I think I just became "that" parent.

[1stluvispooh]

I learned the hard way that the best way to get anything accomplished is to get the principal involved. I think it shows that you are an involved parent. Are old principal would fold like a house of cards if you told him you were have tried xyz with this teacher and this is what is best for my child.

I feel your pain.

 

[ilovejack02]

Meeting over , it went very well.

I did not have alot of questions, just really wanted to know play by play what DS was doing or not doing in class.


Teachers were very nice and very happy that we want to get on top of this as soon as possible. Apologized to the teachers for being insistent on meeting so quickly, but they didn't seem bothered one bit . Principle offered to keep DS in office but we wanted him with us , so he hears what the teachers say. I want him to know we know exactly what he is doing and if I have to visit weekly to get a report I will.

I am glad I got in so quickly. Problems are much deeper then what actual reports say , which I had a feeling about. They were actually going easy on him and not giving him as many marks as they could have.

Basically he is playing, not paying attention , daily doesn't have class materials and is disruptive in every class .

Today I will have to get a game plan together on how to help get him in line. I don't expect perfection, but he needs to get with the program.

Teachers did mention that he is one of the youngest in class, as I had feared. They realize this and say most likely this is a maturity issue. I know 8 should be the norm for 3rd grade, but in our area if kiddos have a late birthday , parents don't hesitate to hold a child home one more year. Looks like we have a 3rd grade full of late birthdays.

Nothing mentioned about ADD , not to concerned about that for now. We are only 2 weeks in, if by mid year he hasnt improved after implementing whatever plan I come up with , then we will look at other options.

They say they can tell he is smart and he gets along with the other kids. Glad to hear that , I hate for him to have friend issues on top of all of the other stuff.

Lets hope we can get through the year with minimal tears LOL.

As far as the report yesterday and my thoughts about it. I didnt discuss it with her of course, it was just my impression she was angry and looks like she was . He was AWFUL in her class and she spent quite a bit of time correcting him. He was supposed to be working on a group project for two days and by end of class yesterday they had nothing done. She was fed up and I would have been too if I was in her shoes.

Now to figure out how to get him on track, this should be interesting.

 

[Pembo]

Please don't disregard the idea of ADHD. The teachers can't mention it by law but you may want to discuss it with your pediatrician. Or at the very least read up on it. Your son may not have ADHD but his behavior sounds like a lot of adhd behaviors.

Reading up on it may also help you and his teachers find strategies that will help him achieve. And please don't punish him at home for what happens at school. The teachers need to handle his behavior. All you can do is support them and give your son positive feedback and help for his behaviors.

I have a very bright son who had a lot of the same probs that you describe. My son is adhd and we do treat it with medicine. It has made a world of difference.

I also have a son with a late birthday and maturity has never been an issue with behavior.

Best of luck to you...

 

[ilovejack02]

Please don't disregard the idea of ADHD. The teachers can't mention it by law but you may want to discuss it with your pediatrician. Or at the very least read up on it. Your son may not have ADHD but his behavior sounds like a lot of adhd behaviors.

Reading up on it may also help you and his teachers find strategies that will help him achieve. And please don't punish him at home for what happens at school. The teachers need to handle his behavior. All you can do is support them and give your son positive feedback and help for his behaviors.

I have a very bright son who had a lot of the same probs that you describe. My son is adhd and we do treat it with medicine. It has made a world of difference.

I also have a son with a late birthday and maturity has never been an issue with behavior.

Best of luck to you...

I am not sure what I will do . He needs help remembering how to behave and consequences for your actions help with this. Rewards will also be a part of this, everyone needs praise and a high five when they are doing well. I am going to have to get tough with a schedule , tv and computer time will be limited , which can't be bad for any child .

I have ADD so I don't discount the idea, but will not run out the door to get him tested until we try a few things first. I think giving him until the holidays is the way I will go and if no improvement then talk to the ped.

Even if he is diagnosed in the future with ADD , if he misbehaves in school there will still be consequences . It is not the teachers job to be the only ones to deal with his behavior, it is my job too .

