I was original poster on "attitude" and SAHM

[Bella2000]

Again interesting discussion. I try to stay away from saying this person is right or wrong in their decisions. I don't know the intimate details of their life or how devastating the decision was or was not. Unfortunately I think there are many people who don't say what their opinion is in their heart because they don't want to be faced with intolerance in their opinions. I think that your personality to live beyond your means isn't limited to a working outside the home or SAHM lifestyle. I've seen what society may deem selfish behavior in both lifestyles. Isn't it personality that drives it as well?

I think it is important to understand ourselves and our own choices and motivation. My responsibility and committment to my family may not look like yours and sure people may not agree but that is ok.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Txgirl says : I do think there are mothers who want to work, rather than need to work and they are afraid to say, "hey I love my job and I wouldn't quit no matter how much money I have". Instead they complain about how they "have" to work and how they "wish" they could stay home.

Believe me, we tried it with me not working. Don't drive fancy vehicles. I drive a '98 van with 80K miles on it. My dh drive a '94 SUV with 140K on it. The only thing we splurge on is our yearly vacation to WDW. Not to spin this thread into a negative turn (because I've been enjoying reading all the positive posts), BUT, if one is to insinuate that working moms just don't want to admit they love their job when they're saying they "wish they could be SAHM's" (as I did) is sort of being unfair. I wouldn't have posted as I did if that were true. It may be difficult for some to understand, but not all of us can make it with bills and such without both parents working. There's nothing wrong with this. I don't feel any of the posts I've read here was not an honest opinion. Sorry if you feel it's "complaining" when someone like me says we wish we could stay at home. This is why I said in an earlier post of mine on this thread that I fully believe working moms come up against alot of criticism and ridicule too. I think statements like this can make a working mom feel even more guilty than she already may feel. Working moms have to work outside the home as well as do all the same duties that SAHM's do inside the house. Maybe we have to be a little more creative with our time management (?), but I think most of us make it work (I forced myself to work the graveyard for 11 years to make it work) and we shouldn't feel guilty for what we "have" to do vs what some people may feel we're just "complaining" we have to do ? It's just one of the ways that us working moms come under fire sometimes by SAHM's or society in general. I experienced some of these same insinuations over the past decade from some SAHM's in my area. This is what is making me stick with this thread because their are unfair prejudices towards both sides.

Of course txgirl may or may not have been referring to any of the working moms who posted here, but I just feel it's beginning to cross a line where we doubt the statements being made my people. Most comments on this thread have been very supportive to both sides and I appreciate and respect this. I guess it was just this above statement by txgirl that took me by suprise. I realize she's stating this about "some" working moms but that is where the line begins to get crossed. One could make similar insinuations and unfair judgements about SAHM's. Maybe "some" of them should work but don't want to and make excuses or complain about reasons they shouldn't venture outside into the working world. Statements like this would be unfair and very speculative because none of us truly know eachother's circumstances. Some of us live in more expensive areas of the country than others and a budget that works for one family may not work in another family. I just don't feel any of us should cross the line into speculating the decisions women make for their families.
My post is not meant to be negative in any way. I still continue to enjoy and respect both sides and I was just doing a little honest venting here. Just want this thread to get back on track.

think that your personality to live beyond your means isn't limited to a working outside the home or SAHM lifestyle. I've seen what society may deem selfish behavior in both lifestyles. Isn't it personality that drives it as well?

Agree Bella.

I think it is important to understand ourselves and our own choices and motivation. My responsibility and committment to my family may not look like yours and sure people may not agree but that is ok.

Couldn't agree more Bella...........

 

[txgirl]

BUT, if one is to insinuate that working moms just don't want to admit they love their job when they're saying they "wish they could be SAHM's" (as I did) is sort of being unfair. Sorry if you feel it's "complaining" when someone like me says we wish we could stay at home.

Of course txgirl may or may not have been referring to any of the working moms who posted here, but I just feel it's beginning to cross a line where we doubt the statements being made my people.

I guess it was just this above statement by txgirl that took me by suprise. I realize she's stating this about "some" working moms but that is where the line begins to get crossed.

Just want this thread to get back on track.

.

