I was original poster on "attitude" and SAHM

[Camping Griswalds]

The one thing I've noticed here is that there seems to be a lot of us that are or were working R.N.'s I wonder if that particular job leans toward SAHM??

This is a much nicer post. I really enjoy all of the comments. It can stop here though if people thought I was bringing the same "arguable " subject up.

Maybe we could talk about how SAHM figure out how to help others talk about SAHM, and read this board, and take care of everyone elses needs, and plan on Disney trips...talk about full time jobs!!!!!!WHEW.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

The one thing I've noticed here is that there seems to be a lot of us that are or were working R.N.'s I wonder if that particular job leans toward SAHM??

This is a much nicer post. I really enjoy all of the comments. It can stop here though if people thought I was bringing the same "arguable " subject up.

Maybe we could talk about how SAHM figure out how to help others talk about SAHM, and read this board, and take care of everyone elses needs, and plan on Disney trips...talk about full time jobs!!!!!!WHEW.

Tell me about it!! LOL MY husband is working 60 plus hours a week on top of finishing his Masters in Buisness Administration, and I work as a SAHM all day and then at night when dd goes to sleep I do my Financial Advising portfolio for clients, and am writting a book. Also do Freelance Photography for weddings and stuff on the weekends. On top of being the Family Travel Agent, (LOL) !!! I know how tiring an RN's life can be too..hubby did that for the first 3 years we were togehter..just couldn't take the odd sceduleing anymore!! But thats a good job to take time off of..you know you will be able to find something again when you go back into the job force. Do you plan on staying home with your kids until they are in school, or until they move out??? I want to stay home with dd until she graduates HS. Anyone else have thoughts on this??

 

[The Sorrentino's]

Do you plan on staying home with your kids until they are in school, or until they move out??? I want to stay home with dd until she graduates HS. Anyone else have thoughts on this??

That's a hard one for me to answer. My children are homeschooled until they fourth grade so after the last one enters 4th grade I can start thinking about working. I've been reading about online courses. Anybody ever take those. Earn your degree online! I wonder how many people were successful at completing something like that.

Cadence

 

[Camping Griswalds]

I will probably stay at home as long as it works. My kids go to private school, so there will be one year with three kids in private school and then two kids in private school, one in college. the pattern just continues from there. Realistically we are just taking this 6 months at a time and then re-evaluating. That is our current plan any way. Of course the three kids in private won't begin until DD is 5 or 6, and she's only one in Aug, so I hope to at least make it at home until the "yucky" years begin!!!!!!!!!1

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

i'm a stahm to my 6 month old dd and soon to arrive baby. i am also almost done with my college degree. i am hoping to be a pk or k teacher so that way i will go back to school when my youngest gets into 1st and then i can start up. However if it doesn't seem to work for some reason my husband and i have no trouble with me continuing to stay at home. I used to be a Concierge at a Chciago Marriott and talk about a job where all you do is run around and kiss peoples a**e*!! soo needless to stay i LOVE being at home, except for the horrifyingly sick pregnancy i've been having. congrats to all moms who work it's a tough job out there and to all that stay home it's another tough job in there too!!

 

[AtlantaSue]

I just wanted to add that I'm a SAHM (kids 8, 6, and 2 1/2) that LOVES staying at home! I have a law degree and have passed the bar - but I don't love "lawyering" - that's just me. I love my life as a SAHM, though, and I don't really give any thought whether other moms stay at home or work - whatever works! I love filling my life with kids, home, husband, friends, volunteering, church, exercise - whatever. I don't feel defensive about my choice, or superior about my choice - I'm just happy and grateful. I think a happy mom is a good mom, whether she is officially "employed" or not!