FOr now I am thinking of maybe putting some sort of laminated card in his booksack and cubbie and inside his notebooks with reminders of what he needs for his classes and a reminder to focus etc.

I will look around online to get ideas for a behavior chart at home.

 

[Nancyg56]

I wish you good luck. My oldest, now 35, was one of the youngest children in his class. He struggled for years in school, he was very bright but he was not mature enough to stay focussed on the study materials. Looking back, I wished I had given him the extra year so that he was emotionally ready for classes. Back then keeping children back when they were old enough to start school was frowned upon but I believe he would have thrived if he had been given that opportunity.

I would encourage you to look at the next few years and how your son will adapt as you create your plan. The difference in his maturity level may impact him for the next few years.

 

[Tiger926]

DS birthday is Aug 6, I put him in a half day private kinder the year he turned 5 as I knew he wasn't ready maturity wise to attend full day. By end of year he had learned alot but maturity wise while had gotten better, still had a long road to go by end of May.

Aug 6 when he turned 6 years old and I put him in full day kinder at public school . He was rotten , couldn't keep his hands off kids, keeps his mouth shut and told the teacher she was fired because she annoyed him. Principle called me, I cried for days , talked to lots of friends and family and finally moved him. He blossomed and had no issues keeping up with the kids and made lots of friends.

So yes at 8 years old he should be in the 3rd grade, but if I would have held him back he would only be in 2nd.

I can't second guess all this now , we just have to get him through this year. If it is a bumpy road we can talk at the end of year to hold him back if need be. Right now I need him to relax and get into routine so he can learn and the others around him can learn.

I spoke at length with my best friend who is a 2nd grade teacher and our boys are all in the same school system. She agrees I need to hop on this because it is def out of Jack's character , but she recommends I bring a muffin basket tomorrow also LOL. So off to the local deli before I go to school : ).

Thanks for the explanation, but this is definitely not skipping a grade. Skipping an entire grade is such that the child is ahead academically and cognitively that they skip over to the next grade. So, if your son was 8 in grade 4, then this would be showing a skip as he would have gone from Kindergarten to Gr. 2, bypassing Gr. 1. It sounds like kindergarten is not mandatory where you live, same as here. Just as point of comparison - my DD was 6 in Gr. 1, and was 5 in Senior Kindergarten (we have Junior and Senior here). I firmly believe this does make a difference because I don't want you to get caught up on the fact that he has skipped a grade, when in fact, he has not. I"m not wanting you to second guess this decision at all, but I think it makes for a different mindset in terms of what to do from this point forward, because based on this new info, this behaviour is not new, as he has manifested it before, so it's not out of character at all. This makes for a whole different discussion. You seem like a very dedicated and supportive parent, and this will go so far in helping your son.

Meeting over , it went very well.

I did not have alot of questions, just really wanted to know play by play what DS was doing or not doing in class.


Teachers were very nice and very happy that we want to get on top of this as soon as possible. Apologized to the teachers for being insistent on meeting so quickly, but they didn't seem bothered one bit . Principle offered to keep DS in office but we wanted him with us , so he hears what the teachers say. I want him to know we know exactly what he is doing and if I have to visit weekly to get a report I will.

I am glad I got in so quickly. Problems are much deeper then what actual reports say , which I had a feeling about. They were actually going easy on him and not giving him as many marks as they could have.

Basically he is playing, not paying attention , daily doesn't have class materials and is disruptive in every class .

Today I will have to get a game plan together on how to help get him in line. I don't expect perfection, but he needs to get with the program.

Teachers did mention that he is one of the youngest in class, as I had feared. They realize this and say most likely this is a maturity issue. I know 8 should be the norm for 3rd grade, but in our area if kiddos have a late birthday , parents don't hesitate to hold a child home one more year. Looks like we have a 3rd grade full of late birthdays.

Nothing mentioned about ADD , not to concerned about that for now. We are only 2 weeks in, if by mid year he hasnt improved after implementing whatever plan I come up with , then we will look at other options.

They say they can tell he is smart and he gets along with the other kids. Glad to hear that , I hate for him to have friend issues on top of all of the other stuff.

