I was asked a odd question and it made me think.....

[mudnuri]

Yesterday I was talking to my XSIL, who is in the middle of a divorce from my XBIL. I had to sign off on some community service papers for her son whose required to perform 10 hours of community service each year of high school, and he did them with me at the Rec Center.

My understanding, though I try to stay out of it, is that her divorce is not going so well. Seems they cant agree on anything.

She says to me in the middle of our conversation...."just how do you and X still get along?"

I didnt know really what to say. We have never fought, or argued we just grew down 2 different roads that were miles apart from one another. We agreed mutually that we were not destined to be together, and not matter how many hours before a shrink we spent, our 2 roads would never meet.

I looked at her and said "well I think its because when we argue or fight, the only 2 people it hurts are the girls".....

She has 2 girls and 1 boy, the youngest girl, is DD9's age, she has slept an entire night in room room 3x since June 1st...she is filled with anxiety, fear etc. She has attempted to sleep over both here and at my X's house (which she has done NUMEROUS times before in her 9 years) and has yet to accomplish that yet. About 2am she wakes with terrible nightmares, which require a call to mom to come get her. No amount of consoling, holding, hugging helps.....

I never really thought of it before, but is it really that odd that 2 people can spend 13 years together, have 2 beautitful daughters and remember to put the girls first and keep attitudes out of it? To us, its seems like second nature....

Brandy

 

[ASFCurly]

I just think that it depends on the people, I know people that got divorced and can still talk and be civil. But my parents got divorced 13 years ago, and they only times they have talked since were when they were yelling at each other, it didn't matter that they had 3 kids, they just made me, as the oldest all of 12 when they got divorced, the go between,

 

[Stitchfans]

Funny you asked that question. I was just talking to two different friends about that. Yesterday my one girlfriend told me I was so weird because I am still friendly with my ex MIL and with some of my ex's family. She says she thinks I am misleading him. He still after all these years still has feeling for me. I am happily remarried and he never remarried. He has been living with a woman all these years.

My ex and I get along better now then when we were married. I must admit when we were married I was afraid of him and he was a control freak with a bad temper. I have grown now and tell him were to go when he tries to start controling me again. He still controls our DD24 and I often step in to stop that too.

Sorry back onto the subject. Well my other girlfriend this morning said she didn't see anything odd or weird with my relationship with my ex's family. We have always been close and I like them. They have made it clear that they like me more than his girlfriend. (poor soul has a drinking problem and is a nasty drunk)

I guess it is true like ASF Curly said it depends on the people.

 

[Freyja]

Just wanted to applaude you for remembering to always put your girls first. Although I am not divorced, I know many divorced couples, and it always seems to astound me how childish people can become one the divorce is final.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I am sure there are people who can do it, but I am sure there are many wh are more self-centered.

 

[jrydberg]

Common sense is all too uncommon.

 

[aprincessmom]

I made a promise to myself that the emotional welfare of my daughter would be a primary focus no matter what it took from the moment I had her. It's part of my job as a parent to protect and nuture her, to make sure she not only hears she is valued and loved, but that she feels it as well. I don't understand how divorce changes that part of my "job" as a parent. My ex doesn't necessarily put DD first...but then he never did when we were married so I knew not to expect it when we divorced.

 

[Beth76]

My husband's friend is in the middle of a divorce and they have 2 kids. At first everything was going very smoothly, the whole thing was uncontested. I thought that was very strange considering the circumstances around the reason for the divorce. Well, as it turned out his wife didn't know the same set of circumstances that we knew. When she found out, the fit hit the shan and it is no longer contested. And I have to say I don't blame her. Now, I haven't had an update for a couple of weeks, so I don't know how things are going now.