I have been misquoted. If you reread my post you will see this: "don't say you "want" to stay home and then make choices that make that impossible. Carefully read what I have written. I take NO issue with anyone making choices that fulfill their family and their desires for happiness. I do however find it a bit difficult to swallow when a family is making obvious choices that would make it impossible to live on one income and state that they wish wish wish they could stay home like "me". "Me" has made huge extreme sacrafices in order to stay home that others may not be willing to take. The people I am referring to obviously are not even a close resemblance of your family. They are spending into the extreme and again THIS IS A PERSONAL CHOICE. I'm not gonna eat ding dongs all day and say to the person who works out everyday "man I sure wish I could be thin like you". If I am going to indulge then there is a cost, correct?

I think I have stayed on track but as soon as I am misquoted and taken the wrong way I will move on. I can't agree with everyone all the time but I think I have tried to be fair about my opinion. I never said "choosing" to work was the issue. Honesty-that's it.

I have a friend who teaches. Her income is fair but not huge. She would openly admit that if she really wanted to stay home, they could sell one car buy a smaller home, take smaller vacations, etc. etc. She would also admit that it is not worth that sacrafice to her. She would rather have the above than give them up. It works for her and she loves her life. (heck, I love her life) STILL-she would never say to me, "oh I wish I could stay home like you". If you are not the above described person I am not sure why you take issue. If you are then maybe my post could encourage you to see things from a different perspective. I was encouraged by an older wiser mother when I had my first baby and I was changed forever from that time about priorities.

I sincerely apologize if I offended any working mothers. I love my life and I hope you love yours. I only intended to encourage those who say, "I wish" to really examine their lifestyles and see if they really "wish" or if they are perfectly happy as they are (which is fine)

Blessings-

 

[MiaSRN62]

I do think there are mothers who want to work, rather than need to work and they are afraid to say, "hey I love my job and I wouldn't quit no matter how much money I have". Instead they complain about how they "have" to work and how they "wish" they could stay home.

Txgirl....
Your above statement is what I was referring to in my rebuttal. I still don't agree with what you have to say here (as I think it makes insinuations about people where you do not really know their exact situation), but obviously we are all entitled to our own opinions.
I didn't feel I misquoted you as I directly copied and pasted your statement into my post ? But if I did misconstrue something you said, I apologize as well.

The people I am referring to obviously are not even a close resemblance of your family. They are spending into the extreme

I guess it wasn't as obvious to me that this was what you were referring to when I read your statement at the beginning of this post. But again, I still don't feel any of us should make any sort of judgements regardless how things may look. I know it can be difficult but I try not to.

She would openly admit that if she really wanted to stay home, they could sell one car buy a smaller home, take smaller vacations, etc. etc. She would also admit that it is not worth that sacrafice to her.

And again, I feel not every working mom fits into this category either. We only have two cars. If I decided that being a SAHM would work for me, I still couldn't sell one of them. My dh uses the one for work and I'd refuse to be stranded at home without transportation. As an example, I'd need it to get kids to doctor appts and pick up from after school activities etc. Our home is already not big enough for the 5 of us so selling is not an option for us either. I trim the budget where I can, but no matter how I look at it, I still can't be a SAHM. Even if we gave up our vacations I couldn't.

If you are not the above described person I am not sure why you take issue.

Because I suppose I'm standing up for working moms in general as I work with lots of them. I work with a staff of 200 working moms in my unit and I've seen all kinds of reasons why women work. I just think there are certain prejudices and judgements made towards them as well as SAHM. So sorry if you can't understand this. I work with one mother of 5 kids who's dh is a subcontractor and she must work Full-time soley to provide health insurance to her family because dh is not covered being self-employed. They don't drive fancy cars or anything. I guess I just try not to judge because I can see issues that may not be readily visible to the outside world looking in. I just feel judgements made on either side are unfair and we all need to respect eachother and our choices.
I'll leave this be as well, and apologize if I interpreted your statements incorrectly. Maybe I was being a little defensive but this is probably due to things I've read and experiences I've had in the past. But I don't want this otherwise positive and supportive thread to disintegrate.

 

[hellow]

MiaSRN62: I think you and I must be soul sisters. I have read your posts and feel like you and I have experienced similar things while trying to be great moms and working outside the home. When I had to put my kids into daycare when they were younger, we only had one car and we lived in a small house (we now live in a mobile home so that we could have more "fun money"), I tried to keep my hours down so I could spend as much time with my kids as possible. At the same time, I knew some SAHMs who outright criticized me to my face because I was "leaving my kids for someone else to raise." Their comments hurt, but what infuriated me was their husbands had great jobs, they lived in really nice houses in the best neighborhoods, had nice cars and took regular vacations and had maids come in weekly.