Lets hope we can get through the year with minimal tears LOL.

As far as the report yesterday and my thoughts about it. I didnt discuss it with her of course, it was just my impression she was angry and looks like she was . He was AWFUL in her class and she spent quite a bit of time correcting him. He was supposed to be working on a group project for two days and by end of class yesterday they had nothing done. She was fed up and I would have been too if I was in her shoes.

Now to figure out how to get him on track, this should be interesting.

Thanks for updating us. I am concerned when you say that problems are far deeper...what kinds of problems, if you don't mind sharing? I would also highly recommend dealing with the ADHD now. There is no point in waiting - if you wait too long, you may see bigger problems. Talk to your pediatrician, and see what he/she recommends. But, there is no harm in treating your son like he has ADHD - daily reminders, schedules, consistent discipline, etc., will go a long way in helping him get through the day.

The late birthday thing that happens in the States, just stuns me. Why do parents get to decide to hold kids back? What is the purpose of this? I'm not sure how parents deciding on classroom placement is helpful at all? I don't get it...regardless of that, nothing can be done. You need to focus on your son, and regardless of whether he is one of the youngest shouldn't matter, if his teachers are aware of his needs. Maturity is a difficult thing at that age...and when children have ADHD or LD for example, they are usually at least 1 grade level, and sometimes 2 grade levels below in terms of maturity. This is something to consider as well, as it will help you and the teachers work on a program that suits your son's needs best.

Best of luck to you and your son - I hope this is a wonderful school year for both of you!

Tiger

 

[ilovejack02]

I wish you good luck. My oldest, now 35, was one of the youngest children in his class. He struggled for years in school, he was very bright but he was not mature enough to stay focussed on the study materials. Looking back, I wished I had given him the extra year so that he was emotionally ready for classes. Back then keeping children back when they were old enough to start school was frowned upon but I believe he would have thrived if he had been given that opportunity.

I would encourage you to look at the next few years and how your son will adapt as you create your plan. The difference in his maturity level may impact him for the next few years.

It may come to holding him back , which I would want to do sooner than later. It isn't anything I will discuss with teachers till end of year. My thoughts on it now, are it might be a good thing if he doesn't mature much over the year, but since he seems to grasp the lessons easily even with not paying attention , what do you do with a child that just needs another year to mature , but already knows what has been taught for the year ?

No need to get ahead of myself now , just need to focus on getting the rest of this week and next . : )

My oldest is 21 , we didn't have behavior issues, we had not wanting to do homework issues, in fact a battle every night but never disruptive in school . I think his plan was to blend in and stay out of teachers range lol, so he was very very quiet at all times.

 

[SLM]

I'm glad your meeting went so well-you are on top things and I'm sure things will improve. There is a new book some of my friends are reading for a grad class on the differences in the ways boys and girls learn-I'm anxious to read it myself. One of the examples-if two girls have a disagreement appealing to their feelings works..how would you feel if Mary did such and such? With boys it is more action oriented...what would you do if Billy called you a name? It has to do with brain development-even where boys sit in class-they should be in the front-matters. If anyone is interested, I'll get the title and post the info.

 

[ilovejack02]

Thanks for updating us. I am concerned when you say that problems are far deeper...what kinds of problems, if you don't mind sharing? I would also highly recommend dealing with the ADHD now. There is no point in waiting - if you wait too long, you may see bigger problems. Talk to your pediatrician, and see what he/she recommends. But, there is no harm in treating your son like he has ADHD - daily reminders, schedules, consistent discipline, etc., will go a long way in helping him get through the day.


Tiger

As far as why kids are allowed to be held back etc or moved forward, we are told over and over children with late birthdays tend to be less mature and the maturity issues catch up with them the higher the grade in school.

I think you are right, daily reminders , schedules , discipline etc is the way to go. I think he needs to see it in writing and we need to get on a good consistent schedule . With one at home , who does his homework easily and with in an hour or so, though it could be less , we don't have much of a schedule except dinner time and bed time.

I will fix that this week.