 

[txgirl]

I just wanted to add that I'm a SAHM (kids 8, 6, and 2 1/2) that LOVES staying at home! I have a law degree and have passed the bar - but I don't love "lawyering" - that's just me. I love my life as a SAHM, though, and I don't really give any thought whether other moms stay at home or work - whatever works! I love filling my life with kids, home, husband, friends, volunteering, church, exercise - whatever. I don't feel defensive about my choice, or superior about my choice - I'm just happy and grateful. I think a happy mom is a good mom, whether she is officially "employed" or not!

Absolutely! I have never been more fulfilled or felt more complete about any decision in my life. I can't see myself doing much else! I have thought about when they go to college but truthfully mothering them seems to take up so much time (even with my oldest two in school)!

I have done MANY things to make ends meet, like: teaching preschool/mother's day out programs, babysitting, house cleaning, etc. I am stretched terribly bad with volunteer stuff so I am really pulling in the reins this fall!

I know there are people who wonder what do SAHM's do all day and truth be told it is hard sometimes to be disciplined without a real boss! (does anyone relate?) I have a friend who is a teacher and she is so incredibly organized because she must be in order to get everybody everywhere on time! I find that sometimes I do better with more on my plate? which makes no sense!!!! If I was truly disciplined I would never go to sleep with laundry, cleaning, bill paying, errand running, PTA, church volunteering, lunch with DH, lunch with DD at school once a week, once with other DD at school, time with DS (age 2) at home, organizing photos, painting the upstairs bathroom, cleaning out the fridge, watering the yard, did I say laundry?, planning our fantastic vacation, taking care of DH (I think he has grown quite spoiled to having his own personal assistant during the day!), picking up after DS, cleaning out the vehicle after carpooling nine 10 yr olds to softball practice, organizing a carpool for gymnastics, planning and co-directing VBS at our church and DID I MENTION THE LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!!

I actually take counsel from my working friends to find out how they discipline themselves with housework. (except the one I mentioned above because I am her house-cleaner every other week )

I would encourage anyone who WANTS to be a SAHM that it is almost always possible. PM me for ideas. DH makes plenty now for me to be home and us still be blessed with the occasional want and a nice vacation BUT when we started we made it on $18,000 salary per year and one car that leaked oil so bad people thought it was on fire!!!! Where there is a will there is a way.

I judge no one for making the choice that works but I love to help those who want to be at home make that a reality. The window is small and the time passes quick!

Blessings!

 

[PrincessCyann]

That's a hard one for me to answer. My children are homeschooled until they fourth grade so after the last one enters 4th grade I can start thinking about working. I've been reading about online courses. Anybody ever take those. Earn your degree online! I wonder how many people were successful at completing something like that.
Cadence

I am currently taking an at-home travel agent course, it's okay so far, esp. since I can do it when I feel like it. I didn't finish college either. I got married in my senior year and moved out of state. We again live close to the college I attended, but I have no real desire to go back right now. I have one semester of classes left, so when and if I decide to go back, I can, and it won't take forever. You're never to old to go back, so follow your own path...if it leads you to college someday, great, if not, great too.

I too am a SAHM who never had a "real" job, so you're far from alone. Yes, when people hear that I didn't have a job, they seem surprised, some in a nice way, some not (most not). So, I don't tell people unless they ask directly (aside from this post, lol, but that's different ) The real attitude came when I was a stay at home wife ... now that got some raised eyebrows, and some snarky comments (esp. from dh's family), but I didn't really care much because we did what worked for US, not them. DH was working weird hours, and we wanted to see each other, rather than me be at work when he was home.

You're following your own path, which is wonderful. I would rather follow my own path and have some people disagree than become what others want and be unhappy. If it comes between my family's happiness and the lady at the playgroup (or anyone else for that matter) with snarky comments, guess who is going to lose out, lol.

 

[MiaSRN62]

The one thing I've noticed here is that there seems to be a lot of us that are or were working R.N.'s I wonder if that particular job leans toward SAHM??