We took NO vacations (except for a occasional weekend camping trip around our home) until my kids were in school because the daycare was so prohibitive. We now make enough with our jobs and with the kids out of daycare that we can enjoy our Disney trips.

I have never looked down on someone who wants to be a SAHM. But, I have always felt that a lot of them looked at me as a horrible mother for sending my kids to a daycare. I just want to say to them "take a walk in my shoes before you judge" or better yet, be happy with your decisions and let me make my own decisions for my family!

I don't mean for this to be an attack on anyone here on the boards, but more just a heads up that generalizations about ANYONE without knowing their complete financial/family situation can be hurtful.

 

[The Sorrentino's]

Well, I commend working moms because I cannot imagine having to work outside eight hours per day and then have to come home and do what I do each day as a SAHM in about 3 or 4 hours. Thumbs up to all of you.

I started thinking about going to college about six months after 9/11 and how that could have taken my husband away, but thankfully, due to a business trip I get to be with him every day. What if something happened to him where I was left to raise my children on my own and didn't have enough savings or enough life insurance or enough aid to get us by? I started to think about how dependent I am on my husband and if he were not here how would I make it from day to day. Some moms are saying that they sacrifice what they CAN have, like $35k cars sitting in their driveways, if they worked to stay home with their kids and I do undersstand that tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. The issue is about money and that's why most working mom's work to make a better life for their themselves and their children. I hope I got that out right.

My question is this: In that scenario, how do would you deal with this issue IF it were to occur? The "what ifs" or do you not think about it at all? Or maybe it's just my own personal thoughts.

Cadence

I guess I'm the only SAHM who thinks about this.

Cadence

 

[alisonbestford]

I guess I'm the only SAHM who thinks about this.

Cadence

I very much doubt that you are but things do have a tendancy to work out in, what seem at the time, terrible situations

DH has a terminal brain tumour and I had to stop working as a RG 5 years ago when DD was 1 yr old to care for him.
We went from me being the main (only) wage earner to relying on his disability benefits and the self employed wages he was well enough to earn

At the time I decided to take a University degree lasting 5 years as, hey, chances were he wouldn't be around by the time I finished it (medical opinion)and it'd give me more 'pulling power' to get a new job

Now I have to admit that the very thoughts Cadence is admitting to went through my head almost daily at first until I realised that there are no promises in life and the best thing to do was enjoy every last minute with my family

DH is still around, working when he can. Yes, I'm totally dependent on him as it's impossible for me to go out to work and leave him, I have my university degree and DD (6) is at school full time.
The thing that annoys me most are the number of people who ask why I haven't gone back to work now that DD is at school. It has to be because I can't be bothered.... Money's tight but we manage and still get to squeeze in WDW when we can (the house could do with a good bout of decorating and my wardrobe leaves a lot to be desired but what the heck! )
My point is, I guess, that whatever happens will happen anyway and, by worrying, you're spoiling the memories you can all share (I know I was )
Trust me, if this scenario occured, things would work out

 

[flagdaytwins]

So many interesting points on this topic - as I myself try to decide whether to work again as my girls are now three and I feel they need a change in scenery, if you know what I mean!

People tell me I am "lucky" to be able to stay home with my kids. I am not lucky. My husband and I worked hard for years to be able to live on one income - for the day when we started a family - so that ONE of us could stay home. Trust me, I wish it were HIM that was a SAH'er!

So....I only get angry when people stress the word lucky to me and that they wish they could stay home, but they are driving luxury cars and have a vacation home. Hmmm.

Tho I happen to be a wee envious of moms with careers who seem to be - and their family also - happy with their life decisions.

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

I get what you are saying and there is nothing argumentative about it. Don't say, "I wish I could stay home......" and then make choices that make that impossible. There is a huge sacrafice $$$ with cutting one income. We are probably an extreme case because of the age when we had our first and our really poor planning but when dd-10 was born we had no plans of me quitting. No plans that is until the night before I was to go back to work . Cried my eyes out and told dh I cannot leave this baby everyday. We sold both cars, bought a 12 year old Buick Regal with an awful oil leak and lived on a pretty consistent diet of beans and cornbread This was almost 11 years ago and with a total of 3 children and a truly God's providence in our life we are no longer cruising the streets with our Hooptie Car!