Far deeper problems , nothing mental , but def his talking and disrupting class was far more than the information I received at home. Thank goodness he is a sweet kid , because it is prob the only thing keeping him from being "that kid" LOL to his teachers. They really do seem to like him , which is a good thing. It won't be like that for long though if we can't get a handle on it.

I promise I will discuss ADD with DR, but now this is the way I am going to handle things. Most likely before I see Ped , I will go back to teachers and find out what they think. I would like them to get to know him a little better too, before they have to start filling out forms etc.

 

[ilovejack02]

I'm glad your meeting went so well-you are on top things and I'm sure things will improve. There is a new book some of my friends are reading for a grad class on the differences in the ways boys and girls learn-I'm anxious to read it myself. One of the examples-if two girls have a disagreement appealing to their feelings works..how would you feel if Mary did such and such? With boys it is more action oriented...what would you do if Billy called you a name? It has to do with brain development-even where boys sit in class-they should be in the front-matters. If anyone is interested, I'll get the title and post the info.

Thanks , that sounds like something I need to read .

 

[Tiger926]

I'm glad your meeting went so well-you are on top things and I'm sure things will improve. There is a new book some of my friends are reading for a grad class on the differences in the ways boys and girls learn-I'm anxious to read it myself. One of the examples-if two girls have a disagreement appealing to their feelings works..how would you feel if Mary did such and such? With boys it is more action oriented...what would you do if Billy called you a name? It has to do with brain development-even where boys sit in class-they should be in the front-matters. If anyone is interested, I'll get the title and post the info.

It's probably Boys and Girls Learn Differently by Micheal Guerian. He is an excellent author, as is Dr. Mel Levine. I highly recommend both of those authors for parents and teachers.

Tiger

 

[NHdisneylover]

Thanks very much for the update. I am sorry things were worse than you were expecting and I am glad you are working on ways to work with the teachers on it and that you are staying on top of it.

It may come to holding him back , which I would want to do sooner than later. It isn't anything I will discuss with teachers till end of year. My thoughts on it now, are it might be a good thing if he doesn't mature much over the year, but since he seems to grasp the lessons easily even with not paying attention , what do you do with a child that just needs another year to mature , but already knows what has been taught for the year ?

No need to get ahead of myself now , just need to focus on getting the rest of this week and next . : )

My oldest is 21 , we didn't have behavior issues, we had not wanting to do homework issues, in fact a battle every night but never disruptive in school . I think his plan was to blend in and stay out of teachers range lol, so he was very very quiet at all times.

My son (who was again behaving but breaking down every afternoon at home) was never struggling with any part of the academics other than spelling ( a result of his LD--it is not even close to grade level but most others things he is still many grade levels ahead on) but he still really does much better now that he is down with his age mates. Bored seems better than frustrated and he can handle the amount of pay attention time and length of lectures, etc just fine now. We had it easy in a sense in that he moved down a grade when he changed schools so no one there knew and there was still some new material to interest him.
Anyway, we learned to stop thinking about school as about the academics (he doesn't learn much there in that sense--he nearly always "studies ahead" for fun) and thinking of it as about the social/emotional for him and put him where that made sense. This is not to say that skipping ahead is always bad. My DD is ahead too and loves it. Socially and emotionally she does better with older kids and always has. Different kids/different needs. Obviously your will be different too--I am just throwing out my experiences to give you more to think about (as if you do not have enough already--sorry)

 

[Tiger926]

As far as why kids are allowed to be held back etc or moved forward, we are told over and over children with late birthdays tend to be less mature and the maturity issues catch up with them the higher the grade in school.

I think you are right, daily reminders , schedules , discipline etc is the way to go. I think he needs to see it in writing and we need to get on a good consistent schedule . With one at home , who does his homework easily and with in an hour or so, though it could be less , we don't have much of a schedule except dinner time and bed time.

I will fix that this week.

Far deeper problems , nothing mental , but def his talking and disrupting class was far more than the information I received at home. Thank goodness he is a sweet kid , because it is prob the only thing keeping him from being "that kid" LOL to his teachers. They really do seem to like him , which is a good thing. It won't be like that for long though if we can't get a handle on it.