CampingGriswalds,
Perhaps because it's a high stress job ? Maybe the fact that often we're required to work weekends, holidays and be on-call ? Particularily hospital based nureses. Weekends, holidays and on-call are mandatory at my hospital.
This has been very difficult to manage and still raise a family and do all the stuff I need to do at home (cleaning, shopping, cooking etc). So I'm thinking just the high stress and demands of the profession push moms to leave nursing and be SAHM's ? This is all speculation of course and I'm sure there are other professions that are just as stressful.

 

[can'twait]

Carrie, I'm with you - I go to work to get out of the house and take a break. When my first was born I cried before I went back to work. When my 2nd was born I couldn't wait to go back to work. My desk is nice and clean, there are no surprises, my day is my own and I know exactly what to do. Life with kids is very unpredictable! Just when you are heading out the door, a dirty diaper arises, etc. Simple things like eating or running errands become a challenge. I find that when I'm home I spend half the day making meals or cleaning up after them, or cleaning the mess we make in the house because we are home. When I was on maternity leave my hubby would come home and say, where's my dinner? What did you do all day? And I would say, can you go to McDonald's, and is it 5:00 already? I was lucky if I took a shower! I found being at home with a baby to be monotonous - bottle, diaper, nap, repeat. 24-7. Yikes! At least getting out for 8 hours a day breaks it up and gives you a fresh perspective when you get home. I always thought day care was good for the kids too, because I'm shy and it helped them get out and make friends. If I were at home we would all be stuck in front of the tv watching Oprah in our pj's. In the end, it's a lifestyle choice and everyone is different. You really can't judge anyone based on their decision. You never know what is going on behind closed doors financially, etc. that motivates their decision. I missed the original post, but I'm intrigued now. I'm going to go look for it!

 

[bunny]

I always read posts which state that if you just live within your means you can be a SAHM. My husband is divorced with 3 children. He is paying a huge amount of child support and also pays for all the transportation. We have 2 children together. If my family wants to live above the proverty level, I need to work. Fortunately, I am well educated and make a lot of money. I make enough money to send my children to an excellent daycare and to private schools. My husband cannot be an SAHD because of his previous obligations and I can't be a SAHM either. I wish I could. I would love to spend all day with my children. But in a world of deadbeat dads, I am proud that my husband is responsible for all of his children. Unfortunately I have a very stressful job. When I am at home on the weekends it feels like a vacation day. Being a SAHM and not having a boss would be wonderful.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Unfortunately I have a very stressful job. When I am at home on the weekends it feels like a vacation day. Being a SAHM and not having a boss would be wonderful.

I feel the same as you bunny. Your husband is to be respected for taking care of his other children. I'm sure you both are doing all you can to make it "right" for your family. Hats off to you. Different things work for different family situations. For someone to make a generalized, blanketed statement such as "if you live within your means you can be a SAHM", has no clue. There are just too many factors and variables that go into the decision for a mom to work or not work outside of the home. None of us can possibly understand fully eachother's reasons for doing what we do. I've always felt so much more relaxed being at home and away from work as well......I'd love to be a SAHM but that just doesn't work for our specific needs. The only thing we splurge on is our yearly vacation. My husband and I both drive older model cars, I rarely buy clothes for myself.....everything goes to the kids it seems ! Now with one starting college, I'm working for the tuition because we don't qualify financially for any grants. LOL
But in the end, we need to all respect eachother and the choices we've made for our families.

 

[Camping Griswalds]

CampingGriswalds,
Perhaps because it's a high stress job ? Maybe the fact that often we're required to work weekends, holidays and be on-call ? Particularily hospital based nureses. Weekends, holidays and on-call are mandatory at my hospital.
This has been very difficult to manage and still raise a family and do all the stuff I need to do at home (cleaning, shopping, cooking etc). So I'm thinking just the high stress and demands of the profession push moms to leave nursing and be SAHM's ? This is all speculation of course and I'm sure there are other professions that are just as stressful.