During the time my DH was in law school (I was 2 months pregnant with 1st DD on graduation day) it was Kraft macaroni with cheese and a can of green beans. Less than $1 for dinner!! And then we thought we were hot stuff buying a used Buick Lesabre! heehee

edited to add: (Maybe that's why my DD doesn't like my homemade mac and cheese and would rather have Kraft.........hmmmmmm...

You know, once I heard on the radio, a man was talking to his father about his own daughter turning 6 years old on her next birthday...........the grandfather said, congratulations, one third of your time with her is gone! What??!! The father said..........and the grandfather said, yep, one third of her time at home with you is gone.

Yikes!! When I heard that, I thought it gave a whole new meaning to what we do as parents and how little time we really have with them. I know.......they come back for a little during college, and maybe some get them for a few years more than that.......but for the most part we only get 18 years of living with them, like Tara was saying. When you think of it that way........it's not a lot of time.

 

[Camping Griswalds]

I guess I'm the only SAHM who thinks about this.

Cadence

I think about this too, but try not to often. DH is police officer...lots could happen. We just say, "I LOVE YOU." everyday before going off to work, and other days too of course. That way I know if the worst happens, even though we say it so much it might be routine, at LEAST we said it. So I"LL know that HE knows. That takes care of the emotional aspect, as far as finances, LIFE INSURANCE. We have a lot. We have three kids, I don't want any decision making to have to be about $$$. I too am insured in case something happens to me, so DH can not worry either. That planning was easy. Emotionally I'd be a wreck, but would have been when I worked full time too.

 

[nemomama]

I have definitely had to do things to make ends meet but because of my own experiences with childcare (I have worked daycare and preschool in some of the very best centers in our town) I still could never place any of mine in a facility like this. I know there are "great" centers but no matter what babies and toddlers are NEVER given the care they need there. This may stir the pot but truthfully there is a lack of honesty about this subject.

I have agreed with the majority of this thread and the posters seem to be geniunely wonderful caring mothers. I do think there are mothers who want to work, rather than need to work and they are afraid to say, "hey I love my job and I wouldn't quit no matter how much money I have". Instead they complain about how they "have" to work and how they "wish" they could stay home.

I'm going to have to disagree with you - you are absolutely incorrect in stating that "babies and toddlers are NEVER given the care they need there". How can you make such a strong generalization like that? You cannot speak for every single daycare, only the ones in your town. And if the children were "NEVER given the care they need", why were you even working there? There is definitely NOT a lack of honesty about "this subject" - just what are you trying to say?

This is exactly why threads like this always end up heated - people make blanket statements and it gets other people rightly annoyed.

I fortunately do not HAVE to work - I love my job and couldn't imagine my life without it! I have absolutely NO problem saying "hey I love my job and I wouldn't quit no matter how much money I have". Working is something that keeps ME happy and fulfilled. I would never lie and complain about how I "have" to work - I'm too proud of the fact that I really feel like I have it all - a wonderful family AND a wonderful career.

 

[txgirl]

I'm going to have to disagree with you - you are absolutely incorrect in stating that "babies and toddlers are NEVER given the care they need there". How can you make such a strong generalization like that? You cannot speak for every single daycare, only the ones in your town. And if the children were "NEVER given the care they need", why were you even working there? There is definitely NOT a lack of honesty about "this subject" - just what are you trying to say?

I fortunately do not HAVE to work - I love my job and couldn't imagine my life without it! I have absolutely NO problem saying "hey I love my job and I wouldn't quit no matter how much money I have". Working is something that keeps ME happy and fulfilled. I would never lie and complain about how I "have" to work - I'm too proud of the fact that I really feel like I have it all - a wonderful family AND a wonderful career.

Great for you! Talk to anyone who has cared for infants in a daycare facility. The places I worked were BEFORE I had children. Even then I knew that I could never put my babies in an environment where there needs to be held and cuddled could not possibly be met. You may have a differing opinion and thats fine but again I doubt you have cared for infants in a daycare environment.

I know for certain there are incredible childcare providers who are awesome caretakers and nurturers for both infants and children either in their home or a small church environment! BUT I am talking about daycare facilities for infants and toddlers that use the state guidelines for ratios. While some may disagree it will not change my stance or anything I said about this topic. I live 1300 miles away from where I first worked in a daycare (and I was 18 years old ) and now I hear and see the same issues here in VA with friends' babies and I am 33! That's a big distance and a lot of time. Babies don't change!