I promise I will discuss ADD with DR, but now this is the way I am going to handle things. Most likely before I see Ped , I will go back to teachers and find out what they think. I would like them to get to know him a little better too, before they have to start filling out forms etc.

There is so much externally or environmentally that can make or break an ADHD child's day, so keep remembering this, as you already know, since you yourself have ADHD, and it will help you when structuring your daily schedules and such.

You sound like such an involved and supportive parent, so this is wonderful for your son!

Tiger

 

[Jeafl]

As far as the report yesterday and my thoughts about it. I didnt discuss it with her of course, it was just my impression she was angry and looks like she was . He was AWFUL in her class and she spent quite a bit of time correcting him. He was supposed to be working on a group project for two days and by end of class yesterday they had nothing done. She was fed up and I would have been too if I was in her shoes.

Now to figure out how to get him on track, this should be interesting.

I teach Special Ed as well, and I agree 100% with Tiger on everything he/she has said so far.

The part of your post quoted above is what has stuck out for me. I think the most challenging part of my job is dealing with constant disruptions and behavioral problems from the kids. The teacher probably WAS incredibly frustrated and didn't realize how her note was going to come across to you. I am sure that you as a parent become frustrated when your child isn't behaving or listening to your instructions, but when you multiply that by however many kids are in the class the stress level can go through the roof.

One thing I use with some of my students that works well is a daily behavior report. I have a chart that is broken down by parts of the day. If the child has good behavior for that part of the day he gets a sticker on his report. At the end of the day, I make a copy and send it home for his or her parents to see.

What this does is identify the times of the day that the student is having problems. For example, I had one student who ALWAYS misbehaved during math. It turns out that math was about an hour after lunch and I later found out he hadn't been eating his lunch and was hungry by that time. It really helps to identify the time of day and what activity the student is involved in when the problems occur. Charting this helps the teacher and the parent figure out what the problem areas are.

Trust me, it is a lot of extra work for me, but I feel it is an important tool in getting the kids on track. It helps the child to see where they are going wrong too.

Also, some of my parents had reward systems in place at home if they brought home a week's worth of good behavior reports. It helped reinforce that whatever he/she did at school had consequences at home, be they good or bad.

 

[Val]

Has your son had his eyes/ears checked by an optometrist and audiologist (not those school screening things!). Make sure that he is seeing and hearing well.....this is often a "hidden" problem.

Also, make sure your son has clear expectations about his behavior. Can you or the teachers make a checklist to tape on his desk that says something along the lines of: Being ready means having your pencil, your book, your paper, etc. Laminate it and have him check it off with a marker as he gets ready or point to it and go down the list. This sounds silly, but a visual reminder of what "being ready" means can really help.

Write out the classroom rules and go over them with him. He may not be "catching on". Practice the rules and "paying attention" at home.....so you can be sure he gets it.

Use a journal that goes with your son everyday. You write in the AM/evening anything significant that happened at home that might impact school (late evening, poor sleep, feeling sick) and teachers make a note at end of day about how day went. I have even used a rating system or notes from the teacher....e.g., a green note was a good day, a yellow note was a mediocre day, a pink note was an "eh-oh". Make a reward system for your son....if he can get 2 green notes in a week he gets a reward (then, when he makes this for several weeks, increase it to 3, 4 and maybe even 5!). Give him incentive to do well....but only after you KNOW he understands the expectations.

Good luck. We had similar problems with DD12 in kindergarten. DD had significant speech issues which we THOUGHT was apraxia. Her birthday was on the cusp, but she was bright and we sent her ahead, thinking it would stimulate speech. Turns out she was hearing impaired. After she was diagnosed and got her hearing aids we had her repeat kindergarten (in a way it wasn't really a repeat....she had "missed" hearing instructions for most of that first year). End result is now, entering 7th grade, she is a straight A student! Is on an IEP for speech/uses an FM system with her hearing aids/extra help with phonics (can't hear those sounds, darnit!). Otherwise she is a normal almost-13 year old girl....now it's the hormones that are the problem!

