I think my daughter might have or on the verge of having an eating disorder :(

[Gabes_mommy]

to you OP.

You are definitely doing the right thing by being attentive and caring. That may sound trivial, but so many parents are in such denial about their kids that they ignore this kind of thing.

One of my co-workers was having major issues with her teen DD this summer. They decided to go to counseling together. The DD was very against it and angry but after a few sessions the DD began to enjoy it and started asking to go alone for private sessions. Things have much improved in their situation.

Definitely think about counseling - even if your DD is against it at first, it could be very helpful in her life right now.

 

[shortbun]

I know you will get a LOT of responses here about 'take her to doctor right away' ect.
I would offer this advice to try first.

Try the ' Hey, DD, I noticed that you seem to be eating healthier ( said with a smile )
Since I'm doing most of the cooking, is there anything I can do to help?
Frankly, I'd like to start eating healthier too, but i'm concerned about getting enough nutrition ect.
I'd be more than happy to help you along, or even join in ( this heathier eating ) if you let me know what sort of diet you are on or what your goals are......'

I will bet dollars to donuts that you will get more info out of her this way than if you do the
' Listen, we all love you and are concerned about your health and the dangers that accompany...blah, blah, blah...'

Women with anorexia will do anything to hide it from loved ones. There are actually websites/blogs just for them to support each other and give ideas for avoiding family members. One of them is called 'the Goddess Ana.' No kind of sideways or tricky approach will food them if they are deeply rooted in this mental health disease. Seek the help of a professional for what to do next OP and don't pussyfoot around it by trying to fake her out. She sounds like she has gone too far already, hiding uneaten food and lying about what she's eating.

 

[cabanafrau]

I couldn't just read this without offering a worried mom a . I have zero help to offer beyond, work with your DD's doc & get recommendations wherever you can about medical professionals/psychological professionals who have success treating this type of thing. I'd recommend seeking out support groups for you and your DH, too.

I'd sincerely love to see an update from you in a few months that your DD is gaining control over the situation & back on the road to recovery! Very best of luck to all of you.

 

[ProgressCity]

(You've been warned, this is going to be long!)

Op, I'd like to share 2 things with you, hopefully they'll help you or anyone else reading this thread with the same fears.

When I was in high school I had some health problems. I started throwing up every now and then legitimately. However, I started to realize that I was losing weight. I felt so out of control during this time in my life and I'm a control freak when it comes to my own life. I was sick a lot and I felt like my body had betrayed me. Then as I noticed I was losing weight I started making myself throw up. The weight kept coming off and I felt great, I finally had control of my body back! I wouldn't binge and purge, I'd just eat and then go throw up. I started eating less and less as well. Did my personality change? Of course. It wasn't drastic, but deep down (unconsciously) you know it's not right or normal to be throwing up everything you've been eating and chronically doing something wrong does wear on you.

No one at school noticed a difference in me other than some lost weight, or at least they didn't say anything (teenagers are very self-obsessed and are therefore not the most observant). I was a great student, straight A's in all AP classes (someone you'd think is smart enough to not be doing this to herself), I was in sports, orchestra, debate, an officer in a few school clubs, etc. Eating disorders don't discriminate and they don't play off the logical part of the brain, they can affect anyone, anywhere, in any walk of life.

I went from a size 12 to a size 2. It eventually got to the point to where you could count all my ribs from the front and back. Eventually my mom caught it (I think she was in denial for awhile, she was always on me about my weight and wanted me to be thinner, she was so ecstatic when I got to a size 2 and started bragging to her friends about it ). She confronted me about it and made me eat dinner and breakfast at the table every day and made me sit there and do homework or whatever until it was so long after I'd eaten that I wouldn't be able to throw up (throwing up has always been extremely painful for me so I could only do it if it was right after eating and my mom knew this). For me this is all it took.

It was hard to stop and I hated my mother for taking away the one bit of control I felt I had in my life. I saw her as just trying to be controlling herself (she is quite the control freak). However, if she hadn't gotten me to quit I probably never would have. After that I graduated and started dating the guy I'd eventually marry and I was smart enough to be upfront with him about it so he was always on the lookout for signs (I still didn't feel 100% confident in my ability to stop yet). He constantly cooked for me and kept an eye on me after eating. Now I'm heavier than I've ever been (definitely overweight) and yes I wish I was at a healthier weight, but I feel more beautiful than ever, and that comes from the inside (why couldn't I get to this stage of my life when I was a teenager and slim I'll never know, I'm too young to say it, but youth is wasted on the young ).

So, based on my experience I'd recommend confronting your daughter. You might try talking to your doctor or to a support group to get advice. One thing is certain though, if she does have an eating disorder she's not just going to wake up one day and decide to quit, and even if she does I wouldn't risk it because it could be in hospital bed that she eventually comes to that realization.

It's also important to note that eating disorders have long term effects on health, and the longer you have the disorder the worse the effects. Women who have had bulimia, no matter how long ago, are at significantly higher risk for birth defects in their children. That shocked me! Anytime I start to stress about weight in an unhealthy way, I remind myself of that, throwing up doesn't just hurt me, it hurts my future baby. I'm sure there are similar stats for anorexia. I also believe that it's like being an alcoholic, it's not something you completely cure, it's something you always have to be mindful of.

Now the second thing. This could be a lot of things, depression, eating disorder, or just a health issue. My little brother started eating a lot less and lost a lot of weight. After a lot of tests they've determined that the (excuse my lack of medical knowledge here) flap that closes off the stomach from the esophagus doesn't shut so whenever he eats his stomach forces the food back up.

The best thing to do is get her to a doctor. Let her know that you're concerned and that she's going to be getting help until she's at a healthy weight again and maintains it. If she really is fine like she says it won't take long for her to be back to normal and maintain it.