Have you ever watched a special where a mother gives birth to multiple babies? Have you noticed how they have tons of help with those babies? They have special rooms for them to sleep in (their bedrooms) and rooms for them to eat in (the kitchen) and rooms for them to play in. I suppose there are daycares with infant care that have all of these but I would assume that the majority of working mothers are not exposed to these. I have cared for infants and toddlers in my home, in daycare, in mothers-day-out programs and for countless friends and family. When you use the ratios that daycares use today in a room that includes 6 wk old infants I think there is a lack of honesty regarding daycare.

I had said I wouldn't be back to this thread but I couldn't hold back about this. Work if you choose, love your life ! That's fine by me. I will not however say that daycare is the best place for your infant!!!!

If you are the mother who says, "I love to work and I wouldn't quit no matter what" then GREAT! Read my post. I have been misunderstand over and over and over and over and over and over and over!

I am (was) stating that it is aggravating to have some say (note: someone has said this/I am not insinuating anything about someones life) "wow I wish I could stay home"

note: this wouldn't be you because you said you are happy working, so obviously this doesn't apply to you, correct?

ANYWAY-after this person says how they wish they could stay home or "aren't you lucky". They head to the nail salon/mall/you name it. They live in a house three times the size of mine. They drive two brand new vehicles.

You say, hey that's there business. Yes it is there business BUT-
I am not living on a wish or luck and if they wanted or "wished" as they say then why not make some choices that would AT LEAST provide the possibility of living on one income. My previous post was directed at people who say they want to stay home (again-not you, right?) but then make choices that EVEN THEY WOULD ADMIT keep that from happening.

nemomama-I am so glad you love your life. It's great that your childcare arrangement is working for you. I can tell you that I love babies soooo much and if I worked at the daycare where your kids are cared for I could not attend to them like I think they should be. I could not tend to my own babies like I think they should be. The environment does not allow for that but again I guess that is "MY OPINION".

Interesting how this thread began with a mother wondering if SAHM's ever got attitude. The only people giving me attitude here are WORKING MOMS!!!!

FLAME SUIT ON

 

[lovin'Mickey]

Interesting how this thread began with a mother wondering if SAHM's ever got attitude. The only people giving attitude here are WORKING MOMS!!!!

ouch...... that hurt....LOL .I have been on this thread and I do work ( part-time) and I also think that this is the USA where women can be and do whatever they want, however I think that it does not give us the authority to always judge anyone else's choice.
I understand about the neighbor you have saying she WISHED she could stay home. She should change way of life if she really wants this, however like you just stated if they do like working they should continue.I as a working mom was not offended by your first thread, however the last ones final thought was unfair ,,,,, there are a lot of working moms that have stated on this thred they enjoy working but respect SAHM's. So please do not sterotype us all together either....
We are all different and that is fine!!! thats what makes us such great women!!!!!!

 

[MiaSRN62]

The only people giving attitude here are WORKING MOMS!!!!

Wow, that is so unfair Txgirl (go back and reread ALL the posts).

You, yourself, are making blanketed/generalized statements about working moms that you shouldn't be making judgements about.
I work---don't "choose" to, but rather "have" to. Don't get nails or hair done, drive an older model car, my wardrobe consists of mostly jeans and tees maybe eat out once a month. Not living extravagantly by any stretch of the imagination ? You almost make it sound that all working moms just "choose" that lifestyle---like extenuating circumstances have nothing to do with this ? Not sure if this is your intention , but by some of the statements you've made it's coming across a bit like this. Noone here (working or SAH) can possibly know the detailed reasons why any woman does what she does to make her family situation work.
Obviously there is much to learn about each side of the fence. I won't say anymore than this because don't want this thread to go negative any more than it already has. Want to end on an uplifting note, that we should all support and try and understand eachother (working or SAH) & not make disguised judgements. Makes no difference what we do, as long as we are doing good by our families and we love our kids.

We are all different and that is fine!!! thats what makes us such great women!!!!!!

So true Denise !!!