 

[PebblesMom]

As far as why kids are allowed to be held back etc or moved forward, we are told over and over children with late birthdays tend to be less mature and the maturity issues catch up with them the higher the grade in school.

I think you are right, daily reminders , schedules , discipline etc is the way to go. I think he needs to see it in writing and we need to get on a good consistent schedule . With one at home , who does his homework easily and with in an hour or so, though it could be less , we don't have much of a schedule except dinner time and bed time.

I will fix that this week.

Far deeper problems , nothing mental , but def his talking and disrupting class was far more than the information I received at home. Thank goodness he is a sweet kid , because it is prob the only thing keeping him from being "that kid" LOL to his teachers. They really do seem to like him , which is a good thing. It won't be like that for long though if we can't get a handle on it.

I promise I will discuss ADD with DR, but now this is the way I am going to handle things. Most likely before I see Ped , I will go back to teachers and find out what they think. I would like them to get to know him a little better too, before they have to start filling out forms etc.

Here is a recent study that I found interesting:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/post.cfm?id=many-adhd-diagnoses-might-be-blamed-2010-08-17

 

[allyphoe]

Teachers did mention that he is one of the youngest in class, as I had feared. They realize this and say most likely this is a maturity issue.

Ah, that's a tough one. Particularly for boys, at least from what I've heard, and particularly when there's a significant mismatch between academic ability and maturity.

As a tangent to the "should he be assessed for ADHD" discussion, there's a new study out (summarized here) concluding that "young for grade" is often misdiagnosed as ADHD.

Not to say that kids who are young for grade can't also have ADHD. But if it were my kid who was struggling, and I chose to have him professionally evaluated, I'd want a thorough evaluation by an educational psychologist aimed at figuring out how to best help him be successful in school, more than an evaluation from a pediatrician to confirm or rule out ADHD.

 

[ZuZugal]

The late birthday thing that happens in the States, just stuns me. Why do parents get to decide to hold kids back? What is the purpose of this? I'm not sure how parents deciding on classroom placement is helpful at all? I don't get it...

Tiger

Since parents are truly a child's first teacher, I understand fully how a parent can decide to start a child late in school. A parent knows his/her child best and is in the situation to make that call.

My two older children both have summer birthdays. We waited till my DS was 6 to start him in K. For him it was the best choice we ever made. He had a very short attention span and we could tell in preschool that the older kids had a "leg-up" on so many things. It was a VERY tough decision, but one we don't regret for a minute. He is now a junior in high school, and has received numerous awards, mostly for his leadership skills. We truly gave him the gift of time!

My DD on the other hand was more than ready for kindergarten after just turning 5. She was reading early and was ready to start school; no question. Though she is one of the youngest, she is at the top of her sophomore class, is involved in sports and many extracurriculars.

We feel we made the best decision for both kids. I encourage parents to talk to their preschooler's teachers and upcoming kindergarten teachers if they have any question at all about K readiness.

 

[Tiger926]

I teach Special Ed as well, and I agree 100% with Tiger on everything he/she has said so far.

The part of your post quoted above is what has stuck out for me. I think the most challenging part of my job is dealing with constant disruptions and behavioral problems from the kids. The teacher probably WAS incredibly frustrated and didn't realize how her note was going to come across to you. I am sure that you as a parent become frustrated when your child isn't behaving or listening to your instructions, but when you multiply that by however many kids are in the class the stress level can go through the roof.

One thing I use with some of my students that works well is a daily behavior report. I have a chart that is broken down by parts of the day. If the child has good behavior for that part of the day he gets a sticker on his report. At the end of the day, I make a copy and send it home for his or her parents to see.

What this does is identify the times of the day that the student is having problems. For example, I had one student who ALWAYS misbehaved during math. It turns out that math was about an hour after lunch and I later found out he hadn't been eating his lunch and was hungry by that time. It really helps to identify the time of day and what activity the student is involved in when the problems occur. Charting this helps the teacher and the parent figure out what the problem areas are.

Trust me, it is a lot of extra work for me, but I feel it is an important tool in getting the kids on track. It helps the child to see where they are going wrong too.