I agree. The hardest thing about being a nurse is that it's never ending...the nights and weekends etc. I also don't feel its a profession that gets any amount of respect or credit for all that we do or are responsible for. It's very hard to be a Mom when your kids are on M-F 9-5 for school schedule and their only time off you have to fulfill your weekend requirement of 7am-7pm or 7pm-7am. I t really leaves no time for quality family time, sports, birthdays etc. Not to mention that the rest of the world (90% it seems) has the same weekday schedule as school and there a nurse goes in to work when everyone else is going home or off. I just found it curious that there are so MANY nurses switching to SAHM and this is supposedly the greatest nursing shortage ever. I just could no longer stretch myself and my family so thin when I wasn't happy doing my profession. Plus I hate working and taking care of other peoples babies when my baby is in daycare. Just too ironic!!

 

[Nik's Mom]

I was a working Mom with a high stress job. Boy, was our house a mess. I just didn't want to spend all of my time cleaning when I got home. I was happier just spending time with dh and my sons. I've been at home for a year and absolutely love it. I wish I could do it for years to come. But we have taken on the responsibility of caring for my Mom, so money has become too tight for us. Guess it's time to get a job. I vow to have a cleaner home this time, and to have a less stressful job!
I have tremendous respect for both working and stay at home Moms!

 

[Lizzybee]

I've been both SAHM and working mom, now I'm divorced sole custody of th kids working mom (with lots of support from my wonderful parents). All of the above are tough jobs. Before I became a SAHM, I was a probation officer and honestly there were days doing home visits on criminals was more appealing than going to play group. It's hard to transition between the two because whether you notice/admit it, your identity is tied to your career choice (believe me SAHM is a career choice too). My hats off to all Moms, hugs and kisses to all of you who do what it takes to do what's right for your kids and after all YOU are MOM so YOU know what's best for your situation, whether that's pursuing an out of the house career or staying home full time. I think the one common thread we have as mother's is doing the best we can for our kids and that can take many many forms.

 

[Goobergal99]

I am not a stay at home mom, however I am a young mom and so my efforts of balancing school, work and motherhood have never been easy ones. I did go to college, graduate with a BSN in nursing and yet I am still going to school even now to work on my masters because I still don't know what to do when I grow up. I finally just married my DD's dad after 8 years together (5 of them living in sin LOL) and I must say it has not been easy on either of us.

However, I chose to work because I honestly like the lifestyle we have and I can admit that. My daughter is still afforded having both parents at home with her because I only work 3 days a week (a nursing perk) and DH works for his father (a family perk ) I would never knock down a SAHM however because that is your choice. That is the whole point of the sexual revolution, that women finally could choose what they wanted to do with their lives. I like to work (don't necessarily love the job) however, I like to work because I like going to disney and I like having nice things and being able to provide DD with nice things, I also like going out to dinner and I don't like to clip coupons (although I give it to all the women who take the time out to do so, I get way to frustrated.) Bottom line is you all have the right to do whatever it is you want to do with your lives and noone has a right to be judgemental.

 

[puddleduck]

I think that as long as you are a good mom to your kids, then what does it matter what anyone thinks about the fact that you do or don't work outside the home. I think I have a great situation. My dh and I are both teachers (meaning we don't make squat). In order to live in a decent house in a decent neighborhood and drive decent cars, we both have to work. I work great hours. We leave the house around 7 am and we are all home by 4-4:30pm at the latest. I am able to provide home cooked meals most nights of the week. I can spend several hours each evening w/my boys and still get them to bed at a decent hour and still have 1-2 hours to clean up and then relax. My boys go to a sitter who keeps no more than 5 kids at a time. Right now she keeps my 3 boys, my neice and one other little girl. I have breaks throughout the year and summers off. But, to be perfectly honest, I am usually counting down the days about 2 weeks before school starts (but, then again, by the time May hits, I am counting down the days till summer break). I can honestly say that being a wohm and being a sahm are both hard in different ways. In the summer, I can't keep the house clean because the kids are right behind me messing it up. During the school year, I can't keep the house clean because by the time I get the kids to bed the last thing I want to do is clean. See a trend? When school starts I am fine for several weeks, then I get to thinking that I would love to stay at home. Then during summer I am thrilled for 8 weeks, then I start climbing walls ready to start school again. No one loves their kids more than I do (as I am sure no one loves thier kids more than you do), I know that, so I am confident in where my family is and where we are going. If you know that also, then great. Don't worry what others are thinking. Sometimes I get tired of people thinking I am just a teacher. When I worked in a retail store in high school, one of my bosses actually told me that I was too smart to just teach. I love teaching, it is what I am good at. I also love being a mother to my kids, I am good at that too. If you love being a sahm, then by all means don't allow anyone to make you feel inferior. I just wish that people didn't feel the need to put other down in order to bring themselves up (I am talking about both sides of the situation).