 

[txgirl]

ouch...... that hurt....LOL .I have been on this thread and I do work ( part-time) and I also think that this is the USA where women can be and do whatever they want, however I think that it does not give us the authority to always judge anyone else's choice.
I understand about the neighbor you have saying she WISHED she could stay home. She should change way of life if she really wants this, however like you just stated if they do like working they should continue.I as a working mom was not offended by your first thread, however the last ones final thought was unfair ,,,,, there are a lot of working moms that have stated on this thred they enjoy working but respect SAHM's. So please do not sterotype us all together either....
We are all different and that is fine!!! thats what makes us such great women!!!!!!

didn't mean to stereotype I edited to say that the only people who have misunderstood my posts were working mothers. That has nothing to do with their opinion I'm sure. I was making a jest statement about the original question regarding attitude.

Maria, I can't understand why you take this personally. Each time you have read my post you defend your lifestyle and choices. I very obviously have stated the mother I am talking about is making choices that make staying home impossible for their family. She has even admitted that they would have to cut back on the extravagant spending, which is something she doesn't want to do. I doubt this is the only woman in the world who has made this sort of statement and AGAIN the original post is "do you get attitude about being a stay at home mom?" and I am referring to this "attitude" that I sometimes get. I thought that was what the thread was about?
I am friends with countless women who have full-time jobs away from home and I have no issue with a mother choosing work or home.

Sorry for the angry rebuttal. I thought I was a fairly good communicator but I am apparently failing miserably here.

 

[KirstenB]

This is such a complex issue. I've been on both sides of it, and I have to say that for us it's impossible to be black or white about it. I'm currently a SAHM, but I guarantee you that the closer college tuition for the kids comes, the quicker my behind will be behind a desk again! Or if something happens to dh, God forbid, etc, etc. On the flip side of that, when I was working, if something had happened to our dd, and she needed me to stay at home to take care of her, we would have adapted to make that change too.

My point is, that I know very few people who will choose to be SAHMs, or working Mom's their entire lives. Life can change in the blink of an eye, and I know that any decision I make on this subject is temporary and always subject to change. I truly feel for single Mom's, because I feel they rarely if ever get the choices I'm priveleged to have.

 

[MiaSRN62]

Maria, I can't understand why you take this personally. Each time you have read my post

Txgirl,
Honestly, the ONLY reason I responded in my last post was due to your statement of :

The only people giving attitude here are WORKING MOMS!!!!

Had it not been for that (which I found a very unfair statement if you actually go back and read ALL the posts on both sides), I would not have said a word.........
I just don't honestly see any reason to be making comments about working moms who make excuses that they have to work and then turn around and live lavish lifestyles ? Sure this happens. BUT, you can't say that there aren't SAHM out there who make excuses NOT to work (when they're really in a situation where they should) ? My sil was one of them for years. Her and her dh gradually began to drown in bills and had to declare bankruptcy and all based on the fact she didn't feel like working. She didn't have to use day care either. She had a night time position in a supermarket but didn't feel like giving up her sleep to do this even part-time. I even volunteered and watched my niece for her during the day on my days off so she could get some Zzzz's. Did this right in her house. She gave up altogether after a few months. Then she tried working at home---said she got bored and couldn't concentrate and gave that up. My bil used to vent about this to my dh (they're brothers). Another one of my sil's (I have 5 all together) also made excuses not to work and one of their cars was repo'd a few years ago. It was only after that, she decided to go back to work. My one sil would always snidely say to me about our yearly vacations to WDW, "wow....must be nice to be able to go every year" (very snidely). But ya know what......I could say I work my tail off outside the house all year (and gave up practically all sleep for a decade) and manage to get all the home stuff done as well. I didn't feel this was a lavish lifestyle choice considering dh and I both worked. But then this would just get SAHM's in a defensive mode and why do that ? There's no point to it. But there are always two sides to every story.
This thread had been so positive and supportive. Obviously not all SAHM are like my 2 sil's. Just as probably the majority of working moms aren't like the ones you mentioned in your examples.
Nothing negative should be said against SAHM or working moms in this thread.....there are just WAY too many variables and details we don't know about. Why list examples that put working moms in a poor light ? I don't see the point ? I don't see working moms doing this about SAHM's here in this thread ? I am friends with many SAHM's in my neighborhood. I fully respect that they can make it work. They always seem to be able to go on vacations----sometimes 2 or 3 a year. Some of them have gardeners who do their landscaping, some drive brand new cars----just can't figure out how they can afford it, but more power to 'em. I can tell you, if I didn't work, we wouldn't even be taking 1 vacation a year (and we mow our own lawn ).
So you ask why I'm taking it personally Txgirl? I guess the above pretty much sums up my thoughts and feelings. I just think it's too easy to point fingers and say negative things about other's lifestyles. And I fully understand you're not talking about all working moms. BUT, rather, we should be ALL pulling together and finding POSITIVE things to support eachother in what we do as moms on both sides of the fence.