Also, some of my parents had reward systems in place at home if they brought home a week's worth of good behavior reports. It helped reinforce that whatever he/she did at school had consequences at home, be they good or bad.

Good luck to you this year! I agree with communication books and daily reports as well. Kids who struggle, are very concrete, and need to see a simple and easy to understand system that they can follow, both at school and home.

Has your son had his eyes/ears checked by an optometrist and audiologist (not those school screening things!). Make sure that he is seeing and hearing well.....this is often a "hidden" problem.

Also, make sure your son has clear expectations about his behavior. Can you or the teachers make a checklist to tape on his desk that says something along the lines of: Being ready means having your pencil, your book, your paper, etc. Laminate it and have him check it off with a marker as he gets ready or point to it and go down the list. This sounds silly, but a visual reminder of what "being ready" means can really help.

Write out the classroom rules and go over them with him. He may not be "catching on". Practice the rules and "paying attention" at home.....so you can be sure he gets it.

Use a journal that goes with your son everyday. You write in the AM/evening anything significant that happened at home that might impact school (late evening, poor sleep, feeling sick) and teachers make a note at end of day about how day went. I have even used a rating system or notes from the teacher....e.g., a green note was a good day, a yellow note was a mediocre day, a pink note was an "eh-oh". Make a reward system for your son....if he can get 2 green notes in a week he gets a reward (then, when he makes this for several weeks, increase it to 3, 4 and maybe even 5!). Give him incentive to do well....but only after you KNOW he understands the expectations.

Good luck. We had similar problems with DD12 in kindergarten. DD had significant speech issues which we THOUGHT was apraxia. Her birthday was on the cusp, but she was bright and we sent her ahead, thinking it would stimulate speech. Turns out she was hearing impaired. After she was diagnosed and got her hearing aids we had her repeat kindergarten (in a way it wasn't really a repeat....she had "missed" hearing instructions for most of that first year). End result is now, entering 7th grade, she is a straight A student! Is on an IEP for speech/uses an FM system with her hearing aids/extra help with phonics (can't hear those sounds, darnit!). Otherwise she is a normal almost-13 year old girl....now it's the hormones that are the problem!

I mentioned eyes and ears above as well, but not sure if OP saw it? That's the first thing we look for, as sometimes it's as simple as a child can't hear or process the rules due to hearing difficulties, and it's not ADHD or LD. So many of the symptoms present the same for various disorders or disabilities. Glad to hear that your DD is doing well - I had to use an FM system with a grade 2 child before, and it was great!

Ah, that's a tough one. Particularly for boys, at least from what I've heard, and particularly when there's a significant mismatch between academic ability and maturity.

As a tangent to the "should he be assessed for ADHD" discussion, there's a new study out (summarized here) concluding that "young for grade" is often misdiagnosed as ADHD.

Not to say that kids who are young for grade can't also have ADHD. But if it were my kid who was struggling, and I chose to have him professionally evaluated, I'd want a thorough evaluation by an educational psychologist aimed at figuring out how to best help him be successful in school, more than an evaluation from a pediatrician to confirm or rule out ADHD.

Thanks for posting this link - I am going to check this out. This is interesting, but I believe that if parents are allowed to pick and choose when their children enter certain grades, you may have difficulties on an individual basis, as well as a large group basis, as the OP mentioned. My children have been in private Montessori since age 12 months, and Montessori thrives on the multi-age level structure. So, for instance, my baby boy who just turned 3 last month, is now in CASA level - this is ages 3 - 5.5. At 5.5 they go into Kindercasa or Early Elementary, depending upon abilities. It works very well, but it is a system that is set up from the beginning. Not sure that in public school, with inconsistent grade groupings, it can work this way? I am going to think about this some more...In my experience, kids without any type of LD, Bipolar or ADHD, it would work out ok - ages 7 or 8 is very similar, so kids who don't have any challenges are going to be just fine. But, for those with challenges, unless it's set up properly (like with Montessori, as it's all individualized instruction), it will be difficult because a 7 year old ADHD child is usually not age 7 on an emotional level - they may be 7 chronologically, but act like 5 or 6 year olds. This may be what is happening with the OP's son - when there are big gaps between areas, it usually signals a difficulty of some kind.