 

[shaylahc]

I am a SAHM and have been pretty much since DD#1 was born (I have 4 kids ages 8 and under). For me being a SAHM has been as much a necessity as a choice--day care is too expensive and although I have a degree I don't have any real job skills I could use to make a career for myself, so I stay home. Someday when all of my kids are in school fulltime, I will either get a job or go back to school or do both.

One of my motivations for being a SAHM is that I was a day care kid myself and don't have fond memories about it. My mom was a single parent and she was never around, we had very little family support. I hated being the only kid at recitals who had no family in attendance....My mom think it's terrible that I am a SAHM, she thinks it's a giant waste of my time. Sadly, I think a lot of society feels that way about SAHMs. It seems if you are a woman, you are expected to bring home the bacon, keep a spotless house, raise the kids AND save the world all in the 80 hour days only women are expected to have It seems like women are damned if they do, and damned if they don't no matter what their choices....

I don't have anything against WOHM, I know being a SAHM is not for everyone....some women get really depressed and lonely. But I do feel strongly that children should have 1 consistent caregiver whether it be a nanny or a parent or a relative that can be there for them 100%.

 

[MiaSRN62]

My mom was a single parent and she was never around, we had very little family support. I hated being the only kid at recitals who had no family in attendance....My mom think it's terrible that I am a SAHM, she thinks it's a giant waste of my time. Sadly, I think a lot of society feels that way about SAHMs.

But I do feel strongly that children should have 1 consistent caregiver whether it be a nanny or a parent or a relative that can be there for them 100%.

I totally respect what you have to say shaylahc, but just because both parents work doesn't necessarily mean we aren't there 100% for our kids and we don't attend recitals, sport events ect. I'm sure anyone who is a working mom will tell you we find very creative ways to be there for our kids. No way would I work if I felt my kids were not supported or worse yet, neglected. I respect your personal decision to be a SAHM. Just wanted to speak-up for working moms who have found a way to balance their outside job with their responsibilities at home with their family. Not everyone can make either one way or the other work.

 

[traci]

I am a sahm of a 19 month and 6 month old. It works for us and I am blessed that we are able to do it like this. I joke that all my college degree does for me now is hang on the wall Some days are harder than others but I wouldn't trade it. I am worn out all the time. I can't imagine having to actually get ready for work in the morning and apply mascara! I JUST WANT TO SAY KUDOS TO MOMS WHO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME AS WELL!!

I have friends with children who work outside the home because they have no choice and that makes me sad, because they would love nothing more than to be home with their children. On the other hand, My best friend who is expecting #2 loves being home for the first 3 months, but then looks forward to returning to work where she is a research nurse. She doesn't have to work, it's her choice. She is an amazing Mom and nurse. She has found a way to balance both and she is happy and in turn so his her son! He is well adjusted and sweet. And *gasp* Mom isn't with him all day but a babysitter is (wink)!

I think people can be so judgemental when it comes to this. What works for your family may not work for others (or simply not an option).

God bless to all Mommas out there. We make mistakes, but (most) do the best we can with the resources given.