 

[hellow]

Now that we have come to discussing negatives of daycare, I thought I would send the conversation in a different direction. I had my kids in daycare, although when they were very young they stayed with Gramma or I was home on an extended maternity leave (had twins the second time around). I tried really hard to keep my hours down while the kids were young and not in school (20 to 30 hours per week). But, I do sometimes wonder if there have been any negative consequences from them being there. They are all teenagers now, and have turned out to be pretty responsible, social and academically strong individuals. However, I know that what is on the outside isn't always what is on the inside.

I do ask them if they ever felt abandoned or uncared for because I work. They tell me that they usually had fun going to daycare and didn't think it was a big deal. They really enjoyed going to high school and reconnecting with a lot of the kids that they went to daycare with. Amazingly, the kids they were friends with in daycare have become their good friends in High School! They reminisce and share photos of them together when they were all in daycare together.

We will never know if the choices we made for our kids was right until they are adults. But that is true for kids who have had stay at home moms too. A close relative of mine home-schooled and stayed at home with her kids their whole lives, and they now have a 17-year old son who has been arrested multiple times and is currently in drug rehab. Go figure.

Since our kids are really the "first generation" to have been brought up where many families had two parents who work outside the home, time will tell. I'm curious to hear from other moms or dads who have had their kids in daycare if they see, or their kids tell them that going to a daycare has affected them negatively. In my own situation, the daycare my kids went to was great for them. As they got older, and started in elementary school, we had them go to the Boys & Girls Club after school and they didn't like that. I think it was because they went from a small school to a huge Club where tons of kids were gathering and it was a little overwhelming. Luckily, my husband and I were able to stagger our work hours so that my husband got them off to school while I went in to work early so I was able to pick them up from school. Other than that I never noticed any daycare arrangements that seemed to have negative affects. Finding a good place for the kids to go after school seemed more difficult than finding care for them when they were young.

Anyone else care to share their thoughts?

 

[The Sorrentino's]

I do ask them if they ever felt abandoned or uncared for because I work. They tell me that they usually had fun going to daycare and didn't think it was a big deal. They really enjoyed going to high school and reconnecting with a lot of the kids that they went to daycare with. Amazingly, the kids they were friends with in daycare have become their good friends in High School! They reminisce and share photos of them together when they were all in daycare together.

My two oldest started school, outside, at ages eight and now, I'm going to send my younger two into school earlier than expected because they want to go. They want to go to "real" school and they gave me so many reasons why and my DH had given me a lot of good reasons too so as soon as we found out we were moving I started a search for a good school. They are very happy to be going to school in August. My son loved spending his last two summers at the Manhattan YMCA and the people there were great.

As far as daycare, I never did it because I decided to stay at home and I thought the safest place was my home and to have a pre-K teacher come in and work with our kids would make a world of a difference. If my kids couldn't talk, then they were not ready for anything outside. I know what kind of schools I attended in Brooklyn/the bad daycares and I was not going to send my kids to school if I didn't have to, but the private schools in Manhattan are the best in the City so I think I should have. Also, my SIL has 4 month old now and she sends him to this daycare in Manhattan that is unbelievable. The place is expensive, but the curriculum for the babies and toddlers is like "WOW" (babies have a curriculum?). I wonder if "location" has anything to do with the "quality" and the "attitudes" of the childcare providers? I often wonder.

Homeschooled children vs. Schooled children...I've done both and I think my kids are OK

Cadence

 

[hellow]

Hi Cadence:

I think you are right that location has a lot to do with the quality of daycare. If you are in a larger town/city, there are some options and you can get your kids into a better place. We live in a small town (about 50K) but it is also a college town so there is a strong "education" presence. I think that because we live in a small town we have been able to keep in contact with the same kids so long (and also the teachers at the daycare).

When we first had kids, we felt like we should avoid daycares like the plague, but in the end found it worked out really well for us. It was a Christian daycare, and I think a lot of the women felt a real calling for caring for the kids and it showed.

By the way, did you change your signature? Did you just find out you are having twins, or did I just not read it correctly before? WOW! I stand in awe!