I also totally agree that pediatricians are not the best source for LD or ADHD, but in many cases, they are the only choice. A checklist just doesn't cut it as the sole source for determing a child's learning or behaviour diffiiculties - that's what child psychologists or educationaly psychologists specialize in, and it's so much more than just checklists, but unfortunately in many areas, like mine, there really aren't many around.

The OP sounds like she is supportive and ready to face this challenge head-on, so that is going to be great for her son, and for her to have a positive relationship with their school.

Tiger

 

[Tiger926]

Since parents are truly a child's first teacher, I understand fully how a parent can decide to start a child late in school. A parent knows his/her child best and is in the situation to make that call.

My two older children both have summer birthdays. We waited till my DS was 6 to start him in K. For him it was the best choice we ever made. He had a very short attention span and we could tell in preschool that the older kids had a "leg-up" on so many things. It was a VERY tough decision, but one we don't regret for a minute. He is now a junior in high school, and has received numerous awards, mostly for his leadership skills. We truly gave him the gift of time!

My DD on the other hand was more than ready for kindergarten after just turning 5. She was reading early and was ready to start school; no question. Though she is one of the youngest, she is at the top of her sophomore class, is involved in sports and many extracurriculars.

We feel we made the best decision for both kids. I encourage parents to talk to their preschooler's teachers and upcoming kindergarten teachers if they have any question at all about K readiness.

I totally get that as parents, we are our children's first teachers, but, and this is a big but, when it's inconsistent that parents get to choose placement, then I see problems. Here in my province, school is not mandatory until age 6 - grade 1. If a child turns 6, and is not enrolled in some type of educational program, that is authorized by the government (public, private or homeschool), then the truant officer is sent.

Now, what this does, is ensure that all 6 year olds, start grade 1 at the same time. Now, most kids start a preschool or kindergarten program of some kind, by the time they are 4 (you can start JK by age 3 - must turn 4 by December). So, kindergarten programs are highly encouraged, as you will have kids who can spell their name at age 2, and some who can't at age 4, and this is what those programs are for. By grade 1, we expect a certain amount of skills to be presented by the children, if not, then we go from there, on an individual basis. So, my province approaches this on a larger group basis - no one can be skipped, nor held back in my board, as there are programs for this. We are all about inclusion, so as to prevent the problems that I continually read out with this 'red shirting' scenario.

In my province, your son would have been automatically placed into grade 1, as he was 6 years old. Is there a better way? For your son, he seemed to have done well, but who is to say he wouldn't have done well in a kindergarten program that would have readied him for grade 1 at age 6? That is what kindergarten programs are for - they are usually half time, and so for a few hour a day, it is invaluable for most kids, as it readies them for school. You, of course, know your son best, so I am just speaking in a general way, but in my experience, most parents aren't ready for kids to go to school, but the kids themselves are ready! Not saying this was your situation, but this is why my province has set things up this way - kids can come and go into kindegarten, depending upon their readiness, as it's not mandatory. The whole purpose is to make kids ready for full time school at age 6 - grade 1. It works like this for all kids - developmentally delayed, special needs, LD or not.

So many things to consider, and that is why I don't like it when boards have what seems to be an inconsistent system as you mentioned. It seems inconsistent to me, because are allowed to choose whether to do this for their child or not, and that will make classroom gaps for sure. Of course, you were just thinking of what is best for your son, but as educators, we have to think of individualized instruction, as well as large group instruction, as well. It also might set to confuse parents - using the OP as an example, if I may. She mentioned her son was skipped - as an educator, I assumed she meant a true, full grade skip, but after more info from her, we see he wasn't skipped, although she believes that's what it was, because of this ability of parents to decide at what grades their children will be placed in, regardless of age.

So many things to consider, but here in my province, it's so much easier to deal with future problems, as kids are the same age within that grade level.

I'm so glad your son thrived in school! Tiger