It's important to know that your daughter may have an eating disorder and she really believes in her conscious mind that she doesn't. I didn't believe it in myself for a long time. When she tells you she's fine, she might truly feel that way.

Anyway, something's wrong and it's best to get an accurate assessment and diagnosis. If it were me I'd talk to her about it before taking her to the doctor. If you bring it up with her at the doctor's for the first time, it would feel to me like airing dirty laundry in public. Let her get a grasp on the fact that you think something is wrong first before bombarding her at the doctor's, that will embarrass and overwhelm her and in my opinion make things worse.

This is all just my opinion based on experience I'm not an expert and don't pretend to be. Getting professional help is best and if it is nothing, just the paranoid worryings of a concerned parent, I don't know a professional in the world who wouldn't think you did the right thing by coming to them anyway, they won't think you're wasting their time . This is serious stuff and your DD is so lucky she has a mother that pays that close attention to her.

Here's a for you and a for you and your daughter. Good luck and please keep us updated. It hurts me to think of any girls going through this.

 

[Jane Doe]

Thanks everyone - I found some letters that my DD has written to my deceased grandmother. She has kept them in a box under her bed. They have confirmed my suspicions 100%.

We now have to take the next step with her, whatever that is. DH & I are sick over this right now. I will update when I can.

 

[d1sneyf4n]

This was me when I was a senior in high school. When I was a freshman in college I weighed 87lbs at 5'4. I would not eat to much and I would exercise way to much. No one could help me except for myself. If you have any questions and I know I was not of much help right now but please feel free to PM me. I am more the willing to answer any questions you have.

 

[disneymarie]

Mom {{{{HUGS}}}}
This is serious it is not just weight loss it is the behavioral changes, all the signs you are collecting.

There needs to be professional help ASAP.
As a minor I would start at the GYN and as for weight differences. If the doctor noted any and was the situation disccused at that time.

Rule out medical issues, the fainting,
She is having medical problems from the way she is treating her body,
She has to click that the insides crapping out don't do a bit of good to how the outside looks.

There are particulary was to address this sooner then later. Many times the most effective are in patient. There is a lot put into the program then eating..
Better to have it now then when she IS 18 and has a say....

We just had a benefit in our area for a deceased high school girl that passed away from this emotional problem. Organ failure.
I am sending hugs and prayers, get the family on board and talk to someone that had these issues.....

 

[C.Ann]

I have zero experience with this, but just from your first post, it doesn't sound good at all and I can see why you are concerned..

I can't help, but I can wish you luck and give you this:

 

[MomTo4+more]

I stumbled across this and wondered how it is going with your dd. if she is struggling with an eating disorder, maybe my experience can help you understand how she might feel.

I battle anorexia. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 and a freshman in college. I spent two months in the hospital that summer getting to a healthy weight. It is something I have struggled with from time to time even though that was 20 years ago.

In the depths of an eating disorder (ED for short), there is a negative "voice" that continually whispers and often shouts at the person. This ED voice will take almost anything and turn it around to a negative. A simple comment becomes a judgement. "You look good" = "You are gaining weight. You must be getting fat." This ED voice makes you believe you can never do enough, never be good enough, never succeed. The same voice that makes you feel strong and successful at something when you restrict (starve) convinces you that you don't deserve to eat if you get to a point you might want to.

There is a high that comes from starving. It makes you feel like you have lots of energy - until you crash. Feelings are muted with an ED. When you start to eat again, they start to come back and often feel overwhelming. They feel to big, out of control. Restricting turns it all off again.

Have you looked at her on-line history? As a previous poster mentioned, there are plenty of pro-ana sites. There are thinspiration sites and songs on youtube. These sites can help keep a person with an ED "triggered" or in their ED. They could give you good information, but be warned that they may be difficult to look at. Some of these sites promote a red beaded bracelet usually with dragonflies to represent being pro-ana and a blue beaded bracelet for pro-mia (bulimia).

I hope that things are improving or that you at least have a sense of direction now. Feel free to PM mee if you want.

 

[bananda]

OP, i dont know much aout eating disorders, so i have nothing to say about that part of your post except that i sorry and really hope your daughter gets the help she needs and comes through this soon.

the thing that struck me was that you said she was losing height. it could be a curvature of her spine. this could be caused by poor posture or a calcium deficiency or something else. it might be a good idea to take her to a physiotherapist

 

[Jane Doe]

I have been meaning to update this thread............

Again, thanks for all your responses and the stories of your own experiences.

While things didn't play out as I had anticipated, everything is going well for her. One evening at dinner she at a minimal amount. DH began talking to her about her not eating well. Of course, she adamantly denied that she wasn't eating.

We ended having a long conversation with her, which was not the way I wanted to approach things, but it did seem to make an impression on her. We told her we loved her, we cared about her & she could talk to us about anything. We told her that we were more than willing to have her speak with someone about this. There were tears from us all during the conversation.

She also had seen both her pediatrician & gynecologist after the conversation who told her she was a healthy weight and was doing a good job maintaining this weight.

Bottom line.............she has been eating very well. She is maintaining a healthy weight. She'll sit down & have a snack with us on the weekends or in the evenings if we have one. She eats well at meal time & I haven't found evidence of hidden food again. She is that happy kid again that she always was. The mood swings are gone (of course except for the occasional normal teen moods!!!)

Thanks again for all your responses. We are still keeping a close eye on her, but at this point she seems to be doing well.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Just wanted to offer

 

[nikkistevej]

Glad things are going better.

 

[Ember]

I have nothing helpful to add. But I wanted to say that I think you are a GREAT parent. So many times things like this fall though the cracks because nobody notices them. The fact that you are aware and seeking help speaks volumes about you. I doubt the future is going to be easy, but your daughter is blessed to have someone like you in her life.