other thing I think is important is that both parents are in the loop on the finances. It sounds like that is the case with you.

 

[The Sorrentino's]

So far, the answers I've been reading is "life insurance". That's what I have to fall back on as well if something were to happen to my DH. I've also been reading about how SAHMs make it by the best way they can on a one salary household in regard to making a decision to stay home with their children because it's best for them. Life insurance policies are not cheap so how much life insurance is adequate to keep the ball rolling in the event of a "what if". And then there are the Education funds for each child and their bank accounts to give them some kind of headstart. Maybe this is also an issue with two parents working and I'm breathing too much into it. Disregard, I'm a worrier by nature.

Cadence

 

[txgirl]

Life insurance policies are not cheap so how much life insurance is adequate to keep the ball rolling in the event of a "what if".

A good question and I know that I am not insured enough. Probably just enough to cover funeral expenses and a few months of cushion, but if DH had to pay for childcare and housecleaning not to mention some time off with our children. I have heard this is an area where a lot of families are under-insured because SAHM's often don't think of having a considerable policy for themselves.

I would love to hear from someone also about how much (%) of current income a family should have in their policies?

Not something I want to think of but still should be planned.

 

[LynnTH]

My husband and I both work full-time and we also think about life insurance. We are in the process right now of getting new policies. We each had a whole life policy but after reading all the financial books we have decided to cash in our whole life policy and go with a 20 year term policy. This will make our kids 26 and 24 when the policy expires and they should be done with school by then. Term insurance is really inexpensive. We are each getting a $500,000 policy and our payments will be about $60 a month for both of us combined. We were paying more than that for 1/4 the coverage on a whole life insurance policy. With a $500,000 policy that makes an average of 10% a year (in mutual funds) that would generate 50,000 a year income without even touching the policy itself. We figured this would be OK since both of us work. Hopefully, it will never have to be used but it is there just in case.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

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[shelly3girls]

I agree with the above posters about life insurance. Term life insurance is relatively cheap and an absolute necessity for both parents no matter SAH or working. It would be very expensive for the remaining parent to outsource everything the SAH parent does. As of now Social Security gives a decent amount of money in the event of a parent's death but I know we cannot count on that.

We also consider disability. My work actually has a pretty good disability insurance policy that pays at 60% but includes bonuses which we do not actually live off of on a regular basis (use to prepay mortgage and house projects). All told my disability take home would be more than my current take home. We need to look into suplemental disability insurance for DH though since his is not very good. Does anyone know of a good resource.

 

[kidshop]

[
I would love to hear from someone also about how much (%) of current income a family should have in their policies?

Not something I want to think of but still should be planned.[/QUOTE]

I believe you are supposed to carry 10 times your annual income if you have one income, to maintain current quality of life. That may be a tad unrealistic! We have no where near that much and my dh has more insurance on me than on himself. (no he's not planning anything!) He says that losing me and needing a live in nanny (he's military) would wipe him out if he didn't have such a big policy. I still work on him to increase his, but we do save in lots of other ways. Hopefully none of us will have to deal with this anyway!

 

[Camping Griswalds]

I would love to hear from someone also about how much (%) of current income a family should have in their policies?

We added up all of our debt, and then added up the cost of private school until the last baby graduates from H.S. Then we insured each of us for that total.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

So far, the answers I've been reading is "life insurance". That's what I have to fall back on as well if something were to happen to my DH. I've also been reading about how SAHMs make it by the best way they can on a one salary household in regard to making a decision to stay home with their children because it's best for them. Life insurance policies are not cheap so how much life insurance is adequate to keep the ball rolling in the event of a "what if". And then there are the Education funds for each child and their bank accounts to give them some kind of headstart. Maybe this is also an issue with two parents working and I'm breathing too much into it. Disregard, I'm a worrier by nature.

Cadence

Hi Cadence, congrats on the twins!

I wanted to say that some policies are pretty cheap...dh and I have a quarter million each for only $25 a month (that's for both of us). If you are an alumnus of a college or university you can contact the alumni office to see if they sponsor a group rate. That's what we did! Also, some banks or credit unions or even employers allow you to purchase life insurance at a fantastic rate.

The reason we only did a quarter million each (only? lol) is that although I am a SAHM, I am college-educated (grad degree) and could actually work part-time or even from home if I ever needed to, and make good money. Dh would be able to go back to work if he needed/wanted to and have our mothers help care for the kids during the day and homeschool them. My mother has homeschooled before so I'm not worried at all about them being able to handle it. The policy would get our family through the rough spots and is designed to increase each year by 10%, so that in 10 years it will be worth a half million each. Hopefully it will be a totally useless policy that we will never need to use!